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Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/29/2007 11:14:27 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		my one brother -his divorce has been hell- the lumps never stop. something about loosing his driver license due to no emissions test.

considerring all the problems a marriage can create- i dont think i would ever get married. the other person can ruin your life it sounds like.

egads-
it is like someone stole my brother and he is the walking dead these days.
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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/29/2007 11:22:26 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		My sister is a divorce attorney and there are days she says she just hates that branch of law. The only reason she is doing it, is because that is kind of where the business was when she graduated.

There is apparently, a lot of legal business to be had there by attorneys, because so many people are getting divorced. She also does a bit of real-estate law, and other things - but mostly divorce and custody stuff. She sometimes says she cannot believe how low some will sink to get back at their spouse for - whatever. But, she also has helped people get out of some really bad situations, too. Her her job pays the bills. From some of the horror stories she has (anonymously, of course) told me, my heart goes out to your brother.

- Susan

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/29/2007 11:23:48 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Divorce = #1 reason for not getting married.

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/29/2007 11:26:15 AM   
mnottertail


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quote:


my one brother -his divorce has been hell- the lumps never stop. something about loosing his driver license due to no emissions test.


This is certainly going too far, a man has the right to his own body just as women do, and if he is shooting blanks---well, that ain't got nothing to do with your ability to drive.

Ron

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/29/2007 11:43:46 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

My sister is a divorce attorney and there are days she says she just hates that branch of law. The only reason she is doing it, is because that is kind of where the business was when she graduated.

There is apparently, a lot of legal business to be had there by attorneys, because so many people are getting divorced. She also does a bit of real-estate law, and other things - but mostly divorce and custody stuff. She sometimes says she cannot believe how low some will sink to get back at their spouse for - whatever. But, she also has helped people get out of some really bad situations, too. Her her job pays the bills. From some of the horror stories she has (anonymously, of course) told me, my heart goes out to your brother.

- Susan


I believe it! I thought I heard it all. I think he remarried so soon- so as to have a sense of protection. the new wife put his name on her house- so he married her. there is a 7 year old daughter involved. a bunch of people were making death threats to my brother.  I thought a workmans comp case was the hardest law thing to go through, till I seen a crimal case in action. But now it seems -divorce ranks up there. The ex-spouse would know ALL the weaknesses and where the jugular is.

This is dragging out 2-3 years.

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/29/2007 11:44:09 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		It is good to hear you are communicating with your family once more.

Divorce, well.  If people learned to communicate with one another divorce rates would be lower.
Life isn't easy for any of us no matter what stage of life we are in.  Going through it with another person whose life may be going in an opposite direction yours is..well even harder.

Myself, if I were to get a divorce it would be relatively simple.  We have designed our lives for the possibility of divorce in the future.  Even though we hope we never need one.
In today's day and age I think if you are a thinking realist you must do so.  We just never know what the future might hold.

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/29/2007 11:48:21 AM   
dreamscape


Posts: 51
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Status: offline 		Nasty thing.......I am sorry for your brother, and I hope all ends well.


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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/29/2007 12:04:05 PM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		Divorce is what happens when men and women foolishly believe in living happily ever after. The best state for men and maybe women too, is single and crossing the barricade every so often or inviting a wench back to your camp fire now and again for party games. As long as you can send them home in the morning all will be fine.

There's nothing wrong with a married woman as long as you aren't married to her. She'll probably be more sexually adventurous with you than with hubby and anyway he is probably having a good time with his neighbour's wife anyway.

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/29/2007 12:50:36 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
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From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline 		I had a wife once...  And then her husband came and picked her up.

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/29/2007 1:37:46 PM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		Marriage can be the absolute best thing in the world.

That could be why divorce hurts so damn bad, the loss of possibility with someone who was supposed to be The One.

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/29/2007 1:42:51 PM   
GentlehandSTL


Posts: 44
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Divorce = #1 reason for not getting married.


Right...it's no fun when you have 'just' lived together and break up either

If you have common assets and stuff. and kids? makes no difference

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/29/2007 6:19:38 PM   
subfever


Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		Reply to no one in particular:

Stay single, and teach your children to do the same...

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/29/2007 6:39:01 PM   
Lorelei115


Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline 		Divorces are sticky because of that fine line between love and hate. The more intense your feelings are towards someone, the easier it is to let your passions get away with you when love goes wrong.

As cjenny said, finding out the one you thought you were going to be with forever isn't really THE ONE can hurt pretty bad. And those hurt feelings get transferred onto the other person, making it 'their' fault, and turning the person you thought you knew into some kind of monster.

I've yet to have a divorce, but I have had breakups that have run the gamut from cool relief to explosions that would rival Mt. Vesuvius. A lot of the times, how angry I was at the other person depended on how much responsibility I was willing to take for the breakup. If I was unwilling to take any of the blame, I felt I had been wronged and was outraged by it. If I stepped back and assessed where we BOTH went wrong (95 percent of it was always communication issues) I could accept a breakup with much more dignity, parting with sorrow, but not rage. Incidentally, all the breakups where I have been willing to shoulder at least part of the responsibility, I have remained friends with my exes.

