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ORIGINAL: velvetears

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ORIGINAL: gentlethistle

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ORIGINAL: gentlethistle

In general, people here seem to be wildly oposed to it...but I guess I should let them all line up and tell you themselves how dreadful low-down, cheating, hypocritical...etc etc...

See...I knew they would.  They don't like 'cheating'.  And because they don't like cheating and lying, not one of them has ever appropriated office stationery or been party to a 'cash in hand' transaction or told their spouse that their bum doesn't look big in that or given their unmentionable offspring to believe that their artistic efforts are a work of genius or....no, they are all to a man and woman scrupulously honest in every aspect of their lives, they never fail to live up to their own high standards.  Well hoorah for them....not everyone is so perfect.  And in an imperfect world people make imperfect decisions in the interests of trying to hold things together.  If I were really 'honest' I'd quit doing a job I don't want to and stop trying to keep my next of kin alive...but I'm not honest...in a fit of hypocrisy I continue to do both things out of some misplaced sort of hypocritical duty.  I'm not proud of 'cheating' like this...but some people are weak when it comes to 'doing the right thing' and they make shitty compromises.

Laura

Very well conveyed gentlethistle. Unless you experience the pain and disappointment that life can bring you in very complicated relationships, unless you experience the agony of having to make these kinds of decisions no amount of  words are going to make others feel the aching of your feet as they walked in your shoes.    


                

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ORIGINAL: thaimeeuppppp

I have never been married, but have had sex of varying kinds with married men who were on the DL. So many people have reasons for staying married such as to please family, or to stay with someone because of their children.I think people usually have ways to justify cheating but are quick to judge others if they do. It has always been around. Its certainly not ideal m nor coragous

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ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

I don't much care if it is being judgemental.... if taking a stand and saying "there is NEVER a good excuse for cheating" is judgemental, then I am quite happy to accept that lable!

In the case above, where the Man is only sticking around "Because of the children"... there is still the option of sitting her down like adults and working out wether continuing to share their life and parenting but acknowledging the breakdown of the relationship and being free to HONESTLY seek that elsewhere.... or properly seperating... or *Gosh* working together and repairing the relationship... would be the best option rather than destroying both the partner AND the children by going the cheating route and the trainwreck that ALL too often follows. The main thing stopping other options is a) they WANT to cheat and/or b) they are to COWARDLY to go for a more adult and honest option because it IS difficult and DOES require work.

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ORIGINAL: SlyStone

"Cheating is cheating, end of story,"



Beating a women is beating a women, end of story.
Beating a women is sick, end of story.
You beat women, end of story.
Therefore you are sick, end of story.



Based on how people usually take my posts I had better add that the above is sarcasm.

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ORIGINAL: marieToo

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ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

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ORIGINAL: cloudboy
The hardliners are all invariably unmarried: chichenhawks of life-long monogamy and marital simplicity.

Invariably? I held this stance twenty years ago, I held it when I GOT MARRIED 7 years ago after the first few years of that relationship. I will still hold it after next month when I get My decree nici and I will continue to hold it when I take My next (2nd but last) wife!

If you get divorced, you break a vow.  You betray a promise to stay with someone for better or worse.

Breaking a vow is breaking a vow. 

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ORIGINAL: SlyStone

The only person here who said they had cheated was LA. Perhaps she is the only one courageous enough with "shortsighted pathetic fucks" commenting on their actions or perhaps no one else has cheated and we all exist here in a vacuum of perfection. As far as I know no one here is condoning cheating.

I have never cheated on a spouse , not that it is any of your business, but what I am trying to say is that for me this is another case of understanding that people make mistakes in a relationship and things are not always as they appear to be and a group of people who are judged mentally ill for engaging in a given practice should be able to see this.

Or not. 

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

To whomever,

Don't whine about not wanting to break a vow, it was for "better OR WORSE"...that didn't just mean money, it meant if the sex sucked or she didn't that you would STILL honor the vow.

If you are going to get sanctimonious, at least find some frigging high ground because from where you are at we can't hear you over the gurgling of the bullshit you are standing in.

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Aquatic,

Just so you know my vitriol isn't pointed at you or anyone who has made a mistake, when I was younger I cheated a few times and have certainly lusted in my heart.  I just can't stand hypocrites who want to find a rationalization of why it is okay to do.

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ORIGINAL: cjenny

OMG I have a moral. Sigh. It was bound to happen eventually eh.

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ORIGINAL: cjenny

It just seems so obvious to me. If cheating is going to be involved then you need to un-involve from the marriage. Not every marriage can or should be saved but stepping out should not be an option either. Not til those final papers are filed, then do what you want with whom you want. Yeah yeah it is *gasp, breaking a vow to divorce*  but I don't consider that a moral sin. Fucking someone outside of your marriage however is to me, a moral sin.

OMG I have a moral. Sigh. It was bound to happen eventually eh.

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ORIGINAL: cjenny

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

To whomever,

Don't whine about not wanting to break a vow, it was for "better OR WORSE"...that didn't just mean money, it meant if the sex sucked or she didn't that you would STILL honor the vow.

If you are going to get sanctimonious, at least find some frigging high ground because from where you are at we can't hear you over the gurgling of the bullshit you are standing in.

Okie dokie then, I should have stayed in a physically abusive marriage? I should have let the big bad man beat on me because we once shared vows??
Sorry but the moment that began the vows had been broken. I just took the step of finishing the process. My only regret is that it took me 20 years to realise that my life outweighed any 'vows' taken.
Shocked, stunned at the attitudes here.
Am I still standing in the bullshit?
Fuck not taking responsibility to ensure the safety of my life. It is a lot easier to do nothing than it is to change your entire world. I chose to change my world.
We didn't divorce because his dick was too small, or because he didn't make enough money.
I divorced him because he was dangerous. I broke the vows because they needed to be broken. It shattered me to do it. It would have shattered me to not do it.
Am I still standing in the bullshit now? Or did I find high enough ground to satisfy you?

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ORIGINAL: lateralist1

I don't think it's anyone else's business what another person does.
Judging someone's character is very different than being judgemental.
Marriage has nothing to do with a relationship it is designer to be a legal contract.
That's all.
And a very outdated one at that.
It tries to financially protect women and children. And often goes overboard.
When some men stopped using it because it didn't serve them to the government introduced the Child Support Agency.
This is not meant to offend anyone who takes their Christian vows very seriously.
It's just that most people in England are not practicing Christians but the link between Church and State is still there.
Surely a person is better trying to make their marriage work on a vanilla level and seeking the extra they need elsewhere rather than destroying it.
Some people have marriage partners they can tell. Others don't. It may be more of a reflection on the other person in the marriage than on the person who is cheating.