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How to know if you're really submissive? - 1/16/2007 3:56:44 PM   
PAsextoy4u


Posts: 58
Joined: 9/27/2006
Status: offline 		Does anyone have any suggestions or advice on how to sort out if a person is really submissive?  Is it possible to be submissive only to one person, but no one else?  Or be submissive for a period of time in your life, but not for your entire life? And how can you tell if you are really submissive and not just into some kinky sex???

Im asking these questions seriously, trying to figure some things out.  I have only had one D/s relationship so far, and I cant figure out what I am now.  Thank you!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 1/16/2007 4:56:11 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PAsextoy4u

Does anyone have any suggestions or advice on how to sort out if a person is really submissive?

They way you figure anything else in life: trial and error.

quote:

Is it possible to be submissive only to one person, but no one else?

Yes.

quote:

Or be submissive for a period of time in your life, but not for your entire life?

Yes.

quote:

And how can you tell if you are really submissive and not just into some kinky sex???

Again, trial and error. Figuring out what we THINK we want then testing that to figure out what we REALLY want is the process of life.

quote:

Im asking these questions seriously, trying to figure some things out.  I have only had one D/s relationship so far, and I cant figure out what I am now.  Thank you!

You can either be fluid and go where relationships take you, reacting to each person as you feel drawn, or you can decide you want to try a specific thing, then find a person who matches, or a combination of the two. There's nothing that says any of this is written is stone. You're alllowed to test and try...and to change your mind.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to PAsextoy4u)
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RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 1/16/2007 6:22:07 PM   
tricia


Posts: 231
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Well said, Master Fire.    I would also add - sometimes submission doesn't go hand in hand with kinky sex. 

Also, depending on how and why your only D/s relationship ended - it's perfectly normal to take a step back and regroup, so to speak.

(in reply to PAsextoy4u)
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RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 1/16/2007 6:23:41 PM   
eruditegirl1


Posts: 175
Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PAsextoy4u

Does anyone have any suggestions or advice on how to sort out if a person is really submissive?  Is it possible to be submissive only to one person, but no one else?  Or be submissive for a period of time in your life, but not for your entire life? And how can you tell if you are really submissive and not just into some kinky sex???

Im asking these questions seriously, trying to figure some things out.  I have only had one D/s relationship so far, and I cant figure out what I am now.  Thank you!


What I have found so far is the term submissive is just who you are.....no right/wrong answer to your question...no easy answer either....
I asked this same question of myself so many times...even came up with a label for myself.."Vanilla with a Twist"....but the more I learned about me and had pointed out by others....the more I realized....who I was deep inside....and everyday as I move closer to understanding me...I know I am a sub and almost feel a freedom/peace in who I am becoming....
No one can give you a firm answer or test to see if you are a sub or just a kinky girl....you will need to find that out for yourself...and let know one tell you or push upon you their definition of who or what you should be....read...ask questions....meet people...read more...ask more questions....you can only recieve answers when you ask questions.....
Most of all enjoy the journey of self discovery of who you are and where you want to be in your sexuality....

(in reply to PAsextoy4u)
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RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 1/16/2007 6:37:34 PM   
goodpet


Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PAsextoy4u
Does anyone have any suggestions or advice on how to sort out if a person is really submissive? 


A good way to learn and get a feel for the different kind of relationships and roles is to visit as many events and groups as possible and watch. Look for different couples and watch them. See their interaction and the power exchange. Talk with them, see if you can visit and spend time with them.  As you watch couple who are Top/bottoms, Dom/sub, Daddy/boy, Master/slaves, you will find you are more interested and leaning towards one of the style. then find more like that to visit.

Take your time to explore and even ask to serve for a day or weekend, try it out. or serve in their house for a while to learn and experience.

in other words.. time, talk and experience.   you will come to know who and what you are.

(in reply to PAsextoy4u)
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RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 1/16/2007 6:46:13 PM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PAsextoy4u

Does anyone have any suggestions or advice on how to sort out if a person is really submissive? 


If you are asking, it's a very strong indication that you are.   People who aren't probably never ask that question.

MaryT

(in reply to PAsextoy4u)
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RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 1/16/2007 7:01:31 PM   
naturalsubgoth


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline 		if you feel that you are more comfortable being controlled than being in control than chances are you're submissive, and you can be submissive to one person or even a select few. its your choice and who you feel comfortable submitting to. and you can be submissive for a time and then decide that you would prefer a vanilla relationship, it happens all the time. as for kinky sex, its fun even if you're just experimanting, just be safe and find someone you trust enough to do whatever you're into and tehm not harm you. just remember some very important things, 1)you may be a submissive/slave that doesn not make you a punching bag or a doormat no matter what your partner may think. 2) the submissive sets his/her limits and those limits should be understood by the dom. 3) you choose whom you submit to just as much as the dom chooses who submits to them. 4) the submissive does have power, it may not be as much but there is the power to say what you will not do and that is very important.
also, make sure that you have trust as well as respect for the other person no matter which role you are.

(in reply to PAsextoy4u)
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RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 1/16/2007 7:01:44 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline 		What difference does it make?  Do what you enjoy and just be yourself.  Do you have to put a label on yourself to be able to enjoy your life?  i know, for the sake of putting a profile on this site, you do need to put a label yourself but, in reality, what does it really matter? 

i was a slave before i ever heard the term B-D-S-M.  No one, not even my Master, ever called me a slave and i never called Him, "Master" but, that is exactly what we were TO EACH OTHER.  It didn't matter that i was also a supervisor, in charge of 6 men, at the time, and was not submissive to them.  i was a slave to my Master.  i never questioned what i was.  i was just being myself and doing what came naturally.  i didn't even know that there were other people who felt the same way i did or liked doing the same things i enjoyed with my Master.  it never entered my mind to question it.  i just did what felt right.

