SlyStone
Posts: 398
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline
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I think some questions asked here are just bad questions and answering them is just a waste of time.
For me an example of a bad question would be:
"How do I know if I am dominant/submissive?"
Every time I hear this question I think of the scene in My Cousin Vinny when he is cross examining the moron who saw the robbery from his widow. Showing him a picture and pointing he asks (and I am paraphrasing):
"And what are these bushy things here blocking your view"?
"Uhhhhh bushes?"
"good, go ahead and shout em out if you know them".
"BUSHES"
"That's right, and that dirty stuff on the windows?"
"DIRT"
"Very good!"
"And what do bushes and dirt do?"
"Block your view?"
"Yes!"
A man asks, how do I know if I am dominant? Come on, you know the answer. If for the longest time you have been jerkin the gherkin while humming I'm a little tea cup and imagining doing the housework with a broomstick up your ass at the direction of a women wearing only high heals and a stern expression, it is unlikely that you are a dominant no matter how conflicted you may be or how many pairs of leather pants you invest in, so do yourself and the people around you a favor and accept yourself, and do not try to be what you know inside you are not.
You know.
A women asks, how do I know If I am submissive. Again, you know the answer. Your husband treats you like a goddess and you can't stand his touch, your lover puts his hand around your throat and you cum like you never have before. Your fantasy does not include a white knight carrying you off to the sunset but rather a black shadow tying you down in the darkness.
You know.
Some things you just know. You may not be acting it out or be getting what you need, or even understanding the possible implications of that knowledge, but if you have made it here than you know that there is a possible avenue of expression shared by others, and if you know yourself at all, than you should know what you are.
The evidence is all around you, in your interaction with friends and lovers and in your introspection of self. If you truly don't know, than I think you should take some time to think about it before jumping into D/s/BDSM. I say that because while I think D/s/BDSM is a good way to explore who you are it is not a good way to find your self. Do that first and come back, and I promise you that you will save yourself and others a great deal of time and grief.
I think generally speaking people know exactly who they are in this regard, but may not want to accept it for whatever reason, and as a result keep questioning in the vain hope that a new answer, one that they would prefer, will arise. I think many wannabe doms/subs emerge from the muck as a result of this errant confused thought process. While I believe that much of D/s is illusion and sometimes even delusion, I also believe that a core fact is that no matter what your pursuit, in the long run masking your true self will only bring you unhappiness and failure.
I think that once you know/accept you are by nature dominant/submissive, than the real issue is that having these feelings or this sense of self does not necessarily mean that you are potentially a dom/master or sub/slave because that is dependent on the degree to which you have these feelings. The obvious is obvious and the rest is a matter of degree.
With that in mind I think rather than asking " how do I know I am a dominant/submissive" what people new to this are really asking or wanting to ask or should be asking is this:
"I know I am dominant/submissive because <insert personal story> but I don't know to what degree, or in other words to what extent, and I am wondering where should I go from here to find that out?"
So what is the answer, you ask?
How the fuck do I know :)
_____________________________
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
Anais Nin
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