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RE: Is it cheating? - 1/31/2007 9:18:10 AM

SirDominic

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This is an age old question, reformatted for the Internet age. A lot of the posters so far feel that if your partner is not aware of it, that makes it cheating.

I don't believe it is that simple. For me, the question is what is your intent? Are you simply bored, using cyber sex to add some spice to your life? I don't think that is cheating.

But, if you are unhappy in your relationship, and are using cyber sex to avoid confronting your real issues with your partner, that I would consider cheating.

In both cases you are hiding it from your partner, but the former is benign (in my opinion), the latter is not.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

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RE: Is it cheating? - 1/31/2007 9:58:05 AM

Lorelei115

Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
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I don't think the label "cheating" matters much to be honest. Its just a word. Its how your actions affect your relationship that counts. If your partner found out and it made them upset, then its a bad thing. One would hope that, being in a commited relationship, you would already know if something like that would upset your partner or not. If you think that it would, you should refrain, and speak to your partner about alternate outlets for whatever emotion it is that drove you to cyber sex. (Boredom, horniness, etc...) If you have a good, honest, open relationship, you should be able to come to some sort of compromise that satisfies both parties.

(I use "you" in a general sense here.)

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RE: Is it cheating? - 1/31/2007 2:10:59 PM

LadyOunce

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Joined: 10/18/2006
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It is cheating. Wouldn't you say that falling in love with another than your mate without telling them is cheating? Cheating is not purely about fucking another person. It's about violating trust.

If you're hiding it, you know you're doing something wrong.

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RE: Is it cheating? - 1/31/2007 3:10:25 PM

SweetDommes

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Cheating is in the mind - not the genitals.

Our ex (the one that we threw out for cheating) was cybering online with 4 or 5 different females. He was keeping all of them hidden from the rest of the family, and was found out because he wasn't smart enough to log out of yahoo IM when he went to work one day. We have strong circumstantial evidence that he was cheating offline too - but didn't have that until later. We threw him out because he was having cyber sex with different females online - he was hiding it from us because he knew that what he was doing was wrong. He tried to claim that he was only joking around with them (not likely ... I read some of the conversations) and that it wasn't cheating anyway, because it was only online. The fact that he claimed that one of them was the love of his life (publicly, mind you ... it was on an open blog not just in their IMs) apparently wasn't cheating to him. Well, it was to me, and it was to Holly.

If someone is hiding it, they are hiding it because they know that it's wrong ... why would it be wrong if it's not a form of cheating?

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RE: Is it cheating? - 1/31/2007 3:39:25 PM

Nick19WV

Posts: 35
Joined: 1/25/2007
From: Parkersburg, West Virginia
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Why cyber online if your in a relationship? All your doing is wasting your time and teasing them and them teasing you. Why masturbate at something stupid when your girl friend/boy friend can do it for you? I'm sorry, but this thread is stupid.

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Post #: 25

RE: Is it cheating? - 2/1/2007 6:42:55 AM

sting516

Posts: 505
Joined: 9/4/2004
From: long island, ny
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i would say, if it felt like cheating, or if you think your significant other would think it's cheating...it's cheating

quote:

ORIGINAL: lives4smother

Okay here's an ethical question if you will that i've had with a number of friends. This situation revolves around a standard vanilla relationship not a D/s one.

Is cyber sex cheating with a stranger online cheating on your girl/boy friend? or is it just another means to an end? Now i know there are a lot of safe answers such as well if you're open about it it's fine, but if you are hiding it from them then it's cheating...but come on we all known safe anwers are boring. What's your hard answer...

Mine is it is not cheating because you never physically do anything with the individual. You masturbate to reading erotic stories so why is chatting with someone any different.

If it is cheating what makes it cheating....duration...#of times, etc..

on the other shoe does you answer change with a D/s relationship?

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Post #: 26

RE: Is it cheating? - 2/1/2007 10:51:31 AM

Spankinatrix

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Weighing in from the therapist's point of view. If it violates the trust you have in each other, i.e. the implied or directly stated agreements you have about earning and maintaining trust, then of course it is! The easiest way of determining this is whether or not you've told the other person before or when you started (and their response, of course). Any questions beyond that are only a desperate search for other people who validate your notion that it's okay to go behind their back. This is not a question about individual ethics. Indeed, this is a question about relational boundaries and communication. Therefore, the answer is in your relationship, and not in anyone else's morals or ethics about themselves.

N

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Post #: 27

RE: Is it cheating? - 2/1/2007 11:12:13 AM

DiannaVesta

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sarbonn

My opinion is that it is cheating if you feel the need to hide your actions from your partner.

I agree with this and with what TammyJo said. If you're lying and hiding then its deception.

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RE: Is it cheating? - 2/2/2007 7:10:55 PM

GuidingLite

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emotional cheating is cheating in a diff form and so yes is the answer.

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RE: Is it cheating? - 2/5/2007 10:53:39 AM

jamesthehumanrug

Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
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two answers , dear ,lives for mom too,
if your s and m and they are vanilla, and you really dont like them ,as much ,as you can ;due to that big difference, then jelousy is expected towards someone you simply dont like that much;
second, for some reason; its cheating if you hide it, but, even s and m persons hide other relationships on line; i don't know why ;its an insult to a bottoms intelligence ,and, capacity ,but, they wanna' act vanilla ,and have to hide it ,so be it ;
but, ideally telling is best, but, never seems to be done;so, if you find out ,and ,you're both in s and m ,and ,they hid it like you cant be included ,or cant handle it ;like her and dont be jelous ,or dont like her and, be jelous ! your choice!,personally: if i didnt care for the whole situation ,or the top ;i'd be jelous as all hell;
in sumation: it's cheating no matter, if you care, or not;but, i go online ,w/ no actual practice ,or intimate relations, other than printed-talk ,so a top can be jelous, if they dont just stand for that....
i used to think jelousey was cute but its a slight to the person being jelous;you want your top to look like a loser? i cant stand inferior traits reflected on my top ,so i would do anything not to make her jelous and find out if simply writing online makes her feel that way ,if it did; i'd quickly stop it and never mention it again.she has to be the best and look good at all times;i wont defile that image.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lives4smother

Okay here's an ethical question if you will that i've had with a number of friends. This situation revolves around a standard vanilla relationship not a D/s one.

Is cyber sex cheating with a stranger online cheating on your girl/boy friend? or is it just another means to an end? Now i know there are a lot of safe answers such as well if you're open about it it's fine, but if you are hiding it from them then it's cheating...but come on we all known safe anwers are boring. What's your hard answer...

Mine is it is not cheating because you never physically do anything with the individual. You masturbate to reading erotic stories so why is chatting with someone any different.

If it is cheating what makes it cheating....duration...#of times, etc..

on the other shoe does you answer change with a D/s relationship?

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Post #: 30

RE: Is it cheating? - 2/9/2007 1:27:33 PM

AEVanVogt

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I don't see why you have to back off the question, Misstoyou. I think if a female sub goes online and cybers with a Dom (or a female Domme goes online and cybers with a male sub) or any combination, without the knowledge and approval of her other, it is clearly cheating. For example, a sub who fancies herself as a "Domme" and takes on subs while, at the same time, is pretending to remain faithful and loyal (as a sub, no less) to her Dom is clearly cheating. Matter of fact, she is being a very bad sub and ought to be punished.

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Post #: 31