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sub=timid/shy? - 1/25/2007 9:56:38 PM   
TantricOne


Posts: 28
Joined: 6/20/2006
Status: offline 		Does it seem, in the majority, that submissive equates with timid? Seems that dominants are much more likely to initiate contact than the submissives. Rather than saying they are seeking a dom, should they not say that they are waiting to be found, and then have the bravery to reply? Isn't it best that understanding come to the dominant thru listening to and learning the sub's needs rather than forcing his own and disregarding the submissive's? And how shall the master learn if there is nothing said?

< Message edited by TantricOne -- 1/25/2007 9:58:28 PM >
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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/25/2007 10:04:17 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TantricOne

Does it seem, in the majority, that submissive equates with timid?

No, not really.

quote:

Seems that dominants are much more likely to initiate contact than the submissives. Rather than saying they are seeking a dom, should they not say that they are waiting to be found, and then have the bravery to reply?

Only if they are.

quote:

 Isn't it best that understanding come to the dominant thru listening to and learning the sub's needs rather than forcing his own and disregarding the submissive's? And how shall the master learn if there is nothing said?

I think you're thinking about this too much.

~stef

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/25/2007 10:10:41 PM   
CrazyC


Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		UMMM. LMAO....I know too many subs that are far from timid.

Isn't more of both command and listening? How can the sub submit if he/she is telling what needs to happen?

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/25/2007 10:14:57 PM   
OedipusRexIt


Posts: 634
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline 		If you mean to say that many confuse submissiveness with shyness, perhaps you have a point.

As to what they mean beyond that, who knows?  They're individuals, so thay all are likely to have different motivations.

Whatever their motivations, wouldn't it be nice if people really said what they meant.

... and vice versa.

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/25/2007 10:24:21 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well IMO it is a common phenomena for a female sub to act timid and shy to someone they find attractive, but otherwise not at all.

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/25/2007 10:40:40 PM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline 		I can honestly say that  the word timid has never been used to describe me. I am submissive, I do tend to lean more towards masochistic bottom but i am a sub. I'm also an extrovert, I will talk to pretty much anyone. That is how I met the Top I  have played with now for close to 2 years, I saw Him play  his girl and was fascinated by it, so I went and talked to him at the most appropriate time.     Being respectful can look like shy at times but they are very diffrent.   It  has to be the right combination of  both Dom and sub for the communication to flow.   You mentioned  "waiting to reply" maybe those that email them are not what they are looking for?

denika

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/25/2007 11:00:52 PM   
newflowers


Posts: 292
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline 		i think you might consider there is a difference between passive and timid/shy. These words are not synonyms. I am submissive and shy/timid are not words that have ever been used to describe me nor do they describe many of the submssive women i know or have met.

Perhaps timid/shy and passive are not at all the appropriate descriptors - perhaps not interested is the better term. Keep looking until you find mutual attraction - and correspondance styles.

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 2:26:07 AM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline 		Timid? Me? I don't think so. I am a professional woman who has in the past managed large businesses and now controls the finance of a media business along with helping my Master run his business.

As for subs not initiating contact perhaps that is because they do not have to. Any female submissive will tell you that once they post an advert to say they are looking they will be flooded with responses from Doms eager to chat to them. It almost appears to be an unwritten rule that Doms make the initial contact.

(in reply to TantricOne)
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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 2:41:08 AM   
simplyangelic1


Posts: 186
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline 		I'm a natural introvert.  But timid...No.  Shy yes till I get to know you, then watch out.

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 2:52:51 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Not sure if this is a good place to ask as most of us who post aren't shy or we wouldn't be posting!

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 3:29:10 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		The word "timid" has never been used to describe me but i was recently contacted by someone who wanted a timid girl.  A lid for every pot i'm sure.  It's often mentioned that "doormat" isn't what a submissive is but there are those who are at that level of timid and there are those who seek them.

Shy? yes i am and sometimes painfully so.  i don't exactly know why (or maybe i do) but i am very uncomfortable with making initial contact with a Dom.  Yes, i am waiting to be found and perhaps that's not the best way to go about actually meeting someone because it hasn't worked well for me. 

For all my shyness i have a job that requires public speaking to rooms full of strangers, groups of 25 or 225 people and i have no trouble with it.  Most folks who know me in my professional life would never dream that i am so shy at a munch or other function that i literally will find a corner to sink into.  Go figure.


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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 3:37:55 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TantricOne

Does it seem, in the majority, that submissive equates with timid?

No, women are a feisty lot. Sexual orientation doesn't come into it.

Seems that dominants are much more likely to initiate contact than the submissives.

No, they're game for getting stuck in.

Rather than saying they are seeking a dom, should they not say that they are waiting to be found, and then have the bravery to reply?

No, it's their call.

Isn't it best that understanding come to the dominant thru listening to and learning the sub's needs rather than forcing his own and disregarding the submissive's?

Sounds reasonable but I'm struggling to see the connection with the above three sentences.

And how shall the master learn if there is nothing said?

See above.




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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 3:49:28 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, we are a feisty lot.  BEWARE! 

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 3:52:05 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		Believe me bandit25, I'm very aware of this......on my guard at all times, all eyes and ears etc :-)

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Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 3:53:53 AM   
Philosopher


Posts: 23
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline 		Well I'm Dominant, but I am a bit of an introvert and in the past have been described as timid and shy.

Though during the flirting stage I become more assertive.

(in reply to eyesopened)
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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 3:54:00 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Damn!  Then I guess there's no sneaking up on you

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 3:59:04 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

For all my shyness i have a job that requires public speaking to rooms full of strangers, groups of 25 or 225 people and i have no trouble with it.  Most folks who know me in my professional life would never dream that i am so shy at a munch or other function that i literally will find a corner to sink into.  Go figure.



Acquaintances will only ever know the side of you which you present to them. It's not uncommon for a person to be perceived as the life and soul when in fact they're struggling behind the front.

I would guess everyone has a certain amount of self-consciousness. The trick is to learn to put it to the back of your mind rather than allow it to control you.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 4:00:35 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		Only if you must :-) make sure it's entertaining, thanks in advance.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 4:02:45 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		In a pouncing mood today and since you're up and all............

Besides I have to work with your countrymen...they're not "big picture" kind of people.  I deserve a good pounce!

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 4:04:55 AM   
MissyRane


Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline 		I'm a sub I barely ever send messages out, I'm not "hunting" but if I was "hunting" I might send messages but yet I'm not sure if I would.
I personally don't reaaaally have much faith in these kind of sites to be honest. It has nothing to do with shyness, I don't really consider myself shy unless on some rare occasions and then they're usually strange occasions to be shy on but lol that's me.
It's just because my primary focus is on the forums here, and if people want to send me messages then they do so on first hand :) if I reallyreally want to contact somebody I do, there's nothing that tells me that I can't.

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