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'scheduled' Dominants & The Wall of Can'ts - 1/20/2007 4:38:16 AM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

What do you think? I'm curious as to others opinions

Today within the D/s lifestyle we see many 'scheduled' Dominants. These are the dominants who selectively schedule specific time periods to 'be' dominant. Which leads the observer to question what that person 'is' the rest of the time. What motivates this 'scheduled' dominant to profess their dominance? If the dominant is in 'rule' of their own life or world then what creates this limited secretive display?

Many scheduled dominants have a 'wall of can'ts' to justify or explain to others the limitations of their apparent actions. Some 'can'ts' typical of this dominant are: "I can't see you full time because I am right in the middle of a very difficult divorce" - followed three years later by - "I can't see you full time because the divorce is almost final, we are at a particularly delicate phase..." (which means said dominant is happily married)

I can't give you my home phone number because I have children and one of them might pick up the telephone (as if children cannot summon a parent to the phone - this one generally means that the 'spouse' might answer). I can't be online, on the phone or meet you at a specific time because I have to work (which means their spouse is home and probably listening).

Clue: If a Dominant wants to do something they do it! If a Dominant rules their personal world or environment they have no need or desire to use excuses or empty justifications to explain their actions and choices. Can't means they are not in control. It means they do not rule. Some'thing' or some'one' is controlling their ability to do.
Source: http://www.steel-door.com/Chamber.html

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

Post #: 1

RE: 'scheduled' Dominants & The Wall of Can'ts - 1/20/2007 4:51:02 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

Hi swt,
I think sometimes a Dominant is someone who is of the personality of a submissive at their job or in their day to day life. I think their desire to dominate comes from not being dominant in day to day life and them being tired of not being in control.
I am a submissive, but at work, in volunteering, or with my kids I'm definitely a dominant presence. I have always been submissive to the men I loved. This is due to NOT wanting to have to be in charge in my relationships because I'm sick of having to rely on me and be in charge in the other avenues of my life.
I don't think all or even half of people live day to day life opposite of their BDSM preferences, but it is true in some instances like me for example.
Maybe it has something to do with this part of their personality feeling like I do.
suzanne

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 2

RE: 'scheduled' Dominants & The Wall of Can'ts - 1/20/2007 4:56:41 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

Clue: If a Dominant wants to do something they do it! If a Dominant rules their personal world or environment they have no need or desire to use excuses or empty justifications to explain their actions and choices. Can't means they are not in control. It means they do not rule. Some'thing' or some'one' is controlling their ability to do.
Source: http://www.steel-door.com/Chamber.html

I am addressing this part of the post...

Not necessarily. In some instances that may be true, but there are times when obligations or responsibilities arise the prevent anyone from doing what they want to do, hence they can't do it.

My Lord has obligations and responsibilities in his life that encompass more than just alandra and me. In any particular moment someone or something else’s need for his attention may overrule his desire to do something with us. These days his obligations to his new job can prevent him from doing what he wants to do.

We plan to go to Lupercalia in February. The tickets have been purchased, my plane flight there has been purchased, but we may not be able to go no matter how much he wants to because of his obligations to his job. Does this make him less dominant? No. I may be sorely disappointed because it means another 2 more months before I get to see him, but I know that he will live up to his obligations and responsibilities. His momentary pleasures and gratifications sometimes have to take a second place to other responsibilities in his life.

This to me show greater dominance than the dominant who neglects his responsibilities in favor of momentary gratifications.

Knight's kyra

< Message edited by kyraofMists -- 1/20/2007 4:57:35 AM >

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 3

RE: 'scheduled' Dominants & The Wall of Can'ts - 1/20/2007 5:48:07 AM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

I think these are all common behaviors of people who cheat and lie. It really has very little to do with 'dominance' and more to do with a character that lacks honesty.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 4

RE: 'scheduled' Dominants & The Wall of Can'ts - 1/20/2007 6:23:11 AM

Caitriona

Posts: 327
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

I think these are all common behaviors of people who cheat and lie. It really has very little to do with 'dominance' and more to do with a character that lacks honesty.

Agreed.

_____________________________

Property of Shadowraven
Serving alongside ciarra

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 5

RE: 'scheduled' Dominants & The Wall of Can'ts - 1/20/2007 6:24:23 AM

WorldofSilence

Posts: 114
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline

Hiya.

Nice post.

