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RE: help or bitch? - 1/27/2007 12:14:23 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DeLust241

As a person who has found myself wondering why now a days people are soo god damn judgemental??? Like come on !!! its 2007 and we are making comments on how people spell or how they write their posts. I have writen a few posts and have found that alot off people reply without thinking before hand. And in a way thats not fair, because there are so many young, new people on here like myself that are getting bullshit replies from people who are being rude or getting told that its wrong. Now think about it......how would you feel if yur sub/slave turned their backs on your because they find out that your not really being true??? Many wont understand what I mean by that but for the few who do, Keep asking questions, just remember to only take in the replies that  you feel are real and true. I have learned not listen to all of what people say on here only because I have gotten hurt from listening to someone else and not being TRUE to myself.

Thats all I have to say on this!
DeLust Collared Kitten


First of all, life is not fair. Second of all, no one can control what another person writes. Third of all, no one can control another person's perception of what is written. Fourth of all, most people do not feel helped unless they read the advice they sought in the first place.

Example question: "My Master will not allow me to call him at certain times, and tells me that he cannot meet me for three years, do you think he might be married?"

Example answer: "He sounds very married, and I do not see how you can call someone 'master' that refuses to meet you and will not talk to you on the phone."

Now the above will sound common sense to many many people, and be perceived as "good input", but it was not what the asker really wanted to hear perhaps. They already had the answer they envisioned, which was this is totally normal master-like behavior and a submissive should not question... and she wants a promise she will live happily ever after if she ignores the obvious... at least this is what I have noticed... people ask for advice, they get advice they do not want, so the people that bothered to type a well reasoned response are "mean". Its all perception.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to DeLust241)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: help or bitch? - 1/27/2007 1:42:50 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		I don't know what people are looking for when they post.  Maybe compassion, maybe attention, maybe a place to whine, maybe information.  Maybe simply a sense of community.  But, when I reply, I try to address the question posed, if one is posed at all.  If someone is asking for different perspectives, and I have one, I offer that.  I try not to question/challenge the question/post or second guess the poster.  As far as cries for help are concerned, if I the situation hits close to home, and I can identify with it, I might respond with something constructive.

Years ago, I organized and ran support groups for parents of very young children with disabilities and attended a support group for leaders run by a wonderful woman who was very active in peer support.  She provided a lot of mentoring and we'd talk for hours on the phone and one of her big things she made sure I understood was to only respond to explicit questions and requests.  To do anything more was, in her eyes, disrespectful and encouraged overinvolvement.  I think its a really good take on support-giving and try to remember it.



_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


(in reply to IvyP)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: help or bitch? - 1/27/2007 2:04:32 PM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IvyP

i have thought these forums were for ppl to come to to seek help and understand, with some humor thrown in for good measure...however i have noticed that a few choice few have (for lack of better words) been using this as a means to spirt out more of a challange than answers to some posts....Comapssion? is not this a place for people with concerns to come in the first place for? and it is not enough that we as subs/slaves are usuially the ones getting preyed upon, by Dominates,


Yes, we poor subbies are at the mercy of all wicked "Dominates."  Woe are we.

quote:

now we have to worry about our own brothers and sisters?


My siblings are here?   Ewwwwww!  Major Squick!

quote:

i have seen a very clear cry for help in some of these questions that are posted, and have tried to reach out as well...we are all Mature adults here


We are?  Some of us don't even believe there is such a thing as a grownup, let alone that all of us are mature adults.

quote:

(unless in diapers)!!


So, someone with a diaper fetish doesn't count as an adult?

A post bitching about others and making demands about how "we all" should behave does not deserve respect, IMO.  It's also a clue that the poster has very little experience with online BDSM groups.  Throw a little YKINOK in th OP, and don't be surprised if replies are extraordinarily rude.  A really good way to avoid rude responses, if they bother you (some have thicker skin that others):  1)  speak only for yourself; 2) place no expectation and no demand on how other people post; 3) do not attempt to assign characteristics to any given group of people (speak only for yourself); and 4) Do not knock other people's kinks.  Delete everything from your opening post that fits one of the above, and all that is left is your sig line.

MaryT


(in reply to IvyP)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: help or bitch? - 1/27/2007 2:34:09 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DeLust241

As a person who has found myself wondering why now a days people are soo god damn judgemental??? Like come on !!! its 2007 and we are making comments on how people spell or how they write their posts.


