1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (Full Version)

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domiguy -> 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/20/2007 3:15:27 PM)

What the fuck.(seems like as good a way as any to start) so many questions but I will narrow it down to one or two....What does a scene have to do this thang?....When ever I hear the word "scene" it always seems to be in relationship to a spectator sport.  Is it being a voyuer, or having others watch ,what drives people to do these things out in public..club? Does it lose all of it's impact to you,for those who answered yes, if things are done where others are not gawking at you?("Hey Domiguy, noticed your sub susies' labia are a little puffy tonight."... Domiguy.."Why thank you Larry for noticing.") At what point is it all for show and become virtually meaningless?

I met one sub who complained that much of went on at these "creepy" little gatherings such as "knife play" was all for show....meaning that although the knives are "real" there was an understanding tha no one was going to get cut(which is fine by me) but in this instance they might have just as well been rubbing Q-tips on her body! (Please don't respond back that it's the matter of trust...bullshit...it is nothing but boring...safe...mundane...all for show ...all sizzle no steak!...Now if they were wielded by monkees you would have my attention)

My question is.are the lines blurred...Scenes...clubs: Is it to meet like minded people(which obviously is not the case since so few can agree on anything out here) Is it to hook up and get you some? Is it that everything has lost it's meaning unless performed in front of a group?  (Doesn't seem like the kind place for Domiguy...not enough Lava soap or steel wool in the world to ever "get clean.")....All opinions are welcome...just want to know what gives?

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers.



juliaoceania -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/20/2007 3:26:23 PM)

I use the words "scene" and "playing" to denote an intimate encounter with my Daddy in which BDSM takes place. No one else needs to be present. It is just a way of communicating that I am describing an intimate encounter that included some sort of BDSM elements.

Some people hate these words, but words to me are about communicating a concept. Some think a "scene" has the connotation of a role being played, or acting is occuring. I suppose that this is as valid a definition as mine which basically is "the antiques scene", the "singles scene" the "drug scene" or whatever. I have no emotional reaction to this word really.

Some other people do not like the word "play" because to them it either means something that they do not take seriously, or again it sounds like "playing a role". I do actually like the word "play". I love to play, laugh, have joy, enjoy, give my partner pleasure... and that is what "playing" means to me.. expressing fun and pleasure. When children learn the most they are usually playing, how beautiful that word is to me.



CreativeDominant -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/20/2007 3:32:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

What the fuck.(seems like as good a way as any to start) so many questions but I will narrow it down to one or two....What does a scene have to do this thang?....When ever I hear the word "scene" it always seems to be in relationship to a spectator sport.  Is it being a voyuer, or having others watch ,what drives people to do these things out in public..club? Does it lose all of it's impact to you,for those who answered yes, if things are done where others are not gawking at you?("Hey Domiguy, noticed your sub susies' labia are a little puffy tonight."... Domiguy.."Why thank you Larry for noticing.") At what point is it all for show and become virtually meaningless?

I met one sub who complained that much of went on at these "creepy" little gatherings such as "knife play" was all for show....meaning that although the knives are "real" there was an understanding tha no one was going to get cut(which is fine by me) but in this instance they might have just as well been rubbing Q-tips on her body! (Please don't respond back that it's the matter of trust...bullshit...it is nothing but boring...safe...mundane...all for show ...all sizzle no steak!...Now if they were wielded by monkees you would have my attention)

My question is.are the lines blurred...Scenes...clubs: Is it to meet like minded people(which obviously is not the case since so few can agree on anything out here) Is it to hook up and get you some? Is it that everything has lost it's meaning unless performed in front of a group?  (Doesn't seem like the kind place for Domiguy...not enough Lava soap or steel wool in the world to ever "get clean.")....All opinions are welcome...just want to know what gives?

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers.


I like to scene.  I like to play.  For me, one denotes at least some planning (scene) and the other maybe not so much (play).  It also relates to the BondageDisciplineSadismMasochism aspect as opposed to the D/s aspect.  Now, D/s is always there in my scenes but as I have noted before, I do separate the two...BDSM and D/s...as separate entities and not as a conglomerate.  In simpler terms, BDSM is the "play" and D/s is the "relationship"; sometimes considered separately and sometimes considered together.

