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Torn Apart - 2/2/2007 9:04:46 AM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		This girl is now under consideration, but feels guilty about letting the other dom know. The other dom and this girl have been friends for a while, both in this lifestyle and in a vanilla setting, but now feels completely guilty for "letting him down". Has anyone else felt this way before?
  Thank you
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Torn Apart - 2/2/2007 9:23:22 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Yes i understand how you feel when i met my Master i was talking with other Doms.  It was hard to tell them and dash their hope i had found who i wanted but if you wait you will hurt your Dom friend even more. 

Matt's littleone


(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Torn Apart - 2/2/2007 9:33:14 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It could be that your guilt is telling you that this isn't the right choice for you.

The other person may be disappointed, but as long as you haven't let them on or made promises you must now renege on, they will be a big adult and deal with it fine- that's not YOUR burden to selfishly take for yourself.

However, I have to say, why wouldn't this person already know you're dating and considering others unless you've not talked about it before?  One would think that if you've made the decision to be under consideration with someone, then this person is someone you've been talking and dating and seriously getting to know eachother for awhile.

Your guilt is irrational and selfish.  That doesn't mean it's not there and something to deal with. 

So meet with it head on, be the strong woman you want to be inside- say it honestly, compassionately, and admit that you feel guilty but want to be honest with him.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Torn Apart - 2/2/2007 9:39:37 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Which Dom wanted the pics?

(isn't anyone else curious?)


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Torn Apart - 2/2/2007 9:46:11 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
Which Dom wanted the pics?

(isn't anyone else curious?)

LOL well yeah.  But I want to see her develop a little more before I make solid judgements.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Torn Apart - 2/2/2007 9:47:14 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn

This girl is now under consideration, but feels guilty about letting the other dom know. The other dom and this girl have been friends for a while, both in this lifestyle and in a vanilla setting, but now feels completely guilty for "letting him down". Has anyone else felt this way before?
Thank you


I have told people that were interested in me that I was more interested in someone else and pursuing that. Did I feel guilty about that? No. Life is too short to take responsibility for other people's feelings. If I have not misled someone, I see no reason to feel guilty because they did not get what they wanted from me. My feelings are just as valid as theirs. I might regret that I could not return their affection, and feel some sympathy for their plight having experienced unrequited feelings in the past myself... but guilt... no.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Torn Apart - 2/2/2007 9:59:56 AM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It could be that your guilt is telling you that this isn't the right choice for you.

The other person may be disappointed, but as long as you haven't let them on or made promises you must now renege on, they will be a big adult and deal with it fine- that's not YOUR burden to selfishly take for yourself.

However, I have to say, why wouldn't this person already know you're dating and considering others unless you've not talked about it before?  One would think that if you've made the decision to be under consideration with someone, then this person is someone you've been talking and dating and seriously getting to know eachother for awhile.

Your guilt is irrational and selfish.  That doesn't mean it's not there and something to deal with. 

So meet with it head on, be the strong woman you want to be inside- say it honestly, compassionately, and admit that you feel guilty but want to be honest with him.


Yes I have told the other dom about my guilt and he's willing to continue being friends

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Torn Apart - 2/2/2007 10:04:41 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn
Yes I have told the other dom about my guilt and he's willing to continue being friends

You make it seem as if he's being magnanimous.  Unless he's got some humongous crush on you or deep unspoken love, what else would he do? 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Torn Apart - 2/2/2007 10:28:23 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I wonder if he's one of those "let me know if it doesn't work out..." types.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Torn Apart - 2/2/2007 11:21:30 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I wonder if he's one of those "let me know if it doesn't work out..." types.


Aren't they so annoying?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Torn Apart - 2/2/2007 11:28:54 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		how did this guy come off as a bad guy?   he didn't post it--he might not even know we are talking about him.....

Ah, fuck um...he shoulda been here I guess.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Torn Apart - 2/2/2007 11:53:28 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		When I went searching I would start up correspondence with many people and it was always hard for me to tell one that I was no longer interested or there were one or more people I liked better. I still bristle at a few of the phone calls I had to make.

It is life and you have to make the decision that is best for you and not the one that would cause the least guilt. If the person is a friend they will understand and still be your friend. Maybe not the second you tell them but eventually.

Time heals and your friend will be OK. Continuing to lead him on or give him some hope is not a good thing to do. Plan out how and what you are going to say and take some deep breaths and do it. You will only start to feel better after it is done.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Torn Apart - 2/2/2007 11:59:03 AM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Which Dom wanted the pics?

(isn't anyone else curious?)



I was thinking exactly the same thing.  If it's the one that's being dumped i certainly wouldn't send naked pics, he might get vengeful with them.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Torn Apart - 2/3/2007 4:31:51 PM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		This girl has gotten over it, and likes her new dom a lot. She  thanks everyone for their suggestions, and everything else.

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 14
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