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Deal Breakers or was he/she just fake - 1/28/2007 7:14:31 PM

alovelylady4U

Posts: 67
Joined: 1/15/2005
From: leeli
Status: offline

i began to read threads quite some time ago & have noticed a few threads that seem to repeat every few weeks or months. One being "fakes." i have had the pleasure of chatting with so many different P/people and it seems to hit U/us all at one time or another. It can be anything from a "wanna be" that never shows up, to a "fake" that lies or cheats, a "player" that wants only this or that... the list, labels and ways appear countless ~yet all have one common theme~ the relationship ends suddenly and without understanding why for O/one of the P/people involved. Almost as if the other had dropped off the face of the earth.

i often wonder if there is a fake, a wanna be, a player or some "real reason" behind the sudden change of heart? My question would be simple. What is/was a Deal Breaker for Y/you? What might cause Y/you to end a "relationship?" and i use this term in a very loose way, and simply drop off the face of the earth?

No laughter needed ~ i was newer then than i am even now. And mind You, You posted His profile and never noticed either? Ready?

i know for me- one deal breaker was after what appeared to be a very nice Man suddenly telling me He was from another planet sent here on a special mission. OK,OK- He seemed so normal at first, so nice. i had no idea "Daddy was on a day pass." i did end it without giving a reason- yet i was just not certain how to approach it.

Another is communication, or worse! The lack of words and communication. Leave out words Sir and i will find my own to fill in the blanks, and sometimes they are not the words i was hoping for?

Pets, drugs, beliefs? What are Y/your deal breakers and as you look back? Would it have been a benefit to let the O/other know why the change of feelings, heart or mind?

In stats one always tries to reduce the error factor. By eliminating all possible deal breakers we should be left with fakes?

_____________________________

Life is a smorgasbord and most poor suckers are starving to death

Post #: 1

RE: Deal Breakers or was he/she just fake - 1/28/2007 7:25:57 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: alovelylady4U
i know for me- one deal breaker was after what appeared to be a very nice Man suddenly telling me He was from another planet sent here on a special mission. OK,OK- He seemed so normal at first, so nice. i had no idea "Daddy was on a day pass."

"Elvis isn't dead, he just went home." MIB

quote:

What are Y/your deal breakers and as you look back?

My deal breakers have gotten a lot more general as I've gotten older. Used to be that if you drank, I didn't date you. Period. Made my first husband stop drinking entirely. Now, my deal breakers are: Abandondment, Malicious Conduct, Lying and Disobedience (only for Ms relationships).

quote:

Would it have been a benefit to let the O/other know why the change of feelings, heart or mind?

It would depend on the relationship. Usually, I say something.

quote:

In stats one always tries to reduce the error factor. By eliminating all possible deal breakers we should be left with fakes?

Ummm...this doesn't really make sense to me. 1) We can't ever, as much as we want, get rid of deal breakers...and there's always "real" people around.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to alovelylady4U)

Post #: 2

RE: Deal Breakers or was he/she just fake - 1/28/2007 7:27:10 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

deleted because I misunderstood

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 1/28/2007 7:30:22 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to alovelylady4U)

Post #: 3

RE: Deal Breakers or was he/she just fake - 1/28/2007 7:33:13 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: alovelylady4U

i began to read threads quite some time ago & have noticed a few threads that seem to repeat every few weeks or months. One being "fakes." i have had the pleasure of chatting with so many different P/people and it seems to hit U/us all at one time or another. It can be anything from a "wanna be" that never shows up, to a "fake" that lies or cheats, a "player" that wants only this or that... the list, labels and ways appear countless ~yet all have one common theme~ the relationship ends suddenly and without understanding why for O/one of the P/people involved. Almost as if the other had dropped off the face of the earth.

i often wonder if there is a fake, a wanna be, a player or some "real reason" behind the sudden change of heart? My question would be simple. What is/was a Deal Breaker for Y/you? What might cause Y/you to end a "relationship?" and i use this term in a very loose way, and simply drop off the face of the earth?

No laughter needed ~ i was newer then than i am even now. And mind You, You posted His profile and never noticed either? Ready?

i know for me- one deal breaker was after what appeared to be a very nice Man suddenly telling me He was from another planet sent here on a special mission. OK,OK- He seemed so normal at first, so nice. i had no idea "Daddy was on a day pass." i did end it without giving a reason- yet i was just not certain how to approach it.

Another is communication, or worse! The lack of words and communication. Leave out words Sir and i will find my own to fill in the blanks, and sometimes they are not the words i was hoping for?

Pets, drugs, beliefs? What are Y/your deal breakers and as you look back? Would it have been a benefit to let the O/other know why the change of feelings, heart or mind?

In stats one always tries to reduce the error factor. By eliminating all possible deal breakers we should be left with fakes?