Oh no. God forbid someone hold the youth up to a minimum standard of communication and actually expect us to be a better then drunken potheads. Whatever shall we do.

I don't know anything about your spelling habits. I can't spell to save my life but I try to use spellcheck. Sometimes I forget. Misspellings are not a big deal but when you can't bloody read a message because it's so bad...

Before you fuss about me being old and not understanding you, I'm not even 22 yet.

For record, if this is what annoyed you, the "dominate" thing is not a mispelling. Or at least I doubt it was. It's term for dominant that drives me up the wall because it doesn't make sense.

quote:


Now think about it......how would you feel if yur sub/slave turned their backs on your because they find out that your not really being true???


I would think they weren't really worth having in the first place. If someone can be so easily swayed as to leave their dominant because of something they read here... well, in my humble opinion, their dominant is probably better off.

Edited for typo


< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/27/2007 2:52:05 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DeLust241)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: help or bitch? - 1/27/2007 2:48:28 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

I really really doubt that this has ever been a place that wrapped all the good the little slaves and subs up in cotton and rocked them gently to sleep at night, all while guarding the door against the big bad "dominates".


Awesome visual.


I will also echo, the first step in being taken seriously is to have a grasp of the difference between a dominant and dominate. 



*Grins* Thank you! Maybe it's subbie heaven, where all the good "twue" slaves and subs go when their service in this world ends.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: help or bitch? - 1/27/2007 4:26:25 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		This so called horrible behavior that is being disputed is simply what I call the Internet. Its not something orginal that has to do solely with Collarme.com but is demonstrated in almost every public message board and forum I have visited. Human nature doesnt really change all that much simply because its a BDSM forum. Sure, it sucks that people can type whatever they want, hidden in the shadows of anonymitivity and uninfluenced by the fear of any real consequences, but thats downside to freedom. I am not neive enough to think that the Internet is going to suddenly come together and hold hands. It hasnt happened in the real world and certainly isnt going to happen in a fake world without consequences.

On the other hand, the few times I have made an OP here, I have more or less received sincere, genuine and helpful answers. Perhaps its because I am asking sincere, genuine and intiellgent questions. 

Personally, as I learn more about D/S and BDSM and grow as a dominant, the message boards become less and less a place for helpful information and more and more a source of entertainment, because the individuals who come here searching for a realrelationship are fewer than the individuals who come here to live out some fantasy in their heads. I can pretty much guess with about 95% accuracy which OPs are going to get serious answers and which ones I should make a bucket of popcorn for. Every once and awhile, there is a post or a thread that REALLY makes me think and see things differently and that is why I still cruise threw.

Dont coddle me. Dont be nice to me. Dont hold my hand. I want you to tell me that I am wrong as long as you tell me WHY I am wrong. I want you to punch holes and stretch my theories. I want you to say "Hey you fucked up and this is why". I am solely here 20 minutes a day for information, knowledge, and my own self improvement. I am not going to allow a message from an anonymous person to influence my attitude and mood in RT. But, I am also not going to roll over and be passive when someone is a jackass to me when its undeserved.

As of right now...

1. There is a guy  in the polyamorous section trying to jerk everyone around with a clearly BS story that nobody is buying despite his many protests.
2. An anonymous figure with zero track record and zero credetials soliciting himself as a BDSM guru in the Master's section.
3. A thread that wont seem to die in the Mistress section where someone decided to lump all Mistresses in the stereotype of being "money grubbing whores".

Do you really expect people to put energy into giving sincere answers in light of this kind of stuff?

I am less concerned with the responses as I am with the time I waste reading the BS people post.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 1/27/2007 4:30:24 PM >

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: help or bitch? - 1/27/2007 4:50:49 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
actually expect us to be a better then drunken potheads. Whatever shall we do.

And I think that's an insult to drunken potheads considering the horrendous behavior we see in the name of kink.  :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: help or bitch? - 1/27/2007 4:59:41 PM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
actually expect us to be a better then drunken potheads. Whatever shall we do.

And I think that's an insult to drunken potheads considering the horrendous behavior we see in the name of kink.  :)



Why am I being insulted?? I'm just a sweet lil pothead dang it. See? I even use the word dang..
OOOOH! I get it, it's because I don't drink. I'm only partially insulted  .
Puff puff pass. Wait, ya'all insulted me, no passing. Just puff puff. Hehehehe.

