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gypsygrl -> RE: Doormats - Can we eliminate them? (1/29/2007 6:41:24 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: RavenMuse
quote:
ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji
Has anyone met a doormat in BDSM, or wants to meet one?
Yes, several and nope they where NOT what I wanted (Which seemed to really confuse the poor girls). In each case I did try to give them a few pointers as to why I didn't find 'doormat' either healthy nor actualy desirable in a slave. If they ever listened and acted on that to stop being a doormat I am not sure as most I never saw again.... so far (Sods law, I'll run into a number at the next event I go to now I have said that LOL)
I'm a bit of a doormat, and having been told that I was told I was 'too submissive' I can't help but chuckle at the potential paradox here because, well, its just one of those things that make me chuckle. Telling a 'doormat' to stop being a doormat, and expecting them to listen and change is only reinforcing the very behavior thats problematic. Its like ordering someone to stop following orders.
I'm not saying that this is what you did. Your comment just reminded me of the paradox. When I was told I was too submissive, I more or less ignored the comment (if I was that submissive I would have stopped being too submissive) and it wasn't too long after that that the relationship ended. In all honesty, I think its a compatibility issue.
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