My deal breakers are unique. To me.

(And I was sent here, from another planet, on a special mission...and I REALLY don't appreciate your blowing my cover...) nonetheless...

I can longer discuss this with you through this forum because I feel our communique' may have been breached.

_____________________________

Small deeds will always mean more than large intentions.

(in reply to alovelylady4U)

Post #: 4

RE: Deal Breakers or was he/she just fake - 1/28/2007 7:40:24 PM

BabyNyla

Posts: 578
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: alovelylady4U

i often wonder if there is a fake, a wanna be, a player or some "real reason" behind the sudden change of heart? My question would be simple. What is/was a Deal Breaker for Y/you? What might cause Y/you to end a "relationship?" and i use this term in a very loose way, and simply drop off the face of the earth?

Pets, drugs, beliefs? What are Y/your deal breakers and as you look back? Would it have been a benefit to let the O/other know why the change of feelings, heart or mind?

I think everything is so dependent on people, since everyone is so different. Deal breakers for me have been people who smoke, drink in excess, are into things that for me are extreme limits (at the moments anyways) and stand me up. I have had people stand me up, come back looking for a second chance, only to get stood up again. So after the first time I now tell then hell no. Married people who play behind their spouses back tends to be a deal breaker for me as well.

I will admit one fault ... I do lack confrontation and have not had the heart nor the ability to tell some people to buzz off in the past. I don't know why this is so hard for me, but it is. (a submissive quality maybe? not wanting to upset someone? who knows). So I either disappear out of sight or I lead them on till they get sick of things never coming together for us to hang out and they eventually go away on thier own. (I know ... bad bad bad, but no one's perfect)

I will also add my 2 cents today that I think labels are thrown around so often lately, sometimes without an appropriate reason. Today a man (whom I met here on CM) labeled me a wanna-be/player because I would not turn my cam on on yahoo to show him. This pisses me off, because I am anything but a player/fake/wannabe/whatever. And should I let it upset me? No, because I know who I am. But I think that these days when people don't get their way or what they're expecting, they turn to negativity and names. *climbs off soapbox* ahhh ... I feel better now that I vented.

_____________________________

My Journal

(in reply to alovelylady4U)

Post #: 5

RE: Deal Breakers or was he/she just fake - 1/28/2007 8:02:43 PM

reamer

Posts: 57
Joined: 1/16/2007
Status: offline

if a person claims they want a real relationship and in the end, they want more of me than they are willing to give of themselves, if they look at their definitions of "what's desirable in the BDSM mess" as more valid than mine, if they clearly indicate by actions (rather than words) that they value my boundaries less than they expect me to value theirs, that is a deal breaker.

(in reply to BabyNyla)

Post #: 6

RE: Deal Breakers or was he/she just fake - 1/28/2007 8:04:36 PM

afeathr

Posts: 248
Joined: 6/1/2006
From: Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: alovelylady4U

What are Y/your deal breakers and as you look back?

Mine were, are and always will be a lack of respect for me as a human being. Even if someone wished to treat me as a slave I would expect them to understand that I am a human above all else. It would seem obvious that the crazies (no offense intended), abusers and just plain strange people would also be off the list.

Thank God I have found Sir and will, by his admission and desire, be with him until "his" end (his words, not mine).

_____________________________

afeathr

-Going where the wind blows me...

(in reply to alovelylady4U)

Post #: 7

RE: Deal Breakers or was he/she just fake - 1/28/2007 8:41:00 PM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

As a single woman, i never had a man just "disappear" without some sort of good-bye and explanation. And, i have never done that to anyone. i have always sent a note to tell the man why i was not or no longer interested. However, now, as a couple looking for another submissive female, there have been soooooooooooooo many women who have just all of a sudden gone "poof" into thin air, without so much as a "kiss my ass, good-bye" email. Nothing. One email, they are "so interested" and "can't wait to talk" and then they are never heard from again. Can't take it too personal, though, since they never even took the time to get to know U/us well enough to decide that it just wasn't going to work out with U/us.

i just take it that there are a lot of people out there who are just curious and, maybe, bored and so they find out about this site called, CollarMe and it's all exciting and sexy to them and they start looking at profiles and decide to be daring and write to someone. But, after a couple of email exchanges, they realize W/we are not playing, W/we are for real and they might just be in over their head and get scared and stop cold. Anyway, W/we don't get too excited anymore when a "very interested" female submissive writes to me or my Master. W/we just see how long it takes for them to vanish.

my deal breakers: #1 is anytime someone is more interested in my child than me. That's an immediate "Uhh, ba-bye". #2 is anytime i realize i have been lied to about anything. #3 if i find out that they smoke tobacco (other than an occasional cigar) or they drink heavily (for me, that means more than 2-3 drinks on any one occasion and/or more than twice a week). #4 is anytime i get a gut feeling about someone that just says, "Don't do it".

