Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Your Search and Success


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Your Search and Success Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Your Search and Success - 1/15/2007 3:40:20 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		I certainly don't. I have never had an idea of what an *ideal* mate would be.

agirl

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Your Search and Success - 1/15/2007 3:54:25 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I'm a lifestyle, service submissive, and as such I have come across way too many women over the years who really don't understand what that means. I get all sorts of stereotypical responses from people, and I get all sorts of ridiculous claims of what should be expected of me based on some conjectures that come out of some hidden bdsm book somewhere.


Substitute the word man for the word woman and this is also correct for what i went through as well.
 
quote:

  This produces within me one of the worst characteristics that a submissive (in the eyes of others) can have: I'm very selective. I know what type and style of submissive I am


I especially loved those who told me all i needed was a collar around my throat, lol, all they needed was a kick in the pants.
 
Being selective paid off i found exactly what i was searching for, we fit each other like a pair of gloves(well a pair for a three armed man any way).

And a big hopeful YAHOO for you, LS, if you truely have found her at long last.
 
 




_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Your Search and Success - 1/15/2007 5:40:14 AM   
mymasterssub69


Posts: 566
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		not sure how to answer your question because i wasn't really looking for another Dom when Daddy found me on another adult site. i was doing my best to avoid the lifestyle for awhile after i left my previous Master. at the time i was searching for the guy and being very picky and selective person, most of them didn't fit into my criteria.

however once i came back to collarme, i've met 2 wonderful  "suitors" (as Daddy calls them) who so far meet His approval to have a dating relationship because they both have the same goal as i do. again, i wasn't searching for anyone here ...even my profile states i'm here to meet new friends yet something about me caught these two gentlemen's interest ...one said it was my eyes and smile.  so for taking things slow with my two special guys (primarily chatting on and offline) but real face to face meeting will happen soon.


_____________________________

there is something infinitely magical
about a Daddy Dom
...something only a little girl
can understand.

collared on 16th Jan 2007 by bigsambaman, my Daddy

(in reply to losttreasure)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Your Search and Success - 1/15/2007 12:15:24 PM   
Kondolinni


Posts: 67
Joined: 4/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

 I always say there's only room enough for one English major in this house and I'm her. He's a math/engineering type, much more practical while I'm theoretical. It works well, I build the castles in the air and he figures out how to put foundations under them, so to speak.


What an absolutely delightful allusion...

This chain requires an essay in response, or no response at all. I am going to force myself to the middle ground, however, as I have promised myself (and all that read these boards) I will not write grossly lengthy responses (unless it absolutely is warranted, of course...lol) to any posted topic here.

I was the child of a man who believed his way of viewing the world was the sole correct one.  I sufferred as a young man because I had to grow to a point where I realized internally that I did not have to subscribe to his (my father's) point of view. I was in my 30's when I began to realize I had developed enough personal intergrity to begin to examine for myself what apects of my life, as well as life in general, were right for me. I was nearly 40 before I was able to convert these considerations into a concrete code by which to conduct my life.

In the mean time, a ten year marriage ended, as well as several serious relationships of slightly less duration.

As I continue to mature, my views on this subject undergo ongoing modification. I now feel that compatibility rules. I am seeking a life partner who possesses quailities that I can comfortably, successfully co-exist with. I feel that, for myself personally, the concepts of "true love", or "the one" apply less and less to my reality the older I get.

Love is a grown thing.

Lasting love most assuredly is.

However, I believed in true love as a young man. I feel the concept served my needs then, even though I was not to become aware of the fact until much later in my life. Romantic love has served as a stepping stone for me on my path of  self-awareness. I would not decline to reccomend the experience to any young person.

That my needs are more pragmatic now does not lessen my appreciation of, or need for love.

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Your Search and Success - 1/15/2007 12:36:57 PM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline 		***To no one in particular***

From my experience, we do not know for whom we seek, until we meet that person.  If I were to list of all the things that I felt were "non-negotiable" before I met my Dominant, I would assure you, we would never have met.  I am socialistic, he is a rabid conservative.  I have traveled a great deal; until we met, he had never traveled farther than Mexico.  He loves sports.  I don't. 

There was something we both had in common, which I didn't realize was the most important thing of all......until after I had met him.  We both have a strong sense of ethics.  It comes out differently in each of us.  But it is our unifying trait.  And, while I would have said "sure, I need someone who is ethical" before, I now realize that honor, virtue and ethics are all I was ever looking for.