I suppose I am a "scheduled" Dom, I do have to plan in advance when to be "Dom" in a scene for example I have to build up My reserves for when I communicate, talking is very very draining for Me so to preserve My sanity I plan things, I would suppose I'm naturally Dominant in My everyday life simply because I have to be, I don't get pleasure from that.
But the idiots I deal with on a daily basis require Me to be "tough", within My job which is perfect for Me I look after people and you need to be fair but also you need to control whats happening around them so no one gets hurt, no loony from outside world has a go at them, when they are together on days out, people behind counters who serve them food/drink need to know there place when My clients are around. So in a way I am like a bridge of assertiveness for them.

However there are what I call "Facts of Life" it's anything from your car blowing up, the computer frizzing out and 101 other things, I try to always mantain a benfit of the doubt with people, and I hope people do it with Me. I need (not cos I'm a "player" or anything) to plan things in order to keep sane, I don't like things to spin wildly out of control that stresses Me out, makes My tinnitus want to rip My brain out plus other things.

I don't view "scheduled" Doms in a bad way, just depends on the person and different people need different coping stratigies.

Hope that makes sense?

WoS

_____________________________

"Beware Hearing loss. If found please return to owner.Been missing since 1981. Reward on return"

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 6

RE: 'scheduled' Dominants & The Wall of Can'ts - 1/20/2007 6:25:52 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

I think these are all common behaviors of people who cheat and lie. It really has very little to do with 'dominance' and more to do with a character that lacks honesty.

Personally I think it is the motivation behind the behaviors that speaks more to a persons character rather than just the specific behaviors themselves.

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 7

RE: 'scheduled' Dominants & The Wall of Can'ts - 1/20/2007 6:39:41 AM

krikket

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

What do you think? I'm curious as to others opinions

Clue: If a Dominant wants to do something they do it! If a Dominant rules their personal world or environment they have no need or desire to use excuses or empty justifications to explain their actions and choices. Can't means they are not in control. It means they do not rule. Some'thing' or some'one' is controlling their ability to do.
Source: http://www.steel-door.com/Chamber.html

Like KyraofMists, i agree the fact that a Dom/me may not always be able to do something isn't the issue, at least for me. What is at issue is whether or not when blanket statements like these are given, they're believable because their life, like mine, is pretty much an open book. The phone thing is a pretty good sign, except if the only phone he has is a cell, like the Dom i'm currently seeing as well as all 3 of my sons (which drives me nuts, but that's another story..lol.) We all have obligations and responsibilities, pre-existing conditions and the odd emergency (health, job, family, whatever) that we need to deal with from time to time. That doesn't make him more or less of a Dom, or me more or less of a sub. Calls at work, for me, can be sensitive only in that there are 3-4 people who sit outside my office who listen to what's going on with me -- and i rarely shut my door.

i seriously doubt that there are many of us who haven't heard these excuses and didn't know, on some level that they're being honest, or if we're being handed a pile of garbage. There are times when i'd love to hand "things" over to the Dom in my life, but he's a pretty smart man, encouraging me to stand up and deal with those things in my life that need to be dealt with, no matter our life's dynamic.

Like most things in life, it's all a matter of communication, honesty and trust.

cheers
jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 8

RE: 'scheduled' Dominants & The Wall of Can'ts - 1/20/2007 6:40:02 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Some people are "internet submissives" and spend too much time imagining what a real dom is like. Isn't it just so annoying?

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 9

RE: 'scheduled' Dominants & The Wall of Can'ts - 1/20/2007 6:55:37 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling
Clue: If a Dominant wants to do something they do it! If a Dominant rules their personal world or environment they have no need or desire to use excuses or empty justifications to explain their actions and choices. Can't means they are not in control. It means they do not rule. Some'thing' or some'one' is controlling their ability to do.
Source: http://www.steel-door.com/Chamber.html

I'd agree with you if each dominant lived in a bubble where there were no other people and nothing beyond their control like needing money to pay the bills, or illness, or changes in the political environment or economic environment. Accepting that you cannot be in control of everything is a sign of maturity in a dominant, to me it means they've gone beyond the fantasy and can live in the real world.

There is nothing wrong with someone who only desires or wants to do Ds every now and then anymore than there is anything wrong with someone who wishes to flog someone every now and then. Would you expect a top to go around flogging everyone they see or a bondage bottom to always be tied up?

