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A question of trust or not? - 2/2/2007 4:24:18 PM   
LordNightScreams


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/28/2004
Status: offline 		I have a friend who is a submissive and we have a little disagreement. You see over the past year that we've known each other she's never listen to me advise or trust my judgement about most topics that we've had. The newest topic we disagree with is, can a submissive never listen or only sometimes listen to his or her dom/domme and still say they fully trust them? We would love to hear anyone and everyone's opinion on this matter! 
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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/2/2007 4:28:02 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		Well I am sure if she was you're sub she would be listening. I think what you are experiencing is the neutrality of your relationship. Once your relationship becomes intimate it will take on an entirely new feeling with different boundaries.
 
This is my best guess. YMMV

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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/2/2007 4:29:47 PM   
valeca


Posts: 403
Joined: 1/9/2006
Status: offline 		I'm not sure I understood the question fully, but here's my shot at it.

If I never (or only sometimes) listened to Loraith, it'd be nearly impossible for me to trust Him.  Open communication is vital to our marriage, so with only one half of the communication process being fulfilled, the relationship would most likely crumble.

It'd also be exceedinly hard for me to follow His instructions if I didn't listen.

That'd be a big 'no' in my marriage.


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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/2/2007 4:46:23 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I don't know how you'd only sometimes listen to your dom.  I mean, how the hell would you know what s/he wants?  Doesn't make any sense. 

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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/2/2007 4:50:43 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Does paying attention and trust go hand in hand?

I have no idea.  I assume it is your submissive and not a friend?
I don't think it is possible to have a dominant and not listen to what they have to say.
How would you follow orders that way?  Aside from the fact punishment would
be a never ending cycle.

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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/2/2007 5:01:51 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

The newest topic we disagree with is, can a submissive never listen or only sometimes listen to his or her dom/domme and still say they fully trust them?

I've got a better question -- can a submissive get away with never or only sometimes listening to the dom/domina without getting tossed right out the fucking door?


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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/2/2007 5:06:44 PM   
bandit25


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Status: offline 		LOL...happy...that's pretty much what I was thinking.  Should have said it.

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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/2/2007 5:09:01 PM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline 		If she is your friend who is a submissive but not your submissive, why would she listen to you over anyone else?  Also, I think it is possible to trust someone fully and make decisions that go against that person's advice.  Trusting someone fully does not equate to believing that person possesses perfect knowledge.

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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/2/2007 5:16:57 PM   
Devilslilsister


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quote:

I've got a better question -- can a submissive get away with never or only sometimes listening to the dom/domina without getting tossed right out the fucking door?


why yes they fucking can = ) 

and to answer the OP - i think its a matter of trust, but a few other things.  Matter of experience, matter of intelligence, matter of alot of things. 

If there are always reasons why a sub wont fully/always/or only sometimes listen to their dom.  Finding those reasons are important and if possible, working them out.

And i agree with Mary T
quote:

Trusting someone fully does not equate to believing that person possesses perfect knowledge.



< Message edited by Devilslilsister -- 2/2/2007 5:18:26 PM >

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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/2/2007 5:17:11 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		You say she is just a friend. Being just a friend means she is not obligated to do what you say. She may be submissive, but she isn't your submissive. And quite honestly if you two disagree on most subjects then you aren't compatible. But please be aware that even submissives will disagree with their dominants on occasion. Agreeing to abide by your decision does not mean they will automatically change their thinking.

I trust him fully but that doesn't mean he is always right. He isn't. There are things I know more about than he does. It is also true that on some things he makes decisions on purely practical grounds and forgets about the emotional part..

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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/2/2007 6:35:23 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I admit I don't really get it either.

I know I have been praised by ex-masters for ignoring their orders and going with what I felt was best because I had more information than they did and made the right choice.  They want and trained me to be someone with good judgement, not just good obedience.

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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/2/2007 6:43:11 PM   
vampirekitten


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Status: offline 		As I told Him you can trust someone and not always listen to them. Its not a question of trust to me. Sometimes I feel you have to make your own mistakes on things. I respect His opinion even though I don't always agree with it but sometimes theres more to it then just what He says. And I think everyone is looking at it from a relationship point of view when its never been that its always been a friendship its neuteral because thats all it is. 

