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Threesome.. How To? - 1/7/2007 11:14:15 AM

xboarder

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Joined: 10/19/2005
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I've been on this website for a while now, met some great people and had my share of fun...
I've currently settled into a relationship with a great girl.. but she is very vanilla. Not much interest in BDSM, but she's starting to enjoy some very light things..which is great, I'm in no rush to tie her up and beat her silly.. or vice versa..

But she did bring up the topic of a threesome.. She's shy, so she doesn't want to approach any girl she knows or might potentially like.. also we don't have a specific place to goto to explore this option either. So I though I'd ask you wonderful folk for some direction.

We really dont' know where to go about looking for someone to share some fun with.. might not be full out BDSM oriented, or even close, but just a fun time. I'm not new to threesomes, neither is she, but we've both only done it with random people.. ie - none of the people involved were dating.. so no feelings involved.

Any help and ides on 'how tos' would be really really appreciated..
A big thanks in advance to all..

Post #: 1

RE: Threesome.. How To? - 1/7/2007 12:48:29 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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three basic approaches... (note when you talk threesume... I assume you mean sex)

1... some one you already know... High risk of problems if you don't already know that they are sexually adventureous.

2... connect to someone online... Time consuming and wasted time without any really fun... but still a low probability of success.

3... go to a Swingers type club... is going to be time consuming... difficult to find single females in this regard that will be interested. But it allows you to experience the environemnt in this regard.

So is your girl bi-curious? or bi-sexual? (Bi-sexual denoted actually experience) (Bi-curious being no experience but interested)

If you girl is bi-curious.. I would suggest that she first finds a female to have a one-one experience with first... find a partner that she can explore this avenue before jumping into a threesum. If it connects for them... a threesum rises in probability.... keep in mind there is alot of people that like to try threesums... but few ever do....

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RE: Threesome.. How To? - 1/7/2007 12:53:10 PM

Missokyst

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Heheh... my first thought was a threesome involving MFM..

How come that is rarely the first thought with anyone else?
Kyst <faceciously>

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RE: Threesome.. How To? - 1/7/2007 12:55:43 PM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Heheh... my first thought was a threesome involving MFM..
How come that is rarely the first thought with anyone else?
Kyst <faceciously>

you're not the only one..."threesome" to me instantly makes me think of MFM also...and i'm always disappointed when i discover that someone's talking about MFF instead.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 4

RE: Threesome.. How To? - 1/7/2007 12:57:11 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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mmmmmmm well maybe cause he is a guy... and he has a girl and then refers to his girl approaching another girl... guess... when I hear someone say threesum... I look to see what the makeup of threesum is rather than assume what it is.

editted to add..

I been in MFF and MMF type threesums.... both can be alot of fun.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 1/7/2007 12:58:43 PM >

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RE: Threesome.. How To? - 1/7/2007 1:06:27 PM

behindmirrors

Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: xboarder
-snip-
But she did bring up the topic of a threesome.. She's shy, so she doesn't want to approach any girl she knows or might potentially like.. also we don't have a specific place to goto to explore this option either. So I though I'd ask you wonderful folk for some direction.

We really dont' know where to go about looking for someone to share some fun with.. might not be full out BDSM oriented, or even close, but just a fun time. I'm not new to threesomes, neither is she, but we've both only done it with random people.. ie - none of the people involved were dating.. so no feelings involved.

Any help and ides on 'how tos' would be really really appreciated..
A big thanks in advance to all..

Well, I agree that it can be hard- my Dom spent about 6 months arranging for someone for me to play with, and negotiating it- and that was just time for me to spend with a girl under his supervision!

If you have friends who are the sexually adventurous sort, are looking for some fun, have no STDs, etc., and are either in a relationship that allows for outside sexual encounters or are single and not looking to be attached, that's a good start. If you don't, well...good luck.

