RE: D/s And Romance (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

whisperedsighs -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/18/2007 8:23:04 PM)

quote:



Funny, there were lots of men I have seen on this and other sites looking for long term relationships. Many do not like to play casually.

I have seen many many women state that all dominants want someone half their age, that is a myth too, they do not ALL want that. Many want someone that can talk about the things they know and have had the same experiences in life. If one focuses on the ones that are looking for something that they aren't, instead of looking at the ones that are suitable... no wonder they are discouraged... all you need is one, right?



I agree.  So many think that just because I am 40 and over weight that I will have troubles finding someone.  I find that isn't true.  There are many men who have contacted me who actually prefer the meat on the bones, and the curves.  They enjoy the intelligence, sense of humor and other things I have to offer other then just looks and age. 
Definitely focusing on the ones who are looking for you is easier then trying to attract the ones who are looking for something else.



MzMia -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/18/2007 8:24:11 PM)

[:D]**Hello Julia**-one of my fav posters. [:D]
I want you to read all the posts on this subject, and note
the responses of the majority of the men and the majority of
the women.
Note the differences between what many of the males say here
and the females.
It is possible to have Ds and romance, water rises to its own level.
You can be in this lifestyle and have standards and expectations.
Many of the choices that we make in life come down to how much we
love and value ourselves.
Great thread!



whisperedsighs -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/18/2007 8:28:31 PM)

I don't know about romance, but dating is important.  Getting to know each other on a level other then just BDSM.  The ones who are willing to take the time to get to know you seem to be the ones who last longer.  Now if your not looking for last longer, then hey, I guess dating isn't all that important. 
For me I call what I am doing now dating.  I am talking and flirting and meeting potential partners, interviewing, sometimes playing sometimes not, to see if there is enough chemistry, matching of needs and interests to be good play partners.  If that works out and developes into my long term goal of a mutally committed, (what we define as committed, not what society and others define it as), relationship, great! 
To me the taking of time and the respectful treatment of one another is romance. 



HatesParisHilton -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/18/2007 8:33:07 PM)

"They only turn into relationships if the chick is young, thin, and hot."

uhhhh, no offense, but BULLSHIT.  You just described what would make me slam the door, buddy.

what would make me OPEN THE DOOR?  Romantically and all ways?

"I agree.  So many think that just because I am 40 and over weight that I will have troubles finding someone.  I find that isn't true.  There are many men who have contacted me who actually prefer the meat on the bones, and the curves.  They enjoy the intelligence, sense of humor and other things I have to offer other then just looks and age. 
Definitely focusing on the ones who are looking for you is easier then trying to attract the ones who are looking for something else."
 
No I am not flirting with whispy, btw, I never flirt with anyone outside of my area anyway, but it's a good example of what MANY men want and would RISK for, plus she's creative and has a brain in her head.

Under 5'2" and under 130lbs of thigh and butt?  I and MILLIONS of men have no interest.

Under FUNCTIONALLY EXPRESSED IQ of 140 or above?

same.

we kinksters need to stop buying into the Emperor's New Clothes Bullshit that has led to the Nilla's having a 50% divorce rate.



defiantbadgirl -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/18/2007 8:35:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: whisperedsighs

quote:



Funny, there were lots of men I have seen on this and other sites looking for long term relationships. Many do not like to play casually.

I have seen many many women state that all dominants want someone half their age, that is a myth too, they do not ALL want that. Many want someone that can talk about the things they know and have had the same experiences in life. If one focuses on the ones that are looking for something that they aren't, instead of looking at the ones that are suitable... no wonder they are discouraged... all you need is one, right?



I agree.  So many think that just because I am 40 and over weight that I will have troubles finding someone.  I find that isn't true.  There are many men who have contacted me who actually prefer the meat on the bones, and the curves.  They enjoy the intelligence, sense of humor and other things I have to offer other then just looks and age. 
Definitely focusing on the ones who are looking for you is easier then trying to attract the ones who are looking for something else.


Were most of those who contacted you wanting a relationship from your area or from other states and/or countries?



whisperedsighs -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/18/2007 8:41:03 PM)

I flirt with others outside my area, I just don't "seriously" flirt with them!  [;)]

Thanks for reaffirming my belief.  Nice to know I am not completely delusional!

[:)]



whisperedsighs -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/18/2007 8:43:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: whisperedsighs

quote:



Funny, there were lots of men I have seen on this and other sites looking for long term relationships. Many do not like to play casually.

I have seen many many women state that all dominants want someone half their age, that is a myth too, they do not ALL want that. Many want someone that can talk about the things they know and have had the same experiences in life. If one focuses on the ones that are looking for something that they aren't, instead of looking at the ones that are suitable... no wonder they are discouraged... all you need is one, right?



