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How do you get fora tuff? - 1/28/2007 6:50:00 PM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		Heya, I am still new to the world of forums *CM being my first*. I have trouble with getting my feelings hurt very easily, does anyone have suggestions for toughening up?

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~
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RE: How do you get fora tuff? - 1/28/2007 6:51:49 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline 		Reading threads, I try to remember a handy bit of advice from the 12-step world: Take what you like and leave the rest.

Hope that helps!

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to cjenny)
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RE: How do you get fora tuff? - 1/28/2007 6:52:56 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		It's just words on a screen from complete strangers.

edited to add...Bitch

< Message edited by Aileen68 -- 1/28/2007 6:53:47 PM >

(in reply to cjenny)
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RE: How do you get fora tuff? - 1/28/2007 6:54:34 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny

Heya, I am still new to the world of forums *CM being my first*. I have trouble with getting my feelings hurt very easily, does anyone have suggestions for toughening up?


"Either you are in control of yourself, or somebody else is"  Peyton Quinn

Take control of your emotions and dont let somebody else run the show.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to cjenny)
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RE: How do you get fora tuff? - 1/28/2007 6:55:33 PM   
sleazy


Posts: 781
Joined: 11/23/2006
From: UK
Status: offline 		Keep coming back, and laugh to yourself at the posts you think worthy of laughter, ignore those you feel ignorable, and drink deep from those you feel contain a well of knowledge

On the other hand ignore me, but I almost never attack a person, just an idea :)

_____________________________

Opinion is packaged by weight not volume, contents may settle during transit. Consult you medical practitioner. Do not attempt to stop moving parts by hand. Ensure all safety shields in place. Open this way up. Do not expose to temperatures exceeding 50C

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RE: How do you get fora tuff? - 1/28/2007 6:58:08 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I have gotten my feelings hurt here in the past. My Daddy was very firm with me when this occurred. He is the only one allowed into my head enough to hurt me, if I allow someone else into my head and heart to hurt me, then I am giving them control. Guess what? Since I really took those words to heart, and listened to him, I do not get hurt on here anymore. I still do not like to see him insulted, but again, I am working on not allowing others to control my emotional states. He is absolutely right, if they are pushing my buttons, then he is not in control....

One last thing that helps me. If I read someone attacking me or my ideas, I think "What is my part in attracting this to me?" I take responsibility for my own reality, for my own emotions, for my experiences. Now this is something brand new to me, and it is very freeing to me. We are all responsible for how we respond and perceive others. They are responsible for their perceptions. Often people do not mean to sound as snotty as they do (myself included), often it is better to give people the benefit of the doubt, ask before getting offended before assuming you should be (and I do not always do that, but I am trying to)



_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: How do you get fora tuff? - 1/28/2007 7:03:19 PM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		*is listening.

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: How do you get fora tuff? - 1/28/2007 7:06:49 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Another thing... about 60% of what you read is lost from what was meant by the writer... written communication is very easily misinterpreted. Isn't it wasteful to get upset over a misunderstanding?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to cjenny)
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RE: How do you get fora tuff? - 1/28/2007 7:09:02 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		It is my experience that only truths hurt. But lies? If anybody told me that I am as fat as a pink elephant, that would not hurt me, as the remark is not applicable to me. Anybody who lies is not worthy of my attention and gets blocked. At most a lie will get a laugh out of me. But a truth? A truth only hurts when one denies that truth. People may tell me that I am bald. So what? It is a truth that I accept and that therefore cannot hurt me.

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RE: How do you get fora tuff? - 1/28/2007 7:30:29 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

It is my experience that only truths hurt. But lies? If anybody told me that I am as fat as a pink elephant, that would not hurt me, as the remark is not applicable to me. Anybody who lies is not worthy of my attention and gets blocked. At most a lie will get a laugh out of me. But a truth? A truth only hurts when one denies that truth. People may tell me that I am bald. So what? It is a truth that I accept and that therefore cannot hurt me.


Of course, if this were really true there would be no reason for you to invest energy in blocking people you dont agree with. 

Additionally, there would be no reason to continually announce to everybody else that you have blocked people.

It is easy to talk the talk.  Walking the walk is a different story.

Sinergy


_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How do you get fora tuff? - 1/28/2007 7:34:37 PM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		Rule
Well um. Lies do hurt. There is the worry that the lies will be believed, the worry that the lies may be truths I've just never seen before.
julia
Yes..lost in translation. It seems to begin midway thru the OP half the time lol.
Sleazy
I don't ignore you, you are an interesting poster not an unkind one.
Sinergy
Probably the most valuable & most difficult of all words here. Taking control of my own emotions is more concept than reality for me. Project under construction.
Aileen
Uhhuh they are only words but they're typed by someone for a reason. HOW HOW do I know the reason is invalid??
dcnovice
Sigh. Another thing I can't seem to learn, only taking bits and leaving the rest.

So much of this is due to the medical crap, and the medication. Cognitive thinking gets wavery and the truth gets so so slippery. It feels like with every week that passes I wonder more and more if I should just retreat. All the threads on should medicated ppl be trusted. Should folks with specific medical needs leave the lifestyle. Others in the same vein, they all are causing what I guess I can only call a crisis of faith. The faith..is a mix of myself and BDSM.
I'm rambling and saying much more than I ought to.
 
Thank you all, thank you for the kindness and support.

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How do you get fora tuff? - 1/28/2007 7:35:24 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		After you are here for a while you will be able to differentiate between who is intelligent, stupid, sweet, goofy and multi-challenged.  At that point it will easier to ignore some of them.  It's sort of like a watching tv when you don't control the remote - you learn to tune out the nonsense.  Although sometimes you may sit and laugh at the screen because you don't understand how someone so dumb made it to adulthood.   

