Seaking alittle advice from the more experieanced

Seaking alittle advice from the more experieanced (Full Version)

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strata -> Seaking alittle advice from the more experieanced (1/15/2007 4:16:00 PM)
I need some advice on afew things, and thought what better place to ask then here. Im relitivly new to the liftstyle, Ive been in it for alittle longer then a year at this point. I concider myself to be a dom. Now i've done some of my research on the lifestyle, Ive asked people who have been in it longer, but i still have my questions. The biggest problem i have right now however, Is i dont have much, if any, Personal expereance when it comes to the lifestyle. So at times, im not ever sure where i should start with anything, Or how i can even get deeper in. It seems as though most of the people i meet or talk to, do not wish to waist their time, helping a novice really gain the knowlage and expereance that will help later on in life. Im wondering if anyone else has had a problem like this before and what they were able to do about it.

Stunning -> RE: Seaking alittle advice from the more experieanced (1/15/2007 4:24:44 PM)
If I knew you personally I would be glad to. But I'm not wasting time online talking to a Dom. It takes far too long and I'm pretty busy. Do you know anyolder Doms in your area? Strike up a friendship. I'm sure someone would be glad to show you what he knows.

Rover -> RE: Seaking alittle advice from the more experieanced (1/15/2007 4:26:13 PM)
You might consider becoming active in your local lifestyle community. Generally speaking, they have plenty to offer. John

KnightofMists -> RE: Seaking alittle advice from the more experieanced (1/15/2007 4:33:35 PM)
Just a few points... --- it has been my experience that anyone can find someones to help learn or guide.... so if you can't find anyone... I wonder what are you doing to push them away.. or are you even making the effort to find someone... if you don't ask questions you don't get answers. --- you 19 plus only 1 year discovering this lifestyle... You generally Label yourself "Dom"... DON'T... Just let yourself flow and learn... leave the labels behind you... instead... take time to see/read and experience things. Don't make judgements to hastely.. you have all the time in the world... I even you at this stage in your life. What exist now for you.. is a far cry what was here from me 20 years ago.. if you keep your wits about you... and don't let the ego get in the road.. you will have an incredible journey... but not without some difficult times... there are some thorns in paradise... but it's worth it for those that are committed

LordBennett -> RE: Seaking alittle advice from the more experieanced (1/15/2007 4:44:16 PM)
Once I realized this existed and was a lifestyle with numerous others out there, I met them at munches and socials or an event. I spent the first several years just watching what went on and talking to others. Eventually, I found my submissive and we had some fun time together as well as some not so fun time together. Take your time, you have the next 40 or 50 years to learn and enjoy. Let the locals at your munches guide you as to how to do it safely. If they do not have demonstrations, maybe they know of a munch you could attend that does. Good luck, John

SimplyMichael -> RE: Seaking alittle advice from the more experieanced (1/15/2007 4:59:28 PM)
Go get drunk, fuck a lot of girls, break a few hearts, let yours get ripped out a few times and THEN start trying to figure out what you are doing. At your age you could become a talented top but being a dominant requires a lot of life experience and self knowledge, something few people aquire before their 30s. Learn to be a talented lover and a decent human being first, the rest will come quite naturally. Of course, being 19 you are going to ignore most of this (I certainly would have) and so let me give you some advice you owe it to yourself to follow through on: Pick up a copy of Dossie Easton's The Topping Book plus a copy of The Bottoming Book and read them a couple of times. Plus pick up a copy of The Joy of Sex and learn how womens bodies are put together and work, something almost none of your friends, male or female have a clue about and it will give you a heads up, no pun intended.

strata -> RE: Seaking alittle advice from the more experieanced (1/15/2007 5:12:21 PM)
Quickly i just want to thank everyone whos given me abit of advice so far. Its really helpfull, even just being given the little bit of help you guys have thus far. I know im still young and have alot ahead of me, so again thanks for what help youll give me along the way.

Stunning -> RE: Seaking alittle advice from the more experieanced (1/15/2007 6:22:46 PM)
You do have a good attitude. That's nice.

slavejali -> RE: Seaking alittle advice from the more experieanced (1/15/2007 6:31:12 PM)
You can pick up the topping and bottoming books on amazon.

onestandingstill -> RE: Seaking alittle advice from the more experieanced (1/15/2007 7:19:53 PM)
I'm on the other side of the coin. It's not easy from either side to have a new top or Dom. Remember for the many that say no & decline you're probably better off. It's not they necessarily don't like you, but it's real hard to submit to someone who does not know what that means, or what that encompases. To take control of a vehicle you know not how to drive or care for is not only a huge risk for the vehicle and for yourself, but can damage your passengers if you're not careful and remembering your responsibility for them.. Be true to yourself, don't bend to all the things others think about you. Set goals and see them through. Master your daily life first, then become a Master. Read, read, read, and get out in the community.