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/29/2007 6:50:02 PM   
CandleInTheWind


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Joined: 10/20/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny

Marriage can be the absolute best thing in the world.

That could be why divorce hurts so damn bad, the loss of possibility with someone who was supposed to be The One.


Cjenny...
you definately hit the nail on the head  It is nice to hear someone beside sme say it around here...

I was married for nearly 19 years...and there were good times and there were really bad times...and well it was a tough 4 y-5 years of separation before everything finally got separated and filed and done and i was officially single...but well it is never truly over..regardless of what anyone says..after you spend the intimacy that you do in a marriage, you never truly leave that part of who you are/were with that person.  Even after the entire  mess is over and the ugliness is over and supposedly the marriage is over. The time you spent  together is never gone..it is a part of who you were and are today.  Would i have not married that hubby of mine my life would be alot different than it is today...but who is to say that it wouldbe better??

....and bitter sweet...... memories...... are all.. im taking with me  ....man Dolly could really write a song about it couldnt she??

red

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/29/2007 7:15:09 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		These days more and more people split up in a more amicable way. Most of the men I have been involved with have something nice to say about their ex. Not all the men I have been involved with, but most. I wish my split had been less painful, but hey that is the breaks.

There are financial benefits to marriage. There are tax bennies, medical bennies, two incomes, one mortgage, so it is not all for the bad. I would love to get remarried, you know, that person to plan the future with... and that is not just about romantic love... it is about the home you will share, planning for retirement, seeing each other's kids through stuff. It is someone to share not only the fruits with, but the burdens with too. Marriage can be a wonderful thing if the right people are involved.

If I got married again I am pretty confident it would last, because I would be doing it for all the right reasons. I want that person I can just enjoy and grow old with... but that is just me. (Im just not that bitter...smiles)

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/29/2007 8:26:15 PM   
SCDommie


Posts: 176
Joined: 1/24/2007
Status: offline 		Speaking from my own experience with marriage, it is very challenging. 
I would believe that money and sex are the two primary reasons for divorce.
My divorce cost me $17,000 and it was not my fault. I owned property; therefore, I had to pay him off for part of a garage he built on my property without my permission.
Males have it worse in away because if there are children invovled, watch out for the child support.
Divorce will financially criple you for a few years, and there is no recovering your losses.

SCD

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/29/2007 9:48:09 PM   
poplolly


Posts: 159
Joined: 10/7/2006
From: Edmonton
Status: offline 		Speaking for my own divorce and from general observation of nasty divorces:  The one making the trouble is the one with the damaged ego. 

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/29/2007 10:11:25 PM   
corsetgirl


Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		I am sorry for your brother, divorce gets pretty ugly especially when there are issues of property, money, and child custody. My divorce was very simple because my ex husband and I did not own property and I did not have any children with him, which was blessing for me.  I paid out about $600.00 for this "simplified divorce" and this was through a paralegal.  Had I went to an attorney, I am sure that it would have been more than this fee in terms of preparation.  I had mixed feelings about this because I was happy to get out of an unhappy marriage but I missed my step-children and because of the situation and circumstances between my ex and I, it was best that I would not contact them.

I am not against marriage because it can be great when you have two people who communicate and respect each other but it is hell when there is misery and unhappiness.

< Message edited by corsetgirl -- 1/29/2007 10:12:24 PM >

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/29/2007 10:29:48 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SCDommie

Speaking from my own experience with marriage, it is very challenging. 
I would believe that money and sex are the two primary reasons for divorce.
My divorce cost me $17,000 and it was not my fault. I owned property; therefore, I had to pay him off for part of a garage he built on my property without my permission.
Males have it worse in away because if there are children invovled, watch out for the child support.
Divorce will financially criple you for a few years, and there is no recovering your losses.

SCD


I gave my ex-wife a huge amount of equity in the house in order to get her signature on a "never ask for spousal support" form.

It would have been $900 a month for 9 years.

I made more than 6 figures last year.  I would be spending my formative years in divorce court with that harridan if
I did not get that signature.  It was worth not having to argue over equity and/or force the sale of the house my unmentionables were growing up in.

Now I have criminal contempt of court charges that can be filed against her.  I could sue her for overpayment of child support for 4 years and recoup about 80k, which she could not afford to repay.

But the amusing thing is that I am non-confrontational and non-violent.  I want to live in peace and go my own way.

The psycho-bitch-from-hell continues to this day to pick fights with me.

I really dont understand.

Sinergy

edited because a 9 was missing

< Message edited by Sinergy -- 1/29/2007 10:30:25 PM >

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/29/2007 11:25:39 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline 		In all the divorces I have seen so far, and I have spent countless hours in Court, the women are being money grubbers and trying to take the man for everything he has.  Thus, in turn, the man fights back to defend himself and hang on to as much as possible.

You could not pay me enough to be a Family Court Judge.  All the money in the world would not satisfactorily compensate me for having to put up with that horseshit.

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Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

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