I'd say that when you find someone, get everyone aquainted before it moves into the sexual stuff- for me, it was spending time with all three of us together, without any mention of sex, etc., and getting to know each other before I was comfortable. Negotiate- make sure the person you bring in is aware of any situational limits, etc., (for us, that was that we are just seeking some fun, not an addition to our relationship, boundaries that I had, stuff like that), and see what happens. Check in often with your girlfriend, and see what her headspace is like. Do you have female friends she finds attractive, that you are comfortable with? Is there someone you know would be interested, but that she isn't too familiar with, whom you could engage in the idea with? Look around, see who you know, and be discreet but direct when approaching them.

Good luck- and hope that you guys have fun!
behindmirrors.

(in reply to xboarder)

Post #: 6

RE: Threesome.. How To? - 1/7/2007 2:10:07 PM

xboarder

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Joined: 10/19/2005
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Wow.. Thank you for the quick relies and insight.

Sorry, Should have mentioned that we were interested in a MFF, but I'd be willing to try MMF (but thats a whole other story, which has never come up)

I am definately looking to get to know the other girl and have all 3 of us go out and get to know eachother and make sure we are on the same level with things, with no talk about the sex...That's absolutely a must.

There will definately be boundaries. My Gf doesn't want me to kiss or have direct sex with the other girl.. everything else is fine.. which i am completely willing to settle with to keep my gf comfortable.
She has experience with girls before.. girl on girl play after having had a few drinks.. she's done oral and more.
She claims that she used to be bi-sexual, but now she's not anymore, but wouldn't mind trying it again... this is what confuses me.

We've been together for about 10 months, and now sex has become routine, and she's not very experimental..just a few bdsm tricks here and there.. so my main idea behind this is to spark something again and have fun together...

(in reply to behindmirrors)

Post #: 7

RE: Threesome.. How To? - 1/7/2007 2:13:45 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
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I think of MFM also just because otherwise it seems you have too many holes and not enought things to fill them with.. LOL but that is just the way I see it!!

Magik's slave

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before the devil even knows your there.

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Post #: 8

RE: Threesome.. How To? - 1/7/2007 2:17:50 PM

Missokyst

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(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 9

RE: Threesome.. How To? - 1/7/2007 3:22:31 PM

NaiveTempest

Posts: 345
Joined: 11/20/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Heheh... my first thought was a threesome involving MFM..
How come that is rarely the first thought with anyone else?
Kyst <faceciously>

Probably homophobia, lol. I think MFM too, but I know SO many males that would say they never waht to see another guy while screwing or they don't want their balls rubbing the other guy during DP. I really thought it was funny when two guys I had classes with swore the would never do MFM, and then at the class party, toss down a little alcohol and next thing you know they were in the woods DP-ing with one of the girls, LMAO!

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 10

RE: Threesome.. How To? - 1/7/2007 5:08:37 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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Hmmmm well the quickest and best route since you're making things so limited would be to order an escort for the night.

I mean seriously, you think a woman will drool because you want her to be your first threesome experience with a woman who is completely confused about her bisexuality, and the man can't sex or have "direct sex" with her, and doing it as a way to spice things up? That's what we call a sex toy- you're basically wanting to hire a sex toy for the night and it will be much better for everyone involved if you treat it honestly as such.

If you were honestly wanting someone to enjoy a threesome encounter with, something you were both thoroughly enthused over, something which had few limits and allowed a full sexual experience for all involved, I'd suggest putting a discreet ad on a website or going to a club.

But with all these limitations and the present state of the relationship, just find a nice local escort.

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Post #: 11

RE: Threesome.. How To? - 1/8/2007 3:40:11 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xboarder

There will definately be boundaries. My Gf doesn't want me to kiss or have direct sex with the other girl.. everything else is fine.. which i am completely willing to settle with to keep my gf comfortable.
She has experience with girls before.. girl on girl play after having had a few drinks.. she's done oral and more.
She claims that she used to be bi-sexual, but now she's not anymore, but wouldn't mind trying it again... this is what confuses me.

