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RE: Online training- Hows it going for you? - 1/27/2007 8:55:36 PM   
bearincuffs


Posts: 1904
Joined: 12/16/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

Recently, Iwas reading a profile that stated that the Mistress was only interested in online training .  My question is for anyone who has experience dealing with online  training ? Do sub/slaves really stay with it for the long term? How involved does the training get? And do you feel you can really be dominated or serve a  Mistress /Master on line as well as in person? Thank you for your insight.


I think online training, when both parties are honestly serious about training/being trained, can work. I realize that thr training can't be fully utilized because of the online situation. From first hand experience, online training is geared towards remolding a sub's thinking to reflect the Master's wants and needs. Most of this is phycological and the actual physical training has to come later when they meet in RT. The sub isn't fully dominated but a preparation to when meeting the Mistress/Master and then further domination will continue.
   In my situation, Master is a 13 hour drive from me, so for the time being online is how W/we have to proceed. I will eventually move to Master's House and this is what He wants. W/we talk online 2-3X a day, for a couple hrs at a time, plus the random phone calls Master makes. Master knows I will follow any orders He gives and knows I am speaking the truth when I say I have, W/we both do take this very seriously.
 
Yes I agree it would be easy for a person to be decietful to a Dom/Master online and pretend to follow given orders. But I don't believe that all people are like that. But like Master said once before, this relationship W/we are creating is very unique by it's nature. But then again, I never was one to follow the crowd!!!!

_____________________________

property of Master Dave of the House of Gemini

An it harm none, do as thou wilt
Do what you will, so long as it harms none
An it harm none, do what thou will
That it harm none, do as thou wilt
Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill

(in reply to openmindedslave)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Online training- Hows it going for you? - 1/27/2007 8:59:05 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

I think that if both people are sincere and there is a connection, then an online relationship can be educational, helpful, supportive, and alot of fun! LOL  I was sincere, and I wanted to learn.  Cybering and that online relationship was a stepping stone for ME so that I could eventually get into a real time D/s relationship........  Online works best if both people have imagination, good commnunications skills, a sincere desire to explore with that other person, and a commitment to always be honest.  Some Doms and subs can "send" their energy to others and that can be done through an online connection.  When you feel that other person's energy, you know they are for real.  Someone real is typing and communicating with you.  It can be a wonderful experience!  



I think our experiences were very similar but you said it a lot better than i did.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to PAsextoy4u)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Online training- Hows it going for you? - 1/27/2007 9:04:44 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		Reply to OP:

For me an online only relationship wouldnt suffice.  If I had a relationship RT where I didn't get to see my partner all the time, and we communicated online and on the phone, and I was in service to that person, I would find it very easy to submit to his control and to serve in whatever way he wanted me to,  even when in his absence. 
But an online only relationship, where I am never going to touch, see, feel, hear, or even be able to confirm that the person's identity is authentic is not something I would even consider. 
I think for some people, it may have enough potency to spice up their life, or be a type of interactive fantasy the way we get lost in a book or a movie perhaps. But I do not think this is comparable to a realtime relationship.  I personally need human touch, smell, feel etc.  I dont need it constantly to maintain a submissive mindset to my dominant, but I would need it as part and parcel to the relationship.  Without it, Id rather have no one.

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to fufured)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Online training- Hows it going for you? - 1/27/2007 9:17:18 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Let me take a shot at giving you some real answers before I log off for the day...doubt you will get many.


"Real answers"   Okay.

quote:

 I dont have experience because I have zero interest in long distance or "online training", but I can give you a healthy dose of reality from some past experiences.


So Real Answers commence by contradicting themselves.  I'm learning things here.

quote:

quote:



And do you feel you can really be dominated or serve a  Mistress /Master online as well as in person?



No, because how? Can they bring the Mistress their coffee online or cook them a steak? Short of doing Internet research or sending them money, they cant really provide a real service online. If by "online training", you mean a long distance relationship with the Internet as a medium, then the answer is still no. Even the most experienced submissives are going to have a hard time following the orders and rules of a dominant who's physical prescense isnt there.


Just as the entire membership of your civil legislature must ride in your car with you if you are to be expected to obey the rule which recommends stopping at stop signs. Yes. This much is clear.

