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RE: Wanker rage! - 1/29/2007 10:39:38 AM

pixelslave

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It seems that in response to the OP's question, there are two issues that I'm sensing.

One is that of consensuality, in that wankers do not have the consent of the Domme to share their fantasies or details of their wanking with them when they write them on first contact.

The other is related to objectification. Most Dommes want to be seen as whole women, and just as sexual beings for the pleasure or torment of men. They want men to know that they have personalities, outside interests, and preferences of their own. They want to be in control, and the man to submit. If there is going to be an object and a fantasy, they want the object to be the man, and the fantasy to be theirs instead of the man's.

Is there anything I missed?

- pixel

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RE: Wanker rage! - 1/29/2007 5:03:16 PM

PsyVamp

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Joined: 10/30/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

Okay, obviously my situation is very different from y'alls, so i need a little help understanding...

If i were to find out that that the stories i've written, or a picture or something else i posted, aroused someone so much that they brought themselves of with it, i think i'd find that kind of flattering.

However, from all that i've seen in various discussions, to a Female Dominant, such a thing is an affront similar to having someone call you a fat ugly whore, rape your mother, or step on your blue suede thigh-high boots.

And while i understand the basic male/female sexuality disparity, i don't see anywhere near the... hostility from female submissives, much less any other gender/BDSM orientation combo.

So what is it that's so offensive? Is it just because male masturbation is icky and pathetic? Is it because as Dominants, you feel that pleasure is yours only to receive, not to give? Is it just weariness with an overall bad signal-to-noise ratio in the online Femdom/malesub community?

What's the explanation for the malice, for the spite? (with apologies to Fat Mike)

Cheers,

...dave

If I write something sexy or erotic, I don't care if someone gets off on it. If I send someone a pic, I don't care if they invite their friends and have a circle jerk..
What I don't appreciate is the amount of "subs" who email me expecting to get into immediate on-line erotica and scenes...How much time do you think I have to get into this with 5,10,150 different subs? I have a life - and a job. Now, if I were to provide this service, I'd have to go pro and quit my day job.
Now, if said person were seriously into getting to know me first as a person, find out if we have similar likes and dislikes...then it would be different. Otherwise, it makes what I do less special to who I do it with. Sometimes cyber can be a fun diversion - when I don't have other commitments and only with those who are special to me.

Mistress Psy

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RE: Wanker rage! - 1/29/2007 5:16:54 PM

LadyOunce

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Joined: 10/18/2006
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For me, where Ds and what I do is sexuality and NOT about sexual gratification, I would see where it might be bothersome. It's degrading what it is I do to merely a sex act.

Not to mention the number of responses that are purely about - Here, get me off as your slave - it is just another part of that where it's about the sub's physical pleasure and not about obediance and submission.

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RE: Wanker rage! - 1/29/2007 5:23:40 PM

PsyVamp

Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

It seems that in response to the OP's question, there are two issues that I'm sensing.

One is that of consensuality, in that wankers do not have the consent of the Domme to share their fantasies or details of their wanking with them when they write them on first contact.

The other is related to objectification. Most Dommes want to be seen as whole women, and just as sexual beings for the pleasure or torment of men. They want men to know that they have personalities, outside interests, and preferences of their own. They want to be in control, and the man to submit. If there is going to be an object and a fantasy, they want the object to be the man, and the fantasy to be theirs instead of the man's.

Is there anything I missed?

- pixel

pixel, I should have read your reply first because it seems we said almost the same thing in different languages..

Mistress Psy

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Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

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Post #: 24

RE: Wanker rage! - 1/29/2007 5:32:00 PM

GuidingLite

Posts: 233
Joined: 12/10/2006
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No one likes a desparate fuck and thats how they come through. It aint attractive. Desparate fuckers aka wankers are ugly as ugly can be. Dont you just hate a desparate girl to?

