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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/29/2007 11:33:31 PM

Sinergy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin

In all the divorces I have seen so far, and I have spent countless hours in Court, the women are being money grubbers and trying to take the man for everything he has. Thus, in turn, the man fights back to defend himself and hang on to as much as possible.

You could not pay me enough to be a Family Court Judge. All the money in the world would not satisfactorily compensate me for having to put up with that horseshit.

The problem I have with what you state, SirKenin, is that the woman is generally at a disadvantage in a divorce proceeding. She has stayed home to manage the kids and has seen her earning potential crash, whereas the man's career has gone ahead dramatically increasing his earning potential.

So he leaves to a new and better life, and she is left behind screwed by circumstances.

He got where he was because the two of them are in a system which includes both of them.

The only thing I ever demanded in my divorce settlement was that it be fair to both sides. And the settlement I came up with was.

Despite this, my ex-wife wanted to argue about it.

People fascinate me. Things have to be fair, as long as what is fair benefits themself more.

Go figure.

Sinergy

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/29/2007 11:39:46 PM

SirKenin

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Women are far from at a disadvantage in the Canadian Family Court system. Not even close. It is the man that has to pay through the nose. I only beat my ex because I had a top notch lawyer who just slaughtered her and her council. My ex was another one that tried taking everything I had. She wanted all the assets, while leaving me all the liabilities. HAH! Fuck that. In her affidavits she called me everything but a white man, making accusations of things I never even did.

Blah. I am soooo glad she is gone. lol. Good riddance.

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/29/2007 11:54:00 PM

meatcleaver

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I have to admit that my divorce made me lose all sympathy with women. The British divorce system doesn't even seem to consider men, especially if there is children involved. You come away with nothing and still end up paying, even though you are struggling to pay rent for a damp romm for yourself. The only men I've seen come off well are those that planned and secreted away assets before the divorce. The system encourages deviousness by men and it supports venal behaviour by women. It was my divorce experience that made me say never ever again.

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/30/2007 5:55:03 PM

Rayne58

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin

In all the divorces I have seen so far, and I have spent countless hours in Court, the women are being money grubbers and trying to take the man for everything he has. Thus, in turn, the man fights back to defend himself and hang on to as much as possible.

You could not pay me enough to be a Family Court Judge. All the money in the world would not satisfactorily compensate me for having to put up with that horseshit.

I ended up with 1/3 less than I could have got, because my ex would have had to sell the farm to pay me. I didn't want my daughter to lose her home (she chose to stay with my ex) so I left it at that. I also could have claimed more if I chose to get my 25% share of the partnership between us and my ex's parents. I chose not to do that too, because I didn't want to bankrupt them.

Still my ex thought I was being "difficult". So we had a meeting, with our lawyers present, and mine laid it on the table for him. He would lose everything he'd worked for if he continued the way he was. So he caved in and signed. He's still farming, and seems to have made enough money to want to pay me out completely in a few months.

I think it was his way of trying to retain some control over me (no he wasn't a Dom, just a domineering ass

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/30/2007 9:05:01 PM

juliaoceania

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In my split I got nothing, wanted nothing, except the most valuable thing in the world to me, my baby... he could keep the knick knacks, the furniture, everything.. I just wanted custody of my child. My ex refused to pay his child support for over a decade, and is irregular about it... but ya know, I am just glad I got the most valuable thing out of our union.. respect for myself, and my son's respect...

I get so tired of hearing how men always get screwed, because that just is not so. Men's income usually rises, and a woman's decreases. Single mothers and their children are the largest segment of those under the poverty line... if all these women were screwing men economically, that just would not be the case now would it?

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/30/2007 9:11:40 PM

CandleInTheWind

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I have been divorced exactly once...and i will be honest I think i would rather slit open an artery than repeat it....contrary to synergy and sir kenin's read on the divorce process...My experience has been this.....men who do not want to support the children that have brought into the world, feel that they should be able to walk away and leave the mother of the children to scramble and make do and wave a magic wand to support the common children!

In my case my former hubby dragged the divorce on for more than 3 years costing me more than 10k and basically that was money that could have gone towards taking care of the kids...he was the one who has logistically moved on....He has the live in girl friend, and has the ability to do as he wishes....I however remain in the marital home pay the bills, even the ones that he was ordered to pay, (the house had a few lienes put upon it because he neglected to do pay the bills he was supposed to pay!), he doesnt see the children for the days that he insisted that he be able to have the kids for(and received a discount on child support due to the amount of time that was scheduled)....and he even neglects to remember the childrens birthdays...i on the other hand take care of business...I make sure that they have what they need...and when possible what they want...

and him? CRITISISM is all that comes from him......it seems that i cannot do the right hting but he wont do anything that puts him out of his comfort zone! perhaps it should not be gender specific...I believe that people that have to pay child support for the most part are annoyed about it....I can assure you all that I actually use more of my monthly income in the care of the children then the non custodial parent and i believe that is the way for most people....if i though that the kids would be better off with thier father i would have said here take them....but well since he has proven this to be unlikely (he has taken the older ones one at a time..and basically dodged his paternal responsibility and blamed me for the issues that they were experiencing at the time).

