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The Gentleman Master - 1/30/2007 10:40:45 PM

BLACKMASTERusa

Posts: 2
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

I am BLACKMASTER. By nature and My conservative upbringing, I am a gentleman. For years I mistakenly assumed that to be dominant, one must be pushy, overbearing and rude. A kind of "let the bitch know whose in charge' type of attitude. Now I'm in My fifties, comfortable in My own skin and have discovered the power in simply being yourself.
Without rudeness, lies or raising My voice, consenting sub women indulge My kinky requests souly to please Me. I like that. (smile)
I am BLACKMASTER

Post #: 1

RE: The Gentleman Master - 1/30/2007 11:03:16 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

so true. being rude and overbearing is indicative to me of simply not having good manners or knowing how to treat -anyone-, let alone one's submissive...so i think this is an important lesson to learn, personally. seems like you've had an awesome journey so far :)

(in reply to BLACKMASTERusa)

Post #: 2

RE: The Gentleman Master - 1/31/2007 1:34:20 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

Lol, should I read those opening and closing statements as "I am BLACKMASTER, hear me roar!"?

But yes, being comfortable in your own skin - I like that about me, too! And where my subs are concerned, I like that I can communicate better with my eyes than my voice....

Focus.

(in reply to BLACKMASTERusa)

Post #: 3

RE: The Gentleman Master - 1/31/2007 2:33:35 AM

mystiquenz

Posts: 330
Joined: 8/13/2004
Status: offline

Blackmaster>>

Thank you for this post.

Recently i met a dom, who thought that being domineering was being dominant. How many others are of the same view point?

For many, including myself, it is a turn off! But then others like to micro manage, and others do not, so i suppose it is an individualistic thing.

There is nothing nicer, than when a Dominant is very comfortable in his own being, and knows himself well, inside and out, and hopefully a submissive with a similar quality would be favoured, rather than found lacking.

I would imagine that a person more mature in years, who is settled (whatever that may mean), is happy with their life and their direction, knows when they are having a good day, a bad day, or an indifferent day, is able to communicate what's going on, then, has walked that "a thousand miles in those mocassins", and still can feel the earth beneath their feet ... must be comfortable in their own skin, OTHERWISE how on earth, are they going to guide their counterpart bottom/sub/slave.

Give me a Dominant that has experienced life, rather than one that is trying to fit together his pieces any day of the week.

_____________________________

blessings
~mystique~

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 4

RE: The Gentleman Master - 1/31/2007 6:58:14 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Lots of people start off with a lot of bravado...or adopting a role and personality because they think it's what they're supposed to do or be. I know I did. I just couldn't identify with the Bitch Goddess persona, though.

We have a wonderful man in our local community, who happens to be African American, who does an excellent presentation entitled "Master or Asshole in a Black Vest?". He does a super job with it.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to BLACKMASTERusa)

Post #: 5

RE: The Gentleman Master - 1/31/2007 7:06:10 AM

starshineowned

Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

Greetings..~smiles~

I think discovering this aspect goes quite well with also understanding the difference in Control versus Controlling.

Enjoy your skin Sir

Well Wishes
starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

_____________________________

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --Abraham Lincoln

(in reply to BLACKMASTERusa)

Post #: 6

RE: The Gentleman Master - 1/31/2007 7:31:59 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

Sir, there seems to be a theme today. See http://www.collarchat.com/m_799563/tm.htm. The Mistresses are discussing the exact same thing:)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to BLACKMASTERusa)

Post #: 7

RE: The Gentleman Master - 1/31/2007 7:40:12 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

The more toys, the louder the talk, the more showy their play, the more they try and be big the smaller they tend to be on the inside.

Its the monster truck syndrome.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 8

RE: The Gentleman Master - 1/31/2007 8:37:26 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

It is a shame many people on both sides of the fences sometimes feel the need to play a part instead of being themselves. The only right way is what is natural for you. If that is in a more gentlemanly manor or if it is in a more domineering manor so be it. Acting for effect will only cause problems in the long run.

It is unfortunate that you see this a lot in all relationships. People start out with masks on themselves and over time get either too tired or forget to keep them on and that is when you find out if you are truly compatible with the other person. It seems also that many times that this is done less and less as we grow older and hopefully wiser.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 9

RE: The Gentleman Master - 1/31/2007 8:39:43 AM

SirDominic

Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

A controlling dom is not one that is in control. I have never raised my voice in anger to a sub. I have never used rudeness or been overbearing. When one is truly In Control, all that posturing is simply pointless.

I also agree with Focus50's response, the eyes have an incredible power over a submissive, as does facial expressions, body stances; there are an enormous number of ways to get a point across without saying a word.

Another thing I have found to be very powerful, much better than anger is disappointment. When a submissive fails me in some way, I tell her how disappointed I am in her in a calm, neutral tone of voice. The result is often devastating, as, for many submissives, there is no greater sin than not living up to their Dominant's expectations.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

(in reply to BLACKMASTERusa)

Post #: 10

RE: The Gentleman Master - 1/31/2007 9:13:30 AM

talltxsub

Posts: 173
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

The quiet dominant is always so much more in control. If one must threaten or bully, then they are just being a bully. But the one who makes another simply submit as though they are desperate to do so.....that is a real dominant.

(in reply to SirDominic)

Post #: 11

RE: The Gentleman Master - 2/1/2007 10:53:34 AM

Adrenochrome

Posts: 50
Joined: 12/27/2004
From: Canada
Status: offline

There's a time and a place for raging. There's a time and a place for the raised voice. Just like there's a time and a place for the back of one's hand.

