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Courtship Rituals - 1/14/2007 10:12:38 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		courtship rituals are in every species in the animal kingdom and in every human culture...we all know the typical courtship behaviors in vanilla world but i wanted to explore what is different in the d/s world.
 
we can all agree that master slave relationship is very different from a non power delegated dynamic, and if possible i dont want to spend much time on the  difference between subs and slaves, for the purpose of this i would like you to talk about what ever you are and how you personally court a slave or sub or dom or how you have been courted as a dom slave or sub...and if you are a switch jump on in...
 
would you say there are any rituals that you personally enjoy in courting?
 
how is the mindset different?
 
or just any thoughts you have...
 

 
 

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."



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RE: Courtship Rituals - 1/14/2007 10:19:51 AM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		The hardest part would be getting a dialog going.

If I get that far I know what I have to work with, and I know just what to do.

It's just the elusive first step.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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RE: Courtship Rituals - 1/14/2007 10:23:43 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline
quote:

and I know just what to do.

 
that sentence totally intriques me Jeff can you tell me more ?

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to mstrjx)
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RE: Courtship Rituals - 1/14/2007 10:39:12 AM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

quote:

and I know just what to do.

 
that sentence totally intriques me Jeff can you tell me more ?


The part of 'being yourself' that everyone seems to advocate means to me:

Being charming, funny

Being easy to trust

Being someone that you click with or not.  If you do........ there is a momentum.  Like an avalanche.

In theory, I don't have difficulty 'going slow, taking it easy'.  Except it never happens that way, and it never seems like it needs to.

When it gets to that point, it is always my choice to move forward or not.  My difficulty is just getting to that point.  I don't necessarily make things easy for myself, so the only 'going slow' is in the initial contact.  Since I can predict the outcome once it gets to a certain point, I'm trying to make certain up front it will be worth it.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

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RE: Courtship Rituals - 1/14/2007 10:42:28 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Some people believe that the sub should petition the dom/me for his/her time. For myself I needed him to aggressively pursue me, and not give up at the first miscommunication. I needed to know that I was indeed wanted and seen as a prize worth winning.

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RE: Courtship Rituals - 1/14/2007 10:47:41 AM   
SlaveAkasha


Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		For me, it meant someone actually taking the time to get to know me.  When Master contacted me, he had been reading my journal here for a few months and related to some things I had written.  That he would take that time in getting to know about me meant a lot.  It showed me that he was interested in me not only as a slave, but as a person.
 
If he hadn't written that, I don't know that I would have written back.  I wasn't really looking very hard for someone at the time, he just happened to come along and do something that got my attention.
 
I don't think that one should beg for the others attention..be they sub, or Dom.. both people are just as valuable to the relationship, I have never understood that part of it.
 
All I ever asked for in the whole thing was someone getting to know me, being open and honest, and putting me as important in their lives as they wanted to be in mine.
 
Kasha

_____________________________

Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

www.peta.org
www.goveg.com

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RE: Courtship Rituals - 1/14/2007 10:50:13 AM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		**Hello Crouching Tigress**
For Me, the courtship is a back and forth process.
Once the inital contact is made {by myself or the submissive} the dance begins.
I being the Dominant partner, take a subtle lead....I am not demanding but I
make small requests.
If the requests {normally a letter of introduction/answering questions I have prepared
in advance} are not completed in a sincere/timely/interested manner, the dance
does not continue.
So courtship for me, is a subtle back and forth process in which we get to know
each other, with ME setting the dynamics and the perimeters.
 

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

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RE: Courtship Rituals - 1/14/2007 11:36:05 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		For me, being taken out to dinner, a very nice dinner.  That's my big one.

The process isn't different for me at all- we're both spending time together to see what's there, get to know eachother and where life will take us.  There's some mild risk taking and oodles of manners.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Courtship Rituals - 1/14/2007 11:56:43 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		The one way it differs for me, significantly even, is I am more open about my sexuality for compatibility than I am with vanilla men.

In other ways it is a lot like other relationships in the "getting to know you" aspects.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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RE: Courtship Rituals - 1/14/2007 1:04:28 PM   
classykindasassy


Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline 		Like LA, I love dinners. The other thing I don't take for granted after my divorce, is sleeping together. I so much appreciate the contact - reaching over and touching or kissing, or even just feeling a body part next to me, or hearing his breathing.

_____________________________

"The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine." -The Indigo Girls

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RE: Courtship Rituals - 1/14/2007 1:33:08 PM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline 		No rituals. 

Though how we met and our current limitations in interacting at this time are certainly different from any other courtship I've experienced, there isn't too much difference.  We talk, we laugh, we share... we learn about each other.