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

quote:

ORIGINAL: alovelylady4U
What is/was a Deal Breaker for Y/you? What might cause Y/you to end a "relationship?" and i use this term in a very loose way, and simply drop off the face of the earth?

< Message edited by slavegirljoy -- 1/28/2007 8:43:27 PM >

(in reply to alovelylady4U)

Post #: 8

RE: Deal Breakers or was he/she just fake - 1/28/2007 9:10:47 PM

sexyone4you

Posts: 613
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline

Deal breakers for me that I have run into on here have been varied, but they are the things people expect to be deal breakers. For instance, if a man's wife calls you, and you were under the impression he was single, that's a deal breaker. Getting violent out of anger (not rough play, but because you are drunk & mad about something unrelated) is a deal breaker for me. I have gone "poof" without an explanation. These are the 2 reasons I have done that for. I didn't feel the men who did this deserved an explanation.

(in reply to slavegirljoy)

Post #: 9

RE: Deal Breakers or was he/she just fake - 1/28/2007 9:31:15 PM

reamer

Posts: 57
Joined: 1/16/2007
Status: offline

"For instance, if a man's wife calls you, and you were under the impression he was single, that's a deal breaker. Getting violent out of anger (not rough play, but because you are drunk & mad about something unrelated) is a deal breaker for me. I have gone "poof" without an explanation. These are the 2 reasons I have done that for. I didn't feel the men who did this deserved an explanation."

reverse the genders, and the same has happened to many men from women.

(in reply to sexyone4you)

Post #: 10

RE: Deal Breakers or was he/she just fake - 1/28/2007 9:43:02 PM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
Status: offline

there's a few of these type of people going around. without naming names, the most recent (and presently i reserve placing a lable on Her) was a Mistress that i shared emails with for a long time, She still currently is still an active member of this site. the last email i got from Her She mentioned the possibility of an eventual collar, then suddenly, She stopped reading my emails, stopped all communication with me and left me to wonder what went wrong. although She is not the first to communicate for long periods of time, She is the only one thus far, to even hint at a possible collar.

i just wanted to get that off my chest since i've decided to move forward and continue my journey. sometimes, there are no answers to be found and the past is the past.

i can only hope that the Mistress mentioned here finds what She is looking for. afterall, everytime i turn around, She's changed Her profile, pics and journal entries. perhaps She may be a bit confused about what She wants and there are other Mistresses out there, time to move on.

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to reamer)

Post #: 11

RE: Deal Breakers or was he/she just fake - 1/28/2007 10:04:24 PM

subfever

Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: alovelylady4U

...What is/was a Deal Breaker for Y/you? What might cause Y/you to end a "relationship?" ...

That's easy. Dishonesty or lack of respect.

Next? ...

(in reply to alovelylady4U)

Post #: 12

RE: Deal Breakers or was he/she just fake - 1/28/2007 10:46:07 PM

LDRandAstarte

Posts: 504
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline

Hi lovely

Ok I have a bit of inside info about where this post came from, or at least a small part of the seed of this post....

What do ya'll think about someone with whom you are corresponding for , oh let’s just say a couple of months.
You have been over the “What We expect from a subbie”. “What We are looking for in a relationship (in fact this is spelled out up front in your profile)”
You have even gone so far as to have the subbie fill out a consent form listing all her will do and won’t do kinks.
You have arranged a first meeting date several weeks in advance and the subbie proclaims that she can not wait for the day to arrive.
About a week in advance of scheduled meeting the subbie, posts a message saying that all arrangements have been made for her arrival and she will have all the necessities she has been required to bring with her, and then as lovely so eloquently put it, drops off the face of the earth, no eMails, no visits to the website where most of the months of discussions have taken place, no longer answers phone calls, and then of course does not show up for the meeting.

Does this sound like someone who ran into a deal breaker, or a player who has reached the final act and has not the intention or the nerve to take the stage for the final act?

Mistress Astarte & LordDR

(in reply to subfever)

Post #: 13

RE: Deal Breakers or was he/she just fake - 1/28/2007 10:51:32 PM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
Status: offline

quote:

as lovely so eloquently put it, drops off the face of the earth, no eMails, no visits to the website where most of the months of discussions have taken place, no longer answers phone calls, and then of course does not show up for the meeting.

which is worse? them dropping off the face of the Earth or remaining here and visible to those they "dropped" without so much as a good-bye?

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to LDRandAstarte)

Post #: 14

RE: Deal Breakers or was he/she just fake - 1/28/2007 11:04:05 PM

LDRandAstarte

Posts: 504
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelOfGeorgia

which is worse? them dropping off the face of the Earth or remaining here and visible to those they "dropped" without so much as a good-bye?

