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First punishment - 1/15/2007 3:55:19 PM

eruditegirl1

Posts: 175
Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
Status: offline

I am curious about others first experiences with punishment. I was punished last night for the first time. The feelings I had after were not what I had expected. It's not that I enjoyed the spankings I recieved, but I did enjoy it afterwards. Something like a right of passage for me. I stared at my red ass for a few minutes in the mirror and smiled. In some odd way,I have never felt before, I was proud of taking my punishment like a good girl. While we were at the restraunt later having dinner I kept feeling my ass and the warmth through my pants and again smiled. I even teased Sir to feel my ass through out the rest of the night. Please don't get me wrong as I was being spanked it hurt so bad but after I was elated. I guess I am just conflicted by my reaction and I was hoping to read others experiences so I might better understand my own feelings about being punished.

Post #: 1

RE: First punishment - 1/15/2007 4:46:54 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

I am a little confused. Are you talking about punishment in the sense of play or punishment in the sense that you were disobedient, your dominant was displeased and a spanking was the consequences of negative behavior?

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to eruditegirl1)

Post #: 2

RE: First punishment - 1/15/2007 4:55:59 PM

BDSM05478

Posts: 417
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline

Also to add on to those ones: Do you enjoy pain so even if that was suppose to be a training experience it was misapplied in this example?
I can understand being conflicted about taking a punishment and not enjoying it, feeling proud I had accepted my fate so gracefully (right) but I sure didn't revel in the after glow as I don't really dig impact stimulus. As a whole most of what we do is a contradiction to what we are conditioned to think of as "normal", some times (alot of times) this puts us at odds with in ourselves. Doms thinking how can I still be a good person and yet it is ok to treat someone this way and them want it...... subs thinking what is wrong with me that I want to be treated that way...... and even with all this conflict not even that can be considered a common factor of the life. Enjoy! ;)

_____________________________

"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart" U.E. McGill

"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present." - Marcus Aurelius

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 3

RE: First punishment - 1/15/2007 5:51:18 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

i think it is very possible to not enjoy pain, but to be proud of being able to take certain amounts of pain. i enjoy pain up to a point, and i get a personal sense of pride and enjoyment from the amount of pain i am capable of taking and from bruises, welts, and such.

i think the important distinction here is that if you are actually enjoying the sensation of pain, it's important to point that out because unless it is in the context of a play punishment, pain isn't a good punishment for people who enjoy it. but i do think that it's possible to have pride in ourselves for our ability to accept pain (whether as punishment or discipline or whatever), without necessarily liking the pain itself.

(in reply to BDSM05478)

Post #: 4

RE: First punishment - 1/15/2007 6:03:49 PM

BDSM05478

Posts: 417
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline

exactly annabelle. It is very possible to be connected to what those marks represent. While no one should dwell on the misdeeds that brought it about, no use beating yourself up too ;) if is importent to have maybe a little reverance about the opportunity to grow and become better. If the punishment makes the sub address the issue than it was a successful punishment but if it made someone get all giddy and slaphappy than it isn't really a punishment now is it?

_____________________________

"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart" U.E. McGill

"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present." - Marcus Aurelius

(in reply to hisannabelle)

Post #: 5

RE: First punishment - 1/15/2007 7:22:25 PM

darksdesire

Posts: 326
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

It was your first punishment, so I can understand that you felt good about it. When you are new to BDSM first everythings are fun. Each first is a right of passage of sorts, a new experience. I do remember smiling through my first punishment spanking (even though I've only had a few), simply because I was so happy to be owned, so happy to have a Master that cared for me and was making me accountable. To me, that first punishment spanking was significant because it was a physical symbol of the power dynamic in our relationship. I don't care for pain, so the pleasure definately wasn't about that. It was merely that it had so much meaning for me.

I can't stand screwing up, but when I do, a punishment now helps me forgive myself, so I suppose I might even enjoy it in that sense...it gives me the opportunity to atone and to earn forgiveness.

(in reply to BDSM05478)

Post #: 6

RE: First punishment - 1/15/2007 9:03:39 PM

SwPuno

Posts: 72
Joined: 10/28/2004
Status: offline

I can relate to the original OP. One of my first punishments would involve the cane which I feared. I wasn't happy about deserving punishment and I'm no masochist but I was happy that I "made it to the other side" and endured the punishment well. The punishment still served it's purpose as that and I did not go seeking out more.

