RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS?????

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Aileen68 -> RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? (1/23/2007 1:29:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PAsextoy4u Geez... I guess I shouldnt be allowed to post this tripe either. Only those with years of experience HERE and those who post and post and post are allowed to ask questions??? Newcomers should be banned from asking questions about predators??? Or should newcomers be banned from asking ANY questions??? Just because someone doesnt post like crazy, giving their opinions on EVERY topic doesnt mean they dont deserve to ask questions. I dont see how asking about predators is "tripe" Perhaps someone who has never been sexually assaulted considers predators and sexual assault to be "tripe" I would think that ANY group who has a sexual predator or rapist among its members would take that seriously. Perhaps some education about what "predator" means would help. It doesnt refer to some guy who sucks at being a Dom, or some guy who just wants laid and thinks it easier to "do" a sub, or some guy who is a "player". Predator refers to someone who "PREYS" on people to get something they normally wouldnt be willing to give. Perhaps the men here who got the most upset by the idea of discussing what a predator is might look at why they got so upset. Does that idea make you nervous or uncomfortable??? Does that description fit you too well??? I wonder why this topic has generated so many negative, almost attacking, almost insulting posts toward the original poster. Why dont groups want to look at the issue of predators? What is everyone so afraid of? Do you really think that THAT many woman would go public crying "rape" who didnt have a problem??? Do you really think that there are NOT predators in this group??? Maybe some or most of you live a life so far out on the edge that the idea of meeting up with a rapist, or an abusive sadist, or some other kind of predator, seems exciting or challenging, but some of us do NOT want that, we do not want to deal with any kind of predator. How can any community that ignores the issue of predators hope to build a strong safe community? Or isnt that an interest here, safety??? You're a predator. Let me put you on a list. Do you see the problem?

KeirasSecret -> RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? (1/23/2007 1:50:08 PM)
I don’t believe the intended idea of most was just to ignore the fact that predators exist or that people need to be watchful for them; only that we can’t start making lists with names, (for various reasons), to protect those who don’t know who they are. With my point, think of a new driver going to get their license. Someone could give this person all the answers for the test, but what are they going to do once they get out on the road and the answers aren’t being given? Also, you have to consider the fact that what makes a predator is different to each person. Although most would agree with the qualities you mentioned in your post; the op was talking about your average member here on CM, small difference. Besides, the really good ones (meaning good at what they do) won’t be wearing a sign saying “I’m a predator, stay away form me!” Be well,

mellian -> RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? (1/23/2007 4:25:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Emperor1956 As usual, LA got it on the first post. I'll only add that I'm suspicious of anyone ... Dom or Sub... who, like the OP, only wants to "save" the poor innocents. Methinks there's a hidden agenda, there. Yes, such a predator list can be so abused. I know people in the BDSM community started avoiding me despite being well liked because iwas with my ex which continued year or so after it ended. Heck, my ex would try to add to such a list out of spite as she already proven she would after trying to turn friends against me which only led to her own undoing and exile. -mellian

