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RE: Leading by Example - 1/13/2007 4:47:16 PM

dawntreader

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeggyO

I have had good role models for this. I know other folks may not agree with how I see things, but I know this is what works for me and my view of personal responsibility and integrity.

Be well,

Peggy O

When i first read your examples, i agreed absolutely with you and i see the place you are coming from with this - i myself strive for improvement constantly and seek relationships with others like-minded...

However, after reading toservez's comment, i have to say she has nailed it on the head with her insight. i particularly like this statement of her's " To know what you are asking for and that you are fair in return for both roles in this life. "

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RE: Leading by Example - 1/13/2007 7:58:10 PM

hawkwolf7

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Let me preface my response by admitting that I may be guilty of projecting my own values onto PeggyO's question and responses.

There are some dominants in the lifestyle who value mastery of self. There are also some switches and some submissives who hold that value as well. And, quite naturally, everyone with this as one of their fundamental values will seek people who share this value. But, I don't think it is about dom/switch/sub. It is about us as human beings.

For me, self-mastery was required before I would consider being someone's master... if for no other reason, it was because I didn't want to flinch when I was addressed as Master. More precisely, it is an integrity issue with me. And again, this issue transcends lifestyle roles, and speaks to who we are at a more fundamental level than whether we feel the handle of the whip or the cracker, or both.

Having said all of that, I think Knight of Mists comments are well taken. None of us are perfect in our self-mastery all the time, regardless of our values. Life has a way of kicking us in the teeth, and can defeat anyone; at least for awhile. It is important to have high standards, but it is equally important to have compassion, for others and for ourselves. I think the important thing is that you and your partners share the same values; not that you demand perfection of each other.

So, PeggyO, I see that you demand self-mastery in yourself, and I applaud that you look for that in your dominants. I would also recommend that you seek submissives (and friends for that matter) who share that value as well.

All my best to all of you,
HawkWolf

< Message edited by hawkwolf7 -- 1/13/2007 8:05:28 PM >

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RE: Leading by Example - 1/13/2007 8:03:58 PM

toservez

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

toservez... enjoyed your post... your open-mindedness is something that always seems to catch my attention.

Thank you very much. I try to be open minded but do not always succeed.

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RE: Leading by Example - 1/13/2007 8:04:04 PM

KnightofMists

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nice post Hawkwolf... welcome to the boards.

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RE: Leading by Example - 1/13/2007 8:09:06 PM

hawkwolf7

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Thank you. I enjoyed your posts as well.

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RE: Leading by Example - 1/13/2007 8:16:09 PM

Daddysredhead

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PeggyO...

I liked your list of examples, and barring any physical anomaly on either side, etc., I think it makes good sense.

~ DRH

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RE: Leading by Example - 1/13/2007 8:51:44 PM

GentlehandSTL

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Lead by example…I could have written that.

As much of my ‘life style’ is domestic discipline, I too, I feel, must live by those same ‘rules’ like not leaving the wet towels on the floor.

If I expect her to do her ‘chores’ mine had better be done.

But then I think I might be somewhat unique in this point: I, as a Dominate, am responsible for everything and everyone under my control. Thus, there are no ‘bad’ subs only a Dom not handling it (her) correctly.

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RE: Leading by Example - 1/14/2007 7:15:58 AM

onestandingstill

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I feel for a Master to lead by Example is the cornerstone and paramount to me in a relationhship.
If their examples do not match the self professed things coming out in their word or action too often I lose all respect for them and move them into the wanna be column.
suzanne

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RE: Leading by Example - 1/14/2007 3:06:47 PM

PeggyO

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Hello everyone,

As a follow-up to this thread, here is an article written by Master Skip Chasey where he talks about what he considers are the "Qualities of a Realized Master". I have seen Master Skip speak on a number of occasions and have already been very impressed by how he views Mastery and Spirituality.

http://www.angelfire.com/realm3/ekur/qualities.html

Take care,

Peggy O

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RE: Leading by Example - 1/14/2007 5:13:59 PM

SusanofO

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I've encountered this, Peggy.

I try to ignore it, if I find most of the relationship satisfying otherwise (and kind of chuckle inside to myself, at times, about it as well). People aren't perfect - ever. However, I will say I don't generally (usually) find myself involved with people I can't respect on many levels to begin with (although there have been one or two exceptions to that. I can be initially fooled, like anyone can. But I am not usually fooled twice in a row, by the same person).

Before I get involved, I will normally already have determined if they are someone I think I can respect, in so far as I've been able to get a glimpse of what they are about, as a person.

I have to say, though, I feel that the kind of thing you mention can sometimes detract from the respect I might feel for someone, and that can be detrimental to the quality of a relationship, overall (IMO).

If it gets to be more overwhleming, I will be polite and yet I find myself mentally waving "good-bye" to the other person, and they get less and less of my attention, (even if I appear to be "listening, "there for them" - whatever). I am still usually polite (I am submissive, even with some of my platonic friends, and was with my husband, and I consider politeness and consideration a part of my emotional and behavioral "make-up", but - unless the other person specifically asks me about why I seem distant, or insists we discuss whether I "need to talk", I will still not bring something like this up, usually. Although there have been exceptions to that).

Which may be a mistake. Maybe I should politely request we have a talk about it and see what happens. I don't know. I just never really thought it would do much good, I guess (but that may be due to some of my past experiences).

If it's a 24/7 live-in relationship, and what I perceive as a fairly gross "imbalance" such as this becomes unbearable for me (which did happen, once), I just pack my bags and leave - that is, If we discuss it, and this isn't addressed so as to really "hear" my concerns.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 1/14/2007 5:42:09 PM >

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