What am I? (Full Version)

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LotusSong -> What am I? (1/5/2007 11:40:41 AM)

When I see a post of someone who is not happy with what they are.. or are having trouble with their chosen identity (I'm talking Dom/Sub/Switch etc)  I think.. if you have to work at it.. maybe you are in the wrong path.
 
 What do you think?



Archer -> RE: What am I? (1/5/2007 11:49:57 AM)

Not sure I'd go quite that far I know I work at being a better me all the time, but I am happy with where I am going more than where I am.
I think that is the difference.

If you are unhappy with where you are going then it's time to change your destination, or route.



drawntothedark -> RE: What am I? (1/5/2007 11:50:33 AM)

Well I have had times where I have been confused about my desires.......not understanding myself fully. Sometimes I think we all get lost and have to find our path again. I do not feel that you have to work at it per say.....but sometimes, it's hard being in an alternative lifestyle. Some days I think it would be easier to be vanilla. Then I swallow hard and get back on my little submissive path because I know it's where I belong. I do  view MOST (not all) of these people as just being a bit confused. Some are attention seekers. But I feel MOST are just looking for their path...and needing some help along the way.

I'm having a very Pollyanna day..............can ya tell!



CreativeDominant -> RE: What am I? (1/5/2007 11:56:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

When I see a post of someone who is not happy with what they are.. or are having trouble with their chosen identity (I'm talking Dom/Sub/Switch etc)  I think.. if you have to work at it.. maybe you are in the wrong path.
 
 What do you think?


I think it is an interesting question that can be looked at from many angles.

I think there are times when we all question ourselves.  Perhaps my dominance is too stern for the type of submissive I like, perhaps my submission IS controlled more by my need to be taken care of than a genuine desire to serve and be controlled, etc..  It is important at those times to be able to step back and take an honest, critical but objective look at the circumstances that are causing questions to arise in your mind. 

Perhaps there is nothing wrong in your dominant style but you are choosing the wrong type of submissive to explore it with (and conversely, she is choosing the wrong type of dominant to explore her submissive style with).  Perhaps there is nothing wrong with your submission other than a need to look at it honestly for what it is versus what you think it is.

Those who question whether or not they are dominant or submissive and find themselves doing so all the time may in fact have chosen the wrong path if they find themselves consistently being disagreed with by their own partners over a sustained period of time and with the great majority of others in their circle and in the broader "community".  Those who never seem to be willing to learn from others more experienced and educated than they are could well be those that end up unhappy because their partner IS willing to grow and learn.  Those who are constantly changing their way of dominating or submitting in order to " please" another and find themselves doing so with each new person they are with may end up unhappy because they don't really know where they stand in their view of dominance or of submission.

I am happy in my dominance.  I think I am a good dominant but not all-knowing....so damn close it hurts but still...and so am willing to learn.  I am willing to at least look at other ways of doing things and have made a couple of changes in my thinking just since joining here.  But I have several basic core beliefs in what I am as a dominant and what I expect from a submissive who might wish to submit to me.  Those beliefs have not changed much...mellowed, become more refined but still basically there...and most likely will not and I am happy with them.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: What am I? (1/5/2007 12:10:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

When I see a post of someone who is not happy with what they are.. or are having trouble with their chosen identity (I'm talking Dom/Sub/Switch etc)  I think.. if you have to work at it.. maybe you are in the wrong path.
 
 What do you think?


I could as easliy argue that those that find it easy aren't on the right path...they took the easy way out. I don't think either statement holds true for everyone, in every situation. Introspection, self discovery and personal growth can be HARD...or not. There are so many internal barriers that we have to become what we are supposed to be. Some are better at letting go of them and welcoming success than others.

Master Fire



akisha -> RE: What am I? (1/5/2007 12:18:49 PM)

I think being able to work through those things that I find hardest to do when submitting to Sir is what proves to me that I am on the right path. The pride and happiness i feel when i'm able to push past my limitations to please him is worth the fustration and pain of attempting it in the first place. Sometimes it takes a while to get there though.