simplyangelic1 -> RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? (1/23/2007 5:11:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PAsextoy4u Geez... I guess I shouldnt be allowed to post this tripe either. Only those with years of experience HERE and those who post and post and post are allowed to ask questions??? Newcomers should be banned from asking questions about predators??? Or should newcomers be banned from asking ANY questions??? Just because someone doesnt post like crazy, giving their opinions on EVERY topic doesnt mean they dont deserve to ask questions. I dont see how asking about predators is "tripe" Perhaps someone who has never been sexually assaulted considers predators and sexual assault to be "tripe" I would think that ANY group who has a sexual predator or rapist among its members would take that seriously. Perhaps some education about what "predator" means would help. It doesnt refer to some guy who sucks at being a Dom, or some guy who just wants laid and thinks it easier to "do" a sub, or some guy who is a "player". Predator refers to someone who "PREYS" on people to get something they normally wouldnt be willing to give. Perhaps the men here who got the most upset by the idea of discussing what a predator is might look at why they got so upset. Does that idea make you nervous or uncomfortable??? Does that description fit you too well??? I wonder why this topic has generated so many negative, almost attacking, almost insulting posts toward the original poster. Why dont groups want to look at the issue of predators? What is everyone so afraid of? Do you really think that THAT many woman would go public crying "rape" who didnt have a problem??? Do you really think that there are NOT predators in this group??? Maybe some or most of you live a life so far out on the edge that the idea of meeting up with a rapist, or an abusive sadist, or some other kind of predator, seems exciting or challenging, but some of us do NOT want that, we do not want to deal with any kind of predator. How can any community that ignores the issue of predators hope to build a strong safe community? Or isnt that an interest here, safety??? Whoa!!! Nobody said anything about preditors being tripe. We are pointing out the danger of have a list of them. ANYBODY and I do mean ANYBODY could be listed there. Even you sweetheart. Just because you don't fit into someone's preconceived notion of what they think you should be. Everyone who has had access to a computer for a week finds out fast that all are not as they seem. It's the internet. If you can't figure that out, back away from the computer slowly and leave it alone. Are there signs, I've noticed a few. But these are warning signs to me. They may not be useful to you because we are different and are looking for different things. So a generic list of warning signs would be one, very long and two, would get to be ineffective as people throw out what they don't see as benificial. Do you now see the problem with a list?

MaryT -> RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? (1/23/2007 5:22:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: simplyangelic1 Whoa!!! Nobody said anything about preditors being tripe. No, but tripe might be included in such a list. I've seen tripe. It's scary-looking stuff. MaryT

junecleaver -> RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? (1/23/2007 6:05:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sapphireC Why can't we attempt to save sub/slaves from the wickedness of these foolish idiot game players and liars? To be honest, people who want to 'save me' in such a fashion worry me a great deal more than predators. I'd rather someone want to fuck me up than deal with the pretentious bullshit of people who think they are being noble and true by pointing out others' short comings.

sapphireC -> RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? (1/23/2007 6:38:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PAsextoy4u Geez... I guess I shouldnt be allowed to post this tripe either. Only those with years of experience HERE and those who post and post and post are allowed to ask questions??? Newcomers should be banned from asking questions about predators??? Or should newcomers be banned from asking ANY questions??? Just because someone doesnt post like crazy, giving their opinions on EVERY topic doesnt mean they dont deserve to ask questions. I dont see how asking about predators is "tripe" Perhaps someone who has never been sexually assaulted considers predators and sexual assault to be "tripe" I would think that ANY group who has a sexual predator or rapist among its members would take that seriously. Perhaps some education about what "predator" means would help. It doesnt refer to some guy who sucks at being a Dom, or some guy who just wants laid and thinks it easier to "do" a sub, or some guy who is a "player". Predator refers to someone who "PREYS" on people to get something they normally wouldnt be willing to give. Perhaps the men here who got the most upset by the idea of discussing what a predator is might look at why they got so upset. Does that idea make you nervous or uncomfortable??? Does that description fit you too well??? I wonder why this topic has generated so many negative, almost attacking, almost insulting posts toward the original poster. Why dont groups want to look at the issue of predators? What is everyone so afraid of? Do you really think that THAT many woman would go public crying "rape" who didnt have a problem??? Do you really think that there are NOT predators in this group??? Maybe some or most of you live a life so far out on the edge that the idea of meeting up with a rapist, or an abusive sadist, or some other kind of predator, seems exciting or challenging, but some of us do NOT want that, we do not want to deal with any kind of predator. How can any community that ignores the issue of predators hope to build a strong safe community? Or isnt that an interest here, safety??? PAsexytoy4u, Thanks for your reply. For the life of me, I can't seem to find the part in my post that mentioned anything about a "list online". ....The definition of the word predator is pretty straightforward as well. ....You'll learn that alot of these "people" are quick to judge - quick to post on anything because they are in love with the sound of their own voice or, perhaps, they are trying to break a record for the most amount of posts. I mean, several thousand posts for some - come on - This IS their life. As far as the so-called dominants who posted with problems with it - yea....wonder why it upset them so much. I guess some egos can only be so much overinflated without eventually feeling threatened. ... Either way - this is not the forum for real issues for real people.