MadRabbit -> RE: Seaking alittle advice from the more experieanced (1/15/2007 7:27:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Go get drunk, fuck a lot of girls, break a few hearts, let yours get ripped out a few times and THEN start trying to figure out what you are doing. At your age you could become a talented top but being a dominant requires a lot of life experience and self knowledge, something few people aquire before their 30s. I have to say this is some of the best advice your going to get. Take it from someone a bit closer to your age. Read books, find a local community, practice on your own, and find some cute girls to have some kinky sex with or just want someone who is dominant in the bedroom and vanilla everywhere else.. There is seminars and educational events at the communities you can attend to learn how to be a Top. Being a dominant, however, isnt an overnight thing. Its a life long process, a path. If your serious about having a D/S relationship and serious about owning another human being, then just forget about it for awhile. As Michael said above, it takes a lot of life experience and self knowledge and self improvement, as well as time, energy, resources, and commitment. Going to college, beginning a career, having a steady income, and ironing out all your personal issues has to come first. Personally, I am stable and comfortable enough to have a submissive on a part time basis, but I still have plenty in my own life (years to go) before I can even realistically consider a full time live in relationship. Take a good look at your own life. Often are you late for work? How many jobs have you gone threw in the last year? How often do you pay your bills on time? How many mornings out of the week begin with hangovers? In your encounters with women, what came first...your dick or their best interests? Do middle aged adults compliment you on your maturity? If you were a submissive, would you give up control and responsibility to you? Also...no offense, but just the blunt truth....after reading your profile, I can tell you have a lot to learn about dominance, submission, and power exchange. Your pets are real, living, breathing people with emotions, fealings, expectations, and needs and they arent simply players in a game for your amusement either. However, if you are willing to listen and learn and you have what it takes, the more experienced and wise dominants in the communities will teach you. Very few on collarme.com that dont know you in realtime will take time from sub hunting to give answers that are going to take a lot of time for you to wrap your head around completely. Take the time and patience to find them and get your bearings first before even thinking about taking on a sub. There is a LOT more to directing and handling someone who has entrusted you with their bodies, mind, and heart then just saying "Suck, it bitch" when you feal like it.

junecleaver -> RE: Seaking alittle advice from the more experieanced (1/16/2007 12:57:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: strata I need some advice on afew things, and thought what better place to ask then here. Im relitivly new to the liftstyle, Ive been in it for alittle longer then a year at this point. I concider myself to be a dom. Now i've done some of my research on the lifestyle, Ive asked people who have been in it longer, but i still have my questions. The biggest problem i have right now however, Is i dont have much, if any, Personal expereance when it comes to the lifestyle. So at times, im not ever sure where i should start with anything, Or how i can even get deeper in. It seems as though most of the people i meet or talk to, do not wish to waist their time, helping a novice really gain the knowlage and expereance that will help later on in life. Im wondering if anyone else has had a problem like this before and what they were able to do about it. I agree with most of the advice already given to you about life experience etc etc. Generally, I learn new things by reading up on them thoroughly and then going out and doing them myself. I've learned another language, how to cross stitch and knit, how to please a partner, how to bake a cake, and bunch of other things in this manner. Reading up and learning more about the skill gives me the confidence to go out and at least give it a try. Continuing to practice that skills improves my ability to perform and eventually I can do whatever it is with relative ease. As far as starting up a BDSM relationship...caution and empathy go a long way in any type of relationship. As does honesty. You don't sound like an asshole. And if you aren't an asshole, you're already ahead of the game. Good luck.

gretchenS -> RE: Seaking alittle advice from the more experieanced (1/16/2007 2:01:43 PM)
All good advices are already given; I have something to add though: I have read your profile, and there's this sentence where you say that if your "pet" cought you in a bad mood (thus to a bad day), you will enjoy seen her in pain. Many slaves or subs will see this as a little bit of a red flag, unless you are joking or teasing. They will think that a relationship with you would be more likely to be abusive. If you stay around in the forums (as well as reading books and check munches) and do some reaserch on any topic you are not an expert on, you will have a more real perspective (from real experiences) about the lifestyle. Take care, and good luck.