(in reply to darksdesire)

Post #: 7

RE: First punishment - 1/15/2007 9:11:31 PM

eruditegirl1

Posts: 175
Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
Status: offline

Disobedient...but not intentionaly.....I forgot to follow through on something he has told me to do.....so I was spank much harder than I had been during play.....

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 8

RE: First punishment - 1/15/2007 9:18:23 PM

eruditegirl1

Posts: 175
Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darksdesire

It was your first punishment, so I can understand that you felt good about it. When you are new to BDSM first everythings are fun. Each first is a right of passage of sorts, a new experience. I do remember smiling through my first punishment spanking (even though I've only had a few), simply because I was so happy to be owned, so happy to have a Master that cared for me and was making me accountable. To me, that first punishment spanking was significant because it was a physical symbol of the power dynamic in our relationship. I don't care for pain, so the pleasure definately wasn't about that. It was merely that it had so much meaning for me.

I can't stand screwing up, but when I do, a punishment now helps me forgive myself, so I suppose I might even enjoy it in that sense...it gives me the opportunity to atone and to earn forgiveness.

Although I didn't smile during the spanking.....I am really not into the pain aspect as much ....as you said so well....the right of passage and the power dynamic is what I think I find bring the smiles.....
I actually brought that up to Sir....how in vanilla relationships dissapointments get held on to and in the D/s relationship you deal with it...pay the consquence and can move on baggage free....

(in reply to darksdesire)

Post #: 9

RE: First punishment - 1/15/2007 9:35:30 PM

starshineowned

Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

Greetings..~smiles~

Punishment of any type never brings a smile to my face, and can't even fathom it ever doing so. I will end up beating myself up harder and longer than Master, and it takes Master verbally putting a halt to that process.

Just curious eruditegirl1..if your Master had sent you from his sight for a few hours, not allowed you to serve or interact with him..would that smile still have emerged as it did after the spanking do you think?

Well Wishes
starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

_____________________________

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --Abraham Lincoln

(in reply to eruditegirl1)

Post #: 10

RE: First punishment - 1/15/2007 9:44:39 PM

eruditegirl1

Posts: 175
Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned

Greetings..~smiles~

Punishment of any type never brings a smile to my face, and can't even fathom it ever doing so. I will end up beating myself up harder and longer than Master, and it takes Master verbally putting a halt to that process.

Just curious eruditegirl1..if your Master had sent you from his sight for a few hours, not allowed you to serve or interact with him..would that smile still have emerged as it did after the spanking do you think?

Well Wishes
starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

Thank you so much for this response....my answer is "no"....it would kill me to have him send me away for a few hours....very thought provoking response...

(in reply to starshineowned)

Post #: 11

RE: First punishment - 1/15/2007 10:00:08 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eruditegirl1

quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned

Greetings..~smiles~

Punishment of any type never brings a smile to my face, and can't even fathom it ever doing so. I will end up beating myself up harder and longer than Master, and it takes Master verbally putting a halt to that process.

Just curious eruditegirl1..if your Master had sent you from his sight for a few hours, not allowed you to serve or interact with him..would that smile still have emerged as it did after the spanking do you think?

Well Wishes
starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

Thank you so much for this response....my answer is "no"....it would kill me to have him send me away for a few hours....very thought provoking response...

And so the point is this. Punishments can be handled in many different ways. A different, or more painful, sort of physical aspect. It can be far more emotional or psychological. It can be being ignored.

Regardless of the method, the point in punishing is to teach you something. Usually to alter one's behavior.

Ordinarily, even if the activity, in this case painplay, is something that you can take pleasure from in and of itself, punishment usually hits home emotionally as well. The pain you feel from disappointing your dom alone should be enough to warrant being 'better' in the future. A spanking or a whipping or a caning can be brutal, but it should be nothing compared to the shame that is brought on by being a disappointment.

That is what you should be taking away from the experience. That you feel yourself aware of the power shift is positive as well. In the future, be aware that you want that power shift to continue to grow. You wouldn't want it to disappear altogether, would you?

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to eruditegirl1)

Post #: 12

RE: First punishment - 1/16/2007 2:48:17 AM

slavegirl1969

Posts: 69
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline

I too have only been punished once (play spankings not included in this). It was quite near the beginning of our relationship. We were having a lovely evening watching a film, him on the sofa, me on the floor naked at his feet and I did something that resulted in him dragging me upstairs by the hair, and I got the belting of a lifetime. What I remember though wasn't the belting but how I reacted. I reverted back to being a child, I cried so hard, was so very, very sorry for what I had done. I remember more the tone of his voice, the disappointment, what he was saying to me when I was being punished than the punishment itself. Its hard for me to explain in words. Afterwards, I didn't want to remember it because it brought back feelings of shame.

