male submissive troubles

male submissive troubles (Full Version)

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MsWildfire22 -> male submissive troubles (1/22/2007 11:31:00 PM)
Hello All, I am new to this lifestyle and to collarme. I am having troubles with my male submissive. He has just recently told me that he likes chatting online with SheMales that are dominant and follow the lifestyle. He told me he would enjoy having sex with one sometime just to try it, and he says he is sure they can do me too. I am very worried about this and I have no clue where to begin to see this thru, he told me he was straight when I met him but now after hearing that last week I am not sure anymore. He is also beginning to become very withdrawn from me, unwilling to stasify me sexually, secretive, and very angry towards me during phone conversations and when we are together. Can anyone please shine some light on this problem of mine???

iced05 -> RE: male submissive troubles (1/22/2007 11:45:54 PM)
lady his confused mode his excited caused his ass got pump .... u are domes give him word stay or leave

LadyIce -> RE: male submissive troubles (1/23/2007 4:25:40 AM)
Most of the male submissives here are bisexual or very bicurious.

Serista -> RE: male submissive troubles (1/23/2007 4:34:01 AM)
How long have you two been together? Have you had communication issues in the past? Do you communicate well currently? Are you Poly or in an open relationship? Do you have any issue with him finding this third partner? I recommend sitting down and talking to him about his desires, where they are coming from, how long he has had them etc. Listen openly and without judgment and then discuss your thoughts and feelings in the subject. If he starts to get angry, tell him he is being unfair to your role in the relationship and he needs to listen. Be calm. Be clear. Be concise about what your expectations are. If you do not want him talking, flirting, cybering with she-males or anyone else- spell it out for him.

corysub -> RE: male submissive troubles (1/23/2007 5:26:05 AM)
The answer to Your problem is within yourself. You are Domme and his likes or dislikes are not releavant beyond a certain line in the sand that you draw....not him. It really depends on how long a leash you wish to allow him to be on which, at this point, is very long and generous on your part, in my opinion.

Lashra -> RE: male submissive troubles (1/23/2007 5:26:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsWildfire22 Hello All, I am new to this lifestyle and to collarme. I am having troubles with my male submissive. He has just recently told me that he likes chatting online with SheMales that are dominant and follow the lifestyle. He told me he would enjoy having sex with one sometime just to try it, and he says he is sure they can do me too. I am very worried about this and I have no clue where to begin to see this thru, he told me he was straight when I met him but now after hearing that last week I am not sure anymore. He is also beginning to become very withdrawn from me, unwilling to stasify me sexually, secretive, and very angry towards me during phone conversations and when we are together. Can anyone please shine some light on this problem of mine??? Yes he is trying to tell you what to do, put your foot down or up his ass whichever works and tell him that YOU are the Domme here not him. "he says he is sure they can do me too." What the hell is up with that? Is he arranging who you have sex with now? If he is acting up this way he is not submissive, at least not submissive to YOU. Cut your loses and let him go. ~Lashra

missjada -> RE: male submissive troubles (1/23/2007 8:29:53 AM)
Tell him that if that is what he wishes then he should find himself a She-Male Domme. He should have an understanding that what he is doing is seeking other dommes which should not be tolerated.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: male submissive troubles (1/23/2007 9:01:43 AM)
1) What is bothering you the most, that he's been chatting behind your back or that he's having these fantasies or that he's withdrawn from you? 2) Is he chatting with your permission or has this voilated an agreement? 3) Does it bother you that he's having these fantasies? 4) Would you be comfortable with sharing him? 5) Have you talked about sharing him? 6) What happens if he won't give up the fantasy or chatting behavior if you ask him to? When you can clearly answer these questions, you can talk to him about each one. In the end, you may find that he's no longer a match for you and you need to release him. Master Fire

RumpusParable -> RE: male submissive troubles (1/23/2007 11:05:27 AM)
I have to agree with the general tone and specifically MasterFireMaam's post; figure out exactly what things bother you and what it is you want, then address it from there. You two may no longer be matched, but to know you have to see where the issue actually lays.