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RE: Wanker rage! - 1/29/2007 5:37:05 PM

TxBlkMistress

Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

quote:

ORIGINAL: TxBlkMistress
I get upset because of the fact that the person is not respecting my wishes. I state in my profile that I am in no way shape or form interested in anything online. These people know good and well by contacting me telling me what they intend to do, just did, or asking my permission to do, is not to flatter, it's to drag me into their online fantasy crap.

no matter how you answer, they use that answer to get off...if it's I couldn't care less, then that is giving them, in their mind permission, and that I am some how their "mistress" now

Ahh, this is actually more along the lines of what i had originally intended to get at... i can understand irritation with contact from people who obviously are nothing like what you're looking for and have nothing interesting to say, but what sets me back is that it's always ascribed to masturbation, and accompanied by such condescension and hostility.

So on the one hand, i wonder why there's no pity for the lonely, but on the other hand, it's not like i have any more sympathy for the impoverished souls overseas who constantly send me emails seeking assistance in transferring millions of dollars to the U.S... Is that really what it comes down to? Sad state of affairs, if so... are submissive men, collectively speaking, the sexual equivalent of Nigerian spammers?

...dave

Everyone gets lonely. Doesn't give them the right to disrespect others. If I run out of money, doesn't give me the right to rob someone of their money. There are plenty of people out there that don't mind what they offer, there are several responding to this thread...why force it on someone who is not interested,harrass and be rude about it?

I had one particular idiot keep sending me requests and "statements" ...at first I was polite, I simply said no thank you, I'm not interested, etc.... instead of moving on, he kept emailing me over weeks, even when I stopped responding, until it just got out of hand and so rude, I had to just block the jackass.

If he is so lonely, why doesn't he just send an email and talk to me...I don't think someone sending, "I just jerked off to your pic" (one of his actual "whole" emails by they way) constitutes me feeling sorry for this idiot. And, oh please, all submissive men don't act in this manner.

If the only way he knows to cure his loneliness is to send someone an email saying "can I jerk off to your pic?"....that's just pathetic.

These people have to understand, we are not machines that you can put a quarter in, to help you get off when you are in the mood...we are human and we have feelings, just like mister "lonely" over there. How about a little compassion for us that are not harrassing others?

< Message edited by TxBlkMistress -- 1/29/2007 5:49:40 PM >

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RE: Wanker rage! - 1/29/2007 5:45:22 PM

SmokingGun82

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I wonder if this is a gender issue... because I know I'd be highly amused by receiving an email from a female submissive saying the same thing.

At least if I believed it was really a female. Or, actually, either way.

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Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

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RE: Wanker rage! - 1/29/2007 5:54:16 PM

TxBlkMistress

Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

I wonder if this is a gender issue... because I know I'd be highly amused by receiving an email from a female submissive saying the same thing.

At least if I believed it was really a female. Or, actually, either way.

don't know if it's a gender thing or not... I just know my own personal feelings on the matter...and I get tired of my mailbox being filled with such foolishness.

This lifestyle is about all kind of likes and dislikes, and if that is what you like, so be it...that was my point exactly, there are plenty that don't mind such emails...so why harrass someone with constant emails, that you have stated in your profile and "to them" that you do not want.

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RE: Wanker rage! - 1/30/2007 6:07:22 AM

SkyWolfEyes

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/17/2007
From: Herndon, VA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PsyVamp

If I write something sexy or erotic, I don't care if someone gets off on it. If I send someone a pic, I don't care if they invite their friends and have a circle jerk..
What I don't appreciate is the amount of "subs" who email me expecting to get into immediate on-line erotica and scenes...How much time do you think I have to get into this with 5,10,150 different subs? I have a life - and a job. Now, if I were to provide this service, I'd have to go pro and quit my day job.
Now, if said person were seriously into getting to know me first as a person, find out if we have similar likes and dislikes...then it would be different. Otherwise, it makes what I do less special to who I do it with. Sometimes cyber can be a fun diversion - when I don't have other commitments and only with those who are special to me.

Mistress Psy

I believe the problem is the EXPECTATION.
I have a big problem with this.
I see or hear about men all the time who hit on females online and expect to just cyber with them. They ask them to show their assets on webcam and actually expect them to deliver.
When they somehow get lucky with a female, they actually expect her to go down on him.

I hate this.