MaryT -> RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? (1/23/2007 6:51:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sapphireC Either way - this is not the forum for real issues for real people. Nothing real here? That's heavy. Some sects of Buddhism and some schools of philosophy teach that reality is an illusion. So if the people and issues here are not reality, what does that mean? ... [8\|] MaryT

stef -> RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? (1/23/2007 7:21:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sapphireC You'll learn that alot of these "people" are quick to judge - quick to post on anything because they are in love with the sound of their own voice or, perhaps, they are trying to break a record for the most amount of posts. I mean, several thousand posts for some - come on - This IS their life. As far as the so-called dominants who posted with problems with it - yea....wonder why it upset them so much. I guess some egos can only be so much overinflated without eventually feeling threatened. ... Either way - this is not the forum for real issues for real people. Mercy sakes, what scathing repartee. You simply *must* be "real" with insight like that. I'll likely cry myself to sleep knowing that we don't measure up to your standard of "realness," you big meanie! Door. Ass. Figure out the rest. ~stef

julietsierra -> RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? (1/23/2007 7:25:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sapphireC Either way - this is not the forum for real issues for real people. Well, when I read that, I pinched me - just to be sure I was real. It hurt. I was.... So I did it again That being said, while there are probably some pretty strange people out there, I really don't think there are as many "predators" as people like to believe lurk under every rock and in every nook and cranny along the bdsm avenue. What there are, are hurt feelings, misconceptions, misunderstandings, arrogance, insecurity, and more than likely, a general unease when it comes to some things we hate to love and love to hate, and sometimes are just darned uncomfortable about. I've been around this lifestyle for eight years - eight years of face to face, in person, real time relationship building, relationships searching, relationship ending and so on, and so far, I've yet to come across a genuine, bonafide, dyed in the wool predator. I HAVE come across people that others have warned me about. laughing I'm collared to one of those meany type people even as we speak, which brings me to the crux of my post. Those people who are interested in the people you are wanting to add to your list aren't going to listen anyway, and those that do listen probably weren't interested to begin with. In the end, when people start predator lists, and unsubmissive submissive lists, and any other list you can come up with, they generally end up existing to make the person wronged feel better (vindicated even) and not necessarily for their perceived and stated altruistic value of warning others. Besides, if this so-called list isn't going to be online, then wouldn't it be something that someone could handle face to face with someone IF they were asked? Would it actually require a pinko communist in every closet witch hunt list? (oh, never mind that - I was watching Good Night and Good Luck this evening - which is what this all is reminding me of) And it's strange. in my very real life, I had a husband who was ... uh... not very nice. I used to think I'd make darn sure each and every single woman he thought he'd go out with knew about his general not-so-niceness. But in the end, I realized that if they genuinely liked him, then they weren't going to listen to me anyway, and just because he and I couldn't get along (and had some harrowing times because of it) doesn't mean he and someone else won't get along. And I was right. The girl he's seeing now is a lovely lady. She's sweet and good to my children and she seems to genuinely care for him. More importantly, he appears to care for her and they are much more suited to each other than he and I ever were. If he pulls the same things on her that he did with me, then I am pretty darn sure, even knowing her as little as I do, that she's not going to stand for it for one moment - and he knows it too. I don't have to say a word. I dont have to involve myself in their relationship. And I don't have to treat her as if she's just a silly female without a brain in her head, because she's very much not that. Those lists you're speaking of simply don't work and they do a disservice both to the people on the lists and to the people those on the list may meet who really would be able to get along with them - even if the person who put them on the list couldn't. juliet

ownedgirlie -> RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? (1/23/2007 7:32:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 You're a predator. Let me put you on a list. Do you see the problem? This was the clearest, most concise argument here. Simple, isn't it?

