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Is it cheating? - 1/30/2007 3:16:03 PM   
lives4smother


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/8/2007
Status: offline 		Okay here's an ethical question if you will that i've had with a number of friends. This situation revolves around a standard vanilla relationship not a D/s one.

Is cyber sex cheating with a stranger online cheating on your girl/boy friend? or is it just another means to an end? Now i know there are a lot of safe answers such as well if you're open about it it's fine, but if you are hiding it from them then it's cheating...but come on we all known safe anwers are boring. What's your hard answer...

Mine is it is not cheating because you never physically do anything with the individual. You masturbate to reading erotic stories so why is chatting with someone any different.

If it is cheating what makes it cheating....duration...#of times, etc..

on the other shoe does you answer change with a D/s relationship?
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RE: Is it cheating? - 1/30/2007 4:11:35 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Cyber is cheating to me. Probably because it is diluting the intimacy you have to give to your partner. The person you cyber with is not someone you imagine wearing a flannel nightgown with a bad cold who keeps you awake all night, the way real partners do from time to time.

No you invest in the cyber person all the unreal qualities that real people never have. And then you resent your partner for not being incredibly sexy and always hot, never too tired or stressed by life to respond as you want them to. So because your partner lets you down by being human, you then turn even more to the cyber. After a while you can't wait to escape your own stresses by cybering and you abandon your partner emotionally.

(in reply to lives4smother)
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RE: Is it cheating? - 1/30/2007 4:18:47 PM   
ToUseYou


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/27/2007
Status: offline 		I recently faced this question and while technically I didnt cyber, I did lend myself to others online for talk etc.

I didnt see anything wrong with it but my partner did, and I came to the conclusion that its not what you/I think its what your partner thinks that is important. If it is wrong to them then thats all it needs to be

A lesson learnt

(in reply to Celeste43)
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RE: Is it cheating? - 1/30/2007 4:35:18 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		Much as in an affair consummated in real life, whenever you deal with emotions of people and there is one person not knowingly being included, then it is likely that someone is going to get hurt.

That might not be a dictionary definition of cheating, but it's certainly not fair to all involved.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to lives4smother)
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RE: Is it cheating? - 1/30/2007 4:51:52 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lives4smother

Okay here's an ethical question if you will that i've had with a number of friends. This situation revolves around a standard vanilla relationship not a D/s one.

Is cyber sex cheating with a stranger online cheating on your girl/boy friend? or is it just another means to an end? Now i know there are a lot of safe answers such as well if you're open about it it's fine, but if you are hiding it from them then it's cheating...but come on we all known safe anwers are boring. What's your hard answer...

Mine is it is not cheating because you never physically do anything with the individual. You masturbate to reading erotic stories so why is chatting with someone any different.

If it is cheating what makes it cheating....duration...#of times, etc..

on the other shoe does you answer change with a D/s relationship?


I think that most people who are hurt by this behavior find they are hurt because it's a sharing of intimacy they didn't agree to between their partner and someone else. Same reason that a lot are hurt by a partner's porn habit.

Master Fire


_____________________________

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(in reply to lives4smother)
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RE: Is it cheating? - 1/30/2007 4:59:38 PM   
all4yourplsr


Posts: 156
Joined: 4/5/2005
Status: offline 		I gues I'm going to be the dissenting opinion.

I do not think cyber in itself  is cheating because it does not lead to anything.  Now, and this has sort of happened to me, if the cyber leads towards real feelings and the possibility of meeting then you might be able to convince me it's cheating. 

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Is it cheating? - 1/30/2007 5:00:53 PM   
WhiteRadiance


Posts: 247
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Awesome answer, Celeste. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

Cyber is cheating to me. Probably because it is diluting the intimacy you have to give to your partner. The person you cyber with is not someone you imagine wearing a flannel nightgown with a bad cold who keeps you awake all night, the way real partners do from time to time.

No you invest in the cyber person all the unreal qualities that real people never have. And then you resent your partner for not being incredibly sexy and always hot, never too tired or stressed by life to respond as you want them to. So because your partner lets you down by being human, you then turn even more to the cyber. After a while you can't wait to escape your own stresses by cybering and you abandon your partner emotionally.


_____________________________

Staci

The drop of rain makes a hole in a stone not by violence, but by often falling.



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RE: Is it cheating? - 1/30/2007 5:47:57 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		It all depends on the other person's level of self confidence... and your "intent"

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I'm not inflatable.


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RE: Is it cheating? - 1/30/2007 5:52:56 PM   
RWAble


Posts: 282
Joined: 1/5/2007
Status: offline 		When you violate the trust another person has given you, it is cheating. Plain and simple.

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Life is a voyage, not a destination.