As for whether or not it is always carried out in front of a group...hell, no.  The great majority of my scenetime and playtime has been behind closed doors with a willing partner.  The only thing I would note is that, if I am planning to do 'public play', then it will most likely be in the version of a scene.



callmemilord -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/20/2007 3:33:03 PM)

dammit, just Once id like to disagree with julia..it IS play, whether in public or private, and i think the term scene derived from a play, or movie, in which perhaps not all the dialogue is scripted, but each party has an idea of what's going to happen. Some of the rougher and more uncomfortable things, had better be discussed thoroughly First. Tho my prettyeyes always likes a few surprises...weg



mymasterssub69 -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/20/2007 3:42:05 PM)

in my experience, the vanilla men i've met use BDSM as a "scene" to pick up women: Hey sexy do you like being dominated by men or you know i cannot wait to tie up your DDs and dominate you into submission (those were actual pick-up lines and i have many more). yet when i ask them are they into watersports, D/s or Daddy/daughter etc, they immediately think i have a very sick mind or a sex slave with very low self esteem. you should see the looks i get explaining how i have a Daddy-daughter relationship when they don't understand it's not about incest fantasies.

i don't like using the word "play" when i talk about my relationship with Daddy. i take everything i do with Daddy as a serious and committed partnership - almost like a marriage but on a deeper level.



Patrick2005 -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/20/2007 3:58:18 PM)

We have said many times on this board that there is no "one true or correct way" to do bdsm.  Exhibitionism and public scening- not literally public, but in the presence of other consenting adults- is a major turn on for some people; for others it's not.  Of course, we also have the semantic problem that seems to exist in everything we do, or talk about anyway. 

I believe there is a solution to this problem of "public scening".  Those whe get something out if it should do it.  Those who don't get anything out of it should not do it.  I know, that's revolutionary, but it has the virtue of simplicity. 



julietsierra -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/20/2007 3:59:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

What does a scene have to do this thang?....

My question is.are the lines blurred...Scenes...clubs: Is it to meet like minded people(which obviously is not the case since so few can agree on anything out here) Is it to hook up and get you some? Is it that everything has lost it's meaning unless performed in front of a group?  (Doesn't seem like the kind place for Domiguy...not enough Lava soap or steel wool in the world to ever "get clean.")....All opinions are welcome...just want to know what gives?

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers.


From the time I figured out that there was something out there other than missionary sex, I've gone to munches, parties and yes, even clubs. I used to play (meaning that whatever I did there, the relationships, for the most part, weren't all that serious) there a long time ago and during that time, I had a wonderful time. Was it the voyeuristic intent? yes. Was it the thrill of exhibitionism? yes. It was all those things. It was pushing my own personal boundaries of what was "right" and "proper" and "expected of a woman of my age, station (mom-hood) and all that.

But it never ever surplanted the thrill and ecstacy of what I could do with someone in private - not ever.

As time went on, I played less and less in those places - which was never all that much to begin with. And they became what they are today to me: A place where I can go wearing next to nothing, meet people I know who are also wearing next to nothing that I've known for years, and not feel I should hide. I can go to places like this alone (although I never do anymore, not because I won't, but because if I'm going, I'm going with my Master) and generally find people my age to talk to who are not uncomfortable around discussions that include frank talk about things sexual. I go because it's fun - nothing more, nothing less - but I leave my more intimate activities for at home. And I don't go all that often.

For us, bdsm activities include a bit more than is allowed at the clubs around here and stopping in the middle is not exactly our cup of tea, so we choose to "imbibe" at home.

But the clubs and all are points of socializing for us - where my Master can indulge his voyeuristic side (I reap the benefits of THAT!!) and I can be out with him without having to pretend we're vanilla. I can call him Sir without whispering or trying to remember to use his given name. And mostly, they're places where we can practice our most loved activity beyond things sexual. We can participate in a higher protocol than we would if we're out at Red Lobster. And high protocol is something that is always a part of our lives, so it's a real pleasure to let down our hair so to speak, and just "be." (please don't attack the high protocol issue - it's wonderful for us. If it's not for you then by all means, don't do it.)

That's it for us.

juliet



aSlavesLife -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/20/2007 5:39:02 PM)

I will start out blunt and honest here, then work my way into something a little less harsh. I do tend to associate words like scene and play with role play. The vision of theatrical productions comes to mind when I hear either word. This opinion has been reinforced in me over the years by numerous people insisting that if I don't have a reputation at some group or club, I am somehow not real and untrustworthy. The majority of the people claiming this admit that they are not active in the lifestyle full time, then worm around this by using yet another part time catch word, dynamic... insisting that the dynamic is still there even though they live separately and are in some cases married to other people. These are the people that have the nerve to tell me that I am not real!

I am not into voyeurism or exhibitionism. I am not a very social person. I have not had wonderful experiences with nearby groups because I find it hard to relate to them. I do not consider groups as places to meet like minded people as I have never met any that were of a like mind. And I have never found it possible to meet that ' someone special ' at or through a group, frankly because the singles there were well below the intelligence and physical appearance levels that I require. I know that last sounds shallow, but I have never and will never settle for less than what I am looking for.

