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RE: Vanilla dating vs. BDSM dating - 1/15/2007 8:29:09 AM   
RandomGAGirl


Posts: 57
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		I've stumbled across Doms that don't want to 'date' and immediatly want to get into some sort of hardcore scene two seconds after meeting up.  Since I don't just trust anyone to tie me up and throw me in a closet I have tried to avoid the types but I know what you mean.  I personally like the whole package and don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to do vanilla things with my Master because I know I'm not going to 'forget' that I am owned or anything just because we are at the movies or something.  But I have known women who don't feel the same way... 

(in reply to isis1013)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Vanilla dating vs. BDSM dating - 1/15/2007 8:56:50 AM   
mignoette


Posts: 15
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
www.Thesecret.tv

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Vanilla dating vs. BDSM dating - 1/15/2007 9:37:05 AM   
mgdartist


Posts: 328
Joined: 5/13/2006
From: irving tx
Status: offline 		While I understand the need for trust, patience and sincerity from the sub's posts I've read, from a male Dominants perspective, it's just a very frustrating waiting game. I finally posted the following in my offsite profile to sift out all but serious shoppers:
"Dont knock unless you're available~-A Dominants Profile~
and..
~Thanks for coming~
Many come here for the videos, which is fine, do enjoy.
Many have contacted me, because of my poetry and prose, and seek my friendship, and association or consortation.
While I like to meet all, I am finding they but dally for a time and go, not seeing my purpose with all this is to find true love,
of a deviant kind. With only one woman, who is my perfect match and soulmate.
If you contact me, I ask that your purpose be as seeking this currently also.
Thanks."

I'm always amused when women post comments like "don't waste my time," and "I dont have time for... " this or that type considerations, when during every association I've made here, my time has been deemed valueless, having little or nothing to do with her final decision one way or another. I have been thru nearly a full year now, and as I'd previously presumed that should be enough, am learning that many, both men and women have had to wait far longer.  So be it, and I don't see myself as better than anyone, but it does seem as though making the transition from "vanilla dating" to the type relation we seek in this lifestyle is far more tricky and difficult than in the vanilla world, which I guess naively, I originally assumed would, and should be easier, since while we may have slightly different expectations, are all in fact, seeking very similar things. I do my best not to be so ultra picky, as simply having her submission in any form, is far preferable to being stuck in a vanilla relation again. I may be the only one on the site with such an idea, as everyone else seems bent on finding some perfect, exacting, parallel match. Perhaps I will also learn the need for this, being for all intents and purposes here, but a rookie seeker...lol.
Albeit not, and far from, a rookie Dominant.

MGD



_____________________________



(in reply to mignoette)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Vanilla dating vs. BDSM dating - 1/15/2007 9:38:15 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		This thread is amazing, so now I not only have to date fat chicks I have to wine and dine them first as well?  Drop me a line when it is my turn to make a decision, will you?

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Vanilla dating vs. BDSM dating - 1/15/2007 9:40:56 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

This thread is amazing, so now I not only have to date fat chicks I have to wine and dine them first as well?  Drop me a line when it is my turn to make a decision, will you?


That is highly presumptous of you to think you get to make a decision!!!  My god... the shalllowness of men!!!!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Vanilla dating vs. BDSM dating - 1/15/2007 9:44:15 AM   
mgdartist


Posts: 328
Joined: 5/13/2006
From: irving tx
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

This thread is amazing, so now I not only have to date fat chicks I have to wine and dine them first as well?  Drop me a line when it is my turn to make a decision, will you?


That is highly presumptous of you to think you get to make a decision!!!  My god... the shalllowness of men!!!!


ROF
oh god <still laughin> thank you both.

< Message edited by mgdartist -- 1/15/2007 9:46:43 AM >

_____________________________



(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Vanilla dating vs. BDSM dating - 1/15/2007 10:17:28 AM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		Well I wish my Master would take me on a date, but He obviously feels different. 

(in reply to mgdartist)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Vanilla dating vs. BDSM dating - 1/15/2007 10:37:28 AM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline 		For me, i have never really felt very comfortable being "on a date" with my Master.  For me, it is too much like being seen as "a couple" or a "boyfriend/girlfriend" rather than just being Master and slave.  i feel weird when i am being treated like something i'm not.  i feel like i have to play act as though i am something other than His slave and put on a show for public appearances and i don't like it.  i am much more comfortable being kept in my place, which is at my Master's feet (or under them) and serving Him, rather than being served by a waitress.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

Well I wish my Master would take me on a date, but He obviously feels different. 

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Vanilla dating vs. BDSM dating - 1/15/2007 11:27:09 AM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		Hmmm...This is interersting.  I've never really compared vanilla courtship/dating to my BDSM realtionships.  In the two most significant BDSM realtionships i enjoyed, the "courtship" process  was mostly online and through phone conversations. Both of these people lived of  couple hours distance from me, so our time was limited to a night and partial day on the weekends.  I never wanted to waste any of that time being "courted", going out to dinners etc.   We seldom left what ever location we got together in, be it one of our homes, or a hotel somewhere in the middle.

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Vanilla dating vs. BDSM dating - 1/15/2007 11:48:35 AM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I very much agree that such men should be avoided. The only problem is, there are too few who aren't that way. Not nearly enough to go around. That's why the jerks need to be convinced to start dating bdsm women instead of   vanillas.


OK...I've got to jump in halfway through reading this thread and answer this.   My Dom and I met on a vanilla site, talked for a few days, and had ONE date that had nothing to do with BDSM.  I immediately discerned that he was the strongest, most dominant man I had ever met.  I knew I craved that kind of strength with every fiber of my being, especially since I must be so dominant at work.  After that first date, he talked about what he was into, I listened with strong distaste because I have a sister who is a ProDomme, and not a pleasant person at all.