It is no wonder that those relationships that started with us both likeing the same foods, art or travel failed. 

Sometimes, we don't know who we are looking for, until we find them! 


_____________________________


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Your Search and Success - 1/15/2007 2:43:35 PM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

michaelOfGeorgia
have yet to meet one single person from this site offline.

Just a question- if  some one from this site wanted to meet with you- just how would that work , drive  to your house pick you up ?because you have no transportation

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Your Search and Success - 1/15/2007 2:47:19 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

From my experience, we do not know for whom we seek, until we meet that person.


Another possible approach - we seek what we've enjoyed in the past.  Be it experiences or a certain type of personality.  I know that I look for certain things and I can clearly see where that is coming from, when I look at past relationships that were enjoyable to me.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Sunshine119)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Your Search and Success - 1/15/2007 3:08:51 PM   
innatedesire


Posts: 111
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: losttreasure

Over the months, I've read quite a few comments from people regarding their search for a companion, whatever the type.  Whether stories of success or failure, in general, it has raised one really big question in my mind and I'd like your input.

Whether actively pursuing a relationship or not, do you or did you look more for your ideal, someone compatible, or someone complimentary to yourself?

Compatability- Once i find that the rest seems to fall in place.




(in reply to losttreasure)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Your Search and Success - 1/15/2007 7:24:38 PM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline 		Very good memory!  I think he is making it back and forth to work now (just guessing since he said something in another thread about H & R Block)

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Your Search and Success - 1/15/2007 8:29:11 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have never seriously looked for a bdsm.. or any type, of relationship from an online source.  I have found my share of very satisfying relationships local to me, which develop over time. 
I look for people who match me.  People I can talk to about serious or silly things.  I seek out men who accept me as I am, and who aren't afraid to match wits.  I am attracted to men who know more than I do about subjects which interest me.  They are generally happy to be who they are, as I am happy to be who I am.  They do not whine and bitch because they are not getting their way.  They act like mature adults with wicked ideas.  The BDSM aspect is just something that happens along the way.  I don't think I ever dated a man who didn't enjoy it. And I have never screened by a bdsm standard.
I was just lucky.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to losttreasure)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Your Search and Success - 2/15/2007 3:19:13 PM   
SATANMAN


Posts: 72
Joined: 2/8/2006
Status: offline 		irregardless, the word "scarce" is my watchword,  lol, rarely mee tanyone.

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Your Search and Success - 2/15/2007 5:00:54 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Well, it may be too soon to call it a "success" (we have not yet visited eacother in person) but - I've recently begun a relationship with someone I hope will turn out to be very compatible with me. I am visiting him for 7-10 days in mid-March, and we'll take it from there. So far, though, so good (and I did meet him here at CM). I had pretty broad criteria, as far as what I was seeking.

I was hoping he'd be: Smart, kind-hearted and caring, and relatively experienced at bdsm (or more than me anyway, which wasn't going to be hard). Also emotionally and financially stable, and mature. He seems (so far) to be all of those things. He happens to be good looking and in decent shape, although that isn't a huge, over-riding concern of mine, it's very nice. He also has a sense of humor, which I think can be almost invaluable.

I seem to have spent most of my adult life in relationships with people who hadn't a clue about what I really needed (probably the fault of both of us in each case) - 

But anyway, I think what I was looking for, more than anything else, was someone I was convinced would really be able to take care of me, and who wanted to do it (I mean emotionally, and also as far as bdsm activity).

I was looking for someone I'd classify as a "real adult", in terms of being able to learn from life experience, and being responsible, and able to respond emotionally to other people, (and to me, in particular, as far as trying to get "in tune" with them).

I also needed to get an intuitive gut feeling I could trust him (not something I always get when I relate to potential partners, although I can't always put my finger on why, exactly, I am hardly ever wrong if I get a feeling I can't trust them, even if the feeling has no "real basis").

We also seem to like a lot of the same kinds of vanilla activiteis - and want to learn form eachother as far as hobbies or things we know how to do that we don't have in common (for instance, he is teaching me how to drive a stick shift, and taking me to a shooting range to learn how to fire a gun safely. I am going to help him learn more about oil painting).