I agree.  So many think that just because I am 40 and over weight that I will have troubles finding someone.  I find that isn't true.  There are many men who have contacted me who actually prefer the meat on the bones, and the curves.  They enjoy the intelligence, sense of humor and other things I have to offer other then just looks and age. 
Definitely focusing on the ones who are looking for you is easier then trying to attract the ones who are looking for something else.


Were most of those who contacted you wanting a relationship from your area or from other states and/or countries?


Defiant, after the first day of collarme email bombing of let's hit on the new member, I altered my profile to state clearly that I am not interested in long distance or "drive by".  That for the most part put a stop to that.  So the one's I am talking about are locals, that I am in the process of meeting. 

I did however get many out of area compliments which I appreciated for the ego boost.  [:D]



Zsuzsanna -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/18/2007 8:50:35 PM)

DAMN! I really wish I had something witty and thought-provoking to say on this issue.  [sm=m23.gif]



juliaoceania -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/18/2007 8:59:48 PM)

quote:

LOL, glad this thread came back up.  In another thread, such a conundrum came up (involving anal; the link is :  http://www.collarchat.com/m_776180/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm  )

in which Sinergy asked:

"What puzzles me about this thread is that it seems there is an overwhelming need to butt-fuck somebody whether he/she/it wants to be done that way.

Where the hell is Romance these days?

Sinergy "

Which is completely in line with this thread.

My reply would've taken a while to type, and luckily, the OP of the other thread replied to Sinergy, and said what I would have (in a longer fashion) so yay, I can just present what HE said and state that for me, it sums up the problems with "Gimme romance!" as per this thread and many others (such as the nilla dating vs bdsm dating thread, plus unrealistic expectations one.

as follows:


Sinergy was being tongue in cheek in responding to that thread, but I will say as his submissive, he is a very romantic sorta dominant man. I am so glad that I found someone that is not jaundiced about romance, feels good about affection and tenderness. Our dynamic is multifaceted though... just wanted to say that the view of romance that you posted above is very compartmentalized, very narrow in my mind, and someone that cannot see a relationship as having many layers would not appeal to me.

Everyone has different needs when it comes to what makes them feel valued and special. Everyone will have different ideas of romance.  Romance has nothing to do with equality, or the lack of it. It is something that my Daddy does because he wants to, not because there is some scoreboard in which I keep track... wow, I hate keeping score...

And as far as cohabitation, for many women that means the death of romantic gestures, so why they hell would I want to live with someone for more romance? In  a previous life all it meant when I was married was cleaning his body hair out of the bathroom, and picking up his dirty clothes and taking care of his baby... not very romantic at all if you ask me[:D], in fact I found very little in it for me... which is why I am still single.. Big Smiles.

And if I get married again, it will be so we can take care of each other until one of us is gone... and we can cuddle, and see wonderous places together... and live happily ever after (even if I have to spend a couple of months each year working away from home)



HatesParisHilton -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/18/2007 10:44:11 PM)

"Romance has nothing to do with equality, or the lack of it."


ROARING with laughter at THAT one!  If you were not in the tiniest of minorities Oprah and DR Phil would never had made it to airtime, LOL!  It's great that YOU feel that way, but damn, I never met a woman whom ever said that face to face and HELD to it even weeks later, LMAO!

But a lot of Lawyers are very happy (and better paid) from the women that CLAIM to feel what you said and in fact do not.

you say "narrow", I say "has a brain in one's head and properly self protective".

were you a fan of Phil Hartman, btw?

ever known a guy who was a victim of a chick with BPCD?

If you knew a woman doing the wrong thing on Don;t Date Him dot com, would you have the guts to tell her to shut the hell up?

I love that you 2 have what you've got, but get real.  the dating game when romance is involved is WAY more risky than it used to be.  As women have taken off the kid gloves, they don;t get to complain when men willing to ge romantic become harder and harder to find.



meatcleaver -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/19/2007 12:14:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I have been waiting for someone to bring this up. Even when a man says he doesn't want a relationship (and most don't in the beginning), he can change his mind. By avoiding all men who say they don't want a relationship, (which is what I have been doing since I got played not wanting to make the same mistake twice) there often isn't anyone left to pick from. I wonder how often casual no strings encounters turn into something more or if your situation is rare.


You may avoid me. I've had two run ins with women who never believed me when I said I don't want a relationship, I'm just out for a good time. So am I, was the answer on both occassions. Good, we know where we stand or so I thought. Both times I was accused of using and misleading them.



dawntreader -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/19/2007 5:48:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: drawntothedark

For me, I think I would like a little bit of both. Stern, sadistic, and romantic. Roses do nothing for me and wine only gets me drunk. I would rather be over his lap than looking longily at him over a table at a French resturant while violens played. Even when I was nilla I really didn't have much pateince for the moonstruck men who wanted to whoo me with pretty words and flowers.