But other spankings, I get you completely. I walk around with a silly smile, knowing I've got a red ass under my clothes. Sir knows that I find being spanked a very erotic act - from being told to bend over, having my pants pulled down and my bottom bared to when it is glowing a beautiful shade of red, caused by hand or object I don't care I love it all...Punishment spanking - totally different. Not good, not eroitc. Don't want to remind myself or him of it.

(in reply to eruditegirl1)

Post #: 13

RE: First punishment - 1/16/2007 4:02:59 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eruditegirl1

I am curious about others first experiences with punishment. I was punished last night for the first time. The feelings I had after were not what I had expected. It's not that I enjoyed the spankings I recieved, but I did enjoy it afterwards. Something like a right of passage for me. I stared at my red ass for a few minutes in the mirror and smiled. In some odd way,I have never felt before, I was proud of taking my punishment like a good girl. While we were at the restraunt later having dinner I kept feeling my ass and the warmth through my pants and again smiled. I even teased Sir to feel my ass through out the rest of the night. Please don't get me wrong as I was being spanked it hurt so bad but after I was elated. I guess I am just conflicted by my reaction and I was hoping to read others experiences so I might better understand my own feelings about being punished.

my first punishment was withdrawl/abandonment on his part...

it put me in a very, very dark place; so much so, that emotionally, physically and mentally i was worthless to anyone, including myself! i certainly wasn't smiling or joking about it later...

now play punishment i could probably laugh and joke about later on, but real punishment doesn't leave me a reason to smile, no matter what it is; if it does, then i would have to wonder just how serious i am about my relationship.

(in reply to eruditegirl1)

Post #: 14

RE: First punishment - 1/16/2007 7:12:07 AM

darksdesire

Posts: 326
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

quote:

ORIGINAL: eruditegirl1

I am curious about others first experiences with punishment. I was punished last night for the first time. The feelings I had after were not what I had expected. It's not that I enjoyed the spankings I recieved, but I did enjoy it afterwards. Something like a right of passage for me. I stared at my red ass for a few minutes in the mirror and smiled. In some odd way,I have never felt before, I was proud of taking my punishment like a good girl. While we were at the restraunt later having dinner I kept feeling my ass and the warmth through my pants and again smiled. I even teased Sir to feel my ass through out the rest of the night. Please don't get me wrong as I was being spanked it hurt so bad but after I was elated. I guess I am just conflicted by my reaction and I was hoping to read others experiences so I might better understand my own feelings about being punished.

my first punishment was withdrawl/abandonment on his part...

it put me in a very, very dark place; so much so, that emotionally, physically and mentally i was worthless to anyone, including myself! i certainly wasn't smiling or joking about it later...

now play punishment i could probably laugh and joke about later on, but real punishment doesn't leave me a reason to smile, no matter what it is; if it does, then i would have to wonder just how serious i am about my relationship.

Hmmm. One can feel good about a punishment because it puts things back in place and because it allows one to atone for their mistakes. Feeling good about a punishment doesn't mean feeling good about a mistake. There is nothing more painful than disappointing my Master. I take that relationship very seriously and would never disobey in order to be punished. If i want to be punished for punishment sake all i have to do is ask for it anyway. Real punishment is not the source of pain for me, but actually frees me from the pain of my misdeeds. The real pain is in the mistake itself.

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 15

RE: First punishment - 1/16/2007 8:13:43 AM

Caitriona

Posts: 327
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned
Punishment of any type never brings a smile to my face, and can't even fathom it ever doing so. I will end up beating myself up harder and longer than Master, and it takes Master verbally putting a halt to that process.

I can relate to this very well. I am a bit of a perfectionist (control freak, anyone?) and I am often very upset when I do my please My Lord. He has to remind me that once he has administered punishment, then it's finished. I am not to "beat myself up" over it after the face.

My first punishment was four pages of sentences - "There are better ways to express my displeasure with My Lord than showing an attitude or a temper; I will do my best to use them." We've recently started using corporal punishment - spanking with a wooden spoon - and I cried during the punishment. I was so ashamed to have let him down. Afterwards he wiped away my tears, and tucked me into bed for the night.
The next day I realized that I was glad that it happened the way that it had. It was a lesson that could not have been learned any other way. Through the pain (physical and emotional) I had reached another understanding of my own submission and it was a sort of rebirth of its own. I don't know if that will make sense to anyone.