I don't know that either is really worse then the other.
I just feel that the dropping off the face of the earth says, at least to Me, "i am a fake and I’m about to be exposed for the fake that I am".
While the person still being around just says there was a deal breaker, you're either are too extreme for me, or there is something that i do not or can not deal with..

The former being the one that really roasts My cookies, I can deal with being more then someone can handle, in fact I can even revel in that prospect.

LordDR & Mistress Astarte

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)

Post #: 15

RE: Deal Breakers or was he/she just fake - 1/28/2007 11:58:15 PM

alovelylady4U

Posts: 67
Joined: 1/15/2005
From: leeli
Status: offline

True Ma'am yet when a solution, answer, reason is found the error or the unknown is reduced. So it is true that there will never be a 100% solition? just better odds of understanding? i also have noticed many do become less rigid with T/themselves, T/their partners as well as life in general as W/we get older.

True many deal breakers are unique to the individual. Yet there are many W/we share. Some deal breakers that many seem to have in common are: liars, lack of respect, communication (oh and the 5150 type ty for your support on this deal breaker) violence, anger and so on.

Confrontation seems to be difficult for many s/sl. Yet as we gain experience and have chances to "practice safely?" we do learn to speak up. Yes a webcam is also a big issue in many threads.(respect,limits, boundries) Bring these two together and add a pinch of PMS and i will confess. More than once i have come so close to saying "yes Sir i own a cam. No Sir i do not wish to turn it on. Yes Sir i am a woman and You Sir are a horse's hinney." Oh thank heavens for that little part of my brain that can keep me quiet.

respect again, lack of clear understanding (communication?) respect again, and a wonderul reply that she did always inform, explain why. That is very good to hear. MFM said she did as well at times.... cheaters again. All in all W/we have the same basic issues as any relationships.

i wrote an explanation to a Master. It was not easy for me and it seemed to take forever to get the courage or words? well no matter, i explained to Him i was so new and He was so harsh, strict~ i feared i would lose my "self" to Him in a negative way and not give my "self" to Him in a positive manner. Did this bit of info have any effect~ i will never know probably. And it would not matter really. i explained why i had disappeared and tried not to appear as a "flake?" So again i ask~ would knowing the why benefit Y/you? Would it help to bring closure? Would it even matter toY/you? And again this can happen to U/us all. It does not limit itself to age, sex, Tops or bottoms...... and under certain circumstances~ it would seem so obvious and i could understand why one would not wish to explain. Yet for the majority of situations would Y/you like to know why?

Sorry no spell check onboard nor any red felt pens..... it is late and i am ready for bed. my best toY/you all and many thankY/you all for Y/your time and repl,ies. Rest well F/friends tomoorow will soon be today and back to work for U/us all.

_____________________________

Life is a smorgasbord and most poor suckers are starving to death

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)

Post #: 16

RE: Deal Breakers or was he/she just fake - 1/29/2007 3:54:43 AM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LDRandAstarte

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelOfGeorgia

which is worse? them dropping off the face of the Earth or remaining here and visible to those they "dropped" without so much as a good-bye?

I don't know that either is really worse then the other.
I just feel that the dropping off the face of the earth says, at least to Me, "i am a fake and I’m about to be exposed for the fake that I am".
While the person still being around just says there was a deal breaker, you're either are too extreme for me, or there is something that i do not or can not deal with..

The former being the one that really roasts My cookies, I can deal with being more then someone can handle, in fact I can even revel in that prospect.

LordDR & Mistress Astarte

so, what's the point in building someone's hopes up, then shattering those hopes. some people can be so cold hearted and cruel.

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to LDRandAstarte)

Post #: 17

RE: Deal Breakers or was he/she just fake - 1/29/2007 9:52:32 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Deal breakers: main one is rage or uncontrolled anger. Even controlled anger is a deal breaker if it happens a lot. Someone who is always angry because he can't control the world is someone I don't have time for. Even if all he does is rant and rave, I'm not interested.

I needed someone who was able to see the good things in life, not just the bad.

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)

Post #: 18

RE: Deal Breakers or was he/she just fake - 1/29/2007 10:15:35 AM

MasterC46910

Posts: 108
Joined: 4/17/2006
Status: offline

My deal breakers are lieing, or misrepresenting yourself. I have gone to meet more then a few women that look nothing like the pictures they presented at being them. Don't tell me you have skills you do not process. Don't tell me that you can hike with me for ten miles when you can not make it up the first hill. I don't care you flip burgers at a fast food place, just don't tell me you are the manager when you are not.

If you have to have drama in your everyday life, if you treat others with disrespect daily, if you are lazy, you need my constant attention....just a few of my unfavorably things...LOL

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)

Post #: 19

RE: Deal Breakers or was he/she just fake - 1/29/2007 10:26:44 AM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
Status: offline

oh, well...life goes on

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to MasterC46910)

Post #: 20

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