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Couch Time - 1/13/2007 6:38:32 PM   
SlyStone


Posts: 398
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline
The master slave relationship is a unique one in that power is shifted to one person who may become, among other things, a kind of quasi therapist and I wonder about the implications of such a dynamic.

While I believe that BDSM can be used to work through emotional problems I also think the possibility for causing further damage is just as likely when dealing with amateurs and I would say that most of us here are amateurs, ie not professionals, in the realm of psychosocial behavior.

I am not talking about all BDSM relationships here, just the ones where the dominant and submissive use the dynamic to work through major emotional issues, especially past issues.

And so I wonder, does anyone here feel that they may consciously or unconsciously be acting out, within their BDSM relationship, a therapist patient relationship and if so has this been  a good thing, a negative thing, or of no consequence to them?

_____________________________

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.

Anais Nin
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RE: Couch Time - 1/13/2007 6:45:42 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I have caused amazingly deep emotional trama and have done amazing work on others helping them through issues.

(in reply to SlyStone)
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RE: Couch Time - 1/13/2007 6:53:13 PM   
BlindDescent


Posts: 113
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline 		Just like therapy and therapists, anyone can open wide floodgates of emotion. The true skill and expertise is found in how well one is 'closed' at the end of a session. Aftercare or closure...empathy for the vulnerable one's state of being should be the focus. Similarly; like a driver, we all inevitably put dents in those we drive to greater awarenesses.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Couch Time - 1/13/2007 6:55:25 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		I do wonders for the mind.  It's the body I do the really nasty things to.

But, I do heal the mind.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to SlyStone)
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RE: Couch Time - 1/13/2007 6:57:20 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Jesus Fucking Christ....If you got some deep seated emotional issues you have not dealt with...this aint the site for you,  Bucko!...get some serious professional help.

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers...and deranged women who feel I can help them.

(in reply to SlyStone)
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RE: Couch Time - 1/13/2007 7:01:30 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		My Master has brought me to places within myself where no therapist could ever tread.  And not for the purpose of psychotherapy, either, although amazing things are discovered while there. I don't "use" my slavery to my Master as therapy.  But in my slavery to my Master I have gotten to know the real me, and as a result, have healed from a great deal of past emotional injuries.  When you're living as you're meant to be living, can it be any other way?

(in reply to SlyStone)
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RE: Couch Time - 1/13/2007 7:03:21 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Jesus Fucking Christ....If you got some deep seated emotional issues you have not dealt with...this aint the site for you,  Bucko!...get some serious professional help.

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers...and deranged women who feel I can help them.


That would pretty much be everyone here then, as no one really gets through life without suffering some emotional issues....and from the likes of your post, that includes you, too!

(in reply to domiguy)
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RE: Couch Time - 1/13/2007 7:22:17 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline 		My Master has helped me get over and through many things and has also caused some things.  Who knows?  We're all pretty much damaged goods out here, aren't we?  *sigh*

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to ownedgirlie)
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RE: Couch Time - 1/13/2007 7:54:51 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Whenever we are put into a vulnerable space the things we have locked inside can come up..I'd put my money on a Dom who has his shit together over a therapist anyday for any real assistance...the fact your Dom actually cares for you and his life is invested in yours... has 70% of the healing environment covered.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to Daddysredhead)
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RE: Couch Time - 1/13/2007 7:57:57 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I think relationships and love can heal people no matter whether they are top/bottom/sideways or sub/dom/master/slave or even vanilla. Unconditional love heals all! At least if people will allow it to. Doms can learn from subs, subs can heal their doms... and it works the other way too, isn't life a beautiful thing?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to SlyStone)
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RE: Couch Time - 1/13/2007 8:34:23 PM   
SlyStone


Posts: 398
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline 		 SimplyMichael

I have caused amazingly deep emotional trama and have done amazing work on others helping them through issues.



As to the former statement do you mean you did this conciously in the guise of a therapist in an attempt to heal gone wrong or do you mean you were unaware at the time of the emotional issues and accidently caused further damage?



_____________________________

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.

Anais Nin

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Couch Time - 1/13/2007 8:46:05 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Unfortunately  people who suffer from the effects of "deep seated" emotional issues are usually incapable of receiving or giving "true unconditional love"...."deep seated emotional Issues"!!!!!!

But go on...don't get the therapy you need...the guy or gal on this site...probably knows better!

Lately I have read extensively on how there have been major advancements in "Piss Therapy" cures everything from the scars of child abuse to abandonment issues...This must be what you all are referring to...I stand corrected.

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers....and dom/sub wannabee therapists.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Couch Time - 1/13/2007 8:47:48 PM   
SlyStone


Posts: 398
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline
quote:

I don't "use" my slavery to my Master as therapy. But in my slavery to my Master I have gotten to know the real me, and as a result, have healed from a great deal of past emotional injuries.

I like this because you are viewing it from your perspective and your need to find yourself.

