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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 4:18:32 AM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

I deserve a good pounce!

Oh yeah, so what have you done to earn this luxury? ;-)

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 4:33:11 AM

bandit25

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Um, dealt with your countrymen. 'Nuff said? Or need I elaborate?

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 4:36:26 AM

NorthernGent

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I've a feeling this is going to be interesting. Feel free to put some meat on the bones of the "dealings".

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 4:51:16 AM

bandit25

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You've got mail!

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 5:18:46 AM

annoraobeien

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It has been said that "shyness is wanting to be bold."

I cannot speak for all submissives (only myself) but one reason I am attracted to Dominant type men (and was even before I was attracted to kinky types, in the vanilla world I move towards alpha male sorts) is that I admire their boldness.

Myself - I can be assertive, but boldly forward, never.

*just me*

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 6:30:14 AM

Wildfleurs

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TantricOne

Does it seem, in the majority, that submissive equates with timid? Seems that dominants are much more likely to initiate contact than the submissives. Rather than saying they are seeking a dom, should they not say that they are waiting to be found, and then have the bravery to reply? Isn't it best that understanding come to the dominant thru listening to and learning the sub's needs rather than forcing his own and disregarding the submissive's? And how shall the master learn if there is nothing said?

In general I've found that dominants seem to be attracted to timid/shy women (I'm talking about male dominants and female submissives specifically). I find because I'm not timid (I'm not the rip roaring center of attention, but I believe in talking loud enough for someone to hear you, lots of eye contact, and a firm handshake) I frequently get mistaken for a dominant from people who don't know me (and its been that way for the ten years I've been in the scene). I find it very interesting and sad. My owner finds it funny.

C~

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 6:38:51 AM

Devilslilsister

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i can be amazingly shy. Public speaking is torture and having to do it in front on just classmates, i barely got through. i am usually shy in new settings or around new ppl. At the last club we were at, Master was talking to some other Dominants and he was talking about me...... i was mortified and promptly stood behind him. I actually mortify easy and it always tickles Master to do so.

On the flip side, if i know a person well or a setting well - most of my shyness flys right out the window.

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 7:22:19 AM

MasterFireMaam

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TantricOne

Does it seem, in the majority, that submissive equates with timid?

I don't know about the majority, but I don't feel this way. I know many shy Dominants/Masters and many outgoing subs/slaves.

quote:

Seems that dominants are much more likely to initiate contact than the submissives. Rather than saying they are seeking a dom, should they not say that they are waiting to be found, and then have the bravery to reply?

Why should they do this? Squeaky wheel...early bird...first mouse, etc. etc.

quote:

Isn't it best that understanding come to the dominant thru listening to and learning the sub's needs rather than forcing his own and disregarding the submissive's?

Needs should always be met in order to have a healthy, adult relationships. Wants are something else.

quote:

And how shall the master learn if there is nothing said?

Rhetorical question.

Master Fire

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 10:43:04 AM

dawntreader

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i am shy...you would never know it to meet me in public or business but when in a situation such as meeting a Dominant, i can't explain it but i do become painfully shy...

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 10:55:31 AM

Celeste43

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Females don't have to initiate contact as they get enough email as is. They are seeking, they winnow through the barrage of junk mail seeking someone worth answering.

It isn't that we're too timid to respond. You are paying for other doms' bad manners. It is extremely common for a sub to respond to someone totally noncompatible who apparently didn't bother to read her profile with a "no thank you but good luck". Unfortunately what happens next is the dom believes that any response means she really is interested so he sends her dozens of porn filled emails commanding her to do stuff. Either that or he is so incensed about being rejected that his next email is along the lines of "You fat pig, you're too ugly to fuck. How dare you reject me? I'll teach you what for" etc. Of course sometimes you get the disgusting porn before the threatening email.

If we don't respond, we don't get the threats and denigration. So we don't respond to people we aren't interested in.

If she doesn't write you back, that's your response. Move along, read profiles and posts, write a one paragraph intro letter that specifically mentions something she talks about. This doesn't mean "You like rock music, so do I, we must be soul mates". If she mentions Santana, tell her that you loved his last album and thought it was way above the level of his previous and why. That way you strike up a conversation just the same as if you were at a party and somebody listened to what was playing and said it was her favorite song. You would then say "Really, I thought this other song of his was better because..."

You might get a conversation going that dies down or you might get to be friendly and decide to meet for coffee. No guarantees either way.

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 10:56:19 AM

krista

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Greetings....

i am one of those people....who when nervous....ie meeting a Dominant....talks non stop...the more nervous.....the more i talk......thus giving an impression that is not truly accurate.....any suggestions on how to avoid this particular pitfall?

the intermittently chatty
krista
joy through service

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 2:31:42 PM

Rayne58

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From: Sydney Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

i can be amazingly shy. Public speaking is torture and having to do it in front on just classmates, i barely got through. i am usually shy in new settings or around new ppl. At the last club we were at, Master was talking to some other Dominants and he was talking about me...... i was mortified and promptly stood behind him. I actually mortify easy and it always tickles Master to do so.

On the flip side, if i know a person well or a setting well - most of my shyness flys right out the window.

You could be talking about me

I get very nervous in social situations where I don't know anyone. I'm usually the one hiding in the background or glued close to Master. However it's different when I know the people, I relax and have a good time

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 3:42:14 PM

behindmirrors

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TantricOne

Does it seem, in the majority, that submissive equates with timid? Seems that dominants are much more likely to initiate contact than the submissives. Rather than saying they are seeking a dom, should they not say that they are waiting to be found, and then have the bravery to reply? Isn't it best that understanding come to the dominant thru listening to and learning the sub's needs rather than forcing his own and disregarding the submissive's? And how shall the master learn if there is nothing said?

Well, from the looks of responses, I wouldn't say that submissive necessarily equals timid or shy.

Now, I am by nature a rather shy person. I'm uncomfortable around new people, very quiet, introverted, and could be described as timid because of these things. I suppose I think of it more as being cautious- I don't jump into unknown social worlds with a shout of glee. I prefer to hang back and watch or listen until I feel I have something worth contributing. I wouldn't say I'm timid- in fact, most people who know me could never believe I'm submissive at all. It has a lot more to do with the situation I'm in, the comfort level I have with those involved, etc.

But I assure you, not timid. Just looks that way to those who I don't know very well...though I am just generally, well, quiet around others. But quiet strength and/or boldness should not be confused with a lack thereof.
behindmirrors.

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 6:02:40 PM

petdave

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Of the people i've met in the scene, i would say that generally speaking, in a social setting, the most outgoing and gregarious sub-set have been female submissives and switches.
i think you're just encountering the age-old "rule", spanning all D/s and vanilla orientations, that it's the man's job to chase, and the woman's privilege to determine if she wants to be caught or not

...dave

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 7:46:36 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TantricOne

Does it seem, in the majority, that submissive equates with timid? Seems that dominants are much more likely to initiate contact than the submissives. Rather than saying they are seeking a dom, should they not say that they are waiting to be found, and then have the bravery to reply? Isn't it best that understanding come to the dominant thru listening to and learning the sub's needs rather than forcing his own and disregarding the submissive's? And how shall the master learn if there is nothing said?

ahhh ~bows~..respectfully TantricONe may have been watching too many old kung fu movies and thus needs be less abstract and philosophical, and more direct and to the point!...~bows away~.....Tempting

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RE: sub=timid/shy? - 1/26/2007 7:47:28 PM

Sinergy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CrazyC

UMMM. LMAO....I know too many subs that are far from timid.

Two words: duct tape.

Sinergy

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