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RE: Depression - 1/13/2007 6:41:09 AM

DeLust241

Posts: 22
Joined: 12/23/2006
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Ok I think I may have wrote my last post wrong.

I have never once stopped taking my meds. I know that what I need to stay *normal* but I still get my off days like yesterday. Today I took my meds like I do every day and today I dont feel all that bad.
MFM you said I should open a Live journal....how do I do this???
Well thanks to all who got back to my quetion. You all have wise words. I will read them when I need that boost.
Thanks
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RE: Depression - 1/13/2007 9:34:46 AM

MasterFireMaam

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DeLust241

Ok I think I may have wrote my last post wrong.

I have never once stopped taking my meds. I know that what I need to stay *normal* but I still get my off days like yesterday. Today I took my meds like I do every day and today I dont feel all that bad.
MFM you said I should open a Live journal....how do I do this???
Well thanks to all who got back to my quetion. You all have wise words. I will read them when I need that boost.
Thanks
DeLust241 Collared Sub

First, I'm very glad to hear you're feeling better. I am too!

If you go to http://www.livejournal.com/, it will offer a link that allows you to create an account. Then, you just fill out the stuff and you can get started. It's all pretty simply.

Master Fire

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RE: Depression - 1/13/2007 10:21:24 AM

Daddysredhead

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I started one last night. I have it set so that I am the only one who can read it for now. At some point, I hope I will find the courage to share it with those who need to know.

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RE: Depression - 1/13/2007 12:16:00 PM

MasterFireMaam

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Excellent! A step in the right direction. Progress is good...be proud of yourself.

Master Fire

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RE: Depression - 1/13/2007 8:02:04 PM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
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Thank you, MFM...

I actually spoke to one person in particular tonight and said much of what I wrote that needed to be said. The reaction I got was somewhat expected although I secretly hoped for something better. When the conversation on the other end abruptly ended and the phone was turned off, I sent an e-mail, finishing my thoughts because I was afraid that if I didn't, I never would. Well... I guess we'll see. I haven't heard anything back yet. But I'm glad I finally pushed myself through what has been a truly taxing journey out of my comfort zone. Thank you again. Sometimes a little confirmation or encouragement is all we need.

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Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

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RE: Depression - 1/14/2007 5:55:09 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DeLust241

Ok I think I may have wrote my last post wrong.

I have never once stopped taking my meds. I know that what I need to stay *normal* but I still get my off days like yesterday. Today I took my meds like I do every day and today I dont feel all that bad.
MFM you said I should open a Live journal....how do I do this???
Well thanks to all who got back to my quetion. You all have wise words. I will read them when I need that boost.
Thanks
DeLust241 Collared Sub

DeLust,
I'm very glad to hear you faithfully take your meds. I don't need to tell you how important that is toward taking care of your illness. As others have said, its doing what you dislike, getting out around others when you are depressed that probably helps the most. Getting started is a difficult task on those days as others have said which I'll attest to myself from my own experience when depressed. Having a good support system is a good thing and always helps. Its my opinion that ultimately its your job to be the one to take care of yourself. I personally don't think that you can expect your Master to "fix" things for you by stepping up his dominance or by providing some other external behavior that you think might float your boat. Asking him to be a part of your support system is one thing; to take responsibility to for helping bring you out of your mood swings is another.

I may have misread the intent of your earlier posts, but that was the sense I received from what was said, as well as the manner in which it was conveyed. I wish you well in your journey while dealing with an illness that can have such a devastating affect upon your life!

- pixel

*Edited for clarity*

< Message edited by pixelslave -- 1/14/2007 6:00:37 PM >

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RE: Depression - 1/16/2007 8:38:11 AM

mixielicous

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Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
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As someone who shys away from meds [trust me, i have tried about everything with and inc. therapy]

its just not for some ppl - but i am not saying you .. the point i am trying to make is that i have had to teach myself other ways to deal with onsloughts of depression and constant reexposure to traumatic events [its just my shitty luck]

but anyways the reason i am replying you caught my eye when you said Yours wasnt paying enough attention/dominance etc. my D is very busy as well so when i am feeling blue it is hard to control the cold feeling you get when your pain isnt seen/recieved by the ones you need it to be.

This may sound silly, or idealistic or niave . . . But i like to remind myself all the reasons why. Why i am here, why i give myself, why i serve, why His being busy at this moment isnt going to get me down in the long run....

its really hard to explain and to pratice. but its kind of like reconditioning yourself. you dont buy it the first time, but it has really pulled me out of some lows.

i wish i could be more eloquent on the matter

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RE: Depression - 1/16/2007 6:49:15 PM

darksdesire

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I struggle with periods of depression, and I do so much better if my Master pulls me into him very tightly, keeping me as focused on serving him as is possible. Still, I know these periods of depression are tiring and they wear on him, and so I tend to try to keep it to myself, hoping I can work myself out of it.

