Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Looking for advice...


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Looking for advice... Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Looking for advice... - 1/27/2007 9:23:50 AM   
deathitivity


Posts: 52
Joined: 12/15/2006
Status: offline 		Several weeks ago a Mistress initiated contact with me.  It started off well, we had some good back and forth dialog through the message system here, though after a while I found her to be be more whimsical than serious.  She wanted me to IM her but she is rarely online.  She also seems to ignore a good 50% of everything I say to her.  Also, it has been exceedingly hard to get a clear picture out of her.  Now I am beginning to lose interest... but I really want someone to break me in.  I need some advice... should I stick through it and try to meet her, even if it's not entirely worth it?

PS: I'm pretty sure you don't read the message boards, but if said Mistress reads this, I hope you can understand where I'm coming from.

< Message edited by deathitivity -- 1/27/2007 9:24:32 AM >

_____________________________

~D
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Looking for advice... - 1/27/2007 9:28:45 AM   
MercilessMarcy


Posts: 80
Joined: 11/12/2006
Status: offline 		She's just not that into you OR she's lying about her availability.  Perhaps you should ask yourself if she meets YOUR critieria.  This has been going on for several weeks?! NEXT!!

(in reply to deathitivity)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Looking for advice... - 1/27/2007 9:29:36 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		What good is meeting someone and being broken in when there is no actual interest to follow it up?  If she is whimsical, ignores you, and you are losing interest... why would you think you are ging to have even a halfway descent experience with her should you hapen to meet?
If it were me, Id say forget her and see if you can find someone with a better connection, especially for a first time.  But thats just me.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to deathitivity)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Looking for advice... - 1/27/2007 9:33:17 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		Best case scenario, though unlikely...there are extenuating circumstances for your first impression and in person this lady is everything you want, at least for an initial play partner.  You have some fun, maybe find a friend and get some play.

Worst case scenario, you settle, play and it leaves such a bad impression on you that you have to overcome the bad feelings for the next, possibly better suited lady. 

Then there's everything in the middle.  You are not exclusive.  I see nothing wrong with continuing a search while meeting this person, not for play but in a vanilla setting to guage compatibility.  You will probably get a better sense of what you should do.

My general advice, though, is to not jump into anything with anyone just because you are anxious to get started.  It rarely works out well when the stars are not aligned correctly.  Good luck.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to deathitivity)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Looking for advice... - 1/27/2007 10:34:36 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I think the best way to get experience is to get involved with a face-to-face community via munch, workshops, even clubs can be ok.

Looking to get your first experiences from online contacts isn't really high on my list of things I consider part of a program to success.

I think if you just want some play and some experiences you can do that by volunteering at workshops and the like. Less potential emotional drama too.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to deathitivity)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Looking for advice... - 1/27/2007 12:41:33 PM   
LadyOunce


Posts: 126
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		I wouldn't. Do you want to risk a bad experience or even a lack luster one that puts you off your desires forever? If they aren't listening to you, how can you trust that they'll respect your limits? Or that they won't give the attention needed during crucial moments?

_____________________________

Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it. -Jackson

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts. -Einstein

Do not consider painful what is good for you. -Medea

(in reply to deathitivity)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Looking for advice... - 1/27/2007 12:58:31 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		My mom's advice: Ask yourself two questions: If they left, would you miss them? Is being in the relationship healthy for you? If the answer is no to either question, you need to reevaluate the relationship and consider moving on.

Really, the best way to meet people is to get out into your local community. Go to google and put in BDSM and the nearest large city and see what you get.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to deathitivity)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Looking for advice... - 1/27/2007 1:26:13 PM   
MistressTaboo


Posts: 147
Joined: 6/10/2005
Status: offline 		In her defense...it depends on what you are saying...I won't respond to openly 'wanker questions"...you know..."what will you do to me? What would do if I did this? Tell me about your strap ons. What do you do with your husband?"

I'm not interested in getting guys off via IM or email. And when a guy starts the one handed typing I either leave the conversation or I change it around. Normally they get the message pretty quickly...if they don't eventually I move them to ignore.

So her ignoring 50% of your questions might be wanker questions...and her seeming silly might be her changing the conversation to get your hand off your dick.

Ms. Taboo




_____________________________

"I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint, I do not feel ashamed" Meredith Brooks

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Looking for advice... - 1/27/2007 3:33:40 PM   
deathitivity


Posts: 52
Joined: 12/15/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your responses.

I think I am going to take MsKatHouston's advice and continue looking but try to keep my options open with said Mistress. It's quite possible she's lost interest in me as well.  Definitely not going to jump into the first opportunity I get.  I've got enough integrity to not let a bad first experience turn me sour though.  I should get out into the local community.

I can honestly say I am not a wanker, and actually I prefer to take a non sexual approach at first.  Definitely not interested in getting off via IM or EMail.


_____________________________

~D

(in reply to MistressTaboo)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Looking for advice... - 2/10/2008 8:14:14 PM   
TheLaughingDomme


Posts: 48
Joined: 1/20/2008
Status: offline 		There's a lid for every pot- just keep cookin! It might be good for any sub to approach someone with something thoughtfully written, describing who they are and what they feel they need. "let's chat" or other one-liners are never really appreciated.

(in reply to deathitivity)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Looking for advice... - 2/11/2008 9:53:51 PM   
DommeKeliDallas


Posts: 311
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		Most Dommes don't want newbies.

(in reply to TheLaughingDomme)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Looking for advice... - 2/11/2008 10:15:22 PM   
rubberpet


Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline 		I was in a similar situation with my owner.  The first few weeks were sporadic at best.  She was going through some rough times and when I gave Her my number in case She wanted/needed to talk, She thought I was blowing smoke up Her butt.  She didn't think I was serious or sincere with my concerns.  I'd go sometimes up to a week between messages from Her and while my normal reaction would have been to cut my losses and move on, something just wouldn't let me.  I'm so glad I listened to my gut.  She is flying down next month with collar in hand to visit and take permanent ownership of me!

My advice is simple...follow your gut.  If things are a little loopy right now, but something is telling you to hang on, then hang on.  If your gut is telling you to split, then split.  Only you know what will work best for you.  Good luck!

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.


(in reply to deathitivity)
Profile   Post #: 12
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Looking for advice... Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.063