Now there may be people who are afraid of their interests who do use excuses to limit themselves. But they could also be discussing their limits because someone else is pushing them to do things they have no desire or interest or ability to do.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 10

RE: 'scheduled' Dominants & The Wall of Can'ts - 1/20/2007 7:29:17 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Some people enjoy this as role play. After all, it's FUN.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 11

RE: 'scheduled' Dominants & The Wall of Can'ts - 1/20/2007 7:54:22 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

What do you think? I'm curious as to others opinions

I can't be online, on the phone or meet you at a specific time because I have to work (which means their spouse is home and probably listening).

Clue: If a Dominant wants to do something they do it! If a Dominant rules their personal world or environment they have no need or desire to use excuses or empty justifications to explain their actions and choices. Can't means they are not in control. It means they do not rule. Some'thing' or some'one' is controlling their ability to do.
Source: http://www.steel-door.com/Chamber.html

I find this humorous. Now WORK is the suspicion of the day when a dominant says he's not going to be seeing you!

Here's a more likely scenario:

He's told other submissives that he can't be online because... ah... he CHOOSES not to be online and what's ensued is round after round of questions regarding what he's doing instead, accusations of cheating, having wives, children, other people's wives, not caring for who he's talking to, taking her for granted, "you're just using me!!" and on and on and on. So he tells them what's really happening - he's working. Amazingly, SOME of us - dominants as well as submissives - have jobs and ethics that disallow personal phone calls at work, and now even THAT is being held suspect for someone just trying to avoid online drama.

And people wonder why they're alone?! It'd be nice to remember that developing relationships involves chance - Each and EVERY... SINGLE ... TIME... we enter into one. So, cripe! take a chance, let actions, not words be what decides your thoughts about a person. And if you're going to then turn around and give the malarky about this is a medium of words, so it's all we have to determine someone's truth, then my suggestion would be to turn the darn thing off and meet face to face!!

My Master works. He does NOT take phone calls during the day. *I* work and do not take phone calls during the day - unless it's in regard to my kids and then those phone calls are routed through an office and another person - even though I do have a cell phone. Why? Because I do NOT take phone calls during the day. If it's that important to reach me, then you get to go through the secretary. And if someone calls to chitchat - through the secretary - they're told in no uncertain terms I do not take phone calls at work. My Master is so emphatic about this, I don't even HAVE his work phone number...course, he doesn't have mine either.

WOW...maybe he's lying to me about something!!

How ridiculous!!

And out of curiousity, wouldn't "ruling his world" include the decision not to meet someone at a specific time because he has to work? I mean, I'm one of those submissive type people, and if someone said to me "We can get together Tuesday at 1 pm for lunch and a long afternoon," I'd say "I can't meet you Tuesday at 1 for a lunch and long afternoon because... I have to work" (oooo! I have to work! I must be married...*eerie music in the background*) You mean to tell me that it's only us submissive type people who have to sometimes make decisions not to meet someone because they have to work?!

Y'know, for that matter, I've been told "we can't get together because I have this club meeting or that club meeting, this board meeting, I'm seeing my grandchildren, children, god-children (he has 29 of them), visiting my grandmother (90 something years old), taking care of my mother (ill), fishing, working on my house, getting my car repaired, just staying home this weekend, I'm sick, I'm hurt, I'm just real lazy today, I have to go out of town, I'm fishing (I hear this a lot!!), and so on. And I don't jump immediately to the decision that "OMG! He's CHEATING on me!!" Y'know why? Those are choices he makes for himself. I'm neither his mother, nor his social calender. I don't make choices about what he does in his life - HE DOES (you know, like dominants do from time to time?). And I don't beat him up when he makes other choices beyond me. It's an amazing thing, but I am NOT THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE!!. I know...it's a very strange concept, but I'm not. I just appreciate him when he makes me the choice in his life - which is very often.

And when I say I can't because I have to work, I'm seeing my children, nieces/nephews, sister, brother, cleaning house, my car is being repaired, I'm sick, I'm hurt, I have to go out of town, I'm going out on the boat, I'm helping my mother, my father, the man across the street (in his 80s), babysitting for the folks next door (child with autism, so sitters are hard to find and parents need a break), etc... he doesn't jump immediately to the conclusion that I'm cheating on him. He says "have fun" or "I hope he's ok" or "tell your folks hi for me" or "give your kids a hug from me" etc... And while I may consider him the center of my personal universe, it's a place he can share with the other important people in my life from time to time and not feel threatened.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 1/20/2007 8:15:41 AM >

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 12

RE: 'scheduled' Dominants & The Wall of Can'ts - 1/20/2007 9:16:37 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Are you saying that someone must be dominant 24/7, year in and year out? Does this mean that a submissive must also be sub all the time? The last time I checked, LIFE dominates us. Few people work for themselves, so they are most likely under some one elses rule. Family, obligations, and even illness can interfere with the supposed requirment to dom in each and every moment.

