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How to be positive? - 1/17/2007 3:44:24 PM

WorldofSilence

Posts: 114
Joined: 6/14/2006
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Hiya.

I was wondering what do people do if they tried to persue a relationship (no interest in playing) but it comes to an end, which doesn't make sense or whatever the reason.

I'm not gonna sit there and go "I should of done this" or "Perhaps if I changed" etc.. I did what I felt was right and to the best of how I know.

But I would like to hear some positive things to help? I won't lie it did hurt Me.
I don't sink into a pit of dispair but I listen to it, so I went off with some mates and checked out some photography forums and thought of some new piccies to take with My DSLR, watched a funny film.

However there is no harm in asking for what you do *grins* you never know might be a suggestion in there I hadn't thought of!

Thanks

WoS

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RE: How to be positive? - 1/17/2007 3:47:40 PM

SusanofO

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I focus on my friendships, go out to get myself pampered at a salon, but myself some sexy new out-fits, go to the movies, take myself to dinner - and in general, try to have a hell of a good time with my life - even if I may not feel "up to it" at first. This has rarely failed to make me feel considerably better.

Ocassionally, I have tried delving right into a new relationship. I know some people think this doesn't work - but for me it did actually work once - and very well, in fact. Also, I try not to dwell on "what might have been." Chances are, if it was meant to be- it would have happened, really. I know this hurts, but there is indeed so much fun to be had - go have some!!

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 1/17/2007 3:50:30 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to WorldofSilence)

Post #: 2

RE: How to be positive? - 1/17/2007 3:47:53 PM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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I just move on and say "NEXT!"

Honestly, I just know it wasn't meant to be and there is no use stewing about it.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 3

RE: How to be positive? - 1/17/2007 3:56:02 PM

MaryT

Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
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When my marriage ended, I signed up for colleges courses, started working out at a gym, learned to play golf (I play badly but it's fun

), and started taking trips. In the beginning, it was really important to have something to look forward to and I kept loneliness at bay by scheduling activities - a movie with a friend, a play at the college, etc.

Today is a down day for me but I don't want to do anything about it.

I think playing with that little critter in your pic might cheer me up. What is that?

MaryT

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Post #: 4

RE: How to be positive? - 1/17/2007 4:00:53 PM

WorldofSilence

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SusanofO hmmm there is a nice jacket I have My eye on..... :D

LaTigresse *grins* good attitude I suppose it just struck Me as it was My first "real" attempt as it *violins play* not often I get someone interested in Me.

A learning curve :) *ponders on the jacket*

_____________________________

"Beware Hearing loss. If found please return to owner.Been missing since 1981. Reward on return"

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RE: How to be positive? - 1/17/2007 4:02:52 PM

WorldofSilence

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Joined: 6/14/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MaryT

I think playing with that little critter in your pic might cheer me up. What is that?

MaryT

That would be a skunk *smiles* I'm rather fond of animals, and thought it showed My affectionate side nicely.

I never knew his name so I unoffically named him Bertie as he looks like one to Me :)

WoS

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"Beware Hearing loss. If found please return to owner.Been missing since 1981. Reward on return"

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RE: How to be positive? - 1/17/2007 4:12:04 PM

MySweetSubmssive

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From: Lehigh Valley, PA
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Oh my goodness ... I never thought I would describe a skunk as sweet, but it's a heart-squeezing picture!

MSS

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RE: How to be positive? - 1/17/2007 4:15:41 PM

WorldofSilence

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*chuckles*

Once got a message saying a bloke with long hair and a cute furry critter what a combo.

I simply replied "Deadly combination" ;)

WoS

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"Beware Hearing loss. If found please return to owner.Been missing since 1981. Reward on return"

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RE: How to be positive? - 1/17/2007 4:19:52 PM

bandit25

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I don't know. Sometimes I just give myself permission to feel bad until I don't any longer. Somehow, having that permission seems to help. It really shortens the time for me. Then, I go and have some fun!

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RE: How to be positive? - 1/17/2007 11:55:04 PM

SusanofO

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WorldofSilence: Buy the jacket!!

I think your skunk, Bertie, is soooo cute!! I've read (and seen) that men sometimes use their dogs (canine pets) to help them pick up females - as in ("Oh! What a cute poochie! Can I pet him? He/she is just precious!..."). They do this 'cuz it works, btw.

Well. I'd think a skunk would work even better (really - I do!). I can just see it now...you'll have no trouble - get out there and go for it, dammit!! As soon as you feel better, that is.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 1/18/2007 12:01:45 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to WorldofSilence)

Post #: 10

RE: How to be positive? - 1/18/2007 6:51:18 AM

Dnomyar

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Skunks tame easy and make good pets. The problem with useing my dog is that he gets more attention than I do.