I suppose the acknowledgement of desired roles and a more direct expression of long-term relationship goals, in addition to sharing an openness about sexual kinks would be the most notable deviations.  But those things were all part of determining compatibility.

In the end, I'm just me and he is who he is.  I'm submissive and he is dominant... but our interactions as such aren't ritualized and don't play an active role in our courtship.  

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RE: Courtship Rituals - 1/14/2007 1:44:07 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

we can all agree that master slave relationship is very different from a non power delegated dynamic, and if possible i dont want to spend much time on the  difference between subs and slaves, for the purpose of this i would like you to talk about what ever you are and how you personally court a slave or sub or dom or how you have been courted as a dom slave or sub...and if you are a switch jump on in...



Well first off I disagree very much in the statement that they are very different from regular relationships. To me they are exactly the same, people are looking for people they are attracted to both physically and mentally, have common values and goals, compatibility and establishing trust on multiple levels.

I have done this real time and online and the real only difference I have seen is the type of questions and information being processed. In the D/s or M/s life I have found people from both gender and roles are more open and encouraged to talk about really big things in life including sex instead of more casual, hint at and longer steps in the dance. A good courtship in this life has a more direct and faster communication of the big issues that go to compatibility. Even with this though I think it might only make it a half a step faster and not some giant difference.




_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

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RE: Courtship Rituals - 1/14/2007 1:48:29 PM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		Ah.. i dunno.  To me its just spending time together.  With one of my X's we would stay out and get into loads of things, skinny dipping in pools, drinking with our group of friends, climing on the roofs and drinking with friends, 3 somes... aye and once found it hilarious when i picked up this assholes patio furniture (which was in a common area of the apartment building) and tossed it over a 20 foot drop.  mmmmmmm  but every night we'd sit out and watch the sunrise.  What made him more so endearing was he was the first person to ever back me up on his own accord.  When my boss at work made an aggressive move to fondle me, my x went to have a talk.   He was my champion.

Master does "courtship" things with me i suppose.  Takes me out to dinner, brings flowers and gifts.  In the begining it was much different thought.  More like my X.  Except... Master didnt seem to enjoy my craziness.   i think he did alittle bit, because how can one not find it slightly amusing?  I think he enjoyed most was the fight i almost got in with a girl because she happened to have told me a guy she was dating had a small penis and the guy said the girl was his sister.  (imagine the fun i had with that) 

Generally for me, i used to spend my time around those who enjoyed getting up things.  So regular "courtship" was never done.  We had loads of fun!

i think Master's courtship with me was keeping me nearby to figure out who i was.


_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

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RE: Courtship Rituals - 1/14/2007 1:49:21 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I usually just wait till the right moment and then slide my hand up their neck into their hair and force them to their knees.  I agree with Jeff, it is hard to get them to that moment but once there, it goes fast.

The few times I have seen a woman in the scene I desired, what I have most often done is turn a cold shoulder, I don't talk to them, I don't hit on them, I don't saddle up to conversations they are in and I tend to exit ones they enter.  Not to the point of rudeness but to exhibit a certain casual indifference.  Since the ones that catch my eye tend to be ones that catch everyones eyes, they wonder who the stranger is.  Cheesy, pathetic even, but it does seem to work.  They ask others "who is that" and they do the work of planting the seeds of interest for me.  It makes me stand out.

I realize that isn't the same as courting but I have found that pursuing women, vanilla or kinky doesn't work for me.  I made a florist rich enough they recognized my voice on the phone before I realized sending tulips didn't work.  I don't know how many fine dinners I have shared or meals I have cooked and ended up sleeping alone afterwards.

"On your knees slut" just seems to work better for me, or at least the slight cock of the head, the raised eyebrow, and the drop of an octave in my voice as I make some slightly challenging comment seems to work in ways that traditional means of seduction never did.

Kinda sad really.

(in reply to losttreasure)
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RE: Courtship Rituals - 1/14/2007 2:17:29 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I usually just wait till the right moment and then slide my hand up their neck into their hair and force them to their knees.  I agree with Jeff, it is hard to get them to that moment but once there, it goes fast.

The few times I have seen a woman in the scene I desired, what I have most often done is turn a cold shoulder, I don't talk to them, I don't hit on them, I don't saddle up to conversations they are in and I tend to exit ones they enter.  Not to the point of rudeness but to exhibit a certain casual indifference.  Since the ones that catch my eye tend to be ones that catch everyones eyes, they wonder who the stranger is.  Cheesy, pathetic even, but it does seem to work.  They ask others "who is that" and they do the work of planting the seeds of interest for me.  It makes me stand out.