I can see how depression feeds on itself, how I can sink into pessimistic thinking, start devaluing myself, start perceiving things in a more negative light, and this in turn, increases the depresssion. It is so hard to break out of it. I like what mixielicious said about reconditioning the self. I keep thinking if I could catch myself before a depressive phase gets too deep, and recondition the thoughts, than perhaps I could snap myself out of it without burdening my Master.

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RE: Depression - 1/16/2007 8:04:18 PM

Mike4now495

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I was reading the posts and saw mid way where you wrote "changing something we normally do on Fridays, I seem a lil more at ease becasue I wont be lefted alone at all these evening". That was what I thought about - get out - do something different - DON'T BE LEFT ALONE - don't let your mind be occupied by the depression - it feeds on itself - force yourself to change your routine as you mentioned. I'm no expert - just my humble two cents worth of advice in case it helps.

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RE: Depression - 1/16/2007 11:52:04 PM

leakylee

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Hey Delust,
I suffer from the bi-polar also. MFM gave some great advice about live journal. It gives you options about who sees what when and how. One thing that I can offer adive on in reguards to the meds is how your body will handle them. After dealing with lovely little condition for 17 years you have to switch things up every so often. The meds are there to help us maintain our sanity. (well that is how it feels somedays) I know for me personally, when those slips start happening, and the withdraws start happening, it generally means that the chemistry is a bit off. I am doing it right now. I have been on my meds for five years. So it is time for a switch, but one good thing is that you are noticing it. That your Master is also there to support you. Saying on top of that, and learning coping skills while you ride out these waves will really help. I wish you the best of luck. Hope some of this made sense, it is 3am, I am not sure where my brain is..hehe..

love and light
Lee

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RE: Depression - 1/17/2007 12:39:32 PM

pixelslave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darksdesire

I struggle with periods of depression, and I do so much better if my Master pulls me into him very tightly, keeping me as focused on serving him as is possible. Still, I know these periods of depression are tiring and they wear on him, and so I tend to try to keep it to myself, hoping I can work myself out of it.

I can see how depression feeds on itself, how I can sink into pessimistic thinking, start devaluing myself, start perceiving things in a more negative light, and this in turn, increases the depresssion. It is so hard to break out of it. I like what mixielicious said about reconditioning the self. I keep thinking if I could catch myself before a depressive phase gets too deep, and recondition the thoughts, than perhaps I could snap myself out of it without burdening my Master.

darksdesire,
You sound serious enough about your convictions to try what is called "cognitive therapy". There is a test one can give themselves daily to see if they are becoming depressed. The one that comes to mind is called the BDI, which is short for the Beckton-Dickson Index. It is described very well in a book titled 'Feeling Good - the new mood therapy' (available in paperback), or something similarly named. I don't have a copy at hand right now to check, but I think the author's last name is Beck.

The book was written in the 80's as a result of research conducted at the University of PA if I'm not mistaken and teaches people how to replace the negative thoughts that occur when depressed with more positive ones instead (mostly using positive affirmations). It literally can be used to change the chemistry of the brain that occurs with depression; which is precisely what medications do. The last time I heard, there is now a workbook available to use with it as well. For some it is very sucessful and I can see how if one was working with their Master/Mistress where it would have a greater chance of success!

I hope someone finds this information useful as it is a wonderful way to reprogram your thinking into a far more positive mindset in general.

- pixel

< Message edited by pixelslave -- 1/17/2007 12:40:42 PM >

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RE: Depression - 1/17/2007 4:15:04 PM

beticat

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I struggle with low grade chronic depression. It has taken me years to understand that what I feel *is* depression. I have also found that writing helps me tremendously. The other thing I will do is clean... being in a clean room, that is orderly is very calming and uplifting for me.
I don't want to hijack here but I'm confused on ~ how is journaling as a means of communication passive-aggressive?

~this was a fast reply - not specific to anyone~

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RE: Depression - 1/21/2007 10:30:38 AM

jcolbert14

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Joined: 12/30/2006
From: Pennsylvania
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

From a fellow bipolar person (who is battling mania this week)...you need to talk. You know you do. I know that it's hard because you simply lack the desire to interact. But, you know that you have to. If you can't do it directly, write something to your Master, then print it out. Explain that you are feeling depressed and don't feel like talking, so you're writing. Make a request, politely, of what you think would be beneficial to you, even if it's something you won't like, such as him forcing you to have a conversation or making you get out of the house. Tell him you'll react negatively to it, if you know you will. Then, give him the note and wait. Sometimes, passive aggressive is all we've got.

Master Fire

I agree with the above. I have Bi-Polar and there are times when I just don't wish to speak with my Domme at all. I feel I would let her down. I did write Her a message and I just hope she will understand me.

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