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Offputting? - 1/21/2007 3:11:10 PM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline 		If you and a submissive were seeing each other, just having fun - neither party particularly into the 'love&marriage' stuff but quite D/s with each other ... AND the submissive had trip planned which was paid for out of an inheritance ... AND the trip was going to happen whether or not the Dom accompanied AND the submissive really, really, really wanted the Dom to come along (no family-type trip - a vacation in Ireland for two), would it be offputting (mess up the power dynamics) for said submissive to offer to pay for the trip ... since it was going to be a trip for two regardless of who accompanied her (one of her kids, a girlfriend, etc.)?

Would that bug you (insomuch as the D/s angle is concerned)?

MaryT
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RE: Offputting? - 1/21/2007 3:16:48 PM   
demistress


Posts: 391
Joined: 4/24/2006
From: Dela-where?
Status: offline 		Off-putting?  As long as the sub understood that any and all decisions were still the Dominant's to be made, I see no issue at all, in fact I would enjoy such a trip if I enjoyed the sub's company.

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RE: Offputting? - 1/21/2007 3:20:25 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		As of yet, my Master has never declined a gift from me.

In the best of worlds, the submissive would ask dominant about it directly, if she was uncertain.

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RE: Offputting? - 1/21/2007 3:23:11 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Forgetting about the D/s, if I was just seeing someone casually and he offered me such a trip I would probably decline. I wouldn't feel right being indebted to a casual friend for that expensive an item. I wouldn't be sure we would enjoy each other's company for that long either. Two weeks living together is a hell of a lot different from going to dinner, playing together and then going home to your own place.

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RE: Offputting? - 1/21/2007 4:42:14 PM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		Dear Mary-
 
in the past, I have been in just such a situation twice, and neither time was it much of an issue for me. OTOH, I can easily see where it might be an issue, for various reasons, for others. Talk to him about it, and stress that he'd be doing you a favor as a traveling companion, and that you don't see it as indebting him in any way.
 
Stay warm,
Lawrence

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RE: Offputting? - 1/21/2007 6:55:33 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Nope- think of it as a great service perk they can provide.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_73308/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#73308
Where does money come into it?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_85402/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#85402
Money Matters

http://www.collarchat.com/m_86294/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#86294
The control of money

http://www.collarchat.com/m_140655/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#140655
Money and sexism in bdsm

http://www.collarchat.com/m_276420/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#276420
financial decisions

http://www.collarchat.com/m_472811/mpage_1/key_money/tm.htm#472811
In the beginning, money issues


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RE: Offputting? - 1/21/2007 7:06:26 PM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Nope- think of it as a great service perk they can provide.


Thanks very much, LA, and thanks for the links. 

Thank you to everyone who responded.

MaryT

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RE: Offputting? - 1/21/2007 7:14:49 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		Nope....worst case use the old  "what is mine is yours" excuse.   If the dom is so insecure in his/her dominance that who pays for the trip matters, then I would suggest reexamining the dynamic.....and a lot of uncomfortably honest talks

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RE: Offputting? - 1/21/2007 10:02:17 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		No, it wouldn't bug me. A gift is a gift, no matter from whom.

Master Fire

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RE: Offputting? - 1/22/2007 5:01:33 AM   
LeatherBentOne


Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline 		I think it's fine if you are not expecting anything other than having a good time and make your feelings known that the Dominant isn't indebted in any way.  That is, no expectations or strings attached.  The trip shouldn't in any way be seen from the perspective of  "I'll do this and in returnyou do that for me" unless conditions to the trip are discussed and agreed upon. That way, no one is obligated or manipulated and if the Dom feels indebted, well............that's on him, not you.

LBO

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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Offputting? - 1/22/2007 5:15:10 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I dont see why being ased along on a trip that is planned and hapeneing wth or wthout them would cause an issue.  It is not a if you are putting yourself at a major financial disadvantage to include the Dom. You are not going to be hurting to give him this gift, and as you said, its a trip for two no matter who accompanies you. Unless the Dom in question has some insecurities about allowing someone else to pay their way for something (and some do) then there shouldnt be a problem.
Enjoy your vacation

DV

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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

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VampiresLair

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RE: Offputting? - 1/22/2007 7:21:39 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MaryT

If you and a submissive were seeing each other, just having fun - neither party particularly into the 'love&marriage' stuff but quite D/s with each other ... AND the submissive had trip planned which was paid for out of an inheritance ... AND the trip was going to happen whether or not the Dom accompanied AND the submissive really, really, really wanted the Dom to come along (no family-type trip - a vacation in Ireland for two), would it be offputting (mess up the power dynamics) for said submissive to offer to pay for the trip ... since it was going to be a trip for two regardless of who accompanied her (one of her kids, a girlfriend, etc.)?

Would that bug you (insomuch as the D/s angle is concerned)?

MaryT


I took my 1st Master to Antigua with some inhertiance money I got on my brithday last February.
Neither of us consiered this as a toppy move at all, but rather a gift I could provide him.
suzanne

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Offputting? - 1/22/2007 7:36:53 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		I do not see any difference in this then a similar normal relationship. A person does not want to travel alone and wants someone they care for even if it is just casual to go along. I do not see some false obligation in that at all. Who wants to go on a vacation all by themselves?

What dynamic of your power exchange will be changes during the trip or none at all can easily be discussed between the two of you before embarking.




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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Offputting? - 1/22/2007 12:56:04 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		Offputting--dang i was hoping this was about golf, i would love to be off putting right now instead of watching the rain fall.

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Offputting? - 1/22/2007 4:17:24 PM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

Offputting--dang i was hoping this was about golf, i would love to be off putting right now instead of watching the rain fall.


You and me both, but snow golf doesn't sound fun.  :(

Thanks again everyone for your thoughts.

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Offputting? - 1/22/2007 4:37:14 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		No, it would not inherently cause damage to the dynamic for me.  Even if the sub bought the trip specifically for us it would not, so long as they did so as a service and remembering their place with me.

Mindset and intentions are the issue.  So long as those were correct, who pays is just a minor detail to me.

(in reply to MaryT)
Profile   Post #: 16
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