Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with? (Full Version)

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SirDiscipliner69 -> Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with? (1/26/2007 4:57:29 PM)

Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with?

What is one person's ceiling is another person's floor right?

So with one person a definite RED could be a green go go go right?

So does emotional connection make it work or just feeling safe to trust?

Ross

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Bon_D_Age/members?o=6



countrygirl69 -> RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with? (1/26/2007 4:59:20 PM)

to my inexperienced self it is both the emotional connection and the trust and safety but for me it takes one to have the other



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with? (1/26/2007 5:20:00 PM)

I base my limits on myself.

The things I would do, I would do whether another person told me to do or not.

The things I would not to, no one could force me to do.

I must take responsbility for my own choices.



mystiquenz -> RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with? (1/26/2007 5:22:03 PM)

You ask some very good questions.

Who knows how it works, unless your the Dominant and your talking about your submissive.  What works for one couple may not work for another. 

You would only work through those questions with a face to face conversation with the other person, that your intending to play with. 

I think that there has to be some kind of basic level of trust, to build on.  However, in my book, if that trust is eroded, would you want to work on restoring the levels?  I know there are different view points on this, and so i will be interested to read others view points, and maybe it will give me something to ponder. 

If i am bottoming in a casual scene and I called red and the Top didn't stop, or respond to that safe word, then that would be the last time that i would play with that person.  I have a mouth, and a pair of legs, and i would simply walk.  However, if it was a more commited and an ongoing relationship, and I called red, and if my Dominant, didn't stop, I would be questioning him as to why.  Maybe he would be trying to extend pain tolerances or limits. But hopefully that would occur before a scene. 

Then you apparently have slaves, in this lifestyle who have no safewords, so how do they get on when their pain tolerances are reached?  Hopefully, they have chosen well. 

An interesting set of questions and an interesting thread.

I think it comes down to communication, communication and communication. 



bandit25 -> RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with? (1/26/2007 6:43:30 PM)

I'm pretty much with Lucky on this.  However, there are definitely things I would do with one person that I wouldn't do with another.  I think for me, it's the emotional connection that makes it safe to trust.



IvyP -> RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with? (1/26/2007 7:13:11 PM)

Limits? i may only voice them, with the understanding Master will decide (only for my good) what my limits really are....Yes choosing right is a do or die situation.  Trust and Communacation is the only way. i haven't a safe word...Trust and Communacation once again....
                                           Owned &Operated by Master Stitchripper
                                                                       slave ivy



BDSM05478 -> RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with? (1/26/2007 7:26:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69

Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with?
Limits are difined by the people I am interacting with.

What is one person's ceiling is another person's floor right?
Very possible.

So with one person a definite RED could be a green go go go right?
With out question.

So does emotional connection make it work or just feeling safe to trust? I can not see it happening with anyone with out both as each can lead to the other and are incomplete alone. (At least in my life as we don't interact with randoms)

Ross







juliaoceania -> RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with? (1/26/2007 7:27:22 PM)

When I first began seeing my Daddy we talked about limits, and he had an entirely different approach to limits from dominants I had talked to before. His approach was not to look at a huge list of activities to see what my limits were, he asked what I liked. He then told me what he liked. We were on the same page with what we really liked.

I had worked out a set of limits long before we became a couple. He  was not interested in this list, not because he had any intention of exceeding my limits, he would not have done this, but because his approach was this: He will always talk to me before trying anything new in the realm of  BDSM play. He promised to get informed consent whenever we try new play. When we first hooked up even bondage was a soft limit, he made sure I was consenting and eager before trying it with me.

So, my limits? I do not know what they really are to be honest. He has some of the same limits as I do about many things, so I know it will not be requested of me. He asked me recently if I will do knife play, I agreed to it. I have offered my consent, and this used to be a hard limit, but I am not into making limits anymore, I would rather overcome many of them. I am thrilled with the prospect of knife play, it is very erotic to me, and once he plays this way with me, and I am amicable to it... he will never ask my consent again... it is forever given.