Have you really and truly met someone whose ability to follow an instruction was inversely proportional to his or her distance from the source of that instruction?

Well then. That's fine too. If that is the way it works for some people then God bless them. With luck the dominants who are unable to assert their will except while physically touching their partner will link up with the submissives whose submissiveness evaporates whenever  master's "RT" image is no longer upon their little subbie retinas. I am all in favor of this sort of coupling, since either of these sorts would be useless as tits on a boar hog to the rest of the kinky population.

quote:


 My prevois submissive lived in a neighboring city and came into town to stay with me and serve. Outside of that time, I have very little influence on her life, because I wasnt going to set myself up to fail or get frustrated when she wasnt doing what I wanted long distance.


Okay.  Now we're getting somewhere. You saw a risk and you fled from it.  That's cool. There are plenty of risks I flee from just as well. I do try to remember not to call the situations which give rise to them non-existent, though. I mean that would make me look rather silly, wouldn't it?

Maybe next we can have a thread which polls people as to whether they are surprised that your timidity and fear of failure itself failed to inspire your partner to see you as someone worth submitting to.

quote:

So when they say "online training", most likely what they mean is cyber/roleplaying.


Not having ever met "them" I'm in a weak position to discern anything here.

quote:

quote:


Do sub/slaves really stay with it for the long term?


With cyber/roleplaying, I'm sure they do. Anyone can type out a roleplaying scene online and pretend to be a slave or Mistress. Its cheap and easy thrills when people arent willing or interested in the hard realities and effort required for doing it in RT.


You began by very baldly and explicitly contradicting your own account of your experiences. Now you move on to a more nuanced form of self-contradiction.

Whereas earlier you said: "Even the most experienced submissives are going to have a hard time following the orders and rules of a dominant who's physical prescense isnt there..."  Here you maintain that doing things in "RT" is the hard thing. Do you actually have any idea which of these two opposing opinions you'd like to hold on to at the end of the day?

quote:

quote:


How involved does the training get?


Mistress : You will call me Mistress from now on
Slave : Yes, Mistress

Then the slave remembers to type out Mistress during his 30 minute roleplaying session he has once a day.

Thats pretty much about it.


Your ignorance is racing your arrogance to the stratosphere, sparky.

You have made it clear for us that you have no first hand knowledge of what goes on in successful long-distance relationships. So what do you do? You expound, derisively, about what goes on in long-distance relationships generally. A person begins to form a certain sort of impression of a guy who proceeds in a manner like that.

quote:

Some people attempt to use the notion of "online training" in preparation for a real relationship, but once that real relationship begins, they are usually in for a surprise when reality sets in and their "online training" hasnt really modified the behavior of the submissive all too much.

Some people recognize that the human will is not a physical object, unaffected unless physically pushed or shoved. Some people recognize that dominance and submission are matters of will.

Other people feel that WIITWD is a matter of rubbing up against one another, and only rubbing up against one another. Some from this group apparently lack the nerve to even issue a command unless they can be present to verify in "RT" that the command is or isn't being carried out. Thiss probably a good policy to adopt once one proves to himself empirically that no one will pay any attention to what he wants once he gets in his car and drives to the next town over.

May a thousand flowers bloom.

You have established for us that your online training efforts were a crashing failure. A wonderful thing that people learn as they mature is that others differ from ourselves in terms of abilities and accomplishments. Some people can climb mountains and some can't. Some people can assert their will without first binding their subject to chair, others--your group, presumably--can't.

Very little of my own education was imparted by my "masters" grasping my hands and manipulating them for me. For the most part, ideas were imparted verbally, via speech or text. Many of the "masters" who played powerful roles in forming by world view and habitual responses to the world have been dead for years.

Have you ever read, say, Kierkegaard, and thought: "Pity I can't benefit from this man's wisdom and example since he isn't here to tie me to a chair"? 

So ideas were imparted to me verbally. Then I worked, mentally, physically, or spiritually with the ideas presented.

How do the schools work down your way?


quote:


But someone solely interested in "online training" is just looking for cyber most likely.

