What event or series of events leads one to become Dominant or Submissive?

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> What event or series of events leads one to become Dominant or Submissive?

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What event or series of events leads one to become Dom... - 2/1/2007 7:10:24 AM

TheKatsWhizkas

Posts: 2
Joined: 2/1/2007
Status: offline

I have often wondered what single event or perhaps, series of events occure in a persons life that eventually turn them into either a Dominant or Submissive. I am sure there will be a diverse range of specific events that trigger such personality traits. Despite this there must be a number of eliments common to everyone that might be titled "mutually shared commonalities".

Post #: 1

RE: What event or series of events leads one to become ... - 2/1/2007 7:23:34 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

While I do believe there is part nature and part nurture in all of us and the percentage of which probably varies greatly, I do not have any earth shattering experiences that sent me down this path.

I was simply born submissive raised in a culture that teaches it but still do not think at all that just made it a small step to this life at all. For me it was simply being introduced to the life by who become my first owners and taking to it like it was just meant to be. When this happen I knew for awhile I was drawn to aggressive and powerful people but did not know or think I was searching out something of this nature at all. It kind of just found me.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to TheKatsWhizkas)

Post #: 2

RE: What event or series of events leads one to become ... - 2/1/2007 7:32:48 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Everyone has their story :)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_575022/mpage_1/key_cyber%252Csex/tm.htm#575202
who taught you about bdsm?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_615627/mpage_1/key_cyber%252Csex/tm.htm#615885
bdsm humble beginnings

http://www.collarchat.com/m_693002/mpage_1/key_cyber%252Csex/tm.htm#693352
first time submissive feelings

http://www.collarchat.com/m_744252/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#744266
Do you think you were "born this way"?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_691960/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#691984
naturally Ds?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_499963/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#499979
Nature or nurture?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_307130/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#307130
Do you feel being a dom/me is innate or can be learned?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_461558/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#461558
hard-wired, why why why!

http://www.collarchat.com/m_143698/mpage_1/key_born%252Craised/tm.htm#143698
nature versus nurture

http://www.collarchat.com/m_760860/mpage_2/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#761518
born to serve?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_468650/mpage_1/key_nature%252Cnurture/tm.htm#468650
nature vs nurture

http://www.collarchat.com/m_35901/mpage_1/key_learned%252Cborn/tm.htm#35901
born or learned, how we become dom?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to TheKatsWhizkas)

Post #: 3

RE: What event or series of events leads one to become ... - 2/1/2007 10:29:24 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Personally I believe its just how you are wired with a bit of conditioning tossed in. I am dominant wired and though my Mother tried to turn me into a submissive person it just didn't take. We butted heads constantly and finally she realised she was wasting her time. Luckily Dad never tried to change me, he felt everyone needs to be true to their own nature, as do I.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to TheKatsWhizkas)

Post #: 4

RE: What event or series of events leads one to become ... - 2/1/2007 11:16:46 AM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

I've had an interest in bondage, kidnapping, and control ever since childhood (movies, books, tying up dolls, etc.). I kept my interests hidden most of my life. I didn't really discover BDSM and D/s as a lifestyle until I was in my 30's and realized (through online interactions) that people had relationships based on those things. After some internal struggling and self-acceptance (and a change in vanilla relationship) I fell into my role as a Domme naturally and am now happily involved with a sub in a wonderful D/s relationship.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 5

RE: What event or series of events leads one to become ... - 2/1/2007 11:28:33 AM

uncllrdnfla

Posts: 16
Joined: 5/15/2005
Status: offline

I have great memories of childhood, and a few older neighbor girls would sometimes tie me up with their jumprope in the back yard or back shed. Seemed to be alot of play in regards to that. I even remember the one pinning me down, and sitting on me in various ways. Another time an older girl did as much as she could with me, before someone came down her basement stairs. And so be it, from then on, I always remember being attracted to a strong, female presence, even in my vanilla relations, a bitchier, stronger type, as another might say. Then everything just fell into place on my own by discovering on my own, by reading, internet, etc....and my journey has continued, once being able to serve in my life, but onward i go!!!! thanks for the ability to share and rediscover my path....uncllrdnfla(scott)

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)

Post #: 6

RE: What event or series of events leads one to become ... - 2/1/2007 12:18:29 PM

mixielicous

Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline

i actually think my yearning to serve, came from my mother.

my mother had one husband, and 6 kids, the first three being with the now ex-husband.

my mother was a free spirit, to be tied down by no man, and yet utterly dependant on them [i remember after a fight with my littlest brothers father, she told me never be codependant, and never let myself become a mans scape goat]

well, i didnt get to grow up with my mother she left my life at the tender age of 12 ... so this leaves a lot of things for me to figure out on my own. . .

one being, GOD i am NEVER having kids w/o being married, and they absolutely are not growing up w/o church [i wasnt even baptized]

so this leaves me with many years of pondering - why couldnt she cut it?