As a submissive, I can definitely say I am not submissive all the time.

The instances of scheduled dominants you point out are not DS. They are simply the same lines people use even in the nilla world to get what they want without committment.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 13

RE: 'scheduled' Dominants & The Wall of Can'ts - 1/20/2007 9:33:27 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Is "scheduled dominant" a new term for married man? I have never heard this phrase before.

I thought that this term was for couples that live 24-7 but have to plan their Ds activities for certain times of day before I opened the link... hence a schedule for dominance.... these traits have nothing to do with Ds per se, they have more in common with people that are up to no good.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 1/20/2007 9:34:12 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 14

RE: 'scheduled' Dominants & The Wall of Can'ts - 1/20/2007 9:48:31 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

JulietSierra,

I agree that people have to work, not everyone can hand out work numbers. I thought that it was more an accumulative rant in the OP instead of the one aspect. If I could not call my Dom at work, at home, if he was afraid people would "know" about me... well that would indicate something terribly wrong with the relationship in my mind.

My Daddy works where there is no phone but his cell, and I am very fortunate that I can call this number whenever I like, although I do not call him while he is working often. I have a cell, he can call me at work on my cell whenever he likes. I will have to wait to return the call, but he is welcome to leave a message. If someone was totally paranoid about me calling and leaving messages... that would be a red flag for me, not if I knew about their life from being involved with them like you are with your master, but if I was trying to form a relationship with a man and he had all these rules about contacting him it would be a red flag for me. Life is just too short to put up with being held at arms length for me. Others have different views I am sure.

My main point was that in reading the entire post was that it was not about couples that know each other, know intimately the other person's life. It is more about how some dominants will use being dominant as an excuse to keep a submissive from questioning the things that she would normally question in vanilla circumstances.. perhaps I read it wrong though

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 15

RE: 'scheduled' Dominants & The Wall of Can'ts - 1/20/2007 10:05:25 AM

mymasterssub69

Posts: 566
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

i had two former "Doms" who were married and had a list of can'ts for me yet that didn't stop them from scheduling when they could meet to satisfy their sexual needs. it was a D/s sexual fetish for them than being in a relationship with me. one did contact me recently to see if i was available to meet at his job. needless to say, i was told he felt betrayed because i found another to replace him. he had no clue what being chained and collared meant to me.

_____________________________

there is something infinitely magical
about a Daddy Dom
...something only a little girl
can understand.

collared on 16th Jan 2007 by bigsambaman, my Daddy

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 16

RE: 'scheduled' Dominants & The Wall of Can'ts - 1/20/2007 10:14:27 AM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Hey hey People,
Please take a moment to see that I did Not write this- these are Not my words- and Nowhere did I say I agreed with it. I am Not a internet/online subby living in a fantasy world. I am very realtime always have been.

I just came across this, as I read it - I thought how utterly ridiculous to state a Dom that uses Can't is not in control- cant's are a part of life. as kyra said (there are times when obligations or responsibilities arise the prevent anyone from doing what they want to do, hence they can't do it. )

It was just pure curiosty on my part to see others reactions to this article.
That's all

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 17

RE: 'scheduled' Dominants & The Wall of Can'ts - 1/20/2007 10:25:16 AM

TypeAsub1

Posts: 65
Joined: 12/10/2006
Status: offline

Being a "Dom" isn't a scene. That's the point.

If you ARE a dominant.. you are always a Dominant in the relationship. It's not about pulling hair and handcuffs and spanking. It's how you act, it's how you relate... If you are topping in a "scene".. that's topping. It's not being a Dominant. You may be acting dominant in the scene you've created, but a D/s relationship is a constant.

I will use an analogy that I often find myself referring to:

Pearson Education is a conglomerate. The CEO is Marjorie Scardino. Under the Pearson Education Umbrella are many companies: Prentice Hall, Addison Wesley, Que, Sams, Benjamin Cummings etc. etc.