I'm a cultured young Man. I have a Master's degree. There's a strong tradition of appreciating art, literature, and fine music in my family. In my Mastery of my slave, I generally am much more a Paternal figure than I am a brute.

However, sometimes she needs the brutish treatment to learn. Sometimes I need to be brutish to properly express myself.

Time and a place for everything.

_____________________________

"Guidance is internal." -- NASA Countdown

(in reply to talltxsub)

Post #: 12

RE: The Gentleman Master - 2/2/2007 2:18:44 AM

sloki

Posts: 17
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline

I like the quiet Ones the best. There is a sense of mystery there that makes me want to hush and listen close...

_____________________________

People will react based on what they believe.

(in reply to Adrenochrome)

Post #: 13

RE: The Gentleman Master - 2/2/2007 3:13:28 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

Anger is just another expression of fear and a fearful Dom isn't attractive to me.

i genuinely seek to be in a relationship where bondage comes in the form of word, touch, the look in the eyes, the turn of the mouth, the simple touch of the hand.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to BLACKMASTERusa)

Post #: 14

RE: The Gentleman Master - 2/2/2007 5:08:00 AM

Domrob

Posts: 18
Joined: 1/7/2004
Status: offline

I am a Dom and a gentleman. It usually works and there is a buz from getting obedience by making a quite request not an order.

The downside is I am a natural host and find it difficult to order a sub to do simple things like pour wine or make coffee even when they have come for domestic training. I have lost subs by not being masterful enough in these areas though they agree they have had a good spanking and been extended in other ways.

Do other gents have this problem?

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 15

RE: The Gentleman Master - 2/2/2007 8:48:15 AM

JustUsTwo

Posts: 10
Joined: 12/7/2006
Status: offline

Inside or outside of this dynamic being true to oneself is really the only sustainable course to take. Adopting a role or persona in any relationship eventually becomes too cumbersome to maintain.
It becomes like any lie.
One lie will soon enough require another for sustenance and that begins a cycle of perpetuation that will eventually collapse. Personally I have other, better things to do with my time, energy and imagination.

To OP, I too was raised as gentleman and as time goes on I find less and less incongruity between that part of my upbringing and my dominant nature. Being in charge starts with being in charge of my own life and that doesn’t happen without truthfulness to self and whatever truths are found in upbringing.

He

(in reply to BLACKMASTERusa)

Post #: 16

RE: The Gentleman Master - 2/2/2007 10:51:51 AM

QuietDom

Posts: 255
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sloki

I like the quiet Ones the best. There is a sense of mystery there that makes me want to hush and listen close...

Please spread this attitude as widely as possible...

(in reply to sloki)

Post #: 17

RE: The Gentleman Master - 2/2/2007 11:24:29 AM

irishric

Posts: 10
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Greetings A/all,
Find that this a very disturbing aspect of O/our lives. When I approach a slave, I generally describe myself as a "gentle"man who chooses to be sadistic. I am very affectionate with my slaves/playmates and as that turn me on, I refuse to change to suit their behaviors. I have had several slaves, and I have definitely used them in sadistic manners, yet they spend their down time in MY arms, being caressed and gently brought back from whereever they were. Dominant does not mean abusive, butes are abusive. And I definitley don't want to feel like that ever.

(in reply to QuietDom)

Post #: 18

RE: The Gentleman Master - 2/2/2007 11:33:34 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

The more toys, the louder the talk, the more showy their play, the more they try and be big the smaller they tend to be on the inside.

Its the monster truck syndrome.

What bothers me is how often those tactics work. How often the pushy, come on strong, "dom" gets the girl in "sub frenzy". Most submissives don't really learn until they've made the mistakes, been hurt and burned, their trust broken, their faith frayed... and then it falls to those same quiet ones to pick up the pieces and try to make something of damaged goods. Ironically, we're also the ones perhaps best suited to doing exactly that, to re-casting the clay if you will. Its not a new story, I guess in reality its actually a very old one. The weathered and worn veteran and the soiled dove who finally get it right (I gotta lay off the westerns). Just wish it didn't seem to so often work out that way.

Ah well, its what I get for being a 16th century man in a 21st century world. A romantic fan of Nietzsche, could I be any more of a contradiction? I keep putting the horse in front of the cart because I'm just old fashioned that way. But let me know how that cart in front of the horse thing works out.

So if you'll excuse me I have a friend to deal with and her mess of a marriage which she rushed into. While she's packing her bags I'll be threatening to break his legs if he ever goes near her again. Someone's got to clean up the mess... and with all this practice I seem to be getting pretty good at it.

Maybe I should take up pottery. Maybe I'm just finally getting old and wondering if I'm really any wiser. Or why I still care at all.

Life would be so much easier if I were a cold, heartless, come on strong, grab whatever I can dom... but would it be any better? Some days I wonder. Some days I just listen to Billy Joel. Usually I get over both. Thanks for listening.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 19

RE: The Gentleman Master - 2/2/2007 12:42:56 PM

Totalmaster4you

Posts: 1359
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

Ta Da....................This belongs in introduce yourself not ask a Master! I see no question here just someone who wants to be the center of attention and thinks they've figured it out,.... but it took them 50 years. If you were a natural it wouldn't have taken so long you just would have been!

_____________________________

Sometime ago I decided it was time to change my nic. However I didn't wish to disconnect from my original profile. Since then I've signed Touch your mind (TYM or Tym). Opinions in my posts should be taken as my opinion and my opinion only.

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 20

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