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Noah -> RE: How do you define yourself/your relationship? (1/5/2007 8:35:20 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: katzschen
Just curious as to how you define yourself and your relationship. I know there will be multitudes of answers, which is why I'm asking.
A few examples (I said a few... just to help you get the idea) are:
-the slave in a Master/slave relationship
-a mainly Dominant female switch in a poly female switch/male switch/male sub relationship.
-a single Dominant male
Hopefully you get the idea.
I don't mean to sound snarky because it is clear that a lot of people invest themselves in this defining yourself project, And I'm fine with that. Different people find meaning and fulfillment in different things.
Personally, I picture Norm and Cliff at the bar, having already decided if Godzilla could take Racer-X in three rounds, queuing up this discussion next.
I understand the value of defining words. Even there, though, the range of value of defining is strictly limited. I think most people can very handily use hundreds of words which they would have trouble defining. In some sorts of cases, memorizing--or figuring out--a definition may help us use a word more better, like. In a lot of cases I think that even when it comes to words, the act of defining is ancillary at best.
The meaning of a word arises and manifests in it's use, as I see it. Can you use it effectively for the purposes you wish to put it too? If so you're cool in my book. I don't know why anybody but Norm, Cliff, and maybe schoolteachers should care whether you can define it, if it is clear that you can use it.
Shit. I think even schoolteachers put too much emphasis on definitions and not enough on use.
Words are tools, right? I mean that's not a definition but it seems to me to be a way to describe one very useful way to think of words.
I'm sure that a search of the message board archives will reveal that some people think "tool" is a great way to describe me. too.
Can I get an "AMEN, Brother!"?
Acknowledging that, and making an analogy to the whole word thing, I think it is very important to find out how a tool works, what it's canventional uses are, what it fits onto and how it improves our reach or leverage or grip on the world. It is also cool to be able to intuit new, unconventional uses of a tool.
You can really master a tool. I've seen guys use circular saws to do the work of table saws, perfectly. I've seen guys use them to do what amounted to artistic, if noisy, whittling. One of these particular guys actually used one to save his life when a tall ladder fell out from under him. I'll spare you the details except to say that he was really glad he had tied the saw's cord to the extension cord that was lead out the attic window and incidentally looped around a newell post inside.
And this guy (here comes the point; thanks for waiting) well, he weren't much for book learnin'. If I called him up and said: "H_____, define "circular saw," he would have an interesting reply, I promise, but it would in part be a mask for the fact that he probably flat couldn't give you a verbal definition of the name of that tool in regard to which he is practically a freaking Ninja.
I try to get better and better at working myself (tool that I am) around this plane of existence; at applying myself to this or that activity or intention. I just don't--honest to gosh--see how "defining myself" is gonna contribute in any way to that project... at least not any way that wouldn't be better served by other means.
With a little minor remodeling which I'm sure you're all capable of, you can apply that boring lecture to defining relationships, just as well. I'm intrested in lots of stuff but I'm just so disinterested in that.
If Norm and Cliff want to discuss whether their relationships could have taken the '69 Mets, hey, jabber on. Those kinds of conversations can be a lot of fun. Buy me a draft and I'll chime in.
Past that, I guess maybe the best I can do is define all of my relationships as ones which include a guy who doesn't see much value in "defining" relationships.
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