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RE: When doubts start hitting - 1/6/2007 4:53:58 PM

mstrj69

Posts: 295
Joined: 5/27/2004
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I think how long it has been with continually not meeting counts. Nothing says you can not go to him vs his coming to you. Once you meet, and hopefully you will allow yourselves about two weeks initially, everything should start to be much easier. It is after that 3rd expected meeting that is called off that the real doubts start to sink in and make you wonder. From what has been said, that should not be a problem.

(in reply to RedSavageSlave)

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RE: When doubts start hitting - 1/6/2007 9:21:04 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

i hate LDRs with a passion because i always end up feeling stupid. i swear i will never allow myself to get excited about a Dom who lives further away than 3 hour, then i get really excited about the wonderful guy who is just everything i've been looking for, the emails are great, the phone calls even better and guess what.... the emails and IMs stop, the phone calls get further and further apart and then they fade to not at all. But then after i retreat and massage my ego a bit, i end up falling for it again.... and again... and again.

i don't know what the trick is... i hear of people making it work and i end up thinking there is something flawed about me that i have never in my life actually met anyone in person who lived more than 3 hours away.

i would be interested to know how it works. i really think for the right people it can but i can fully understand your apprehension.

Yep...Yep..and Yep...have the tshirt and it is almost thread bare..I always ask myself "why" are all the ones that I hit it off with sooo far away?..sometimes my thoughts scare me..could it be because it is safe?..am I not ready for this?..because what I have here in my own state is lacking for the most part? because maybe I am lacking in some way?..sighs....any way...To the OP...I send all the hopes I once had winging your way....I love happy endings...

..Tempting

(in reply to eyesopened)

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RE: When doubts start hitting - 1/7/2007 3:26:36 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
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Yanno? Someone once told me that the chance the person you will connect with the best live next door are slim and none. With today's technology, there are no boundaries. I think that's a good thing (for the most part). Why limit yourself to your city or state? Yes, LDRs are very hard but they are oh so worth it.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

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Post #: 23

RE: When doubts start hitting - 1/7/2007 4:56:27 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

Yanno? Someone once told me that the chance the person you will connect with the best live next door are slim and none. With today's technology, there are no boundaries. I think that's a good thing (for the most part). Why limit yourself to your city or state? Yes, LDRs are very hard but they are oh so worth it.

It's for that reason i get myself sucked in to the "distance doesn't matter" spiel. What is the secret to getting past the logistics is my question. In the past 7 years i have attempted numerous LDRs and have never once met any of the gentlemen in person dispite my enthusiasm and willingness to try. Even times when i have offered to travel, there always comes some logical "reason" (read excuse) why it's bad timing, etc. *shrug* i agree that it's probably less likely i will meet someone near by and i have never met any of my playmates or Doms via local groups so i really don't have an answer other than to assume it's something flawed about me personally.

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RE: When doubts start hitting - 1/7/2007 7:28:06 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

so i really don't have an answer other than to assume it's something flawed about me personally.

That so saddened me to read because I have felt this way after a very painful LDR breakup. I doubt very much that you are so flawed that you are incapable of finding happiness with someone, it is not like you are some serial killer or psychopath. Sooner or later there will be someone "right" come into your life. Maybe they will be a commanding, kinky vanilla sort.... but sooner or later someone will cross your path.

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Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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Post #: 25

RE: When doubts start hitting - 1/7/2007 7:40:39 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
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eyes, I can't imagine it's you either. You just may have had some bad luck with those who have contacted you. I never expected to be in an LDR. But my Dom is 600 miles away. So far, it works for us.

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Post #: 26

RE: When doubts start hitting - 1/9/2007 6:01:08 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

i hate LDRs with a passion because i always end up feeling stupid. i swear i will never allow myself to get excited about a Dom who lives further away than 3 hour, then i get really excited about the wonderful guy who is just everything i've been looking for, the emails are great, the phone calls even better and guess what.... the emails and IMs stop, the phone calls get further and further apart and then they fade to not at all. But then after i retreat and massage my ego a bit, i end up falling for it again.... and again... and again.

i don't know what the trick is... i hear of people making it work and i end up thinking there is something flawed about me that i have never in my life actually met anyone in person who lived more than 3 hours away.

i would be interested to know how it works. i really think for the right people it can but i can fully understand your apprehension.

Yep...Yep..and Yep...have the tshirt and it is almost thread bare..I always ask myself "why" are all the ones that I hit it off with sooo far away?..sometimes my thoughts scare me..could it be because it is safe?..am I not ready for this?..because what I have here in my own state is lacking for the most part? because maybe I am lacking in some way?..sighs....any way...To the OP...I send all the hopes I once had winging your way....I love happy endings.....Tempting

Because the ones in your state are either blind or stupid? ~smiles~

I know I am not a submissive but I wanted to answer this, having been on the side that worked and the side that did not work.
Seriously, to the OP...I have to state that I doubt very much that you are flawed. Sometimes LDRs work and sometimes they do not. I had a submissive that came to live with me and our relationship started while I was in Colorado and she lived in Canada. In the end, it was not the coming together after a LDR that ended us...it was a perfectly normal, perfectly horrible everyday type of situation that one of us had to make a decision about...and I made it...and did what I had to do for her best life.

They can work but it takes commitment and an honest appraisal of whether or not that is all it ever could or will be as well as lots and lots and lots of communication. Did I mention communication?

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RE: When doubts start hitting - 1/9/2007 6:52:19 PM

RedSavageSlave

Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
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LOL

Communication is a huge factor in what we are doing now..and we truly are not looking to be LDR longer than absolutely necessary. Things are smoother lately for which we are both excessively thankful.

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RE: When doubts start hitting - 1/9/2007 9:27:57 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
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aww thank you Creative...blows some...

...your way..~g~...Tempting

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Post #: 29

RE: When doubts start hitting - 1/10/2007 6:02:01 PM

shadevarr

Posts: 360
Joined: 7/2/2006
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I've been in several LDRs and for one I have kinda resigned myself to know that any woman capable of keeping my attention is not going to be that close. I act like they are here in town when I talk to them on the phone and stuff, closing the gap. The first meet is always a bit stressful but I am looking forward to the one next month with my kitty.

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Post #: 30

RE: When doubts start hitting - 1/11/2007 12:40:32 PM

goodlittlegirl28

Posts: 2108
Joined: 1/8/2007
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When you're circling the same information inside your head it can make you doubt yourself, doubt everything. I know I am hardest on myself; I'm sure others can relate. Stick to the facts. Try not to "what if" more than necessary.
And everyone who has tried and failed (myself included), keep getting back up. Fall down, get back up. Fall down, get back up. Sooner or later you'll stay standing. Hopefully sooner, but everything in time.

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Post #: 31

RE: When doubts start hitting - 1/12/2007 1:31:59 PM

crmyvan

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/12/2007
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I have been communicating with a Dom for almost a year IM. I have never been a submissive before. I have an accomadating personality, and he told me I am a natural.
I am very curious and willing to try - but I have alot of questions he never really answers. Like: does being submissive mean I don't get orgasms?
I don't know all that he expects of me, and he says just to trust him. I am already shy about asking things, and he doesn't like me to question him.
I have met him twice, but really. although he says he loves me, he doesn't make a lot of effort to see me.
He say he wants to but is really busy and seems content to have me make him cum on IM.
I signed up here so that I could ask some questions, but I am nervous about it. I would like others imput too.
I notice he still has an ad on here, I don't want him to know I am asking this.
Writing this, I know it sounds really dumb, but I am emotionally attached to him.
Help!

(in reply to asubmissiveheart)

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Post #: 32