I realize that isn't the same as courting but I have found that pursuing women, vanilla or kinky doesn't work for me.  I made a florist rich enough they recognized my voice on the phone before I realized sending tulips didn't work.  I don't know how many fine dinners I have shared or meals I have cooked and ended up sleeping alone afterwards.

"On your knees slut" just seems to work better for me, or at least the slight cock of the head, the raised eyebrow, and the drop of an octave in my voice as I make some slightly challenging comment seems to work in ways that traditional means of seduction never did.

Kinda sad really.
 Is it sad that this works on me? Except it generally doesn't lead to the best relationships.  The older I get the less power this method has, thankfully lol Someone who is willing to get to know me and let me bore them to death with the mundane details of my life is in the end going to mean more to me than the guy who was indifferent. The only common factor I can think of is that I am -always- the one being persued.  I don't hit on guys.  I rarely call them, never first.  If I'm worth having, I'm worth going after, you know?

_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

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RE: Courtship Rituals - 1/14/2007 2:33:20 PM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I usually just wait till the right moment and then slide my hand up their neck into their hair and force them to their knees. 


Nice !

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

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RE: Courtship Rituals - 1/14/2007 3:02:52 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline 		i have never been "courted" in anyway within any of the Ds/Ms relationships i have been in.  It has always been just a matter of talking first on the phone to find out enough about each other to know if we could get along and to determine whether our interests, objectives and ethics were compatible and then agree to meet in a public place to make sure we were both who and what we had said and then become Dominant/submissive or Master/slave to each other. 

The one exception to this was my very first Ds relationship, which started just by me being asked out on a regular date and by the end of the date the BDSM had started and that was that.  There was no courtship, He just took me to a movie, cooked me a nice dinner and then took control of me.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

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RE: Courtship Rituals - 1/14/2007 3:35:50 PM   
TxBlkMistress


Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha

For me, it meant someone actually taking the time to get to know me.  When Master contacted me, he had been reading my journal here for a few months and related to some things I had written.  That he would take that time in getting to know about me meant a lot.  It showed me that he was interested in me not only as a slave, but as a person.
 
I don't think that one should beg for the others attention..be they sub, or Dom.. both people are just as valuable to the relationship, I have never understood that part of it.
 
All I ever asked for in the whole thing was someone getting to know me, being open and honest, and putting me as important in their lives as they wanted to be in mine.
 
Kasha


couldn't have said it better myself

_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

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RE: Courtship Rituals - 1/14/2007 10:19:03 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		What works for me is attentiveness/eagerness beforehand, than nice dinner cooked or nice restaurant for starters.   If we have anything to go on, it should proceed well thereafter.     M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

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RE: Courtship Rituals - 1/14/2007 10:41:03 PM   
MistressMelissa


Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
would you say there are any rituals that you personally enjoy in courting?
 
how is the mindset different?
 
or just any thoughts you have...


Ds (any power based relationship) is different in many ways from a traditional romantic relationship, at least for me. First off my girl Phoenix who has served me for the last 4 years, was given to me by her last master. I knew her for a couple of months before that time. When he gave her to me I told her she was welcome to live in my house, but it was my house and my rules. Two weeks later she begged my collar and that was that. There was no dating.

Right now I seek to add two slaves to the house. As part of the power dynamic I feel it's important that they come to me of their own free will. It must be their choice. I want them to clearly understand it was their choice to seek me out and that they are in my house because it was what they wanted. That I didn't miss lead them in any way, shape or form. Since I'm looking for an owner/property relationship, I feel that to court them would send the wrong message. I don't seek a romantic relationship with these two slaves, so why would I want to miss lead them by courting them. They want to be owned and I need two slaves. It's that simple.

Acting indifferent does draw little ones to me. There has been a lot of the "who's that" which often ends in them asking me to play with them. Nothing gets a little ones attention faster than a handful of hair and giving them "that look" in their eye. Normally there's a very submissive reaction and then the night gets interesting.

In real life, people want to talk to me. I get invitations all the time. On line, I seldom get the time of day. I think too many people hide behind their monitors. It's easy to dream, much harder to live. After a couple of years on CM I wish they'd bring back the slave auction. Would be a lot less stress if you could just buy a "slave". Maybe I should just open a home for unwanted slaves. I mean it work pretty good the first time...Well it's late and I probably should turn in. Thank you for an interesting question. 

I realize I'm probably the exception to the rule, but it works for me....

_____________________________

Melissa
Mistress of Ds Haven
www.dshaven.com

The person who says it can not be done, should not interrupt the person doing it. - Ancient Wisdom

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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