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aSlavesLife -> RE: Being separated from a support system (1/22/2007 6:41:44 PM)
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It is remarkable that you can seldom get 3 people here to agree on a definition, but 99% will agree on universal ways of telling others how to run their lives.
My slave was initially isolated for conditioning and training. It is next to impossible to ingrain some forms of conditioning while being bombarded with outside influences. People that have no desire for M/s might view this as a ' red flag ' of pending abuse. Others with more open minds would probably be more inclined to see it for nothing more than the practicality that it really is.
L gave up most of her contacts prior to coming to me. Others I deny her because they offer nothing but negative influences that I find non conducive to her training and life. She spoke with her mother on 3 separate occasions. After the 3rd time of having to listen to her sob in frustration while her mother screamed obscenities at her over the phone, I took the phone away from her, hung up on her mother, and had my phone number changed. This was done to protect her, not to abuse her. L has not had any contact with the rest of her family in several years, and this choice was hers alone as I did not even know her at that time.
In regard to friends, L maintains contact with 2 vanilla friends as well as several that are involved in one degree or another in BDSM. She speaks to them through e-mail as well as by telephone. I will not name names, but several of them post on the forums fairly regularly. One of these dear people expressed her concern over what she feared was abuse. Instead of forbidding L further contact with her, I explained in some detail how what she thought was abuse was misunderstanding of something I had written.
I have blocked 3 people that refused to listen to reason. They were so opinionated and convinced that theirs was the only ' right ' way to do things that no amount of explanation would suffice. While L is under my collar, which by the way will be the rest of my or her life, she will not be allowed to maintain communication with people that wish to tell her how horrible her lifestyle choice is, how much potential for abuse is in it, how she needs psychiatric help, or any other negative ranting from people that are willingly ignorant of M/s. Both L and myself have stressed many times that M/s is not BDSM or D/s, and that it appeals to only a tiny minority. Neither of us claim that it is better than anyone else's way of living, but it is our choice, and it is right for us.
Were a vanilla husband to bend his vanilla wife over her knee and spank her for back talking him, he would most likely land in jail. Yet in BDSM few people would think twice about it. But most of you seem willing, even eager, to draw a line in the sand, then vainly pound your chests proclaiming anything over that line to be abuse. I think that you should start drawing lines only after you are able to write a BDSM dictionary for newbies, so they won't be so confused because of 20 different definitions of a single word. Because if you can't communicate the meaning of a single word, you sure as hell can't communicate the meaning of what constitutes abuse in BDSM.
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