The CEO is the "big boss"... the Domme if you will. She has several "Presidents" running the various companies beneath her. They are highly skilled, very motivated, entirely competent people... who lead teams of employees and manage very complex organizations. However, these highly skilled, very assertive Presidents, are always accountable to the CEO. They always defer to the authority of the CEO. The CEO may choose to follow their recommendations on any given matter.. or she can chuck their advice and tell them to stuff it.

The CEO isn't playing a "scene". She is always the CEO.. and like any good leader (or Domme) she chooses when and how to apply her dominance and leadership in a reasonable and wise manner to ensure that her relationships are healthy and the overall health and wellbeing of the company are assured.

A dominant runs their relationship in exactly the same manner... and he is always the Dominant... although he may not always choose to exert that authority in an overt manner.

quote:

ORIGINAL: WorldofSilence

Hiya.

Nice post.

I suppose I am a "scheduled" Dom, I do have to plan in advance when to be "Dom" in a scene for example I have to build up My reserves for when I communicate, talking is very very draining for Me so to preserve My sanity I plan things, I would suppose I'm naturally Dominant in My everyday life simply because I have to be, I don't get pleasure from that.
But the idiots I deal with on a daily basis require Me to be "tough", within My job which is perfect for Me I look after people and you need to be fair but also you need to control whats happening around them so no one gets hurt, no loony from outside world has a go at them, when they are together on days out, people behind counters who serve them food/drink need to know there place when My clients are around. So in a way I am like a bridge of assertiveness for them.

However there are what I call "Facts of Life" it's anything from your car blowing up, the computer frizzing out and 101 other things, I try to always mantain a benfit of the doubt with people, and I hope people do it with Me. I need (not cos I'm a "player" or anything) to plan things in order to keep sane, I don't like things to spin wildly out of control that stresses Me out, makes My tinnitus want to rip My brain out plus other things.

I don't view "scheduled" Doms in a bad way, just depends on the person and different people need different coping stratigies.

Hope that makes sense?

WoS

(in reply to WorldofSilence)

Post #: 18

RE:'scheduled' Dominants &Wall of Can'ts The - 1/20/2007 10:32:43 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

This is a rediculous article...In this case "the wall of can'ts" all have to do with limitations because this idiot has chosen to get into a relationship with a married man and she for some god forsaken reason CAN'T understand that some married dude is not going to put her on the top rung of the ladder.

Hint>>>>For all of you subs out there!!!!! If you want a guys complete attention( if it's possible to ever have 100% of it) DON'T GET INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE IN A RELATIONSHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!IDIOTS!!!!!

She should be strung up on "The wall of Cunts" and stoned for being so stupid. This would insure her genes will not be passed on to any further generations...Although if you are married I suppose it is nice to have such feeble minded people around for a taste of "strange" every now and then.

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 1/20/2007 10:33:30 AM >

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 19

RE: 'scheduled' Dominants & The Wall of Can'ts - 1/20/2007 10:38:47 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

My main point was that in reading the entire post was that it was not about couples that know each other, know intimately the other person's life. It is more about how some dominants will use being dominant as an excuse to keep a submissive from questioning the things that she would normally question in vanilla circumstances.. perhaps I read it wrong though

But juliaoceana, do you think those rules changed as I got to know him? They were there at the beginning. The point was, I and anyone in a developing relationship can view things like this with suspicion, claiming "you said you are dominant! If a dominant controls his world and you say you can't talk to me because you're at work, then you must be lying to me!!" or I and anyone in a developing relationship can take them at face value and said "ok" and make my/their calls before and/or after work.

And that's what we do. We talk to each other on the way to work and on the way home. (Bluetooth is our friend) When we get to our respective homes each of us have other family obligations we attend to. Sometimes, if the both of us have time in the evening, we'll talk again, or plan for other opportunities, like last night, when he hung out with his son to watch the basketball game and then came over after midnight to my house and then went back home around some ridiculously early hour in the morning so he could get some sleep before he had to be at a meeting later. And no, I probably won't talk to him until sometime this evening when he'll call to tell me when we're leaving this evening for a party.

What I see happening though is that people are so darn scared of being hurt that they try like hell to think ahead about every single bad possibility to guard against while for some reason, never seem to contemplate the good things that could happen by just letting things develop naturally.

I'm certainly not saying to stick your (the general "your") head in the sand about things, but MAN! when work suddenly is something to guard against, there's some significant introspection about SELF that needs to take place.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 1/20/2007 10:42:12 AM >

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 20

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> 'scheduled' Dominants & The Wall of Can'ts

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