MsWildfire22 -> RE: male submissive troubles (1/23/2007 4:21:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Serista How long have you two been together? Have you had communication issues in the past? Do you communicate well currently? Are you Poly or in an open relationship? Do you have any issue with him finding this third partner? I recommend sitting down and talking to him about his desires, where they are coming from, how long he has had them etc. Listen openly and without judgment and then discuss your thoughts and feelings in the subject. If he starts to get angry, tell him he is being unfair to your role in the relationship and he needs to listen. Be calm. Be clear. Be concise about what your expectations are. If you do not want him talking, flirting, cybering with she-males or anyone else- spell it out for him. We have been together almost 2 years. Yes, I have had communication problems on his part in the past. He is just now starting to open up with me more and about 8 months ago he told me of him enjoying this lifestyle and wanted to know if I would try it out with him. Here recently he is starting to become withdrawn from me and very angry with anything I try to ask of him. Yes, he does boss me around and try to tell me what I am going to do. I know that is my fault because I havent put my foot down on him yet, and he knows this. No, we are not poly or in an open relationship. We are both engaged to each other to be married. Yes, it upsets me that he is looking for a she-male Mistress to have sex with, and that he would say they probably would fuck me too. That is why I am here I am not sure how to address this issue. I think this all started when I sat him down and asked him about what he thought of sometime in the near future bringing in a female submissive to my home, and I am pretty sure that made him angry because he doesnt want to share anyone with me. He has never had any bi or gay relationships in the past. When I try to ask him questions about the whole liking she-males he tells me to just drop it and that he doesnt want to talk about it anymore and that he will stop chatting with them online. I just dont know what to do anymore. I screwed this whole lifestyle of ours up by not putting my foot down and telling him how I want it to be, now he thinks he can tell me how he wants it and how its going to be for him. I am pretty sure this is going to ruin our 2 yr. relationship as an engaged couple. I never wanted this to happen, I thought this lifestyle was going to strengthen our relationship not push us apart from one another. I dont want to loose him I love him very dearly, he is my heart and soul.

WhiteRadiance -> RE: male submissive troubles (1/23/2007 5:01:16 PM)
I suggest to you that you decide how much you intend to put up with from this man. He seems passive-aggressive to me, and although this lifestyle was his idea, he now is unwilling to openly discuss the future with you. You must ask yourself- and ask him- what you want to achieve in the future, together. How much of the lifestyle do you want to incorporate into your relationship? Does he want to play or does he want to be your slave? If he really wants a Mistress, you must assert your authority. And, most of all- what is it YOU really want? There may come a time when you can address issues of shemales and other subs into the relationship, but you need to take it slow. You both seem a bit terrified. Good luck to you both quote: ORIGINAL: MsWildfire22 quote: ORIGINAL: Serista How long have you two been together? Have you had communication issues in the past? Do you communicate well currently? Are you Poly or in an open relationship? Do you have any issue with him finding this third partner? I recommend sitting down and talking to him about his desires, where they are coming from, how long he has had them etc. Listen openly and without judgment and then discuss your thoughts and feelings in the subject. If he starts to get angry, tell him he is being unfair to your role in the relationship and he needs to listen. Be calm. Be clear. Be concise about what your expectations are. If you do not want him talking, flirting, cybering with she-males or anyone else- spell it out for him. We have been together almost 2 years. Yes, I have had communication problems on his part in the past. He is just now starting to open up with me more and about 8 months ago he told me of him enjoying this lifestyle and wanted to know if I would try it out with him. Here recently he is starting to become withdrawn from me and very angry with anything I try to ask of him. Yes, he does boss me around and try to tell me what I am going to do. I know that is my fault because I havent put my foot down on him yet, and he knows this. No, we are not poly or in an open relationship. We are both engaged to each other to be married. Yes, it upsets me that he is looking for a she-male Mistress to have sex with, and that he would say they probably would fuck me too. That is why I am here I am not sure how to address this issue. I think this all started when I sat him down and asked him about what he thought of sometime in the near future bringing in a female submissive to my home, and I am pretty sure that made him angry because he doesnt want to share anyone with me. He has never had any bi or gay relationships in the past. When I try to ask him questions about the whole liking she-males he tells me to just drop it and that he doesnt want to talk about it anymore and that he will stop chatting with them online. I just dont know what to do anymore. I screwed this whole lifestyle of ours up by not putting my foot down and telling him how I want it to be, now he thinks he can tell me how he wants it and how its going to be for him. I am pretty sure this is going to ruin our 2 yr. relationship as an engaged couple. I never wanted this to happen, I thought this lifestyle was going to strengthen our relationship not push us apart from one another. I dont want to loose him I love him very dearly, he is my heart and soul.