julietsierra -> RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? (1/23/2007 7:38:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 You're a predator. Let me put you on a list. Do you see the problem? This was the clearest, most concise argument here. Simple, isn't it? Except that people who believe that lists will save them and others rarely see how they could ever be at risk for finding their name on such a list. juliet

ownedgirlie -> RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? (1/23/2007 7:53:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: julietsierra quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 You're a predator. Let me put you on a list. Do you see the problem? This was the clearest, most concise argument here. Simple, isn't it? Except that people who believe that lists will save them and others rarely see how they could ever be at risk for finding their name on such a list. juliet I thought Aileen pointed that out perfectly. But then I have learned in life that those who do not want to see something...won't, regardless of how clear. But then that's a tangent I won't get into here, lol.

reamer -> RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? (1/23/2007 8:13:32 PM)
whom would decide what was proper criteria for making the list? whom would decide the credentials necessary for the above? would this be as unregulated as other sites on the net? would female predators (and they do exist) be included on the list EQUALLY? would males have the same freedom to place BPCD's on the list as much as women could place male sociopaths (since they are basically the same thing, and BCPD's are capable of what is clinically referred to as "Borderline Rage")? The most important question is the last one. If the answer is "no", then it's a crap idea.

RobertCloud -> RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? (1/23/2007 8:17:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sapphireC For the life of me, I can't seem to find the part in my post that mentioned anything about a "list online". sapphireC, I reread your OP, and you are right you do not specifically come out and mention a "LIST" however your comments imply warning newbies about predators. Either you are referring to a list of predators or a list of things to look for. Either way you are on dangerous ground, the list of predators by person would be sladerous for you cannot say that they are indeed bad people. I once made a comment to a potential person I was speaking to that I did not want her to think I was a predator, she laughed and said but she liked being the prey and were not all Dominants predators when they were looking for someone. They are seeking, hunting, on the trail of a submissive or slave and by definition of the term predator that does indeed make them a predator. It does not mean that they are an evil person, just that they are hunting for their special person and they are going to look for them with all the skill and ability that they have. Good for them, and I wish them luck and success. The difference is are they being TRUTHFUL and HONEST or are they LYING and being DECEITFUL, that is the difference. Nothing wrong in being a predator in this lifestyle, it is being a fake, a liar, a wannabe.... Hell even being a player is not necessarily a bad thing, I want to play with my girl when I find her, the idea of playing with her a lot is something I want to enjoy, and until I find that one special girl that I am settling on I intend to talk to as many as I can... but once I find that one... then I will settle on her. Nothing wrong with playing the field... again... as long as you are HONEST about it. So we have two terms that have bad connotations that really are not bad... Predators... Not really a bad term, when they are HONEST and UPFRONT about their intentions, and Players, same thing... Both turn very bad when you begin lying.. so the real problem here are not Predators or Players.. but LIARS.. They either lie about their intentions and what they are planning to do, or they lie about something else.. but the truth is that the key issue is they are Liars... quote: alot of these "people" are quick to judge - quick to post on anything because they are in love with the sound of their own voice or, perhaps, they are trying to break a record for the most amount of posts. sapphireC, This is just plain rude of you. These people are not quick to judge, and if you had been here long enough and been in enough forums you would have seen that indeed these people have a lot of wisdom and experience to impart. Instead you are judging them by your comments. This shows a great deal of immaturity and insecurity on your part. quote: Either way - this is not the forum for real issues for real people. You were the one to bring up the very real issue here. Even the MODERATOR got involved. Are you also judging the moderator as someone who is not worthy to be listened to. The idea of protecting the innocent from themselves is admirable but it cannot be done. Believe me I have tried and all you do is you wind up driving them right into the arm of those you are trying to protect them from. All you can do is give them some sound advice and pray they listen. Send them to sites where they can read and learn, and teach them safe calls..... safe calls.... safe calls..... Remember this lifestyle teaches safe, sane and consensual, so they must take it slow and learn things carefully.