I fought against the submisive side of myself for years and was always unhappy.

If doing something is always easy then you probably aren't pushing yourself to be or do better. I would think anyway.

edited to add...

If the person is absolutely miserable in thier chosen role then yes, I'd say they are on the wrong path.



juliaoceania -> RE: What am I? (1/5/2007 12:19:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

When I see a post of someone who is not happy with what they are.. or are having trouble with their chosen identity (I'm talking Dom/Sub/Switch etc)  I think.. if you have to work at it.. maybe you are in the wrong path.
 
 What do you think?


I guess if it is indeed a "chosen" identity this may be correct.

I think I know which thread sparked this one, so I am going to say that we all question our identities at times. Or should I say I have questioned my identity. I have questioned my submissiveness too.

I remember when my marriage failed, I had a lot of deep seated questions about my identity. I wondered whether I could ever be a wife, whether I wanted to ever love again, whether I was capable of trusting again. You know, I weathered that identity crises just fine. I think the trouble is when we build our identity up around another person, and when they are gone they take that part of our identity with them. We have to grieve that part they took. We also should realize that if we think long and hard about it, we can find that they gave a lot to us too, and hopefully that will outweigh what we mourn for.

On that other thread I expressed some of my experiences which I will not rehash here, but when the "snow settled" I found myself a stronger person for it. My ability to submit is stronger because I am. My submission comes from a place of strength because I know that if there is no dom that I will survive it.  I submit from choice, not from weakness, and I found a dominant that prizes that in me.

I think that when someone reaffirms their identity, their identity becomes even further a part of them, our identities being hard ones to live with is not the point, some identities are inherently hard to live with.



Littlepita -> RE: What am I? (1/5/2007 12:31:07 PM)

Nothing worth having is ever really easy is it? I came into this lifestyle because it spoke to something deep within me. Yet, along the way and through the different stages I have struggled and questioned what I'm doing. I think that is good and healthy. I'm in training to become my Master's slave. It's not something I have a natural gift to be, but I do want it for all the right reasons that suit my life.



onestandingstill -> RE: What am I? (1/5/2007 12:38:24 PM)

Sometimes I wonder if I'm a bottom, sub or slave.
I don't think it's a question so much of my orientation but more how others interact with or label me based on their perspectives.
Me, I am sub in my heart and think I have been my whole life without the identifying term. I also think I could be a wonderful slave if I had the right Master leading me.
I think some of the people who wonder are maybe indeed not what they are trying to be.
I also think others like me just wonder what their potential can be vs what their circumstances are.
Lastly I think some just get tired of not being able to live as they want to.
I don't think we can lump all who question their station in one box and label it.
It's as individual as the people as far as I can tell.
suzanne



demistress -> RE: What am I? (1/5/2007 12:41:25 PM)

I have recently struggled with my identity within the lifestyle, and found someone who lit a fire so hot and strong within me that I was willing to forego the lifestyle entirely should he have asked..........for better or for worse he did not, and as a result of an idiotic new years eve fiasco, I am now back, and 'badder' than ever.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: What am I? (1/5/2007 12:43:20 PM)

I'll always take the person who seriously thought about it, admitted their concerns, and made the choice they felt was right for them.

Who we are can and does change drastically over time.  I'd be more concerned about the person who never put any serious thought into it.



KatyLied -> RE: What am I? (1/5/2007 1:02:01 PM)

Sometimes circumstances can give us an opportunity to question things about ourselves.  That isn't necessarily a bad thing.  It can be an opportunity for growth. 
And like onestandingstill said:
quote:

some just get tired of not being able to live as they want to.

It can be frustrating to have a plan for what you want and how you wish it to be, and when you struggle at attempts in finding it, it's easy to question things.




MzMia -> RE: What am I? (1/5/2007 3:37:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong
When I see a post of someone who is not happy with what they are.. or are having trouble with their chosen identity (I'm talking Dom/Sub/Switch etc)  I think.. if you have to work at it.. maybe you are in the wrong path.
  What do you think?