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Post #: 11

RE: How to be positive? - 1/18/2007 7:22:45 AM

juliaoceania

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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Focus on deciding what will make you happy in your next relationship. If you do think about this last relationship that just ended, try to think of it in terms of contrast. What I mean by this is that if you think of your last relationship as a way to determine what you want in your next one you will learn about your desires. There maybe things that you liked about this person, qualities that you liked... other that he lacked, and still others that you do not want. This way it becomes more of a positive thing to think about, instead of a negative one.

Good luck.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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Post #: 12

RE: How to be positive? - 1/18/2007 8:00:12 AM

MaryT

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Joined: 12/8/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

WorldofSilence: Buy the jacket!!

I think your skunk, Bertie, is soooo cute!! I've read (and seen) that men sometimes use their dogs (canine pets) to help them pick up females - as in ("Oh! What a cute poochie! Can I pet him? He/she is just precious!..."). They do this 'cuz it works, btw.

Well. I'd think a skunk would work even better (really - I do!). I can just see it now...you'll have no trouble - get out there and go for it, dammit!! As soon as you feel better, that is.

I second this thought. A man walking down the street with skunk would most definitely get my attention ... I'd chase him down for a chance to cuddle the critter.

My dad was the neighborhood "go to" man when someone found a wounded animal. We had ducks, rabbits, all kinds of birds (a hawk, an owl ) snakes, turtles, and a baby raccoon at different times while dad tried nursed them back to health (or tried to). I think we had a skunk very briefly but it was in sad shape and had to be put down.

Being around animals is spirit lifting for me.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 13

RE: How to be positive? - 1/18/2007 8:03:49 AM

MinofSin

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Joined: 9/18/2005
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I look at each relationship as a growing experience. Having just ended a relationship very recently, I take the good things from it and learn from the bad. Hopefully, I can apply those things in the future. At least, that is how I tend to try to stay positive.

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Post #: 14

RE: How to be positive? - 1/18/2007 8:07:16 AM

Aubre

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LaTigresse has the right idea. Life's too short, time to go on to the next one.

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Post #: 15

RE: How to be positive? - 1/18/2007 8:20:37 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
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i believe each person crosses my path for a reason. i look for what i gained, not what i lost. There have been a few times when finding the gain was really difficult and sometimes i see that i made a positive impact on the other person so i gained karma, if you believe in that sort of thing. After i figure out what i have gained i do what LaTigress says...."Next!"

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RE: How to be positive? - 1/18/2007 8:28:03 AM

Celeste43

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I don't think it is helpful to attempt to feel positive immediately. You've lost something valuable even if it is only the dreams you had. Mourn them fully because you can't move on to the next dream while the last one is still there. Afterwards do some soul searching about what you really need in a partner versus what you normally pick. If you persistently pick the wrong type of person, you need to find out why and fix that.

Then go do new things, or old things that the last partner didn't enjoy so you didn't do. Take up hobbies, new challenges, volunteering.

(in reply to eyesopened)

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RE: How to be positive? - 1/18/2007 9:00:13 AM

toservez

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Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
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I think it is good to think about why it did not work but in a healthy manner. Assigning fault is almost always a bad place to go but instead concentrate on why the relationship did not grow for one or both of the people involved. In other words, enough thought to have maybe learned something and filed it away for future reference.

What has made me happy when coming out of a relationship is what others have said focusing more on family, friends, job and activities I enjoy. I have never been one to be all consumed with misery or happiness by just one thing in my life so even on some really tough ones I have had my share of bad hours and days but overall there was still plenty of positives and happiness in my life.

I have always found focusing on the future and not dwelling and commiserating on the past is a pretty good way to stay positive. The previous fish may have stung but there are so many others in the sea.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

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RE: How to be positive? - 1/18/2007 9:03:27 AM

lateralist1

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Joined: 11/22/2006
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I agree with Celeste43 the person is often less of a loss than the dreams that we have incorporated in them.
That's why the beginning of a relationship is so exciting because we are concentrating on the dreams instead of the reality.
Fantasy can be so much better than reality. That's why so many people in BDSM like to play rather than have a real relationship. It's like the theatre they can suspend their disbelief.
Reality is harder. It takes more work, more honesty, more trust, more caring and a lot more determination.
Of course it is possible to do both at the same time.
I just cry bucket loads and then say next.
Because doing all the things I want to do is no fun unless I am doing them with the right person.

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Post #: 19

RE: How to be positive? - 1/18/2007 9:17:42 AM

thetammyjo

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Honestly, you need to grieve. Psychologists and psychriatrists have studied the process of grieving and there are steps people seem to need to go through in order to move beyond any loss.

What you have to do will vary by person.

I need to share, sharing and giving voice to my pain helps me move through it. Writing can work for me too.

Others don't want to share, they just want to deal personally with the steps and keep busy.

What has worked for you in the past when you've had to grieve?

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

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