My perceptions of BDSM were clouded by what I saw with her.  The man I have been with now for over two years didn't like the .alt type of meat market, but was hoping he would find someone like me in the "vanilla" world.  He introduced me into a different kind of world entirely.  One where I could have my maschocistic needs met, my nyph needs met, could serve in the bedroom, kitchen and throughout every other aspect of life, yet be totally and utterly loved and treasured.

We are anything but VANILLA!!  I serve in every capacity. We are BD-D/s-SM and live together where I can serve his needs 24/7.

Thank God Vanilla dating isn't dead.

Sunshine


_____________________________


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Vanilla dating vs. BDSM dating - 1/15/2007 3:29:47 PM   
akbarbarian


Posts: 596
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I very much agree that such men should be avoided. The only problem is, there are too few who aren't that way. Not nearly enough to go around. That's why the jerks need to be convinced to start dating bdsm women instead of   vanillas.

Having low standards, as well as planning to top from the bottom sounds like an incredibly bad plan to me.  I'd work on the self esteem, set your standards higher, then yield and let someone else do the topping if I was sub seeking dom.  Even if you could change a jerk, would you really want a dom you could control and if you did would the dom really be that happy since he came into a relationship with the initial desire to be the one in control?

_____________________________

Out and proud as a dominant male
United we stand!
Also:Not a service top!
Heretic of Gor

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Vanilla dating vs. BDSM dating - 1/15/2007 4:10:04 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		Set my standards higher? I've been told by many that they're too high. How does wanting to be dated rather than be treated like a discreet nobody the dom would never be seen in public with relate to topping from the bottom? There are 2 ways to use someone and one of those ways is negative. Wanting to actually have value is not topping from the bottom. It's called not wanting to get played. By the way, I'm a switch.

(in reply to akbarbarian)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Vanilla dating vs. BDSM dating - 1/15/2007 6:02:32 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

This thread is amazing, so now I not only have to date fat chicks I have to wine and dine them first as well?  Drop me a line when it is my turn to make a decision, will you?


Easy for men not to want to date "fat chicks" when they don't carry babies that stretch out their skin. How nice it must be for men to only provide the sperm and keep their perfect bodies. The truth is, there aren't enough doms and switch men in their 20's and 30's in comparison to the # of women. I have seen the same thing with  lack of jobs due to outsourcing and immigration. For every position (whether it be for a job or a bdsm partner), there are several hundred applicants. Just like employers, doms are playing the unequal ratio for all it's worth.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Vanilla dating vs. BDSM dating - 1/15/2007 6:10:08 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		And women show their cleavage because of the repeal of the birka laws in the winter of aught six?   WTF? Why disparage a motherfucker cause he wants to dip his wick?  What is the overriding principle at work here?  BDSM VS Vanilla Dating? 

Tom vs Jerry?  Hanna vs Barberra?  Yogi vs The Ranger?

Somebody walk me thru this please?

Ron


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Vanilla dating vs. BDSM dating - 1/15/2007 6:30:27 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		The principle here is that too many men wanting to dip their wick like to do so with multiple women. Many of these men use and discard bdsm women while dating and falling in love with vanilla women who can't meet all their needs. The best way for bdsm women to avoid this is to stay away from such players. The problem with this is that there are few bdsm men who aren't players and those that aren't already have someone. Consequently, many women either have to agree to casual play and end up with their hearts broken, or they have to wait years before finding someone who will actually care for and respect them.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Vanilla dating vs. BDSM dating - 1/15/2007 6:40:31 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Laudable and oh so sad....

I remember when I was growing up and had an idea that there was a chance to park the cadillac in the garage...Seems like the numbers were about 27 percent of men fucked around and 17 percent of women, more recent polling says it is around 35 all.

Fully 30 percent plus off all children born, are not actually fathered by those who think they own the magic wad...the mighty pole, the breaker of womens hearts...

kinda makes my dick shrivel when I hear about how a womans heart is rended and the absolute astoundment of the damsels in distress, how could they have been so beguiled, by such rotten bastards?

I am not moved in the least.


You got fucked over?  One in a million I would say...

Ron   

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 1/15/2007 6:42:39 PM >

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Vanilla dating vs. BDSM dating - 1/15/2007 6:40:43 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Somebody walk me thru this please?


Bad girls give bj's without promise of steak & flowers.
Good girls want steak & flowers, then perhaps they will give consideration to the bj issue.



Edited to add teasing little emote so Ron will know I'm joking.


< Message edited by KatyLied -- 1/15/2007 6:42:25 PM >

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Vanilla dating vs. BDSM dating - 1/15/2007 6:43:04 PM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

Somebody walk me thru this please?


Bad girls give bj's without promise of steak & flowers.
Good girls want steak & flowers, then perhaps they will give consideration to the bj issue.


What if all you want is a sore ass and a bottle of $2.99 sangria?
What are you then?

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Vanilla dating vs. BDSM dating - 1/15/2007 6:43:15 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

Somebody walk me thru this please?


Bad girls give bj's without promise of steak & flowers.
Good girls want steak & flowers, then perhaps they will give consideration to the bj issue.



Bad girls that give great blow jobs get Vietnamese food after they have done the deed, and maybe a StarBucks Grande Mocha with extra whipped cream

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Vanilla dating vs. BDSM dating - 1/15/2007 6:43:51 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		cheap maso!

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to justheather)
Profile   Post #: 60
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