I do think there are dominants out there who do attempt to be "therapists" and I believe that  this is a mistake for many many reasons among them the possibility that what may be a problem for the submissive may be a kink for the dominant which would create a situation where further emotional damage to the submissive is almost guaranteed.


_____________________________

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.

Anais Nin

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Couch Time - 1/13/2007 8:49:32 PM   
SlyStone


Posts: 398
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline
quote:

Unconditional love heals all! At least if people will allow it to. Doms can learn from subs, subs can heal their doms... and it works the other way too, isn't life a beautiful thing?



You may be right although I cannot personally think of a more "conditional" relationship than a BDSM one.


_____________________________

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.

Anais Nin

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Couch Time - 1/13/2007 9:03:51 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		nope.
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlyStone


And so I wonder, does anyone here feel that they may consciously or unconsciously be acting out, within their BDSM relationship, a therapist patient relationship

(in reply to SlyStone)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Couch Time - 1/13/2007 9:04:16 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlyStone

quote:

I don't "use" my slavery to my Master as therapy. But in my slavery to my Master I have gotten to know the real me, and as a result, have healed from a great deal of past emotional injuries.

I like this because you are viewing it from your perspective and your need to find yourself.

I do think there are dominants out there who do attempt to be "therapists" and I believe that  this is a mistake for many many reasons among them the possibility that what may be a problem for the submissive may be a kink for the dominant which would create a situation where further emotional damage to the submissive is almost guaranteed.


Perhaps so. In our case, he simply dominated me the way he wanted to dominate me, and in the process I discovered a great deal.  It was his pleasure to watch me develop, and the bond between us grew intensely strong.  He didn't give me therapy, but he demanded things from me which ensured I would learn how to think, analyze, visualize and meditate.  And through other very personal and intimate means, he took me on journeys into the very depth of me.  But no, I did not look to him to "heal" me, nor did he see me as his patient.  He likes tinkering with my mind, though, so it satisfied him to do so.  Worked out quite nicely for us.  Now he has a developed, confident, devoted slave, and I hold him in great respect, love and adoration. I don't call it therapy; I call it growing together.

As for unconditional love, I have mixed feelings about that.  I believe most love is conditional on something.  But I haven't fully explored those feelings yet.

(in reply to SlyStone)
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RE: Couch Time - 1/13/2007 9:13:00 PM   
behindmirrors


Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline 		Sometimes, I think of my Dom kind of like a councilor to me- he gives me some things to think about. I don't look for our relationship to "heal" me, because I believe that I have to do my own work for that- and I do, I have, and I'm better for it. I have provided the same role to him when he's in need, too. It's a matter of caring for each other and offering what you can when your partner is in need, in my opinion- not really the same as a therapist-type situation. Can such things be healing? I think so- just as much as love can heal old wounds, and caring for someone can give them comfort and strength.

I didn't come to this relationship looking to be "fixed"- I had to come to terms with things myself first, and work them through that way. So did he. We came together on the ground of knowing we each had a history- and caring for each other regardless.

Plus, my insurance doesn't cover floggers and such- anyway, if he was my therapist, I don't know why I'm paying that nice lady I go see when I'm having issues.
behindmirrors.

(in reply to SlyStone)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Couch Time - 1/13/2007 9:24:46 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I suspect in a great majority of deeply envolved relationships their is an aspect to the relationship that is in someways theraputic regardless of type of relationship.  We draw on our partners or our partners draw on us for support and guidence with a variety of issues that relate to our emotional and thought processes.   I also suspect that sometimes the support and guidence works well and sometimes not so much, Making it a good thing and possible a bad thing.  Hopefully those in the relationship can properly identify when the issues being discussed require more than what is currently present.  When it is suspected that more skilled and educated help is needed, those envolved will have the strength to seek it.  Sometimes people will go and seek the help sometimes they will not... both could lead to good or bad consequences. 

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to SlyStone)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Couch Time - 1/13/2007 9:48:44 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Unfortunately  people who suffer from the effects of "deep seated" emotional issues are usually incapable of receiving or giving "true unconditional love"...."deep seated emotional Issues"!!!!!!

But go on...don't get the therapy you need...the guy or gal on this site...probably knows better!

Lately I have read extensively on how there have been major advancements in "Piss Therapy" cures everything from the scars of child abuse to abandonment issues...This must be what you all are referring to...I stand corrected.

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers....and dom/sub wannabee therapists.


Therapy helps some heal, it hurts others more, and it all depends on the individual to how helpful it is. Even with brain chemistry problems love can heal, mostly self love, it all starts with the individual after all.  If you looked at my post I said a person must allow healing... no one can help us to heal unless we allow it and feel worthy of it.

Now as for unconditional love, I do not love conditionally. I engage in relationships conditionally, but one must not be with someone to love them. There is a difference between spending my life with someone and loving them, I can love someone even after I am no longer involved... and that is indeed love without condition.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Couch Time - 1/13/2007 9:52:39 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
There is a difference between spending my life with someone and loving them, I can love someone even after I am no longer involved... and that is indeed love without condition.


As a side note, this helped me with some thoughts I had today; thank you :)

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 20
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