Can a mistress dominate a man or a lady for that matter without his or her approval? (Full Version)

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seekstofasn8adom -> Can a mistress dominate a man or a lady for that matter without his or her approval? (1/22/2007 8:21:29 AM)

I don't think it is possible without a subs permission,so in that case are the subs really the Dommes?



LotusSong -> RE: Can a mistress dominate a man or a lady for that matter without his or her approval? (1/22/2007 8:32:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekstofasn8adom

I don't think it is possible without a subs permission,so in that case are the subs really the Dommes?


hmmmmmmmmm...is seduction a form of control?   :) 



LadyEllen -> RE: Can a mistress dominate a man or a lady for that matter without his or her approval? (1/22/2007 8:52:55 AM)

Its all in the context P;

At work, I'm the boss. I let the guys who work for me run as they will, within my guidelines. Occasionally I have to step in and resolve a breach of those guidelines, but there's a tacit understanding that my word is final, so in bdsm terms there is consent I suppose.

In everyday life, I keep getting told I'm intimidating (honestly, I dont know I'm doing it and I'm not trying to be!). I assume this is why sometimes this means I get my own way and people take on a deferential "child role" towards me, but equally I assume this is why others might avoid me! So for those who do show deference, I guess you could say I domineer them or that they just take that position of their own accord, but the fact that some might avoid me says to me that its only those that like it or get something from it, that defer to me, so again they consent.

Otherwise, if its "fun and games" or similar, then obviously they consent.

I wonder if you are aiming at how/why a woman can overcome and dominate a man who is far stronger physically than she is? All I can say to that is, that physical strength is not an essential factor in achieving a "superiority" (loaded word, I know). Adolf Hitler, Napoleon Bonaparte, Alexander the Great..... all comparatively small men who dominated others by way of force of will rather than physical size and strength. Now, add into that idea of force of will a woman who is desired by you and you have it. It still requires though, that the other person "submits" I suppose, as a man with a strong force of will is unlikely to submit to the most beautiful woman in possession of the same will.

E 




undergroundsea -> RE: Can a mistress dominate a man or a lady for that matter without his or her approval? (1/22/2007 8:58:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekstofasn8adom

I don't think it is possible without a subs permission,so in that case are the subs really the Dommes?


While it is possible for one to dominate another without consent, I think most people in BDSM will not consider such to be BDSM. In my opinion, consent (even if it is consent to give up consent) is what separates BDSM from abuse.

That the sub's consent is necessary does not make the sub the dominant but suggests that it is an interaction between two people, and both people play a role in defining the parameters of this interaction.

My two cents.

Cheers,

Sea



ToGiveDivine -> RE: Can a mistress dominate a man or a lady for that matter without his or her approval? (1/22/2007 9:46:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

In everyday life, I keep getting told I'm intimidating



Dagnab it woman - not in a bad way LOL



leathersmith -> RE: Can a mistress dominate a man or a lady for that matter without his or her approval? (1/22/2007 9:56:32 AM)

Be Ye forewarned, this is frim the Barony of Irony
Depends on what you mean by dominate and on the persons involved.
I can make some persons piss themselves by mere force of personality
Others I can just piss off , but I expect thats not what you mean
Jokes aside its something I have to watch out for because it can affect others unwittingly
I can provide examples on demand
I guess my answer is a qualified yes



demistress -> RE: Can a mistress dominate a man or a lady for that matter without his or her approval? (1/22/2007 9:58:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekstofasn8adom

I don't think it is possible without a subs permission,so in that case are the subs really the Dommes?


It is certainly possible, your idea of possible is very limited. That being said, I do not dominate non-consensually unless someone tries to "switch" mid session and be dominant with me. They are taught in very clear terms that is a bad idea.  And then they are never allowed back in my dungeon, or my life.



Zensee -> RE: Can a mistress dominate a man or a lady for that matter without his or her approval? (1/22/2007 10:11:18 AM)

OP - Is this a gender specific question or does it apply to male Dominants too?

Unless things are non-consensual there is, of course, always a degree of negotiation.

My analogy is that the sub can bring their map but I drive, choose the destinations and routes. I also reserve the right to challenge the border guards.


Z.



Lashra -> RE: Can a mistress dominate a man or a lady for that matter without his or her approval? (1/22/2007 10:24:12 AM)

I personally prefer a willing sub moreso then one that I would have to force to submit to me. That doesn't make the sub the dominant in the equation, as the sub is the one willfully submitting to my rule. Negotiations and taking the time to get to  know your partner is essential for any relationship.

That old saying of "brawn" over "brain", I'll put my money on the brain. You can be as strong as an ox but if your as dumb as one you won't get too far.

~Lashra



LadyHugs -> RE: Can a mistress dominate a man or a lady for that matter without his or her approval? (1/22/2007 10:28:07 AM)

Dear seekstofasn8adom, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In my mind's eyes I see; a long history of of a dominant woman that have dominated a man or woman without his/her approval.  In war, the Queen's warriors have enslaved both men and women and a fine job of it also.
 
A woman can dominate in many ways and with consent. 
 