crouchingtigress -> RE: Seeking Little advice from the more experienced (1/16/2007 2:15:44 PM)
Your profile tells a lot about you, even though it uses few words. From reading it i would say that you do not fully understand what a Dom is, and how the relationship supports both people. Which you are of course quick to admit (to your credit) [;)] i think a sub would read it and not feel the feeling of confidence that inspires her to submit. your first sub will likely be new, too, (given your age) and you can muddle though together making mistakes and all, leaving all sorts of scars, which is what most do, or you could stop, get into your community, watch and learn, and find a mentor, some one who is living the sort of live you desire for yourself and who you can easily communicate with. either way works....but the second one has a better chance of creating long nourishing relationships with your community and your submissive and being far less drama laden. read my profile tag line (not the shark one) really read it and think on it for some time.....and if after a day or so, you find that it touches you deep inside, even haunts you in a way, i would welcome and email from you, but if not, i honestly dont think you are ready to call yourself a Dom just yet.

solia -> RE: Seaking alittle advice from the more experieanced (1/16/2007 2:51:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Go get drunk, fuck a lot of girls, break a few hearts, let yours get ripped out a few times and THEN start trying to figure out what you are doing. At your age you could become a talented top but being a dominant requires a lot of life experience and self knowledge, something few people aquire before their 30s. I have to say this is some of the best advice your going to get. Take it from someone a bit closer to your age. Read books, find a local community, practice on your own, and find some cute girls to have some kinky sex with or just want someone who is dominant in the bedroom and vanilla everywhere else.. There is seminars and educational events at the communities you can attend to learn how to be a Top. Being a dominant, however, isnt an overnight thing. Its a life long process, a path. If your serious about having a D/S relationship and serious about owning another human being, then just forget about it for awhile. As Michael said above, it takes a lot of life experience and self knowledge and self improvement, as well as time, energy, resources, and commitment. Going to college, beginning a career, having a steady income, and ironing out all your personal issues has to come first. Personally, I am stable and comfortable enough to have a submissive on a part time basis, but I still have plenty in my own life (years to go) before I can even realistically consider a full time live in relationship. Take a good look at your own life. Often are you late for work? How many jobs have you gone threw in the last year? How often do you pay your bills on time? How many mornings out of the week begin with hangovers? In your encounters with women, what came first...your dick or their best interests? Do middle aged adults compliment you on your maturity? If you were a submissive, would you give up control and responsibility to you? Also...no offense, but just the blunt truth....after reading your profile, I can tell you have a lot to learn about dominance, submission, and power exchange. Your pets are real, living, breathing people with emotions, fealings, expectations, and needs and they arent simply players in a game for your amusement either. However, if you are willing to listen and learn and you have what it takes, the more experienced and wise dominants in the communities will teach you. Very few on collarme.com that dont know you in realtime will take time from sub hunting to give answers that are going to take a lot of time for you to wrap your head around completely. Take the time and patience to find them and get your bearings first before even thinking about taking on a sub. There is a LOT more to directing and handling someone who has entrusted you with their bodies, mind, and heart then just saying "Suck, it bitch" when you feal like it. I want a MadRabbit...how can I go about ordering one??? Can we clone you??????!!!!!! Your reply was ... well, I'm just speechless. Do you really believe that subs don't just exist to fall to their knees and 'suck it?' Do you really think a 'dom' should have life responsibilities such as maintaining a job well? Don't answer these facetious questions .. I'm being sarcastic because I absolutely agree with you that a person cannot be a dominant if they cannot first be in control of themselves. I've been appalled by so called dominants who assumed that just because I am a girl and asking questions that I want to suck their dicks or will do anything ... and I mean anything ... because apparently that should be why I was born. And of course my 'favorite' dominate trait is unemployment and debt (duh!)and the runnerups are the inability to bathe, wash laundry and the lack of oral hygiene. Don't dominates know that I really don't want to braid their back hair? Strata, MadRabbit's advice is worth printing and putting on your refrigerator. I would just add a few things. No whining. Initially, this is addictive and you may want your partner to magically be available when you want and if they are not because they have a life as well, NO POUTING about it! No whining, no poo-poo head mopping around and asking for reassurance that you 'do it for them.' No calling a million times in an attempt to wear them out. No drive bys to see if they really are doing what it is that is keeping them from your desires. The 'I don't have a life or any goals that I'm fulfilling pouty boy thing' is a most unattractive trait in any type of relationship and should lead to immediate firing in my book. Communicate, negotiate and schedule. It's just like dating. Also, develop more skills than just spanking. I've been spanked right into dreamland-flat out started snoring! While spanking can be fun, it gets boring if it's the only trick in your bag. Take care!