Ah yes, and maybe next you can tell us what "the blacks" want, or what "women" want, or what "foreigners" want. I mean why bother yourself with the messiness of interacting with an individual? As you mentioned earlier it does set you up for the possibility of yet another failure. One great way to avoid failure is to avoid initiative altogether. One great way to avoid understanding anyone in particular is to deem that you already understand everyone in general.

Meanwhile, there stands lovely, complex reality--whose name you so love to take in vain--observing you ass-up with your head in the sand.

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Online training- Hows it going for you? - 1/27/2007 9:25:21 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
I still firmly stand by my opinion that long distance is a pain in the ass and hard to pull off and maintain.


That isn't a "standing by"anything. That is a gross revision of your initially stated opinion that:
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
"In my opinion, its purely fantasy."


I will very sincerely credit you for backing down from your preposterous initial claim when presented with facts by someone more experienced than yourself.

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Online training- Hows it going for you? - 1/27/2007 9:43:48 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		i do think that online training -can- work. there is a mistress/slave online couple at mydungeonspace (well, more than one, but one i am thinking of in particular) who do online training, and their progress is posted on the boards there. it seems like they are very happy together and that it's working for them. for some reason or another, many people choose to explore d/s -only- online, etc.

i don't necessarily think that online d/s isn't "real" d/s, but i can't imagine having an online relationship that wasn't moving towards real time. both of my previous relationships started out online, one of them d/s, and progressed to real-time, but were still long distance for a good part of the time (one of my partners lived in kansas, the other in england; i'm in florida).

i can understand a lack of emotional or physical satisfaction from an online relationship; after all, the dominant isn't always there to physically enforce his rule or provide physical discipline in the way of s&m play and such, and the submissive's options of serving are somewhat limited because they can't do certain things, like cook for the dominant and stuff like that. (although if we're defining service only in terms of housework and cooking and suchlike...i love cooking and i don't mind housework, but my dominant does more of that when we are together than i do, simply because it's his preference. he often serves me food or brings me a drink, even though in general this might seem to be a reversal of roles, simply because he chooses to.)

i can't understand the argument that online doesn't work because you can't prove the person is doing what you tell them to, or that physical presence is necessary for one to stay submissive, etc. if someone chooses not to follow your orders, they're -choosing- not to follow your orders, and that is still disobedient, regardless of whether you're in a 24/7 live-in, or long distance, or online only, or whatever. using distance as an excuse for disobedience is unacceptable, imho, which is one of the reasons i do think that online can work.

(in reply to PAsextoy4u)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Online training- Hows it going for you? - 1/27/2007 9:46:46 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

How involved does the training get?


in the couple i'm speaking of, and other couples i have heard of, male slaves have been trained to wear heels, take butt plugs, and other things of that nature - things that require a degree of training and consistency, things that are actual goals for them to work towards.

i think my answers in this thread have been more focused towards online d/s than online training specifically, though, because i don't really have strong feelings about "training" in d/s in general. my dominant trains me to certain things as necessary - right now we are working on anal play because i am a complete beginner at that, and we've also worked on ability to take more and more pain, and issues that come up in polyamory, etc. but i guess i don't really look at that as training, as such - it's a word i tend to use a lot less than other bdsm folks i've seen.

(in reply to openmindedslave)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Online training- Hows it going for you? - 1/27/2007 10:23:15 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		Touche'

You are right. On retrospect, I did a very horrible job of writing out my own opinions on that and did contradict myself on a number of occassions without even realizing it, leaving quite a few holes to be torn apart by a person on the receiving end threw misinterruptation.

I would try and make another attempt at it, but really...it would be only out of a matter of pride at this point. You clearly do have more experience than I do and despite the harshness of the bitchslapping I received, I cant dispute the logic except on a semantic level.. While I certainly didnt mean to come off arrogant, it certainly was ignorant to base my opinion off such a limited amount of perspective and will have to list this incident under the category of "Times When I Should Have Kept My Mouth Shut".

Of course, I suppose I could get mad at you and throw a temper tantrum on the forums, but the only person I can be mad at is myself for writing such a poorly thought out and broken post. So with that in mind, I will say that I am impressed and humbled and defiently consider you one of the people I wish I could have a face to face conversation with.