Now to soften the blow a bit. Thanks to this thread in particular, I have a slightly less contemptuous take on the words scene and play. I have only recently come to realize that M/s and BDSM are not one and the same, and that the two don't share common terminology and outlook. Looking at CreativeDominant's example of the word scene for instance, I have gained a better understanding of what some might use the word to imply. An outsider looking in on my relationship with L might be inclined to describe some portions of it as a scene, while also noticing the continuous backdrop of the M/s relationship even when she isn't caged. I appreciate domiguy's starting of this thread, as well as the non hostile responses from everyone in answering him.



SimplyMichael -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/20/2007 7:41:04 PM)

I have been at parties where people use blood for sex lube, is that "real" enough for you?

I have been at Odyssey parties and seen one man flog another to the point of calling the scene because TOO much blood was spraying.

However, don't mistake visual intensity for being more "real" nor the lack of it as being "less real" 

How "real" is your average bar scene?  Things are what you make of them and you are not "better" for whining.



bandit25 -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/20/2007 7:47:10 PM)

I'm with julia also (no surprise there).  I think of play as fun and that's what I love also...fun...pleasure...play.  It's all good.[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m16.gif[/image]



Lorelei115 -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/20/2007 8:04:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
Now if they were wielded by monkees you would have my attention)



Anyone else getting a picture here of Mike, Davy, Mickey and Peter dressed in leather, wielding knives? *laugh*

But seriously. Its my feeling that you get out of "the lifestyle" what you put into it. If you don't like playing in public, or you feel its all for show, don't do it! Stick with what works for you and who cares what others are doing?

The reasons for people going to a club or play party are as varied as the people themselves. Yes, some people will be there just to "get some". Some will be there to make friends, meet likeminded people, or just to make nuisances of themselves. And for some, they really dig the dynamics of performing in front of people. Its not always that those activities have lost meaning without it, its that it can provide a totally different kind of rush.



HatesParisHilton -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/20/2007 8:05:55 PM)

Then again, simply michael, as a counterpoint to what you stated, there is (in SF where you are from) the manifold poseur bullcrap of the Folsom Street Faire (I've attended 3).

also, many who might be more than "slap and tickle" yet a little less than blood spraying (but still leaving marks that last for days if not a fortnight) have no interest in playing with others rather than a select monog partner, no care for "being an exhibitionist" for the sake of titilating others.

I am not saying you are yourself nor any sub you've been with, but I've spent enough time in the SF area to know that such people are in enough numbers to make many eople say "fuck play parties, fuck faires, fuck clubs".

I say this not as a slam on you, just as a possibly well received counterpoint for the OP.



domiguy -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/20/2007 8:07:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I have been at parties where people use blood for sex lube, is that "real" enough for you?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
No dude that is just fucking "Creepy."  Did they know who's blood they were using for lube?...and whay exactly was the reason for using blood in lieu of lube?...AGAIN SOUNDS LIKE THEY WERE DOING IT FOR SHOW!!!!!!!!!!Very dramatic! I fucked a number of times while some chick was on the rag....Can you handle that...lol.(No one watched I could be lying)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have been at Odyssey parties and seen one man flog another to the point of calling the scene because TOO much blood was spraying.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WHOOP-D-FUCKING-DOO!   IT OBVIOUSLY MADE AN IMPACT ON YOU! WOULD IT HAVE BEEN THE SAME IF IT WAS DONE IN PRIVATE?  WOULD THERE HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BLOOD? OR WOULD THE GUY PROBABLY HAVE JUST DIED?

However, don't mistake visual intensity for being more "real" nor the lack of it as being "less real" 

How "real" is your average bar scene?  Things are what you make of them and you are not "better" for whining.


YEP I FLOAT 'TWEEN THIS AND THE 'NILLA WORLD....THE DIFFERENCE IS THAT IN THE 'NILLA WORLD WHEN PEOPLE TAKE THE STAGE THEY ARE CALLED ACTORS!

and as far as whining, I do accept this site and the shit that goes out here for what it is...I was just curious as to the thoughts that went into creating a "scene" when it was going to be viewed by others....did it lose anything! Is it for show? You feel that it is not..that is your reality..who am I to argue....But after hearing about some poor sap getting flogged and blood flying...I better start stocking up on that lava soap and steel wool..

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers and from getting flogged till all of the blood leaves Domiguy's body.



ownedgirlie -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/20/2007 9:08:10 PM)

I don't think I've ever used the word "scene."  I've never felt it applies to me personally.  My Master uses me at his whim - when and how he wants - for his pleasure/amusement/frustration release.  So that's what I refer to - when my Master uses me.



SimplyMichael -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/21/2007 3:31:10 AM)

You attend the most touristy event in the bay area and you want to talk about shallow play?  LMFAO!