solia -> RE: Seaking alittle advice from the more experieanced (1/16/2007 2:57:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit If you were a submissive, would you give up control and responsibility to you? Just wanted to add that I think this is a great question for all dominants to ask themselves. Could be used both ways too.

MadRabbit -> RE: Seaking alittle advice from the more experieanced (1/16/2007 4:10:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: solia No whining. Initially, this is addictive and you may want your partner to magically be available when you want and if they are not because they have a life as well, NO POUTING about it! No whining, no poo-poo head mopping around and asking for reassurance that you 'do it for them.' No calling a million times in an attempt to wear them out. No drive bys to see if they really are doing what it is that is keeping them from your desires. The 'I don't have a life or any goals that I'm fulfilling pouty boy thing' is a most unattractive trait in any type of relationship and should lead to immediate firing in my book. Communicate, negotiate and schedule. It's just like dating. Take care! Yeah, this is really good advice as well. One of the things I had to deal with. It will seem like the tables are turned sometimes, but its just the realities of life (your sub having family, a job, maybe school, possibly kids)

daddysliloneds -> RE: Seaking alittle advice from the more experieanced (1/16/2007 4:58:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Go get drunk, fuck a lot of girls, break a few hearts, let yours get ripped out a few times and THEN start trying to figure out what you are doing. At your age you could become a talented top but being a dominant requires a lot of life experience and self knowledge, something few people aquire before their 30s. I have to say this is some of the best advice your going to get. Take it from someone a bit closer to your age. Read books, find a local community, practice on your own, and find some cute girls to have some kinky sex with or just want someone who is dominant in the bedroom and vanilla everywhere else.. There is seminars and educational events at the communities you can attend to learn how to be a Top. Being a dominant, however, isnt an overnight thing. Its a life long process, a path. If your serious about having a D/S relationship and serious about owning another human being, then just forget about it for awhile. As Michael said above, it takes a lot of life experience and self knowledge and self improvement, as well as time, energy, resources, and commitment. Going to college, beginning a career, having a steady income, and ironing out all your personal issues has to come first. Personally, I am stable and comfortable enough to have a submissive on a part time basis, but I still have plenty in my own life (years to go) before I can even realistically consider a full time live in relationship. Take a good look at your own life. Often are you late for work? How many jobs have you gone threw in the last year? How often do you pay your bills on time? How many mornings out of the week begin with hangovers? In your encounters with women, what came first...your dick or their best interests? Do middle aged adults compliment you on your maturity? If you were a submissive, would you give up control and responsibility to you? Also...no offense, but just the blunt truth....after reading your profile, I can tell you have a lot to learn about dominance, submission, and power exchange. Your pets are real, living, breathing people with emotions, fealings, expectations, and needs and they arent simply players in a game for your amusement either. However, if you are willing to listen and learn and you have what it takes, the more experienced and wise dominants in the communities will teach you. Very few on collarme.com that dont know you in realtime will take time from sub hunting to give answers that are going to take a lot of time for you to wrap your head around completely. Take the time and patience to find them and get your bearings first before even thinking about taking on a sub. There is a LOT more to directing and handling someone who has entrusted you with their bodies, mind, and heart then just saying "Suck, it bitch" when you feal like it. what he said!!!!!!!!!!!

Archer -> RE: Seaking alittle advice from the more experieanced (1/16/2007 9:20:39 PM)
It's called paying your dues as you learn, and we all did it to some extent at some point.

onestandingstill -> RE: Seaking alittle advice from the more experieanced (1/17/2007 6:52:06 AM)
Often times in searching for the life of MadRabbit's sort of Dominant we subs get torn apart down to our cores be WOLVES instead. My advice to to be a fast and furious rabbit, and not a wolf in an Dom's clothing. And for MadRabbit- Way to communicate well Sir. Thank you from the bottom's perspective, for the bottom's perspective. suzanne

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