and well i know now it had nothing really to do with her personally - her unwillingness to submit - in all truth [so i tell myself]

but because of this, i long to serve the One who completes me. Submission is not something i experienced a lot in my relationships, but it is my humble opinion, that you have a much better chance at making it work if you accept *natural order*

this is kind of scattered, my apologies

_____________________________

"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

(in reply to uncllrdnfla)

Post #: 7

RE: What event or series of events leads one to become ... - 2/1/2007 12:28:58 PM

Caitriona

Posts: 327
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

Personally I believe its just how you are wired with a bit of conditioning tossed in. I am dominant wired and though my Mother tried to turn me into a submissive person it just didn't take. We butted heads constantly and finally she realised she was wasting her time. Luckily Dad never tried to change me, he felt everyone needs to be true to their own nature, as do I.

~Lashra

It's nice to see others have been down this road, Lashra. Although for me it was my mother trying to make me dominant when that is simply not who I am. While I admire that in her personality it's just not me.

_____________________________

Property of Shadowraven
Serving alongside ciarra

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 8

RE: What event or series of events leads one to become ... - 2/1/2007 12:37:21 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

I'm not submissive or dominant in any measurable way. I'm just a person who chose to be owned.

Someone came along who had characteristics that I admired, made better decisions than I did and had the ability to get me to follow them.

agirl

(in reply to TheKatsWhizkas)

Post #: 9

RE: What event or series of events leads one to become ... - 2/1/2007 12:39:18 PM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

What a very interesting thread. I would consider responding, however, I think my tale would be too surreal for the community.

Loki

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to Caitriona)

Post #: 10

RE: What event or series of events leads one to become ... - 2/1/2007 12:46:22 PM

xGoddessx

Posts: 81
Status: offline

I can't say for sure, but I might have some idea. The way I grew up, I was always alone, never had discipline, never had a strong figure (male) in my life..even though these are things I always longed for.

When I discovered submission, I knew that it fit me in a relationship. I need to know the one I am with will be there, be strong mentally, and protect me from some of the bad things in life (whenever possible). As much as I like to control the things in my life, is as much as I like to not have to worry about those things and just be free.

In some ways I have all that I wanted, in other ways.. I don't. I don't think that makes it bad, not every relationship can give you everything you desire. What my Master lacks in giving me discipline..he gives me in letting me know I am loved and that I can depend on him. Maybe in the end, that was all I ever wanted anyway.

Drea

_____________________________

Still SlaveAkasha...but needing to just be me...if that makes sense.

(in reply to TheKatsWhizkas)

Post #: 11

RE: What event or series of events leads one to become ... - 2/1/2007 12:51:28 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Mine is too long and weird of a story to write here.

I guess it's just easiest to say that I have yet to meet a person I could or would submit to. After 44 years I can honestly say I don't expect to meet one in the future either.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to TheKatsWhizkas)

Post #: 12

RE: What event or series of events leads one to become ... - 2/1/2007 1:02:38 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

Forget the *community*...that's a figment of something or other......

Spill.

agirl

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

Post #: 13

RE: What event or series of events leads one to become ... - 2/1/2007 1:06:10 PM

mixielicous

Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xGoddessx
The way I grew up, I was always alone, never had discipline, never had a strong figure (male) in my life..even though these are things I always longed for

woah, its like you peeked into my life.

_____________________________

"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

(in reply to xGoddessx)

Post #: 14

RE: What event or series of events leads one to become ... - 2/1/2007 1:06:29 PM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Mine is too long and weird of a story to write here.

I guess it's just easiest to say that I have yet to meet a person I could or would submit to. After 44 years I can honestly say I don't expect to meet one in the future either.

*raises an eyebrow*

oooh a challenge!

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 15

RE: What event or series of events leads one to become ... - 2/1/2007 1:07:48 PM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

Forget the *community*...that's a figment of something or other......

Spill.

agirl

well it would be a very, very long story that would probably trudge up a lot of nasty stuff for a lot of people.

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 16

RE: What event or series of events leads one to become ... - 2/1/2007 1:22:47 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

..remind me....what does the *s* in S& M stand for?........JOKE!

Regards, agirl

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

Post #: 17

RE: What event or series of events leads one to become ... - 2/1/2007 1:28:35 PM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

Touché!

I will mail it to you.

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 18

RE: What event or series of events leads one to become ... - 2/1/2007 1:31:59 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Mine is too long and weird of a story to write here.

I guess it's just easiest to say that I have yet to meet a person I could or would submit to. After 44 years I can honestly say I don't expect to meet one in the future either.

*raises an eyebrow*

oooh a challenge!

I believe I just heard an echo in Clint Eastwood's voice, as Dirty Harry.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

Post #: 19

RE: What event or series of events leads one to become ... - 2/1/2007 1:33:33 PM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I believe I just heard an echo in Clint Eastwood's voice, as Dirty Harry.

The "real" question is: Do you feel lucky?

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 20

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