I love this approach to the growth of our dynamic. There is no pressure with him. I cannot begin to tell you how much his approach has increased my trust in him. There is no "list" between us that constrains us, and yet there is a feeling that he will never violate me in a way that would harm me....

I could eventually get to that place i could claim to have "no limits" like many I see here, because my Daddy and I will share the same limits... but I won't. I would rather focus on what we are willing to do rather than how we limit ourselves though.

Just my experience



KatyLied -> RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with? (1/26/2007 7:40:03 PM)

quote:

I love this approach to the growth of our dynamic. There is no pressure with him. I cannot begin to tell you how much his approach has increased my trust in him. There is no "list" between us that constrains us, and yet there is a feeling that he will never violate me in a way that would harm me....


Nicely done.



LadyIce -> RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with? (1/26/2007 7:45:37 PM)

I have hard limits that do not change regardless who I am with.
I don't get involved unless I have a basic emotional connection.



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with? (1/26/2007 8:16:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69

Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with?

What is one person's ceiling is another person's floor right?

So with one person a definite RED could be a green go go go right?

So does emotional connection make it work or just feeling safe to trust?

Ross

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Bon_D_Age/members?o=6
Its the full package. Trust and growth and communication..I'snt this where it all begins and ends?...Tempting



losttreasure -> RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with? (1/26/2007 8:24:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I would rather focus on what we are willing to do rather than how we limit ourselves though.


Beautifully put, Julia and I couldn't agree more.  FirmHandKY and I share the same kind of  relationship.  [;)]



gandalf0297 -> RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with? (1/26/2007 9:31:28 PM)

My hard limits at this time are.....................
Ask me in a month and I'm sure they will be differant...............



sublizzie -> RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with? (1/26/2007 10:33:44 PM)

There is a difference between allowing someone who is an expert at knife play to go at me when I'm bound and having someone come up who says "I've never done this before but I'm really good at gutting the deer I shoot...." One I would have a lot of trust in. The other, I'd be screaming for the DM.

For me some limits are absolute limits. Other limits depend on who is asking.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with? (1/26/2007 10:36:58 PM)

The few hard limits I have do not vary from person to person. The other limits I migt have do. There are some things I will try with some but never even consider with others.
However, no matter what, the hard limits are hard limits for a reason and will not be pushed.

DV



RumpusParable -> RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with? (1/27/2007 12:18:24 AM)

For me, both.  Some things are absolutes, others are hard limits based on the match.



gypsygrl -> RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with? (1/27/2007 2:13:11 AM)

It seems to be the person I'm with because my limits/ points of resistance vary so wildly.  And, yeah, its a trust thing.  



eyesopened -> RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with? (1/27/2007 3:06:26 AM)

i define hard limits as things i would not do with anyone under any circumstances. Things that could result in death, mutilation, a jail sentence, are cast in stone hard limits. 

Soft limits are situational, in my opinion.  Depends on who i'm with, level of trust, etc.  Soft limits are definately "one person's floor is another's ceiling" and i fully respect that.  Soft limits are the ones that should be tried, pushed, expanded.  How do i know if i'd like it if i don't try? 

Limitations are different than limits, soft or hard.  A person could have physical limitations due to health, limitations due to the distance between partners, psychological limitations etc for which there may or may not be ways to work around those limitations.





SirDominic -> RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with? (1/27/2007 6:28:31 AM)

There appears to me that there are really no absolute hard limits. Even the ones we usually think of, like bodily harm, or illegal activities, I have known people who say that is not a limit to them. So, limits are defined by the people involved, both Dom and sub. Communication is the key. We usually think of limits as the sub's issue, but that is not true. As a Master, I have my own hard limits that I wouldn't do no matter how much someone begged me. I'm simply not comfortable with them, or I consider them too dangerous.

Namaste, Sir Dominic



juliaoceania -> RE: Is a limit defined by hard limits or the person you are with? (1/27/2007 8:02:47 AM)

quote:

We usually think of limits as the sub's issue, but that is not true. As a Master, I have my own hard limits that I wouldn't do no matter how much someone begged me. I'm simply not comfortable with them, or I consider them too dangerous.


That is very true, doms have limits too



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