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Is it trolling in a chat room or just an intro? - 2/27/2005 9:35:54 AM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I am wondering what the general concensus is on folks who come into the chat room, such as the "lobby" on collar-me and state their location, then ask to see if anyone else is in their area. I have seen many times where they are scolded and told to look at the profiles and not advertise, but isn't the chat room a sort of intro room to find others in the lifestyle? I understand that they can look through the profiles, but with 40 or so in the room simply asking would be quicker. Personally, I look at the profiles, but if someone was under more time constraints, this could be a time consuming thing. And yes, they could search through the many profiles through the search option while they were not in the room, but then again to talk to someone realtime is much more personal. Just curious what others think..I know there is a problem with trolls, but then again, for someone looking to find others in their area to talk to..is that such a bad thing. I don't know if I have an opinion actually, I came from an environment where you HAD to ASL upon entry which solved some of this...any thoughts?

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RE: Is it trolling in a chat room or just an intro? - 2/27/2005 9:50:36 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		I have seen it too many times as well, a new person comes into the chatroom and asks if there are any people there local to them and they are instantly told to read the profiles or do a search on the home page. First off, once you get past the popup blockers and get to where you can read the profiles, then you have the incredible number of people that change their nic when they come in and don't show a profile, and won't show a profile under that nic even if you do search for it on the home page. Then you have the people that don't have gender specific nics (like me) and orientation specific nics (again, like me) that adds to the confusion. Ok, so it's a chatroom, but this is a "dating service", in a sense, isn't it? Granted the forums are here and is filled with mostly great reading material and information, but that isn't the case in the chatroom.

As far as the ones that will say nothing else... ok, that gets old in a hurry, but for the first time coming in, I don't see a problem with letting the room know where you are and then asking if others are near by.

Jewel

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RE: Is it trolling in a chat room or just an intro? - 2/27/2005 9:58:09 AM   
Leonidas


Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline 		It depends on the focus and purpose of the particular room. This is a personals oriented site, but not all the rooms are virtual "pick-up joints". Some rooms are very "meet and greet" oriented. Some are long standing groups who just come there to meet when they can't meet in person and don't recieve those who pop in and start with the tried and true "Age/Sex/Location, everyone?" line at all. If you're in doubt what kind of room you're in, ask one of the room ops.

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RE: Is it trolling in a chat room or just an intro? - 2/27/2005 10:00:45 AM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		True, hadn't thought about the dating service aspect..I guess "the room" may be that in a way.

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RE: Is it trolling in a chat room or just an intro? - 2/27/2005 10:04:52 AM   
NoPinkBalloons


Posts: 125
Joined: 2/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScooterTrash
]I am wondering what the general concensus is on folks who come into the chat room, such as the "lobby" on collar-me and state their location, then ask to see if anyone else is in their area. I have seen many times where they are scolded and told to look at the profiles and not advertise, but isn't the chat room a sort of intro room to find others in the lifestyle?


Sure, it's trolling. You're trying to "catch" something, right? Whether or not it's acceptable depends on the environment you're doing it in.

Personally, I"m not looking. I use various chatrooms to talk to other people, but there's underlying agenda to "hook up" with anyone. If someone is going to rule me out of a conversation simply based on geography, then that's not someone whose requests for information I have much interest in accomodating anyway. Go ahead and tell folks where you're from if you want to, but asking who else is from there suggests that you can't be bothered to talk to anyone who isn't local. That's not a good first impression, at least from where I sit. "32/m/atlanta looking to talk to hot bi babes in town...message me!" isn't an introduction that makes me want to engage in conversation.

Back in the old days, when we used to pay per minute or for the amount of data transfered, it made sense to "cut to the chase" and do the whole a/s/l thing. These days, though, pretty much everyone has unlimited access, so there's no need for that. You can take the time to get to know people by having conversations with them.

Personally, I find it annoying when someone does as you described. It suggests that the most important thing about me is how conveniently located I might be. The person hasn't taken any time to find out who I am or what I'm about, just if i might be close enough for a "quickie". It's also really disruptive to the flow of conversation and downright annoying when people have to keep repeating the same information just because someone was too lazy to check a profile.

There are plenty of places to peruse ads for people who are local, if that's a criteria in your search. Those profiles will also (hopefully) tell you a little about the person so you can find out if you have other compatibilities. For me, chatrooms are for chatting and discussing things; ads are for searching for compatible partners. If you meet someone in a chatroom, find out that you have common interests, are local and then decide you want to meet that's a bonus in my eyes, but not the reason for being there.





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RE: Is it trolling in a chat room or just an intro? - 2/27/2005 10:14:05 AM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		OH yes I agree that the ones who come in and state their objective "sub from whosville looking to be a doormat" is BS..or the ones who keep repeating themselves every 2 minutes are a irritant. Was more looking at a casual into, but I do understand the objection to limiting who they talk to because of loaction..I have seen many from way far away I would like to chat with.

