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ORIGINAL: Celeste43

Compatible and complimentary. I'm not an ideal person, I get ill, short tempered, make mistakes. So I wanted someone equally human who was also okay with me being human and having human frailties.

Sexually/play compatibility was a must. In other areas I prefer complimentary. I always say there's only room enough for one English major in this house and I'm her. He's a math/engineering type, much more practical while I'm theoretical. It works well, I build the castles in the air and he figures out how to put foundations under them, so to speak.

But most of all, he's become my best friend and that's the most important thing.

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ORIGINAL: RedSavageSlave

When I was doing a search, I had my "ideal" in mind but it was somewhat vague as I didnt want to be boxed into just one kind of person.

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ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Everyone that I've had a longer Ds relationship with I found when I wasn't looking and when I was just happy being me and being who I am.

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ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Vanilla compatibility is more important to me than kink.  I need someone who can be engaged in my real life, which as a lot more to it than just kink.  I can be flexible on the kink, as long as it doesn't involve a sadist, I know I can't go there regardless of other compatibility.  As far as having "lists", you can have them and someone can come along who will make you toss some of them away.  But you do need to have enough self-awareness to understand those "things" that you will not give up, those items which are non-negotiable.

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ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

When I was single, I looked for certain character traits that I consider to be important.  Whether we liked to do the same things or not was less significant to me than to have a partner with a character that I admire. 

I have been very blessed to meet my Lord.

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ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

*edited to add (for my Lord's sake...)  It was actually certain physical attributes that drew me to him... I just had to see what was under those leather pants.  *eg*  Once I did, I decided I wasn't going anywhere!!

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ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

so it was character and your ideal of a man lol

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ORIGINAL: darksdesire

I was most certainly not looking for anything of any serious nature when I met my Master.  In fact, I was looking for something decidedly not serious.  From the moment we first chatted however, I felt a sense of familiarity that was both comforting and exciting, and to my dismay, within a few short months, fell head over heels in love.

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ORIGINAL: SlyStone

I agree. I have no evidence to support this but I think that this view grows more prevalent as one grows older and projects into the future, but like  I said I have no evidence and I could be completely wrong.

It really is difficult because if life was fair one should not have to choose between the D/s and the vanilla but it is something that some of us will surely face or have faced when seeking a life partner..

If it comes down to an all or nothing situation where I could be with a partner who fulfills only my BDSM needs or one who fulfills all my other needs I would always chose the latter.

I am sure this has been discussed before but I would think it can come down to, if given the choice, would you rather be in a mostly fulfilling relationship or would you never compromise and rather be alone.

I would also think that people who believe that D/s is or is part of their core identity would have a different view than those for whom D/s is simply another expression of self.

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I could live without kink, but I don't think I'd want to even consider giving up D/s. In fact, I left a 22 year marriage because I was unhappy without it. But I suppose it all boils down to how you define just what D/s is.

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ORIGINAL: SlyStone

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I could live without kink, but I don't think I'd want to even consider giving up D/s. In fact, I left a 22 year marriage because I was unhappy without it. But I suppose it all boils down to how you define just what D/s is.

I define D/s as a clearly defined conditional power exchange, otherwise what is the point, what makes it any different from a man and women where the guy is dominant and the women is   submissive?

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ORIGINAL: SlyStone

I  am dominant by nature, I don't think it is my idenity but I do think it is an expression of who I am.  That is not going to change whatever relationship I enter into.

So with that in mind,  if I could not find a partner who was into these defined roles, which is my preference, and I loved her anyway, than I could care less if she thought of me as her master or of herself as my slave, as long as there is mutual respect and love and fulfillment of the majority of my needs.

Like you said I think it comes down to how we define D/s.

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ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

When i was looking, i started out looking for my "One", ie my ideal.  I knew that search would be a long and hard one and perhaps not possible.  So i started looking for a man that was "close enough". 

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ORIGINAL: losttreasure

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ORIGINAL: agirl

No, no and no........I don't look, I';ve never had to... for anything or anyone. I'm fairly self-aware, but even so, I have no idea of what's *compatable* when it's wrapped up in a unique person.

Compatability is something that may become obvious over time....I wouldn't know what it might be in a list form or as a search component.

agirl

It's not about having a "list"... it's about knowing yourself.  If you look into yourself and recognize those things that are important to you, then you have an idea of what would make someone compatible to you.  It doesn't have to be specific mundane things... if I absolutely love bowling and he could give two whits about it, that doesn't mean a relationship between us is doomed.  But if I truly value optimism and embrace the joy of life and humanity, and he were a diehard misanthrop who saw only the negative in life, then it's doubtful that we could find enough common ground on which to build a lasting relationship.

And I do understand that we often find the best things when we aren't looking for them.  I just think that if we are going to go on a search, it's probably a good idea to know what we're looking for.

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ORIGINAL: darksdesire

I was most certainly not looking for anything of any serious nature when I met my Master.  In fact, I was looking for something decidedly not serious.  From the moment we first chatted however, I felt a sense of familiarity that was both comforting and exciting, and to my dismay, within a few short months, fell head over heels in love. 

Not only was I not looking, I also didn't have much hope that the sort of intimacy and connection I now have was even remotely possible.  If I had been looking, really looking for the "one", my guess is I would have passed him up because he was not the sort of man I have historically hooked up with.   And, well...considering the kind of men I've historically hooked up with, I guess I can only say "thank God."