The difference between play pain and punishment is very much in the mindset.

_____________________________

Property of Shadowraven
Serving alongside ciarra

(in reply to starshineowned)

Post #: 16

RE: First punishment - 1/16/2007 9:19:19 AM

starshineowned

Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

Probably should say that in saying what I did..I am not trying to infer that anyone who does find a smile after all is said and done (more to the physical punishment) that seriousness of the event leading to it isn't there so please don't read into that.

I guess more exactly is that I am not capable of mustering a smile or "everything is okay now..lesson learned" until Master verbally reassures me of this. It usually ends with Master asking if I understand, have any questions, and then alittle light heartedness on his part with saying: stop it now..thats my job.

In the beginning it use to stop me in my tracks..service of any kind because I felt that he would not want me near him or doing anything for him. This was another lesson learned that no matter what I am feeling or have done that my service must continue (if not restricted or bound in some area)..it's just that no interaction or enjoyment of his company is allowed until he deems it. This is very hard going to him knowing he is not happy with you at the present, and not speaking or looking at you while you refill his drink of choice or bring a snack or inform him of dinner or whatever the case may be. It is easier though than being completely removed from his sight, and not allowed to do anything at all but be alone with a gut wrenching feeling.

Maybe it would of just been easier to say that displeasure alone or displeasure with some sort of action is never an excuse to wallow or forget my service.

Well Wishes
starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

_____________________________

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --Abraham Lincoln

(in reply to Caitriona)

Post #: 17

RE: First punishment - 1/16/2007 10:54:02 AM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline

My first experience(s) with punishment was pretty traumatic and is probably the reason that I don't believe in using corporal punishment in d/s relationships. I would have to consider the person I'm with and how much he personally really needed the punishment in order to move on, as I've heard many subs say they do, but I personally prefer to just have a conversation about the issue at hand. I can't imagine being with someone who would need more than one verbal confrontation with me to understand an issue that made me unhappy. I might consider using corporal punishment in the event of a repeated careless/forgetful error but when it comes to matters of emotions and communication, no. Anyway, that's not what this thread is about so you want to know about our first encounters with punishment...

I began my d/s journey as a sub, as many do, and the first time I was punished was when I arrived at his house 2 minutes later than I was supposed to. I was informed that the penalty for being late was 10 paddle strokes for each minute. I didn't know this prior to the infraction (the first red flag of the relationship) and though I submitted to it, I felt it was entirely unfair from the start. Other instances of punishment also came out of nowhere for saying or doing things that I had no idea would set him off the way they did. I was to naive to know that things like this should have been agreed to before entering into a d/s relationship but too afraid of him to press the point. I'd say the worst punishments were those that came because he thought I wasn't trying hard enough to please him. It was usually when I would be giving "oral service" as he called it, and he'd tell me that he could tell my mind was not 100% on him. It was bizarre because as far as I could tell, I would be doing the same exact thing as always and once in a while he'd just say "girl, you're not trying hard enough" and punish me for that. The worst time was when he chained me down to the floor and left me alone for a while. All of this stuff was very hurtful and I still to this day do not know if it was only hurtful to me because I didn't feel right in the situation, as his sub...if perhaps someone else who was actually more submissive would have been fine in my place, or if what he did and the way he did it was actually wrong. Maybe I will never know.

So while I'm happy for you that you came out of your first punishment happy with yourself, I can hardly imagine myself ever feeling that way. I always felt violated and wronged. And from everything I have learned and read since then, I know that's not generally the goal.

(in reply to starshineowned)

Post #: 18

RE: First punishment - 1/16/2007 1:34:50 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Oh I remembr my first and so far only punishment it was about 9 ot 10 months ago. I also hate pain but i was proud of myself for taking it so well even though it really hurt. I hope your Master gave you aftercare like mine did. I have never made thart mistake again. Master also uses displine for lesser infraction's and i have gotton 4 of them in the almost 1 year we have been together. They are not a severe as punishments but they still hurt. You are right though your first punishment is a rite of passage.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 19

RE: First punishment - 1/16/2007 1:41:42 PM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
Status: offline

since i am unowned (lifestyle-wise) i am free of punishments.

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

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Post #: 20

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