With this little bit of info... My gut instincts... she's jerking your chain. Enjoy your fantasy.. I have my doubts that it will be anything more with the current behavior of your girlfriend.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to xboarder)

Post #: 12

RE: Threesome.. How To? - 1/8/2007 7:33:48 PM

RubberWitch

Posts: 1368
Joined: 7/27/2005
Status: offline

To be honest, if this is the first time, and your girl is that nervous, consider hiring a pro, and make it clear that at any time, your girl can back out, the pro'll pick up her clothes, and go, no shame, no hassle, no come-backs.
Does this sound callous to anyone else?
And yes, you will still have to pay the full whack if yor girl freaks out in the first 5 minutes. decide this together, and spend a day together before hand, playing soft, kissing, and most importantly, being flirtateous, and telling each other how in love you are.

J

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Post #: 13

RE: Threesome.. How To? - 1/9/2007 12:24:08 PM

LordVelvet

Posts: 311
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

Calling it what it is a little booze will help relax people. I don't mean fall down drunk but a buz may help her relax. OR she will get real into it and kick you out.

(in reply to RubberWitch)

Post #: 14

RE: Threesome.. How To? - 1/14/2007 12:04:28 PM

xboarder

Posts: 7
Joined: 10/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: xboarder

There will definately be boundaries. My Gf doesn't want me to kiss or have direct sex with the other girl.. everything else is fine.. which i am completely willing to settle with to keep my gf comfortable.
She has experience with girls before.. girl on girl play after having had a few drinks.. she's done oral and more.
She claims that she used to be bi-sexual, but now she's not anymore, but wouldn't mind trying it again... this is what confuses me.

With this little bit of info... My gut instincts... she's jerking your chain. Enjoy your fantasy.. I have my doubts that it will be anything more with the current behavior of your girlfriend.

You might be somewhat on the right track... and i guess i should just leave it as a fantasy. She's only every done things with a girl when she's been buzzed, but she said she enjoyed it.
And second, the only time she bring it up is when she's buzzed or we're around friends who are talking about doing it, or are talking about what they've already done. She'll get all excited, but when i actually tell her that we should checkout some websites get scared.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RubberWitch

To be honest, if this is the first time, and your girl is that nervous, consider hiring a pro, and make it clear that at any time, your girl can back out, the pro'll pick up her clothes, and go, no shame, no hassle, no come-backs.
Does this sound callous to anyone else?
And yes, you will still have to pay the full whack if yor girl freaks out in the first 5 minutes. decide this together, and spend a day together before hand, playing soft, kissing, and most importantly, being flirtateous, and telling each other how in love you are.

J

I agree with you as well.. that she is scared and I don't think that someone will entertain the idea that we want to try our first threesome but without the prospect of something actually happening... unless we pay.
But there's a problem and we're both students. I don't know how much an escort service charges, but I'm sure it's a shiny penny which we probably coudln't afford.
Like i said above, i've suggested that we check out some websites, may CM or *cough*lavalife*cough*, but she get scared and suddenly uninterested.

I guess i'll just keep this as a fantasy, and move on cause I don't have another choice.... :S

(in reply to RubberWitch)

Post #: 15

RE: Threesome.. How To? - 1/14/2007 12:22:24 PM

Amaros

Posts: 1363
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline

I'd consider either and both, and it would certainly be easier to arrange an MFM - the real problem being the list of guys that I would be willing to do an MFM with is much shorter than the list of women - issues like discretion, exposure to STD's, etc., which granted, are present with women too.

I have had friends in the past I'd follow in, but they've moved away, and I'd be hard pressed to come up with one at the present moment - I'd probobly be more comfortable with another couple than any single person that I haven't known for quite a while, since presumably they have some experience and motivation for dealing with the STD issue already.

Otherwise, you don't have to jump right into it, maybe you can find somebody who just want's to watch - almost everybody has a voyeuristic streak - leave joining in on a discretionary basis, go with the flow.

< Message edited by Amaros -- 1/14/2007 12:23:16 PM >

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RE: Threesome.. How To? - 1/14/2007 1:49:58 PM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Hmmmm well the quickest and best route since you're making things so limited would be to order an escort for the night.