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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Is it cheating? - 1/30/2007 6:00:08 PM   
mellian


Posts: 211
Joined: 9/6/2004
Status: offline 		Your cheating the away the good fun time you could have with your partner instead.

-mellian


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RE: Is it cheating? - 1/30/2007 6:21:10 PM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline 		Really simple, IMHO.

Do you discuss with your partner openly and honestly exactly what you're doing?  Could your partner read over your shoulder what you are typing online?  Without the partner feeling hurt for whatever reason?

If the answer is yes, then no, it's not cheating.  If the asnwer is no, then yes, it's cheating.

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Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

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RE: Is it cheating? - 1/30/2007 6:24:49 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Well masturbating is physical. To me it is cheating. Either way you are getting your physcial pleasure from someone other than the your real partner. Just because it is online doesn't mean there isn't another person on the other end.

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Is it cheating? - 1/30/2007 7:02:12 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lives4smother
it is not cheating because you never physically do anything with the individual. You masturbate to reading erotic stories so why is chatting with someone any different.


Then if a person goes on a date behind a partner's back and the two on the date get a hotel room to individually masturbate to erotic talk, it is not cheating. I disagree that cheating requires physical contact.

Relationships span more than physical sex and usually have emotional and intimacy components. I think the hidden cyber defies these components and see it as cheating.

I will grant that cheating that involves physical contact is worse than cyber cheating.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to lives4smother)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Is it cheating? - 1/30/2007 7:15:58 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		I guess I'm just liberal when it comes to computers.
 
I see men as playful creatures and basically oblivious that cybering could be considered cheating.
If they aren't sticking their dick in it. then it's not cheating.
 
If it is taken to excess.. then it'd be a problem where I'd have to see what I may have done to create the need.  Sometimes is just an ego trip.  If he's getting up out of bed to cyber in the middle of the night...I'd get pissed..but I still wouldn't consider it cheating. 
 
Years ago, I played around with cyber.. but it was just me amazing myself  with my literary talents.. it had nothing to do with sexual gratification.  I told my husband what I was doing.. I even cybered HIM! :)  But it did bother him and I stopped immediately.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Is it cheating? - 1/30/2007 7:16:21 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lives4smother

Is cyber sex cheating with a stranger online cheating on your girl/boy friend?



If both parties don't agree to the answer, the one who believes it's cheating automatically wins... just like it only takes one party to decide that there are irreconcilable differences for a California divorce.

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a.k.a. "mean Lady"


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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Is it cheating? - 1/30/2007 7:23:11 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		The only person who can define what is and is not cheating are the two (or more) people involved. There must be 100% consensus on this or basically you've harmed the relationship.

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to lives4smother)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Is it cheating? - 1/30/2007 9:01:11 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lives4smother

Okay here's an ethical question if you will that i've had with a number of friends. This situation revolves around a standard vanilla relationship not a D/s one.

Is cyber sex cheating with a stranger online cheating on your girl/boy friend? or is it just another means to an end? Now i know there are a lot of safe answers such as well if you're open about it it's fine, but if you are hiding it from them then it's cheating...but come on we all known safe anwers are boring. What's your hard answer...

Mine is it is not cheating because you never physically do anything with the individual. You masturbate to reading erotic stories so why is chatting with someone any different.

If it is cheating what makes it cheating....duration...#of times, etc..

on the other shoe does you answer change with a D/s relationship?


I don't know why people act like these things are so mysterious, it's very basic and simple:  if it breaks an agreed upon rule of your relationship, then it's cheating.

What rules there are vary by person and by relationship, but it always comes down to that same simple thing.

(in reply to lives4smother)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Is it cheating? - 1/30/2007 10:54:22 PM   
sarbonn


Posts: 203
Joined: 3/23/2004
Status: offline 		My opinion is that it is cheating if you feel the need to hide your actions from your partner.

_____________________________

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day...
...teach a man to fish, he steals your fishing hole and then charges you for the fish.

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Is it cheating? - 1/31/2007 4:02:26 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		it is cheating... the mind is is being stimulated in an intimate way regardless of actually coming into physical contact with another person

I always say this when this subject comes up.... invite your significant other into the room while you engage in cyber play & see how they react. If they don't like it you will have your answer... if they are completely ok with it... purchase a wide angle web cam & have fun

TOGETHER!!

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Is it cheating? - 1/31/2007 7:23:49 AM   
SCDommie


Posts: 176
Joined: 1/24/2007
Status: offline 		Well, I have traditional beliefs about this subject.  I am not going to offer an opinion other than to say if it is bothering you with your real relationship or real life situation, then it is wrong for you.  It could be taking over your own life.   I have had that to happen before. I am not judging anyone here. Just sharing my personal experience.

SCD

(in reply to MstrssPassion)
Profile   Post #: 20
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