So when a man comes to you because your profile says you are a Dom, and expects you to provide a dominant exchange with him because he's a sub, it's demeaning.
"But I'm a worthless slave and you are a powerful mistriss! Why don't/won't you whip me and make me crawl?! I thought you were a Dom!"

Does that mental message sound familiar? Does it sound familiar if the roles were reversed where a Dom expects any Sub to respond to him/her?
Do these outlooks symbolize poor Subs and poor Doms?
My opinion is Yes but then again, I seek and value other things.

It's the EXPECTATION that lowers the value of things/people.
If I expect a PS3 and get it, it's not as meaningful to me.
If I hope, work for, and get one, it means much more to me.
(Yes. I'm a hardcore gamer geek. It's one of my many many traits)

Some of us may have the strength and moxie to go out there and chat with others and get what they expect and want.
Some of us have to work for it by hunting around, locating potential playmates, finding an opening through dialogue or conversation, and then going in for the question to play.
...and some of us just lie in waiting and either they always hope it comes to them, or someone they are the ones where it just does come to them.

I cannot speak for others, merely observe.
Prey does not come to me. I must hunt for them and catch them. Once caught, I must then find a way to keep them and make them mine.
For me it's a hard process to find someone interested in what I have to offer, and then showing them they would benefit greatly if they chose to submit to me.
Since I value freedom highly, free choice is big and I keep trying to find ways to entice them to stick around.
However, I never EXPECT them to stick around.

The ones that do choose to submit to me are rewarded, taken care of, and valued.

That is my way.

So remember, if you EXPECT cyber from people you just met, then you are not treating them as something of value. Be prepared for the IGNORE button.
You have been advised.

Disclaimer:
This view point in no way even begins to cover the kind of relationship where a person chooses to treat another as a worthless slave, piece of sex meat, or sex object that exists for the master's pleasure, nor does this view point address the reverse, assuming that both parties fully understand and choose their paths and follow eachother's pre-arranged rules.

I must wander and continue my hunt.
Farewell for now.

--SkyWolf

< Message edited by SkyWolfEyes -- 1/30/2007 6:08:22 AM >

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RE: Wanker rage! - 1/30/2007 7:12:55 AM

sexyboygirl

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Once you have posted a pic onto the internet, you can't really have too much say as to what happens to it! If you don't want people to get aroused by a picture of you, then don't show it - and being honest about, we all want people to be attracted to us, don't we?

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RE: Wanker rage! - 1/30/2007 7:52:58 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyboygirl

Once you have posted a pic onto the internet, you can't really have too much say as to what happens to it! If you don't want people to get aroused by a picture of you, then don't show it - and being honest about, we all want people to be attracted to us, don't we?

This isn't the point at all.

None of us cares what anyone else does in private -- as you said, once it's posted you lose a lot of control over it.

The point is that writing to someone or speaking to someone and saying "I jacked off to this" is impolite at best and at worse it demonstrates that the person writing this is completely unprepared for any relationship. It make a very bad impression.

Why would anyone want to create a bad impression?

Do what you like in the privacy of your own home but you don't need to share those details unless you are asked.

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Wanker rage! - 1/30/2007 1:11:28 PM

KaramelGoddess

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quote:

For me, where Ds and what I do is sexuality and NOT about sexual gratification, I would see where it might be bothersome. It's degrading what it is I do to merely a sex act.

Exactly!!!! Thank you for putting that so succinctly.

~Kara

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RE: Wanker rage! - 1/30/2007 3:59:02 PM

TxBlkMistress

Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyboygirl

Once you have posted a pic onto the internet, you can't really have too much say as to what happens to it! If you don't want people to get aroused by a picture of you, then don't show it - and being honest about, we all want people to be attracted to us, don't we?

This isn't the point at all.

None of us cares what anyone else does in private -- as you said, once it's posted you lose a lot of control over it.

The point is that writing to someone or speaking to someone and saying "I jacked off to this" is impolite at best and at worse it demonstrates that the person writing this is completely unprepared for any relationship. It make a very bad impression.

Why would anyone want to create a bad impression?

Do what you like in the privacy of your own home but you don't need to share those details unless you are asked.

perfectly put!

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Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

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