On the same hand after a long session or a hard day, it is heaven to have somone to cuddle with. 


i totally agree with this myself...



dawntreader -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/19/2007 5:50:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

I always get amused when doms get pissy about subs actually using their power of consent to REJECT doms. 


Yes I find this amusing too, consent does not mean much unless us "s" types have the freedom to say, "Ya know, this just does not feel right, I kinda enjoy a night on the town before I decide to let you beat me silly." We do have the right to decide a certain arrangement is not going to make us happy. If that is not what someone else wants to do for us, well I am sure since there is such an over abundance of "s" types compared to "d"  type people, they will find someone that is more aligned with their expectations.[;)]



Again, well said :-)



WorldofSilence -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/19/2007 6:30:33 AM)

I too wish I had something witty to add to this brillant thread.

I find romance is pretty important to Me, I find pysical actions much more powerful then words.

When I started this I did however set Myself a few "targets" because it meets My needs and My communication needs as well.

There are days when I've had to put up with a stream of negitive comments made by people who are ignorant, I mean it's a hearing loss not a second head sprouting from My groin, so I say yes I need that hug not with the intention of it leading anywhere other then sharing each others space.

I'm still new to all this, but I would hope to think that the only real criteria I set (Good communication, romantic, attentive and can be silly at times) will hold true even if I've been in this for many years to come, thats the hope :)

Great thread.

WoS



juliaoceania -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/19/2007 8:46:56 AM)

quote:

ROARING with laughter at THAT one!  If you were not in the tiniest of minorities Oprah and DR Phil would never had made it to airtime, LOL!  It's great that YOU feel that way, but damn, I never met a woman whom ever said that face to face and HELD to it even weeks later, LMAO!


You know, the more you post, the more misogynistic you sound... for example hating young women for being young women and being thin and carefree. It is one thing to state a preference, it is another to rant and rave at how you hate young skinny girls... even having a screen name with which to bash some female you do not even know.

I have never been to the site you mention, possibly because I have better things to do with my time. You see, you will get what you focus on, and I am not into focusing on such nonsense.

Please tell me, what is on Dr Phil's and Oprah's shows? I do not watch them. Again, I have better things to do. But if they concentrate on women using men, well I have to say, almost every woman I know works.

And again, I think looking at romance as a "risk" is a pretty negative world view, but if it works for you, and you are happy and in a fulfilling dynamic, how wonderful, it must be working!

You know what really gets me from that one post.. someone stating that this site is not about romance, that romance has no place here..... EXCUSE ME. Who the hell is he to tell the rest of us what we are allowed to seek? If people here want romance, that is their own freaking business.

By the way, how does it feel hating someone you do not even know?



SirDominic -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/19/2007 11:07:51 AM)

For me, romance is integral to my relationships. But then, I am a sensualist by nature, and so is my slave. So it's not about dates or gifts, it's about the emotional dynamic flowing back and forth between us. Whether we are cuddling or I'm tanning her bottom, it is deliciously sensual and romantic.

Namaste, Sir Dominic



Focus50 -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/19/2007 1:11:55 PM)

IMO, casual play ranks about one rung higher up than no play at all.... 
 
For me, its never been about what I do to my girl so much as with whom I'm doing it with.  So yes, it's definitely about mutual attraction and preference will always be for a fem/sub I can share *everything* with.
 
Focus.



GentlehandSTL -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/19/2007 1:24:26 PM)

As I have been working today (taking a break now) she comes over and rubs my neck, and gives me a kiss.

I like it

You don't? Fine by me



meatcleaver -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/19/2007 1:27:57 PM)

Romance is delusional, it is the sugar coating on heavy bland pastry, it will still hit your stomach like a piece of lead. Just because something looks nice enough to eat doesn't mean it necessarily is. Best to be a good shopper and taste and try before you buy.

Not quite appropriate but near enough, Nietzche said, 'A good pair of spectacles will often cure love.'  I'd change 'love' to 'romance'.



defiantbadgirl -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/19/2007 2:19:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

Romance is delusional, it is the sugar coating on heavy bland pastry, it will still hit your stomach like a piece of lead. Just because something looks nice enough to eat doesn't mean it necessarily is. Best to be a good shopper and taste and try before you buy.

Not quite appropriate but near enough, Nietzche said, 'A good pair of spectacles will often cure love.'  I'd change 'love' to 'romance'.


More and more men say they're adopting the "try before you buy" attitude. I think they say this deliberately to keep women around hoping they will "buy" when in truth, they never intend to. Then when the woman gets attached, they say it's her own fault because they never wanted a relationship. If a woman is told from the beginning that there is absolutely no chance of a relationship EVER and she allows herself to fall for the guy, then it is her fault. But most of the time, men are guilty of leading the woman on (especially when they tell her they want to try her for awhile first). If someone wants to play the field, they should be 100% honest and never say anything to offer false hope.



Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.078125