_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Online training- Hows it going for you? - 1/27/2007 10:32:21 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline 		Online training is nothing but a complete joke.  All it is is cybering with a BDSM twist to it.  If that soaks your pussy, power to you, but I think it is retarded.

The single biggest problem is that you can not be there to monitor and discipline.  You might want to pretend that you have control, but in reality you have absolutely ZERO control.  It is a game for posers and I do not play games.  In fact it is made very clear in the second line of my profile.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Online training- Hows it going for you? - 1/27/2007 10:43:08 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Touche'

You are right. On retrospect, I did a very horrible job of writing out my own opinions on that and did contradict myself on a number of occassions without even realizing it, leaving quite a few holes to be torn apart by a person on the receiving end threw misinterruptation.

I would try and make another attempt at it, but really...it would be only out of a matter of pride at this point. You clearly do have more experience than I do and despite the harshness of the bitchslapping I received, I cant dispute the logic except on a semantic level.. While I certainly didnt mean to come off arrogant, it certainly was ignorant to base my opinion off such a limited amount of perspective and will have to list this incident under the category of "Times When I Should Have Kept My Mouth Shut".

Of course, I suppose I could get mad at you and throw a temper tantrum on the forums, but the only person I can be mad at is myself for writing such a poorly thought out and broken post. So with that in mind, I will say that I am impressed and humbled and defiently consider you one of the people I wish I could have a face to face conversation with.


I trust you'll do the same for me when the occasion arises. And do give a shout if you're in the area.

Now if we both grab hold of him and pull in opposite directions on the count of three, maybe we can get Kenin's head out of its present rather incommodius lodgings.

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Online training- Hows it going for you? - 1/27/2007 11:00:17 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

I trust you'll do the same for me when the occasion arises. And do give a shout if you're in the area.

Now if we both grab hold of him and pull in opposite directions on the count of three, maybe we can get Kenin's head out of its present rather incommodius lodgings.



Lol

Well...at least he came along at the right time and took the focus off me =P.

At least I read your posts before replying.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Online training- Hows it going for you? - 1/27/2007 11:51:33 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

I trust you'll do the same for me when the occasion arises. And do give a shout if you're in the area.

Now if we both grab hold of him and pull in opposite directions on the count of three, maybe we can get Kenin's head out of its present rather incommodius lodgings.



Lol

Well...at least he came along at the right time and took the focus off me =P.

At least I read your posts before replying.


If his opinion was worth something to me maybe I would have read it.  I responded to the OP.  If he does not like what I have to say, tough shit.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Online training- Hows it going for you? - 1/28/2007 1:32:15 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		~FR~

quote:

 Do sub/slaves really stay with it for the long term?


Yes, they really do.

quote:

How involved does the training get?


Anywhere from the superficial to utter mental submission and everything in between.

quote:

 And do you feel you can really be dominated or serve a  Mistress /Master on line as well as in person?


Yes.

Himself travels quite a bit and whether he walks into the room where I'm sitting or when I see his name pop up on my online list, my heart skips a beat. When he kisses me, he leaves me breathless.. when his words kiss me, it can also take my breath away. When he tells me to act, I act.. whether in person or online. When he tells me not to act, I take no action, whether in person or online. My submission to his will doesn't manifest because he is in the same room with me.. I submit to his will because he has taken my ability to do as I want and turned it into the desire to do as he wills me .. whether online or in person.

I can ache for his touch when he's in the next room, the next state or another country .. the ache remains the same. I can smell him on me even when he's been gone for a week or a month and no one else would be aware that he was ever there. His voice is in my head when there is only silence around me. Right now, at this very moment, he sleeps.. I can do or do not as I please .. and he would never know if I did something with which he did not agree .. but I would know and to be displeasing to him, even if he were to remain forever unaware of it makes me less than I am capable of being.

The odds of ever getting together on any sort of permanent basis were almost nil by virtue of the distance between us, but by whatever powers that be, fate stepped in and allowed us to come together, as dominant and submissive, then as Master and slave .. and finally, as husband and wife. I can't speak to what would have happened if we had been kept separated all these years, as the first 18 months were akin to hell on Earth, but he captured me utterly and completely on day one. It could be that I would be a complete basket case but I have a feeling that we would have figured out something. If you want it bad enough, you make it work.