AquaticSub -> RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? (1/23/2007 8:34:58 PM)
~Fast Reply~ I'd like to put some of my ex-lovers on a predator list. The problem is that I consented to everything. Except for them ripping my heart out. But looking back it, it really wasn't healthy for me, so can I put them on the list? Basically it doesn't matter if this list is online or offline, people will abuse it. And there is a list for sexual predators. Using the internet and a government website you can get the names and addresses of convicted sexual predators who live in your state. If they registered of course. They are required to but they don't always. But no list is perfect, the question is if you want to hang the innocent or risk the guilty not being known. My two cents.

beltainefaerie -> RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? (1/23/2007 8:50:29 PM)
RobertCloud had a very thoughtful, well-phrased response. It was not attacking or snarky, but expressed my feelings as well. The issue has to do with honesty. So many have pointed out that not everyone has the same goals and desires in relationships, especially of this nature. Please be careful and encourage friends to be careful, but careful and slanderous are not the same thing. If you have access to people that know your potential play partner real time, by all means talk to them first. Get to know as much as you can about a person before you play if that is what makes you comfortable. Use your common sense and intuition about situations.

Emperor1956 -> RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? (1/23/2007 9:36:30 PM)
OOOH. Two of my favorite useless pasttimes in one thread: Useless lists and labelling people. SO. Here. For the First Time EVER: Emp's "Are you A Predator" List? Answer the following: 1. You find a small, shivering puppy outside your door one morning. It has no tags, no tattoos, and for the sake of the animal savvy, no microchips. Do you: A. Leave it be, figuring its owner is nearby. B. Take it in to your house, warm it, feed it, groom it and keep it? C. All of B, but instead of keeping it, put up posters in a 10 block radius advertising "Lost Puppy", take out a newspaper ad, and list it with the local ASPCA "lost dogs" list? D. Eat it. 2. How many empty 55 Gallon drums do you have in your garage? 3. How many are full? 4. When I say "LIME" do you think of (a) Calcium Oxide, which when mixed with water forms a corrosive chemical known to rapidly reduce organics (like human remains) to ash or (b) a small fragrant citrus fruit? 5. When I say "IGOR, hand me the LIME" do you (a) Immediately look for a shovel and 4(A) above, or (B) hand me a small fragrant citrus fruit? 6. Add a Last Name to The First Name to make a famous person: A. Jack -Daniels -Kennedy -Bauer -Ripper, The B. John -Wayne -Wayne Gacy C. Michael -Row the boat ashore, Hallelluyah -Myers D. Hannibal -and his Elephants -and his Cook Book 7. If you woke up one day, and realized that you were lost somewhere in the woods, with only a vague recollection of how you got there, and then realized you were bound with duct tape, and had been brutally and repeatedly anally violated, would you tell anyone? A. Yes B. No C. Would you like to go camping next weekend? E.

Lorelei115 -> RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? (1/23/2007 9:39:55 PM)
Oh. My. Fucking. God. That just made this whole thread worth reading. Hannibal and his cookbook. gigglesnort

Marc2b -> RE: PREDATOR WARNINGS????? (1/23/2007 10:07:43 PM)
quote: Emp's "Are you A Predator" List? Answer the following... 1. C (although I’d be too lazy to put up the posters). 2. None (of course, I don’t have a garage). 3. N/A 4. A small fragrant citrus fruit 5. Neither. I’d say, "get your own damn lime, and who the fuck you calling Igor, asshole?" 6. A. Jack Daniels B. John Wayne C. Michael Myers. But what does a middle aged, Canadian actor/comedian have to do with predators? D. Hannibal and his Elephants 7. Before or after I go on a maniacal killing spree of vengeance of such sadistic magnitude that I become the stuff of macabre legend told in story around campfires for centuries to come? Do I pass?

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