I've got myself covered financially, although I think he can do that, too, he won't have to do that). I also want to be able to give him all of myself (and I've got a lot to give someone else, too). I'm optimistic, and praying all goes well, and we can over-come any upcoming "hurdles". 

- Susan 

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 2/15/2007 5:33:37 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to SATANMAN)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Your Search and Success - 2/15/2007 5:37:04 PM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline 		I warmly wish you the best Susan!!

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Your Search and Success - 2/15/2007 6:58:33 PM   
amiciaN


Posts: 228
Joined: 1/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: losttreasure

Over the months, I've read quite a few comments from people regarding their search for a companion, whatever the type.  Whether stories of success or failure, in general, it has raised one really big question in my mind and I'd like your input.

Whether actively pursuing a relationship or not, do you or did you look more for your ideal, someone compatible, or someone complimentary to yourself?

I get the impression that many who are frustrated in their search have gotten that way because they focus more on their "ideal"... the perfect man or woman they create in their mind that has those qualities and characteristics that appeal to them.  While there is nothing wrong with acknowledging what you find attractive and even using that as a sort of "template", I think it is more important that you find someone compatible who also compliments you.  In other words, for every person there is a "recipe" for Mr. or Ms. Right.  The key to knowing what that recipe is, is to first know ourselves.



I "found" D/s and bdsm at a time when I knew that I had a lot of baggage from my previous (and abusive) relationship.  I took about a year to let myself heal and to figure out who I am before I started looking for a Master.  During that time, I made a list of 5-6 key character traits I knew I wanted/needed a life partner to have and why they were important, along with a list of those qualities I could offer.  I knew when I made the list that it was a "wish list" and that my chances of finding "the Dominant of my dreams" was practically nil, so I was prepared to compromise, but not to settle.

My Master NChaka and I started out as friends, as I had just started seeing a "Dominant" who was a couple of hours away from me.  NChaka listened to all my doubts and fears about that relationship.  When that "Dom" poofed on me, I realized that the Dominant of my dreams was the person I had been confiding in all that time.  The only drawback is that He lives on the wrong side of the Atlantic.  But the moment He wrapped me in His arms at the airport, I knew that I was finally 'home'.  Now I'm trying to be patient until NChaka and I can finally be together 24/7/365.

(in reply to losttreasure)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Your Search and Success - 2/15/2007 7:19:25 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		FR

I wrote out a literal list of things that I wanted in my mate. It was a list of 22 different criteria. I also had another list of 16 things that were either almost deal breakers or were deal breakers. Very little of the list dealt with physical appearance, because I have been attracted to many different physical types.. but I did specify I wanted an attraction there.

I put away this list, and after I was seeing Sinergy for about 6 months I found it. I read the list, and he was everything on that list... from his political views, spiritual views, to his sense of humor and fun. He was generous, ambitious, well educated. Now I do not think "luck" had anything to do with it. I think that is was the Law of Attraction. I believe we all create our own reality, and we can draw to us that which we want, if we know how. I unknowingly used the Law of Attraction to find Sinergy. He used it to find me... for those interested in the Law of Attraction... google it. I have been playing with it for a few months.. and lets face it, if you have tried everything else, trying this just might work.. it certainly could not harm you as part of it is to think positive reaffirming thoughts

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 2/15/2007 7:20:40 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to amiciaN)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Your Search and Success - 2/15/2007 7:22:16 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		kc692: Thanks!

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to kc692)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Your Search and Success - 2/15/2007 7:40:29 PM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline 		Wow... I'm surprised to see this topic pop back up.  

Susan, I'll say again that I'm excited and delighted to hear that you've found someone. I do hope it all works out for you. 

AmiciaN, it sounds like you were smart to take the time off to find yourself and consider those things that you wanted and needed in a partner.  I'm impressed that you make a point of saying that you thought about why those traits were important to you.  Being able to answer the question "why?" is a key to understanding.

Julia, I do think there is great power in thinking positively and would guess that the peace that comes from knowing yourself and understanding what it is that you desire and need, creates that positive energy you speak of.  It is interesting to consider how the Law of Attraction works.


_____________________________

Just because it isn't "all about me", doesn't make it "all about you".

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Your Search and Success - 2/15/2007 8:04:26 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks, losttreasure!

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to losttreasure)
Profile   Post #: 58
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Your Search and Success Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078