Celeste

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 1/28/2007 1:38:05 AM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to PAsextoy4u)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Online training- Hows it going for you? - 1/28/2007 2:12:22 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Another wonderful post, Celeste.  Thanks for putting it out there.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Online training- Hows it going for you? - 1/28/2007 6:59:04 AM   
openmindedslave


Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline 		So  what I am seeing here is  by all means  online is not what most people really want to go throught if at all possiabel. To those who are involved, it reminds me of soliders during world war 2 when all they could do is write letters back and forth to keep some form of realtionship going until they returned from war.  I guess on line is the next best thing to being there for some...

However, and Celeste thank you for your comments, but what value is online for a Mistress/Dom ?
When its encouraged from the begining in your profile. Does it mean a Dom is screening her potential slaves before a physcal contact, as in a screening process of task and duties? Or is it a desire to have a internet harem of slaves who  perform task and adore their Dom, but really that part of their life will never  inter mix with their vanilla life?  In a sense, the mental aspects of the relationship ( of knowing someone is out there that  is owned in cyber sypace) is far more importain than ever  allowing someone to  physically get involved for real. Whether do to security  health reasons, distance,  money reasons or something else not mentioned .?

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Online training- Hows it going for you? - 1/28/2007 7:00:26 AM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

Since no one responded who is involved with an online  training program,
That should tell ya something right there.

I was hoping to get some idea of just how involve it gets.In fact with so many  people demanding that  this is a requirement before a first meeting, I was woundering if anyone  really  advanced to meeting here or is it just another way for some to make money off others?
I'm not so sure it really is so many people, in fact I would suspect that they have several different online id's. For me online is a fantasy, no more real than when I go to WOW and play with my blood elf. If you want reality, get involved in local events. Your profile says your from Maryland and there is an amazing scene out there. Good luck.

(in reply to openmindedslave)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Online training- Hows it going for you? - 1/28/2007 7:06:56 AM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MaryT

quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave
Since no one responded who is involved with an online  training program, I was hoping to get some idea of just how involve it gets.In fact with so many  people demanding that  this is a requirement before a first meeting,


What people?  Maybe it's different for females, but I have never exchanged messages with a prospective male dominant who mentioned "online training."

quote:

I was woundering if anyone  really  advanced to meeting here or is it just another way for some to make money off others?


Am I understanding correctly that people want you to pay them for providing you with online training?

MaryT



I am sure there are people out there who want payment for online training...the real scary part is, there are people out there paying them. I think your right about it being mostly male subs that are being targeted. Not sure why.

(in reply to MaryT)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Online training- Hows it going for you? - 1/28/2007 7:11:18 AM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		If your partner stands across the room, it's not a online thing, now is it?

(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Online training- Hows it going for you? - 1/28/2007 7:15:33 AM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		I am pretty sure I couldn't.  But I've seen others who I genuinely have.

_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to orfunboi)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Online training- Hows it going for you? - 1/28/2007 7:26:36 AM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

So  what I am seeing here is  by all means  online is not what most people really want to go throught if at all possiabel. To those who are involved, it reminds me of soliders during world war 2 when all they could do is write letters back and forth to keep some form of realtionship going until they returned from war.  I guess on line is the next best thing to being there for some...



From what the OP said "Recently, Iwas reading a profile that stated that the Mistress was only interested in online training "

There is a big difference between the soldiers who could only write home and someone who is only interested in online training.

I realize that there are situations where you cannot be with your significant other or sub or slut or whatever you want to call them. Then you make do with what you have. But to say I am going to train you and it will only be online just seems kinda silly. I know there are those out there that do it. I talked to a submissive who had been collared to a man for months and had never met him. Sorry you might as well be playing a RPG online, at least then you can dress each other. This reminds me of a story a wonderful women at OLF told us. She was getting ready to play with a new sub and asked her what her favorite toy was. The sub replied that she loved the cane so the women took out a cane and gave her a slap. The sub shot up just howling. When she was asked why she said she like a cane, when obviously she didn't, she replied that she had actually only been hit online. She didn't think it would really hurt like that......

(in reply to openmindedslave)
Profile   Post #: 40
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