I also can see when a woman who is Dominant, concedes it may appear as submission but, in all relationships; even between enemies there is a dance of tactics.  The end result of winning and or maintaining a dominant stance is the goal.
 
Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs



alwayzron -> RE: Can a mistress dominate a man or a lady for that matter without his or her approval? (1/22/2007 11:16:59 AM)

OOOhhhhh yes!!!  Submission and Dominance is a mental game.  Those most practiced in their art are those who understand the mind of their Domme/submissive.



LadyEllen -> RE: Can a mistress dominate a man or a lady for that matter without his or her approval? (1/22/2007 1:34:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ToGiveDivine

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

In everyday life, I keep getting told I'm intimidating



Dagnab it woman - not in a bad way LOL


But...... I'm nice, and cuddly..... honest!

E



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Can a mistress dominate a man or a lady for that matter without his or her approval? (1/22/2007 1:43:26 PM)

Yes she can, but if it's not a work situation, why would she want to?   I wouldn't touch anyone who tells me I want someone who can make me submit, because my making you do things will only carry us so far, than I'll want to hurt you (I'm not a violent type, and have never hit anyone who didn't verbally ask/beg by the way).    M



GuidingLite -> RE: Can a mistress dominate a man or a lady for that matter without his or her approval? (1/22/2007 2:42:09 PM)

its not clear cut as that.  sub says what she likes and the dom controls how its rendered. :yawn



Celeste43 -> RE: Can a mistress dominate a man or a lady for that matter without his or her approval? (1/22/2007 5:55:39 PM)

Think of it as ballroom dancing. They both agree to go out dancing together and they agree that one leads and the other follows. The one who follows agrees to follow but that doesn't make them the leader. The fact is that you need two to tango, two both interested in learning the steps of the dance and willing to work together to create something better than either of them sitting alone at a table could.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Can a mistress dominate a man or a lady for that matter without his or her approval? (1/22/2007 8:06:54 PM)

This question really doesn't have anything to do with kink or BDSM. No matter who you are and no matter what the situation, you ALWAYS have to choice to not submit. Consequences are greater for different situations, such as you deciding to not do as your boss tells you and you get fired, but it is ALWAYS your choice.

Master Fire



thetammyjo -> RE: Can a mistress dominate a man or a lady for that matter without his or her approval? (1/23/2007 6:55:13 AM)

This is a complicated issue.

Some of us are innately submissive or dominant, we fall into patterns of social interaction and interpersonal behavior often without fully being aware of what we are doing. However these personality traits can lead to problems as well as benefits.

BDSM is about consent and in my opinion you need to assess things with an informed and reality-based mind before you consent. In this case you should chose who you will dom or who you will submit to.

In my experience this works best when the people are innately dom or sub but they approach each other purposely and carefully and decide together to open themselves up to their natural tendancies with each other. In this case it isn't a matter of one person being dominant over another but of each aiding the other in the full expression of themselves which is empowering to both.



tasha_tart -> RE: Can a mistress dominate a man or a lady for that matter without his or her approval? (1/24/2007 2:03:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

Think of it as ballroom dancing. They both agree to go out dancing together and they agree that one leads and the other follows. The one who follows agrees to follow but that doesn't make them the leader. The fact is that you need two to tango, two both interested in learning the steps of the dance and willing to work together to create something better than either of them sitting alone at a table could.


I've never seen it put quite so nicley.  You have a lovely way with analogy.
 
Tasha
 
ps...OMG..."analogy"...kind of an odd word if one looks at it from a bit different angle!



LeatherBentOne -> RE: Can a mistress dominate a man or a lady for that matter without his or her approval? (1/25/2007 5:51:30 AM)

I dominate my submissive because she has consented I do that.  She offers her submission williingly, I dont force or manipulate her to do so.  In giving me her submission, she meets my need for power and that pleases me.  It allows me to use that power to give her what she needs and wants as a submissive and a human being, but I decided when, where and how once we BOTH set our limits.  There is a give and take as in any relationship and who doesnt want their needs and desires met?  In essence, we are doing just that albeit it is fair but not equal in power.

Although my sub has limits in what she will/will not do and we have come to a meeting of the minds, that doesnt mean she takes on a dominant role.  Quite the opposite.  I have earned her trust and therefore I use what she does agree to, to the advantantage as I see fit, when I see fit and how I see fit for the benefit and enjoyment of both of us.

LBO



Floggings4You -> RE: Can a mistress dominate a man or a lady for that matter without his or her approval? (1/25/2007 6:06:02 AM)

I think the key word in the question is 'approval'.  Approval doesn't mean consent before (or during) the scene, it means positive feedback afterwards.

I absolutely think that a Dom or Domme can dominate a sub (male or female) in such a way that the sub gets off on the submission, even if the sub may not necessarily 'approve' of ,or enjoy, the particular acts invovled.

For me, this is the difference between a sub and a bottom.  A person who gets off on particular acts, is a bottom.  Bottoms will ask that specific things be done to them, and will also refuse to do certain things. 

A person who gets off on doing another's will--with little concern for a particular act--is a sub.  Subs may have very few hard limits, and will often engage in acts they don't enjoy, because this (and perhaps only this) demonstrates the depth of their submission.

Keith.











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