Again, we are granted a richness in the bay that few get to enjoy, you want serious stuff, go to more serious events.  Attend a gay men or women event, you ain't seen serious till you seen them play!

Again, a point I am making is that you CANNOT FUCKING JUDGE A SCENE IF  YOU ARE ON THE OUTSIDE!

I was at a party tonight where there was some low level play, mostly spank and tickle, nothing to get me hot and bothered.  Then there was a dominant and his submissive "playing" and I know that scene was very VERY intense for that submissive despite it being almost vanilla, done in a chair set up for spectators.  The submissive had never played in public, had body issues, shyness, all of that and he just held her and played in her mind with most of her body still covered with clothes.  Very pathetic scene if you "ranked" it, something many would barely notice and yet I am sure it is something that will rattle around in that submissives head for a very long time.

So what happens all too often is people pop into the scene and look around.  Gee, these people are all fat slobs with low social skills who don't really do anything.  Its like watching chess, there is a LOT going on but it is boring as hell to watch.  It takes time to learn that as it isn't taught anywhere and much of it is counter intuitive.



MaryT -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/21/2007 5:11:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lorelei115

Anyone else getting a picture here of Mike, Davy, Mickey and Peter dressed in leather, wielding knives? *laugh*


And singing, "We're just trying to be friendly ..."  [:D]

MaryT



eyesopened -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/21/2007 5:34:21 AM)

to no one in particular

i don't understand the "my kink is better than your kink" or i'm better because i'm edgy or even over the edge.

i have a problem.  i have never been with a Dom who wanted to act out a scene or put together a scripted role.  Because of this i have no clue what scene i would want to act out since i've never done it.  i go to munches and demos and even events where a play party follows and i feel stupid because i don't know how to play or act or do a scene or anything like that with people i barely know.  When i hear "scene" it does have the connotation for me that it's a role, an act, an entertainment, a hobby, a pasttime.  i know this isn't the correct definition for a whole lot of people but for the odd ones like me, it sounds all so casual.  i know that's not right, it's not casual for everyone, and i'm sure i can be blasted for how over-the-top, bloody it can be.  Just an aside, i would not want to be in a place where blood is sprayed everywhere with all the diseases out there.



bandit25 -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/21/2007 5:45:13 AM)

I don't know that most scenes are scripted per se.  I think there's usually some "plan" with the leeway to adapt to the moment.  A secene (in my opinion) is just two (or more) people playing.  It can be casual, but it doesn't have to be.  You can most definitely have a scene with your dom that wouldn't be classified as casual.  No need to feel stupid.  It's just a matter of how you interpret what you do.  Also, for some, the word "play" has a rather light connotation, but I've seen some intense scenes that I still refer to as play.  See what I mean?



dawntreader -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/21/2007 6:27:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

("Hey Domiguy, noticed your sub susies' labia are a little puffy tonight."... Domiguy.."Why thank you Larry for noticing.") At what point is it all for show and become virtually meaningless?


My question is.are the lines blurred...Scenes...clubs: Is it to meet like minded people(which obviously is not the case since so few can agree on anything out here) Is it to hook up and get you some? Is it that everything has lost it's meaning unless performed in front of a group?  (Doesn't seem like the kind place for Domiguy...not enough Lava soap or steel wool in the world to ever "get clean.")....All opinions are welcome...just want to know what gives?

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers.


i have nothing to say but i sure am laughing like hell!



onestandingstill -> RE: 1st new thread by sir Domiguy...Things this dude just doesn't get...Be easy he's fragile. (1/21/2007 7:26:47 AM)

While I am indeed an exhibitionist and voyeur being in the scene is about way more to me than that.
I've only been involved in BDSM for almost 2 years.
The public play helped me see things I'd not considered, understand things I'd read about were different to me when I saw them, and is a valuable tool in learning about the aspects of the energy exchange you couldn't get playing alone.
In addition to that I live in an apartment. There's always been huge sound constraints at home as spanking is so loud all my neighbors here the whacks.
I love being able to go to the dungeon and not have to concern myself with noise issues.
I also think it's a wonderful safety net when you're just beginning to play with someone.
For example I would not do full bondage with someone in private I did not fully trust with my life, but in the clubs the safety net of others let me feel like I indeed would be able to have this experience with someone I felt was trustworthy without laying my life on the line if I was mistaken.
I had a rule when dating that the first few times we played it would have to be in a public club.
One was safety of being able to go farther and the other being this is a small community. If someone was a predator, or bad person someone who knew me would come up and say "Be careful with him as I saw him doing such and such with someone before.".
I think public play is about way more than being able to see someone's puffy labia as you put it.
If it's not for you fine, but that does not make you better or worse than any one who does enjoy being in the public community.
To each his own is what I say.
You don't have to get it IMO, for it to be good for me.
suzanne 



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