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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/2/2007 8:04:43 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Obedience follows trust. Listening follows respect. Often trust and respect go together, but listening and obedience may not (but often should). The rest is semantcis about what "listen" means.

Master Fire


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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/2/2007 8:08:19 PM   
classykindasassy


Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline 		is she YOUR sub? If not, there is your answer. Subs don't have to bow down to the whole world.

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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/2/2007 8:14:29 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LordNightScreams

I have a friend who is a submissive and we have a little disagreement. You see over the past year that we've known each other she's never listen to me advise or trust my judgement about most topics that we've had. The newest topic we disagree with is, can a submissive never listen or only sometimes listen to his or her dom/domme and still say they fully trust them? We would love to hear anyone and everyone's opinion on this matter! 



I'm not quite sure what you're asking exactly. There is a difference between listening to someone and taking/implementing their advice. If you are asking the former, then listening is not an option in this house. If he is speaking, I am listening and it has nothing to do with trust and everything to do with the M/s dynamic which is in place here albeit that dynamic would not be in place if the trust had not been established long ago.

That said, I don't need to trust someone to be able to discern sound advice. Even the most untrustworthy person may have advice which is excellent. I'm not sure what one thing has to do with the other.

Celeste





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He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/2/2007 8:48:34 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I do not take the advice of many people that say things I do not respect. It would not matter their orientation. I do not think doms are automatically wiser than me, more knowledgeable, more successful in life. In order for me to respect someone on a mentor level they have to have something about them that I see as somehow worthy of that. Fewer people each year qualify to be my adviser in this life.

As far as my Dom, of course I listen to him, he listens to me too.. we have a lot to give each other though. His word is final, but he utilizes my wisdom, respects my insights, and values me for them. I would not be able to listen to someone who treated me as any less than that.... just my thoughts.

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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/2/2007 9:15:10 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		If she is 'A' submissive... her choises are her own, wether she takes or leaves Your advice is upto her as is the responcibility for the outcome.

If she is 'YOUR' submissive.... then she should listen and SUBMIT.... else just where is the submission in the submissive?


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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/3/2007 5:47:51 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LordNightScreams

I have a friend who is a submissive ...


It's all right there in your own words.  You have a friend who is a submissive.  She's your friend, not your submissive.  Do you expect all your friends to follow your advice and trust your judgment or just the submissive ones?

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/3/2007 6:28:24 AM   
KeirasSecret


Posts: 415
Joined: 8/17/2006
From: central NH
Status: offline
quote:

can a submissive never listen or only sometimes listen to his or her dom/domme and still say they fully trust them?
 

Although I don’t believe that a Dom and their sub always have to agree, when it comes down to the Dom giving an order, the sub best be listening and following.

If I’m not listening to someone, I don’t respect them, therefore, I would not trust them and they would not be my Dom.

Be well,

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It apears to me, the practice of "an eye for an eye" has finally taken it's toll; the majority are now walking around blind.

Bitching; whining in a louder voice.

If the truth hurts, change it!

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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/3/2007 6:34:43 AM   
valeca


Posts: 403
Joined: 1/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: vampirekitten

As I told Him you can trust someone and not always listen to them. Its not a question of trust to me. Sometimes I feel you have to make your own mistakes on things. I respect His opinion even though I don't always agree with it but sometimes theres more to it then just what He says. And I think everyone is looking at it from a relationship point of view when its never been that its always been a friendship its neuteral because thats all it is. 


I'm hoping my thinking is right in that you're the 'friend' the OP was refering to...

You're right, I was looking at it from a relationship point-of-view...my relationship point-of-view. 

I interpreted the word 'listen' from the OP as the physical act of listening/hearing, but I'm beginning to wonder if it was meant in a more 'she didn't follow the advice' sort of way.  If I've gotten that right, then I tend to agree with the idea that, while you've heard the advice and respect the person giving it, you aren't under any obligation to follow it..

< Message edited by valeca -- 2/3/2007 6:35:44 AM >

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