I would like nothing better that for the 12 year old young man to be to be able to say pop i want to spend the day with you....however the time he does spend with his pop turns into a mom bashing day..something he isnt prepared to do...since i spend my time biting my toungue and trying to disuade the ill feeling his son has for him, it bothers me that he spend his available time with his children bashing me...he alienating himself. but that is just my own view after all im an exwife and you all know how horrid we are...

but i know from my poin tof view that a judge can look at the actions that have occurred in the past 5 years and i will come out looking as though i tried...he however will not be as fortunate. but then again i can looka tmyself every day in the mirror...somethign he is unable to do, he did start growing a full un managed beard shortly after the divorce began...

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/31/2007 6:14:19 AM

smilezz

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I suppose i will never understand the stickiness to a divorce. I am divorced and so is Thorns. We both have wee ones with those marriages.
My first priority is for my chicklet. I needed to ensure that because her dad and i were divorcing did not mean that it had anything to do with her. I am a constant in her life, her dad is a constant in her life, Thorns is a constant in her life. As for Thorns' side, i am a constant in His chicklets life too.

Seee, i made a deal with my ex........we did not work out together, we grew apart, but we are parents, we needed to be adults and be there for our chicklet. No matter how we felt about each other, it was MORE important to ensure her mind-set. I can say that i call my ex just for the hell of it, sometimes to just talk to him, sometimes he calls me and asks me about women. LOL! we have always had a bit of a different relationship...........he's still my friend. I cherrish that.

Every year we have Thorns' ex mother-in-law come out here from Germany to stay with us. I love this woman, she treats me like one of her own. We have also had His ex-wife out here from Germany, again, staying with us. She and i have developed a friendship, i adore her and can not wait to see her again also.

I do understand that not everyone can or will have these types of relationships, or do all have wee ones within their marriages, but it sure is a helluva lot better on the wee ones when they see their parents thriving in their new relationships and still being able to get along with their dad/mom.

For me, it boiled down to: what is going to get my chicklet through this, THAT was the most important thing.

For those going through divorces.......i wish you much peace.

~smilezz~

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/31/2007 12:45:00 PM

Devilslilsister

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i've been in two divorces that arent my own.

Unfortunetly, during the 1st divorce when i was 4 my mother was too kind. Signed away rights to my fathers military retirement (after a certian number of years... wifes get something i guess), signed away any alimony, AND signed away child support. She got NOTHING from my father. Because of this we had to move to cali to live with my grandparents until her career got going.

Divorces suck and people are immature and assholes. Divorce also seems to equal - slander the other person as best you can. Divorce with custody battles are even worse. Nasty fucking thing custody battles are and i swear to GOD i would not subject any offspring of mine to it. i remember what it was like. The slander, the insults, being kidnapped, more slander.. the fights police had to pull me out of. Divorce is a great way to see the worst in ppl.

Self centered, selfish adults who think of themselves......once adults get married and become parents, they need to learn they arent the only ones involved, the only ones who have something at stake. Adults need to learn to be adults and learn to suck up their indifferences, be adults, act mature and stick it out. But everyone wants the easy way out these days....... (granted sticking it out would be with no forms of abuse involved)

Which is why i am scared to death of marriage! After my own experiences, divorce isnt an option for me. So actually getting married (for me) is a bigger deal. Its a commitment i am going to keep, come hell or high water. (so long as safety isnt an issue)

::smiles:: so even though Master is going to be putting an engagement ring on my finger - i cant help but say "lets WAIT a few years.. maybe 5" If a marriage/relationship is ment to be....... waiting doesnt harm it.

Edited to Add - Good job Quivver, its too bad more cant be mature like you and yours!

< Message edited by Devilslilsister -- 1/31/2007 12:47:09 PM >

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/31/2007 1:12:37 PM

Cunnilingussub

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the messy the divorce....the more money the lawyers makes...and they happen to be smarter than most divorcees...kill all lawyers is part of the solution

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/31/2007 1:20:14 PM

calamitysandra

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Congratulations on the engagement.

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 1/31/2007 2:50:31 PM

LaTigresse

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Divorces are only as sticky as the two people in the middle of them allow it to get.

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RE: Why are divorces so sticky? - 2/1/2007 8:50:33 PM

CandleInTheWind

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

i've been in two divorces that arent my own.

Unfortunetly, during the 1st divorce when i was 4 my mother was too kind. Signed away rights to my fathers military retirement (after a certian number of years... wifes get something i guess), signed away any alimony, AND signed away child support. She got NOTHING from my father. Because of this we had to move to cali to live with my grandparents until her career got going.

missy technically you can never sign away child support...Im assuming your mom felt like most women do it is a heck of alot easier to start over if HE diesnt haveany say over anything...just get out and start over!

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