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: help or bitch? - 1/27/2007 7:10:49 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
actually expect us to be a better then drunken potheads. Whatever shall we do.

And I think that's an insult to drunken potheads considering the horrendous behavior we see in the name of kink.  :)


This is true. I've met some very articulate potheads. *muses* Perhaps "better then the rantings of an incoherent, drunken hobo", or is that still too offensive? 

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: help or bitch? - 1/27/2007 7:12:46 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny
Puff puff pass. Wait, ya'all insulted me, no passing. Just puff puff. Hehehehe.


If you won't pass, can I at least shotgun? 



_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: help or bitch? - 1/27/2007 7:40:33 PM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny
Puff puff pass. Wait, ya'all insulted me, no passing. Just puff puff. Hehehehe.


If you won't pass, can I at least shotgun? 




Shotgun one to you? Absolutely! Potheads are notoriously forgiving and kind folk yanno. Especially us articulate ones. Heya do you have any Doritos? I've got the munchies.....



_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: help or bitch? - 1/27/2007 7:55:45 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny

Shotgun one to you? Absolutely! Potheads are notoriously forgiving and kind folk yanno. Especially us articulate ones. Heya do you have any Doritos? I've got the munchies.....




Yay! I am forgiven and I get a shotgun. Hmmm.... I don't have Doritos though. Will homemade brownies do?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: help or bitch? - 1/27/2007 8:02:18 PM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		Brownies? Heck yes!

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: help or bitch? - 1/27/2007 9:21:43 PM   
PAsextoy4u


Posts: 58
Joined: 9/27/2006
Status: offline 		Why exactly ARE there sections titled "Ask __________" if most questions are considered to be stupid, or most OP are considered to be fakes asking stupid questions?  If this section is not the place for me to get feedback from other submissives on various aspects of submission, then why the fuck have this section???  There are many places to get factual information if I want to know about STDs, about safe fun anal play, the body parts that shouldnt be flogged, etc.  I thought this was the section to ask for feedback.

And that crap about it being the internet so we all get a free pass to act like rude, immature, mean spirited asses is just that - CRAP!!!   Perhaps if we all behaved a bit better, people would believe that some of us really exist outside of these screens. 

And I am an excellent speller, having won spelling contests in my youth.  However I SUCK at typing LOL  Since I try to write as fast as my mind is moving, my fingers just cant keep up and you all get to read some typos.  If it makes sense, good.  If not, its a guessing game.  Make up YOUR own interpretation of what Im trying to say LOL

Since toys, inflatable dolls, imaginary playmates, etc cant type, then everytime you read something here remember that a human being typed it.  I am for real, whether YOU know me or not, whether you like me or not, whether you agree with me or not.  If hurting people or insulting them just because you can makes your day, amuses you, or gets you off I feel sorry for you.  Anyone who needs to do that on a regular basis truly lives an empty life and truly has an empty heart...

And I cant even imagine what is would be like for people who think they can have a relationship with someone who has such low regard for other human beings...

Just MY thoughts on this thread... 

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: help or bitch? - 1/27/2007 9:35:38 PM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PAsextoy4u

Why exactly ARE there sections titled "Ask __________" if most questions are considered to be stupid, or most OP are considered to be fakes asking stupid questions?  If this section is not the place for me to get feedback from other submissives on various aspects of submission, then why the fuck have this section???  There are many places to get factual information if I want to know about STDs, about safe fun anal play, the body parts that shouldnt be flogged, etc.  I thought this was the section to ask for feedback.

And that crap about it being the internet so we all get a free pass to act like rude, immature, mean spirited asses is just that - CRAP!!!   Perhaps if we all behaved a bit better, people would believe that some of us really exist outside of these screens. 

And I am an excellent speller, having won spelling contests in my youth.  However I SUCK at typing LOL  Since I try to write as fast as my mind is moving, my fingers just cant keep up and you all get to read some typos.  If it makes sense, good.  If not, its a guessing game.  Make up YOUR own interpretation of what Im trying to say LOL

Since toys, inflatable dolls, imaginary playmates, etc cant type, then everytime you read something here remember that a human being typed it.  I am for real, whether YOU know me or not, whether you like me or not, whether you agree with me or not.  If hurting people or insulting them just because you can makes your day, amuses you, or gets you off I feel sorry for you.  Anyone who needs to do that on a regular basis truly lives an empty life and truly has an empty heart...