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How do you get fora tuff? - 1/28/2007 7:36:57 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny

Heya, I am still new to the world of forums *CM being my first*. I have trouble with getting my feelings hurt very easily, does anyone have suggestions for toughening up?


Play rugby.

_____________________________

Small deeds will always mean more than large intentions.

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How do you get fora tuff? - 1/28/2007 7:39:44 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny

Rule
Well um. Lies do hurt. There is the worry that the lies will be believed, the worry that the lies may be truths I've just never seen before.
julia
Yes..lost in translation. It seems to begin midway thru the OP half the time lol.
Sleazy
I don't ignore you, you are an interesting poster not an unkind one.
Sinergy
Probably the most valuable & most difficult of all words here. Taking control of my own emotions is more concept than reality for me. Project under construction.
Aileen
Uhhuh they are only words but they're typed by someone for a reason. HOW HOW do I know the reason is invalid??
dcnovice
Sigh. Another thing I can't seem to learn, only taking bits and leaving the rest.

So much of this is due to the medical crap, and the medication. Cognitive thinking gets wavery and the truth gets so so slippery. It feels like with every week that passes I wonder more and more if I should just retreat. All the threads on should medicated ppl be trusted. Should folks with specific medical needs leave the lifestyle. Others in the same vein, they all are causing what I guess I can only call a crisis of faith. The faith..is a mix of myself and BDSM.
I'm rambling and saying much more than I ought to.
 
Thank you all, thank you for the kindness and support.


Hello cjenny,

I understand more than I am willing to post on an internet message board. 

In my opinion, the person you need to be true to is yourself.  Ignoring all the CHUDWAHs and negativity and the like and focussing on healing yourself, you will eventually attract one who recognizes the spark in you.  You will get through this, and if there is anything that strumpet or I can do to help, please let us know.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How do you get fora tuff? - 1/28/2007 8:00:35 PM   
sleazy


Posts: 781
Joined: 11/23/2006
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny
Sleazy
I don't ignore you, you are an interesting poster not an unkind one.


Awwww, jeez I will be blushing any moment, bang goes my nasty mean image!

_____________________________

Opinion is packaged by weight not volume, contents may settle during transit. Consult you medical practitioner. Do not attempt to stop moving parts by hand. Ensure all safety shields in place. Open this way up. Do not expose to temperatures exceeding 50C

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How do you get fora tuff? - 1/29/2007 12:56:45 AM   
UtopianRanger


Posts: 3251
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Another thing... about 60% of what you read is lost from what was meant by the writer... written communication is very easily misinterpreted. Isn't it wasteful to get upset over a misunderstanding?


Amen. Often times, the true meaning of their words are never realized /totally understood until you hear their voice, shake hands and look into their eyes.



 - R

< Message edited by UtopianRanger -- 1/29/2007 12:57:32 AM >

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton


(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: How do you get fora tuff? - 1/29/2007 1:50:39 AM   
Solinear


Posts: 283
Joined: 1/8/2007
Status: offline 		My thoughts on this?

1) Most people on a particular forum tend to be looking for attention (example: me) and the louder you scream, the more attention you get.

2) 90% of the time people give advice that they wouldn't follow, say things that they wouldn't consider acceptable in person and are generally just act like bitchy little high-school girls (yes, even the guys).  Do the same thing that you probably did in high school... ignore them.

That's the only help I can give.  Anything else would be giving you advice that I wouldn't follow ;)

(in reply to UtopianRanger)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How do you get fora tuff? - 1/29/2007 6:34:08 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		You have to remember that most are strangers on the internet to you. In everyday life would you really care what they thought? It is just words on a screen. Some make it a habit of being nasty and argumentative, ignore them and move on. It isn't worth the trouble or worry.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

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RE: How do you get fora tuff? - 1/29/2007 7:39:09 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny

Heya, I am still new to the world of forums *CM being my first*. I have trouble with getting my feelings hurt very easily, does anyone have suggestions for toughening up?


Ultimately you are the only one that can answer that jenny. Yes it's extremely difficult to bring emotion into the written word, particularly in to some of the short replies people post on forum boards. But it is a very valid form of communication and if someone says something that hurts your feelings then perhaps you should address it? There is a good chance that hurting your feelings was the last thing they wanted and their words simply came across differently to you. In a real time scenerio there is a chance that the person would be able to see that your feelings were hurt and would have the opportunity to rephrase what they said or explain it better... we don't have that here and unless you come out and tell that person they have no way of knowing that their words bothered you.
 
My suggestions would be first... try and figure out why the words of a virtual stranger were able to elicit those feelings? Is it a truth you have been denying? And secondly, I would seek clarification... ask them, (and keep in mind, it may have been a simple miscommunication) if they meant for their words to come across in a hurtful manner?
 
Those of us that no longer get our feelings hurt aren't tougher... we've just gotten to know the communication style of other posters and through experience and communication we have gotten to know the people behind the words at least well enough to be able to gleen the point they are trying to make. And when we don't or can't.... we ask.
 
I for one am aware that when I answer a post I come across sounding like a real bitch most of the time... I don't mean to and hopefully those that know me understand that.
 
Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

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RE: How do you get fora tuff? - 1/29/2007 8:05:05 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny

Heya, I am still new to the world of forums *CM being my first*. I have trouble with getting my feelings hurt very easily, does anyone have suggestions for toughening up?


Anybody gives you any shit, just tell them to suck a wad of cowpiss...

Will Rogers

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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