RE: D/s And Romance

RE: D/s And Romance (Full Version)

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juliaoceania -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/19/2007 9:42:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NorthernGent quote: ORIGINAL: meatcleaver As for romance. As far as I'm concerned it just takes up too much time and effort for very little reward. I think I'd rather sit down with a woman an discuss particle physics than tell her a load of stuff to build up her ego so I can roger her. MC, in a way I can understand the above. Although I'm not interested in science whatsoever I can understand your physics point - I'd much rather immerse myself in books and music than be in the company of a woman consumed with life's stylistic items (regardless of what she is bringing to the table). A point worth bearing in mind though: many men are also as boring as batshit and consumed by the same mundane nonsense. That's life, a clash of interests i.e. nothing to do with gender. It's a case of sorting the wheat from the chaff. Anyway, surely decent conversation (your physics point) is romancing? You are absolutely right NorthernGent, it is a wheat from chaffe thing no matter what gender a person is. I have met some boring men, and I am sure I have bored a few myself. And there is nothing that will stimulate romance faster than a man that reads all the time and has something to offer in the way of intellectual stimulation.

sxxyandbeautiful -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/20/2007 2:31:57 AM)
I am a sub who has been romanticaly seeing my dom for 6 months now. I think it's great that I can find someone who is into the scene and also a relationship. It does not affect our relationship in any way except to make it stronger. We can separate play time from relationship time and still have a real9istic relationship. Tis not so hard.

arabiandancer -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/20/2007 2:51:22 AM)
I believe His purpose is to romance her...

NorthernGent -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/20/2007 3:56:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: meatcleaver quote: ORIGINAL: NorthernGent Anyway, surely decent conversation (your physics point) is romancing? You actually have a point NG. I have a part time liason with a woman who is an artist and a vary good one too and it is her discussions and insight into art that attract me. I suppose it might also be an age thing with me, what is traditionally considered romance I feel is something I left behind in my twenties to mid thirties and I've been married and had a deep and meaningful relationships on that level and I have no wish to revisit that sort of thing. Based on the above, it seems you have your own version of what constitutes romance and you're not prepared to compromise and settle for second best. Why settle for the generally accepted version of romance if it's not compatible with your outlook? For my money, this is a common sense and absolutely essential approach to life. In a nutshell, I would say we all need and seek romance - the difference of opinion is around what constitutes romance.

Caitriona -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/20/2007 7:10:01 AM)
As I've stated more than once, I cannot imagine having a D/s relationship that was not based in romance in some way. I am married to my Dominant. My love for My Lord inspires me to make his life easier by serving and pleasing him in any way that I can. He's definately the more traditionally romantic of the two of us - he writes me little love letters, flowers on important dates, ect. But it's always the little things that do the most for me - like how every once inawhile he'll pick me up a Reece's Peanut Butter Cup when we stop to get gas for the car. I don't have much of a sweet tooth but those will get me every time. I know that he cares for our slave very much but he does not love her in the same way that he loves me. However, I see that caring as a very important part in the relationship between wren and My Lord as well as wren and myself. I could not be completely detached from someone I was in a power exchange with no matter if it was from the "top" or "bottom."

agirl -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/20/2007 7:42:47 AM)
I don't have any real grasp of what's romantic. If someone is thoughtful and kind, it seems to be in that category, whether it be my mother or my Master or one of the sprogs. Is romance something mystical or different? It isn't to me. agirl

KnightofMists -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/20/2007 7:45:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel He knows what I need, and I have journaled several times that if what I "need" or desire is something He can't or won't give, I wish He'd just tell me....., He hasn't, and I'm still His, so I guess I have to continue to be patient that His "Master Plan" will include these things. sigh and if they are not part of the Master plan? What then?

KnightofMists -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/20/2007 7:51:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: I have been waiting for someone to bring this up. Even when a man says he doesn't want a relationship (and most don't in the beginning), he can change his mind. I found your trouble, you think you can change someone's mind. You cannot change anyone's mind about anything. If someone tells you they are not looking for a relationship, BELIEVE THEM. If these are the types you have been expecting more with, I can see your trouble.. no men do not change their minds. This is just stupid... of course men can change their mind .... hell everyone can change their mind .... However, expecting them to change their mind... or expecting that you can change their mind is equally as stupid. Becuase sometimes people just don't change their minds.

eyesopened -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/20/2007 7:51:48 AM)
i would prefer to be in a total relationship that incorporated the romantic side of love in addition to the BDSM side. However, i don't necessarily need romance with BDSM. On the other hand i don't want romance without BDSM. i've thought about trying to find a boyfriend with whom i can go places, movies, fairs, flea markets, art shows, car shows, etc but i would not feel any passion without the D/s so it probably wouldn't be fair to the boyfriend. All i ask is honesty up front so i can make informed decisions. To expect me to be loyal and completely committed to a Master who never wants to "date" would be unfair to me. You don't want to "date" me? Fine, but don't expect me to refuse the opportunity to go to dinner and a movie with someone else or enjoy the romatic gestures of other men.