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RE: Is it trolling in a chat room or just an intro? - 2/27/2005 10:18:18 AM   
strongnsubmissiv


Posts: 197
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline 		I suppose the right and wrongs would be upheld by who creates the room, but when it comes to chat in general, I use this analogy:

Think of it as a room full of people at a bar, maybe having social drinks together and enjoying conversation.

Imagine someone walks into the bar, you say "Hello, welcome friend" trying to make them feel welcome. Then this person completely ignores you, and shouts out to everyone in the room "Hey, anyone wanna fuck?"

I try not to throw away everything i know about social politeness because I have an agenda. Chat rooms are "virtual" social gatherings.

If i say hello to someone, and they don't respond because i'm not the orientation or sex they are looking for, then i take great pleasure in making them feel like an uncomfortable troll, because that's how they've made me feel. (and it's fun :P)


... being polite costs nothing...

sns


ps.. not to paint anyone with a broad brush or anything, but i've yet to see a female troll.


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RE: Is it trolling in a chat room or just an intro? - 2/27/2005 10:18:56 AM   
shay


Posts: 63
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline 		I guess I am a troll then, because I DO come to Collarme looking for people nearby. I enjoy talking to EVERYONE but when it comes to a one on one meeting its kind of hard if that other person is overseas or on the other coast. Curiousity is a natural thing, and I also like a face on the people I talk to. Is that bad? I dont know. I Roleplay chat D/s and Gor on MSN. I come to collarme to meet people.

just My opinion, one in which I am entitled to.
Shay

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RE: Is it trolling in a chat room or just an intro? - 2/27/2005 10:24:18 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		If someone was under so much time constraints that they cant even do a search by age and sort through profiles, what makes them think they have enough time for a reasonable relationship? I'm not going to do someones work for them. If they want to post a public ad in hopes of catching some fish in their net, that's fine. But it shows lack of true interest and effort.

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RE: Is it trolling in a chat room or just an intro? - 2/27/2005 10:24:39 AM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I like the bar environment concept...I think it would be rude to say..don't ask me where I'm from, it's in my profile..lol

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RE: Is it trolling in a chat room or just an intro? - 2/27/2005 10:27:53 AM   
NoPinkBalloons


Posts: 125
Joined: 2/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shay

I guess I am a troll then, because I DO come to Collarme looking for people nearby.


Trolling is perfectly acceptable in some places, and frowned upon in others. It's simply a matter of figuring out which type of place your in. If the "community" in the chatroom frowns up it, then it's not a good idea to do it; if they welcome it, then have at it.

Just as I don't believe that "topping from the bottom" has to always be a pejorative comment, nor do I think "trolling" is necessarily a bad thing to do. It's all about context and what's appropriate for the situation you're in.

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A hard-on does NOT count as personal growth

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RE: Is it trolling in a chat room or just an intro? - 2/27/2005 10:51:56 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Think of it as a room full of people at a bar, maybe having social drinks together and enjoying conversation.


In an instance like that you wouldn't have to wonder if they are local or not.... but then you would have to wonder if they are married or otherwise attached to someone else. I'm sure that question arises and it isn't considered rude to ask.

In the same light though, I agree, just as you wouldn't walk in to a public place and shout out that you are there to get laid, you shouldn't do it in a chatroom, to me that's right up there with someone jumping into your PM box with out asking first. But to jump on someone because they are asking if anyone is local to them, I'm sorry, but I think that's just wrong. Maybe they are looking for someone local because it would be impossible for them to relocate, or as Shay said, perhaps it's because they want to meet up with locals for social reasons only, and then again, they may be looking for someone local that can help them find groups in that area. I don't see it as always meaning that they have no desire to talk to anyone because of their distance.

The time restraints would have little or no bearing on whether or not they would have time for a relationship... They may be using a friends computer, the library computer or have kids to deal with. Meeting someone local would give them the option to talk to the on the phone from their own home in some cases.

There are just to many reasons out there that we may not be aware of to be passing judgement on someone just because they wanted to know if anyone is local to them.

Jewel

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RE: Is it trolling in a chat room or just an intro? - 2/27/2005 10:56:38 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
It depends upon the focus of the individual chat room. In most rooms, people are there to talk about the lifestyle and other social topics, rather than to instantly hook up or find a date. To that effect, they expect someone entering the room to also get to know people rather than just decide someone is worthwhile because of location. I know it is frustrating for you, but it is also frustrating for them. They are in a social setting and you come in (from their perspective) like a horny net geek wanting to hook up NOW. If someone isn't near you, they're not worth your time. If this is true or not, it is the perception given by your actions.

Since a bar environment was mentioned, lets talk about it in those terms. You've come in and made it clear that you're looking to score. What is the reaction going to be. How would you react to someone who came into your neighborhood bar and did such? Unless the room is specifically for meeting people, assume you're entering a social situation like a bar. Go in, scope things out, get the lay of the land, meet a couple people and you'll have an easier time of things. I know it feels like a time investment and it IS. But if you feel that finding a partner is important, you'll put time into it. Good Luck.