I mean seriously, you think a woman will drool because you want her to be your first threesome experience with a woman who is completely confused about her bisexuality, and the man can't sex or have "direct sex" with her, and doing it as a way to spice things up? That's what we call a sex toy- you're basically wanting to hire a sex toy for the night and it will be much better for everyone involved if you treat it honestly as such.

If you were honestly wanting someone to enjoy a threesome encounter with, something you were both thoroughly enthused over, something which had few limits and allowed a full sexual experience for all involved, I'd suggest putting a discreet ad on a website or going to a club.

But with all these limitations and the present state of the relationship, just find a nice local escort.

Most salient post on the topic.

TM

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RE: Threesome.. How To? - 1/14/2007 1:59:28 PM

SimplyMichael

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Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

How quickly do you want to end your relationship? As someone who has been doing threesomes since about the time I lost my virginity and long before I entered the scene I have a bit of experience.

Motivation is the key, is she insecure about losing you and since she isn't kinky is going to do this instead? Well get ready for her to accuse you of lusting for the other girl.

If only gets hot thinking about it while drunk and doesn't like it when she sobers up, imagine what will happen when she wakes up sober but with another girl's pussy juice all over her face and YOU are the one who talked her into it?

How are YOU going to deal with it if you bring a girl in and your girl spends all her time and focus playing with this other girl. Sounds hot till you are there and suddenly your lover is loving someone else, sort of the reverse of her drunk thing. Or what happens if this 2nd girl really knows how to make your girl cum and you realize she is a better lover than you are?

Worst part is all of the above will stay with you and her the whole time you have a relationship together. Some people work these things out or even avoid them but most don't. The best threesomes are with people you barely know or you just have the ability to really compartmentalize your feelings.

(in reply to TexasMaam)

Post #: 18

RE: Threesome.. How To? - 2/15/2007 3:23:45 PM

SATANMAN

Posts: 72
Joined: 2/8/2006
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i'm looking for another female or threesome but rarely find anyone, course i'm new here but willing tohunt lol

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Post #: 19

RE: Threesome.. How To? - 2/15/2007 3:44:27 PM

sensualmagirl

Posts: 1065
Joined: 7/4/2006
From: Boston, MA
Status: offline

As a female who has been in both scenarios (MFM, MFF as well as MFMF), and also as a woman who is quite shy and was pretty much sexually naiive until about 4 years ago, I'll tell you, I don't know if your girlfriend sounds serious enough. I'm afraid, emotionally, she's just not there yet. She doesn't want you with the other woman? That to me, personally, sounds a bit selfish... again, my opinion. Part of the fun of a 3-some is that you see your partner(s) enjoying themeselves with someone else, as well as the thrill of seeing said partner watching you with someone else.

You've been together only 10-months you say? I think it's too soon still... well, that's how it sounds to me anyhow. Before I ever did this, I was with my partner for 10 years... we knew each other really well inside and out, as well had complete and total trust in each other. Heck, we are in an open relationship now, and know that neither one of us are ever going to leave each other.

Now, does that mean you have to wait 10-years, no, that's not what I'm saying. But, really, think about it first. Do you want to keep this relationship for the long-haul? Do you trust each other enough? Is this going to be the end of it all? Will she get jealous... 3 (or more) bodies in a bed, well, you can imagine, it's hard to keep from touching someone that you're not supposed to... especially in the heat of passion

If after reflection and (sober) discussions, you decide to do this, I'll tell you what worked for me as the "nervous" female in this scenario. I am the one who met the woman and also the man... alone, for coffee or something harmless like that. If I felt comfortable with them and thought he would like them, I introduced my partner to them. It just really helped me be more comfortable with them and everything else.

I will say this though, it was an amazing experience for me, and I attribute a lot of my own self-discovery, sexual and otherwise, to the experiences.

< Message edited by sensualmagirl -- 2/15/2007 3:47:08 PM >

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