KnightofMists -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/20/2007 7:54:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Have you noticed he hasn't been back on here since he made that comment? My response must have offended him lol somehow I doubt anything you say would offend him... however... I do see that he can make silly provoking responses that easily push your buttons.

juliaoceania -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/20/2007 8:48:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: I have been waiting for someone to bring this up. Even when a man says he doesn't want a relationship (and most don't in the beginning), he can change his mind. I found your trouble, you think you can change someone's mind. You cannot change anyone's mind about anything. If someone tells you they are not looking for a relationship, BELIEVE THEM. If these are the types you have been expecting more with, I can see your trouble.. no men do not change their minds. This is just stupid... of course men can change their mind .... hell everyone can change their mind .... However, expecting them to change their mind... or expecting that you can change their mind is equally as stupid. Becuase sometimes people just don't change their minds. You are right, people change their minds, but no one can change another person's mind. They have to change their own mind in my experience. Perhaps you have a different experience in life than I, shrugs

Level -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/20/2007 9:06:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania For submissives and dominants, do you think that the expectation of romance is silly in the context of forming Ds relationships complete with courtship or "dating"? Is finding people to date an unrealistic expectation for those wanting to engage in the lifestyle? I want romance and love in my life, whether it be vanilla or not. As you said, julia, nothing wrong with "just play", but I want more.

ownedgirlie -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/20/2007 9:15:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level I want romance and love in my life, whether it be vanilla or not. As you said, julia, nothing wrong with "just play", but I want more. Hi there Level, long time no "see." :) I understand what you are saying, but wanted to add that lack of romance does not equate to "just play." It only means romance is not part of someone's make up or dynamic. One can experience the real, good, and in depth stuff without basic romance. I find the richness of a relationship to be found in the energy shared between its parties.

Level -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/20/2007 9:38:16 AM)
Hello owned [;)]. Yes, you're right, that lack of romance does not have to equal "just play"; I would say that I personally would probably not be content in a relationship without romance, keeping in mind as many of you have said, that romance can mean different things to us all.

juliaoceania -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/20/2007 9:52:54 AM)
Level and Owned There is a book I am meaning to read that someone from this site recommended to me... I believe it is called "The Five Languages of Love". It is about how different people show love in very different ways, and that we often do not recognize these expressions of love because it is not the way we express the same feelings. It sounds like a very productive read in my opinion.

ownedgirlie -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/20/2007 10:01:06 AM)
Thanks for the book mention, Julia. I would agree that many people do not recognize love when spoken in a language other than what we're speaking. I used to claim my mother did not love me, because I never saw it demonstrated in the way I defined it. I was closed off to receiving it any other way. "The Four Agreements" (Miguel Ruiz) was beneficial to me in that regard, and I believe it was his book, "The Voice of Knowledge" in which he actually used a mother's love in his analogy (and he could have been speaking directly to me!). He has since written "The Mastery of Love," which I am planning to buy. In it he speaks of how all relationships really start with you, and you (generally speaking) will accept as much "poison" as you will inflict upon yourself. This is why self-love is so important. But I digress...thanks for the book suggestion :)

hejira92 -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/20/2007 10:05:37 AM)
I have mentioned the book 'The five love languages' before. Great book- not only for understanding partners and yourself, but applicable to your children as well.

meatcleaver -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/20/2007 10:11:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: agirl Is romance something mystical or different? It isn't to me. agirl My take on it is looking at your potential mate/or mate through a distorting haze. A confection, a projection of unreality that you find in Mill&Boon novels or Hollywood romances.

GrizzlyBear -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/20/2007 11:19:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali We never dated exactly...but when he first came, he would do romantic things like leave a note and a flower on my pillow etc....At the time I didn't see it as necessary..but in his infinite wisdom he was laying the groundwork for me to feel loved and so set the process in motion for an enduring relationship. Sort of reminds me in some strange way of the ending scene from Secretary, where she carefully puts the beetle on his pillow... How romantic!

Miraculix -> RE: D/s And Romance (1/20/2007 6:26:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Too bad you're not a US citizen HatesParisHilton. America needs wise men like you. LOL... * googles "green card exceptions, but not for Arnold..."

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