And I cant even imagine what is would be like for people who think they can have a relationship with someone who has such low regard for other human beings...

Just MY thoughts on this thread... 


And I, for one, would like to thank you for the uplifting and spiritually superior post.   It was refreshing, indeed breathtaking, to read a post so unlike that of the rude, immature, mean-spirited (sic) asses.

MaryT

(in reply to PAsextoy4u)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: help or bitch? - 1/27/2007 9:35:51 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny

Brownies? Heck yes!


Excellent. There shall be brownies and shotguns. Life will be good.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: help or bitch? - 1/27/2007 9:42:15 PM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PAsextoy4u

Why exactly ARE there sections titled "Ask __________" if most questions are considered to be stupid, or most OP are considered to be fakes asking stupid questions?  If this section is not the place for me to get feedback from other submissives on various aspects of submission, then why the fuck have this section???  There are many places to get factual information if I want to know about STDs, about safe fun anal play, the body parts that shouldnt be flogged, etc.  I thought this was the section to ask for feedback.

And that crap about it being the internet so we all get a free pass to act like rude, immature, mean spirited asses is just that - CRAP!!!   Perhaps if we all behaved a bit better, people would believe that some of us really exist outside of these screens.  I had no idea that I was being rude, immature, mean or a spirited ass.

And I am an excellent speller, having won spelling contests in my youth.  However I SUCK at typing LOL  Since I try to write as fast as my mind is moving, my fingers just cant keep up and you all get to read some typos.  If it makes sense, good.  If not, its a guessing game.  Make up YOUR own interpretation of what Im trying to say LOL

Since toys, inflatable dolls, imaginary playmates, etc cant type, then everytime you read something here remember that a human being typed it.  I am for real, whether YOU know me or not, whether you like me or not, whether you agree with me or not.  If hurting people or insulting them just because you can makes your day, amuses you, or gets you off I feel sorry for you.  Anyone who needs to do that on a regular basis truly lives an empty life and truly has an empty heart...
Again I'm unaware of where I insulted anyone. I try to be pretty careful with what I say on the boards and I would never be rude to 'get off' on it.

And I cant even imagine what is would be like for people who think they can have a relationship with someone who has such low regard for other human beings...
All I can say to this, is that my dog loves me.

Just MY thoughts on this thread... 


Apologies if I was unintentionally rude or dismissive of you. Actually I didn't make a post to you, or even allude to you so I do not know why you posted this diatribe in reply to me. Does it make you feel good that I am upset? Are you satisfied that I'm worried I offended you? Did you remember that there is someone on the other side of this keyboard?
I do not post with hostility or dislike, sometimes I post with too much emotion but there was nothing that I posted which warranted such reaction from you IN REPLY to me.
The title of this is 'help or bitch?'...which have you done?
All of the above using red text are my words.

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to PAsextoy4u)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: help or bitch? - 1/27/2007 9:49:14 PM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny

Brownies? Heck yes!


Excellent. There shall be brownies and shotguns. Life will be good.


When life gets all good n stuff, would you IM me so I don't miss it?
 I might be busy eating brownies and apparently insulting folks I don't even know..

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: help or bitch? - 1/27/2007 9:58:21 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline 		IvyP ---

Some threads do seem to bring out a surprising degree of snarkiness. Not sure why.

Anytime I read a thread, I find it helpful to bear in mind a bit of 12-step advice: Take what you like and leave the rest."

Hope this helps!

Cheers,

DC

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: help or bitch? - 1/27/2007 10:15:19 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		It is usually people new to the scene who whine about "why are you so mean"

What you lack is perspective and understanding.  I am a talented dominant because I CAN see patterns, I DO know where things are going, I CAN see right fucking through you.

And so yes, I don't always take people's hands and pretend the bullshit they are pulling is someone elses fault or that what they are doing is healthy or whatever other bullshit I see.

Here's a pattern for you.  Control freak submissives who think that all conflict is bad and always want to pave things over.  Some shit shouldn't be paved over!  Another pattern, Michael becoming unglued at assholes all out of proportion to their offense.  Guess what, LA calls ME on MY shit too so fucking deal with it!

aaaaahhh, I feel much better.  I just saw the leanardo decaprio movie and I hate cops, I almost walked out it was so damn ugly....but it was a fine film.

(in reply to dcnovice)
Profile   Post #: 40
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