I think some of us are convinced, we are “wired” a certain way.
 But, I don’t knock people who have doubts.
Some of this comes down to: Are you in this lifestyle for the “fun” and to “play”,
OR are you in this lifestyle because THIS is what you are.
This is what I am, whether I find someone to be with or not.
Born Dominant, from the womb to the tomb.  
[sm=mrpuffy.gif]



MzMia -> RE: What am I? (1/5/2007 3:59:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

When I see a post of someone who is not happy with what they are.. or are having trouble with their chosen identity (I'm talking Dom/Sub/Switch etc)  I think.. if you have to work at it.. maybe you are in the wrong path.
  What do you think?


 
I have asked myself many times, "Could you be a submissive or switch?"
The fact that my teeth start to chatter, my eyes bulge out of my head, and my heart rate
goes up,my hands get clammy, symptoms similar to someone in a very stressful situation.
The idea of being a submissive in BDSM relationship causes me a great deal of distress.
I always have visions of "submitting for about 5 minutes" then doing the other person some
form of bodily harm.
Before I go into full cardiac arrest, I tell myself, NO dear you don't have to ever be a submissive.
If the idea of thinking about changing sides, causes physiological changes, and NOT good ones.
Maybe you HAVE made the right choice.[:D]



Emperor1956 -> RE: What am I? (1/5/2007 3:59:38 PM)

FR:  This thread dovetails with the "Lost my submission" thread and the "Is it hardwired?" thread...or maybe I'm just seeing connections to everything.  Its been a very Zen sort of day. 

LA, the unexamined life is not one worth living?  Then again, the obsessively over-examined life seems pretty difficult too.  And you spend a lot more time alone on the weekend.  There has to be a happy medium.  Ditto with "something that's worth it is worth the struggle".  I generally agree, things that come easy rarely are valuable, but on the other hand, there is a certain type of submissive (and not a small few Doms) who gets so lost in the difficulty of the struggle, they forget the purpose was to get to the prize.  And once in a while, having the prize handed to you without a bloody hard fight, is not bad. 

And in that vein, if the path is too easy, perhaps you are on the wrong path.  If the path is too hard, perhaps you are on the wrong path.  If the path is just right, you are either nearing satori, or you are a little blonde girl about to be pounced on by a family of bears.  And some days, that outcome makes for a good Friday night, too.

E.



justheather -> RE: What am I? (1/5/2007 4:01:23 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

...you are a little blonde girl about to be pounced on by a family of bears.  E.


Thanks for the heads-up.



Emperor1956 -> RE: What am I? (1/5/2007 4:03:46 PM)

quote:


quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

...you are a little blonde girl about to be pounced on by a family of bears.  E.



justheather:  Thanks for the heads-up.


But of course, miss.  you are a little blonde girl, and SOMEONE has a big weekend planned, n'est pas?

E.



Venusflames -> RE: What am I? (1/5/2007 4:22:41 PM)

I'm not sure which path i'm going to take yet.  All I know is since I have been working alongside and socialising with people who have determined who they are i'm a much happier person.  I feel comfortable in my surroundings and yet stirred.  My heart tells  me i'm a sub, but i'm not sure if that is because i'm tired of being in control or not being the rounded person I need to be in order to truely be myself.  Having said that, I find it hard to let the control go as it is something i've had to live with for so long. My theory is when I find the right person, I will know through them that it is right and my path will become clear.

I'm certainly not attention seeking in this matter, it's a matter of informed choice, I need to learn and grow before I can know if my instinct is correct.  I don't want to take this journey on my own.




gypsygrl -> RE: What am I? (1/5/2007 4:24:05 PM)

I'm a masochist.  Everything is hard for me.  If it starts getting easy, I up the stakes a bit, and make it harder.  Or, I quit.  Masochists are like this.







MagiksSlave -> RE: What am I? (1/5/2007 7:25:12 PM)

Havent you ever heard the saying "anything worth haveing is worth fighting for"... if you arent willing to fight for it maybe it isnt something you really want..

Magik's slave



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