People are always asking others to define the difference between a "submissive" and a "slave" and they go on and on about it.  And, i say, "What does it matter?"  It is just a name and a name won't (or, at least, shouldn't) change who you are inside.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

(in reply to PAsextoy4u)
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RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 1/17/2007 6:08:19 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Submissives are people too, We have needs and wants, we even have limits. I am submissive but only to a person I choose to submit to, to a man I can trust. I'm very very untrusting, I watched him like a hawk in the beginning expecting him not to do what he said. But his word is his bond, and the more I came to realize that, the deeper my submission grew. So yes, I'm submissive only to one.

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 1/17/2007 7:05:38 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		When you find the right person for you.  Ask them.  Their opinion is the only one that matters anyway.  Anyone else, why bother?
If you rely on the population at large to judge you then you will never be happy.

(in reply to PAsextoy4u)
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RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 1/17/2007 12:13:16 PM   
SlaveSubtoserve


Posts: 282
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline 		If you get an erotic/sexual charge from being controlled then looks like you are sub--- and yes sub and slave means you are that to someone in particular, not the whole gang out there.

(in reply to sub4hire)
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RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 1/17/2007 2:14:37 PM   
gailcd


Posts: 48
Joined: 1/4/2007
Status: offline 		i think you are either dominant or submissive. if yu're dominant you'll know. if you have to ask you pretty good chance you'e sub

(in reply to SlaveSubtoserve)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 1/17/2007 2:39:44 PM   
MySweetSubmssive


Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		As others have said, it's trial and error.  Part of what makes it difficult to know for oneself is that there's no objective standard of what submissive is.  There are myriad ways of being submissive, so if you are attracted to one thing and not another, it can be confusing.  Or if you like it one day and not another, or if you are disgusted and attracted by the same thing (one of my favorite combinations).  Or admitting to liking something that is societally frowned upon can be confusing. 

Try to put the label to the side and experience.  See what you like and what you don't.  Try. 

I found that in the past I've stressed myself out with perfectionist ideas of "what it means to be dominant."  I wondered if I was, particularly as a person who is soft, mild mannered and "nice."  I discussed this with an experience slave.  He asked if I had not expressed a desire to control a man and have him lick my feet.  When I said yes, he said that probably made me a dominant.  I think sometimes we make these things more mysterious than they are.

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to gailcd)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 1/17/2007 3:03:17 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I was for awhile having an "identity crisis" of my own. I thought I was all submissive - and couldn't reconcile feeling very submissive most of the time with the Domme fantasies that occasionally would pop up in my head.

Although I haven't yet acted on any Switch tendencies I might have in a real-life context, I do think I am probably a Switch, who is mostly submissive.

But  - how do I know that, really? Maybe I will discover, somewhere along the line, that I want to "go Domme" completely. Either way, I now think it won't end or begin my world. I will just roll with whatever happens, I guess.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 1/17/2007 3:43:40 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 1/17/2007 3:11:40 PM   
Jinger


Posts: 347
Joined: 1/7/2007
From: Rochester
Status: offline 		Everyone is different, so of course there are varying degrees.
Take me, I am a bisexual submissive, but I only submit to one gender.

With life, it becomes cumbersome when you label everything about yourself. If you want to really know yourself in any light, then just go with the flow and see what happens. You can make observations along the way or afterwards. Questions are great, but knowing yourself is something only you can answer.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 1/17/2007 3:27:09 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		well i don't know could you be a switch?

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Jinger)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 1/18/2007 12:40:02 PM   
talltxsub


Posts: 173
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline 		There are a lot of those little tests out there to go through, but it's about feelings and attitudes.  Also, some of us are by role dominant (work or professional roles), but the need to be controlled does not go away because of that.  In fact, in my experience it is intensified by having to be in control in other areas.

(in reply to PAsextoy4u)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 1/18/2007 9:29:16 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gailcd

i think you are either dominant or submissive. if yu're dominant you'll know. if you have to ask you pretty good chance you'e sub


I dont agree with that from the dominants side. Doubting is part of the learning process for both sides. It takes time and maturity to gain the confidence and to explore and understand.

I had many doubts in the beginning, but those doubts spewed from my own lack of confidance and lack of understanding and knowledge about what dominance is. As I learned and gain confidence, I began to realize that I had been a generally dominant figure my entire life. It just came naturally to me to a degree...I just never called it anything except being me to a degree. With each new experience and new lesson gained, this side of me develops, changes, matures and comes to surface just a little more, becomming more and more a persona, an identity and a core essential to who I am. In the beginnings, I was "aspiring" to become something...now I am just simply becomming more comfortable with what I am and always was.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to gailcd)
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RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 1/19/2007 3:33:31 PM   
acctonthelook


Posts: 245
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline 		when i'm happy in a relationship, i submit a lot to my partner.  i find i'm overly attentive to their needs and overlook my own often.  i just care to take care of them, before myself.  i enjoy the rewards given back to me also. 

for me it's nice and gives me a peacefulness when in the direction and care, of a Master.  i feel centered.  when it's lacking, i'm out of wack.  i make stupid decisions.  i feel better when Master is in charge, that is when i have one. *smile*

(in reply to PAsextoy4u)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: How to know if you're really submissive? - 1/20/2007 6:23:55 PM   
Miraculix


Posts: 37
Joined: 1/18/2007
From: Miami, FL, USA
Status: offline 		Agree with MaryT... If it walks like a duck and it quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck.

_____________________________

I am only in search for that one girl who will be Mine.
In the meantime, I am simply walking through, leaving nothing but My footsteps in the sands of the beach, hearing as the ocean washes them away behind me...
Blessed Be.
Miraculix

(in reply to acctonthelook)
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