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RE: Is it trolling in a chat room or just an intro? - 2/27/2005 11:13:27 AM   
strongnsubmissiv


Posts: 197
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline 		Sorry Shifted i didn't mean for that analagy to be perfectly literal. All i meant was ignoring those who don't fit into your particular search criteria is rude. Agreed if you were in a bar, you could assume everyone was local, but by the same token you wouldn't shout out "ok who here is single?" Same idea...

Finding out where everyone is from in a room isn't rude, just use a little couth and tact when asking the question. Say hello's get to know people, don't ignore those who don't fit into your search criteria.

sns

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RE: Is it trolling in a chat room or just an intro? - 2/27/2005 11:28:25 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		sns, I thought you analogy was a good one. And yes, I agree that to ignore someone because of their distance is rude. There has to be a certain social etiquette in any environment where large numbers of people meet and I fully understand that there are too many out there that don't have a clue. What I am refering to is the fact that I have seen on many occasions the new person that comes into the room and doesn't understand the way it works in there and gets jumped on. I spent years in a chat environment where you were required to asl as soon as you came into the room. Even when the rules changed and I had my own room, I still required it because for some it's a real ice breaker as well as a way to get your face out there, so to speak. I know a lot of newcomers that come in and say hello to the room, they get lots of responses by many that say hello back and that is the end of it. But when someone comes in and says hello from "younameaplace", chances are someone is going to ask what part of that place or hello, I'm one state away from you and a convo is started.

Unlike the bar scenario, in a chatroom everyone sees everything you have to say, good, bad or indifferent. So you're introduction is really out there for the world to judge... something that apparently a lot of people don't think about when they start chatting.

Ok, so there is a thin line between trolls and newcomers that just haven't mastered the art of chatting in such a public forum.

Jewel

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RE: Is it trolling in a chat room or just an intro? - 2/27/2005 1:01:02 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I like the analogies here, but let me present another.

If someone sends me a message or a random line in a chat- I can choose to answer or ignore it just as if someone called my cell phone. I'm not a hostage to the phone and if I don't know the person or am not in the mood to answer, I won't.

I don't think its necessarily rude to ignore a random message from a stranger. Good chat manners generally involve saying hello if someone says hello, but beyond that...not much.

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RE: Is it trolling in a chat room or just an intro? - 2/27/2005 11:23:42 PM   
craftywulf


Posts: 35
Joined: 2/15/2005
Status: offline 		I think it dependes on the person to for myself i just want someone to chat with me because i like people but so many times i come in say hi and no one chats with me so i leave.If we live close at least i have somthing in common to statrt a chat with.For myself i am not looking for a date i am just lonley and need somone to shair my thoughts with.O by the way Sacramento here lol

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RE: Is it trolling in a chat room or just an intro? - 2/28/2005 4:07:47 PM   
SireKane


Posts: 105
Joined: 1/22/2004
Status: offline 		There are people who come online to meet other people. My experience is the further a person is away from you it lessens the chance of them meeting. If my sole purpose for being here is to meet others real time, I don't want to take the time to know you unless there is a real chance we are going to meet. It very appropriate to state your intentions when you enter a chatroom if you desire. I've been in these chatrooms, it is a rare occassion that you will interrupt anything but mindless drivel.

Kane

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RE: Is it trolling in a chat room or just an intro? - 2/28/2005 5:09:12 PM   
sinnocentky


Posts: 28
Joined: 2/19/2004
Status: offline 		i personally don't have an issue with people coming into chat rooms (like cm's lobby) and stating where they are from and asking if there are people in there that are local to them. often they immediately get jumped on by regulars of the room and told to go look at profiles, while in my opinion... that is one of the purposes of the chat rooms. i would like to know if someone new comes around that is in my area, and im certainly not going to peruse the profiles of every individual that comes into the chatrooms. im not seeking any relationship because i am already in one, but i do like talking with individuals from many different places and if someone catches my interest, im going to speak with them regardless of where they are from.

sinn

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RE: Is it trolling in a chat room or just an intro? - 2/28/2005 6:17:16 PM   
MsLisa


Posts: 67
Joined: 11/28/2004
Status: offline 		I don't have a problem with it. Different chat mediums have different protocols and there is no way for someone to know what is acceptable in the room. I've been in chatrooms that if you didn't give your age/sex/location/orientation upon entering you were asked and if you didn't give it at that time, you were booted.

Besides, they might have a serious question they'd like to ask a neighbor, such as a good place to get sushi or what the local clubs/groups are like. Why assume that someone asking about locations is just looking to hook up?

It also takes less energy to ignore something like that than to make a stink about it in a room. If the room is about topics/socializing/conversation jumping someone's shit ain't productive to the room's function. What is interesting is sitting in one of the rooms and watching the pack mentality when someone does step on a "regs" toes.

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