DianeB269 -> RE: male submissive troubles (1/23/2007 5:04:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsWildfire22 Hello All, I am new to this lifestyle and to collarme. I am having troubles with my male submissive. He has just recently told me that he likes chatting online with SheMales that are dominant and follow the lifestyle. He told me he would enjoy having sex with one sometime just to try it, and he says he is sure they can do me too. I am very worried about this and I have no clue where to begin to see this thru, he told me he was straight when I met him but now after hearing that last week I am not sure anymore. He is also beginning to become very withdrawn from me, unwilling to stasify me sexually, secretive, and very angry towards me during phone conversations and when we are together. Can anyone please shine some light on this problem of mine??? Time to break out the strapon and show him what it's like to have sex with a shemale. Diane

beltainefaerie -> RE: male submissive troubles (1/23/2007 5:20:54 PM)
It sounds to me like more of a communication issue than anything else. I'm not even sure he was really interested in the she-male dommes, so much as he was feeling hurt/angry at the idea of sharing you with anyone and wanted to see if you would be hurt or annoyed at him having interests in others. I can't know for sure, as I cannot be inside his head, but it seems like that may be what is going on. While it is not particularly mature, we are all human and sometims do strange things. I would sit down and have a chat. What do each of you want from this relationship? Marriage is a huge step and you want to make sure you are compatible and willing to grow with each other. I know you love each other, but that alone will not a happy marriage make. Seriously consider the things MasterFireMa'am suggested you think about and talk frankly with one another. If you both cannot be honest about your relationship and feelings then you are not ready to get married either. Definitely keep in mind that feelings may have been hurt. Accept what he is feeling, be aware of what you are feeling and try to sort it out calmly without accusations. Good luck!

sjacket -> RE: male submissive troubles (1/23/2007 5:27:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyIce Most of the male submissives here are bisexual or very bicurious. Oh? Many may be. "Most", i doubt.

DianeB269 -> RE: male submissive troubles (1/23/2007 5:45:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sjacket quote: ORIGINAL: LadyIce Most of the male submissives here are bisexual or very bicurious. Oh? Many may be. "Most", i doubt. I agree with sjacket..... Diane

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: male submissive troubles (1/23/2007 5:58:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DianeB269 Time to break out the strapon and show him what it's like to have sex with a shemale. Diane That's a great idea Dianne, except that isn't enough for the man who needs to experience sex with a she-male. I can absolutely get down with the strap on idea, but I have turned away more than one man because they were obsessed with the need to be made to do one or many other people with penises, the live kind. I talked to a man nearby who has professional relationships with she males almost exclusively, while seeking a lifestyle domina for a relationship. M

defiantbadgirl -> RE: male submissive troubles (1/23/2007 7:16:26 PM)
Is he completely withdrawing sexually or does he only want oral satisfaction? The fact that he fantasizes about she-males means he is either bisexual or bi-curious. The way he withdraws may be a sign that he's hiding something. He might have gone alot further than just being curious and is keeping that from you. Ask yourself if you feel comfortable spending the rest of your life with someone who is bisexual. If you are, then great. If you're not, then do not marry him. I married a man who deliberately lied to me, told me he was straight, swore his gay buddy was just a friend, then found out after the marriage that they were lovers. He married me for the sole purpose of hiding his sexual orientation. Your man is showing the same signs mine did (swearing he's straight, then withdrawing). At least yours is being honest about his fantasies, but I still think he is hiding something.

MistressDolly -> RE: male submissive troubles (1/23/2007 7:45:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsWildfire22 Hello All, I am new to this lifestyle and to collarme. I am having troubles with my male submissive. He has just recently told me that he likes chatting online with SheMales that are dominant and follow the lifestyle. He told me he would enjoy having sex with one sometime just to try it, and he says he is sure they can do me too. I am very worried about this and I have no clue where to begin to see this thru, he told me he was straight when I met him but now after hearing that last week I am not sure anymore. He is also beginning to become very withdrawn from me, unwilling to stasify me sexually, secretive, and very angry towards me during phone conversations and when we are together. Can anyone please shine some light on this problem of mine??? I don't see a problem. If he's gay or bi (or in the process of coming to terms with same) you should accept it, bid farewell and move on. Check him out at a later point in time if you feel so inclined but don't invest any time holding onto or making something out of nothing.

MistressDolly -> RE: male submissive troubles (1/23/2007 7:50:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig "..........because they were obsessed with the need to be made to do one or many other people with penises, the live kind. You, me (via telephone domination) and any others in this similar situation were nothing but pawns in their game of the "down low". LOL!! :)

shamedmale -> RE: male submissive troubles (1/24/2007 8:40:39 AM)
you know you are a young Domme, this may seem devastating at the moment to you but things will actually get better and this experience will make you stronger both as a Domme and a human being shamed

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