RE: A question of trust or not?

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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/3/2007 7:32:48 AM

junecleaver

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I think the OP is saying that his submissive friend said she could trust a Dominant and still not listen to them, not complaining that she wouldn't listen to him personally. I would say, yes a submissive can trust a Dominant and not listen to him...at least to a degree. There are some activities like bondage that by their nature require a certain level of trust. So a submissive could trust her Dominant enough to allow him to tie her up, but not pick out what she is wearing for the next day. My obedience is a sign of my trust for him. When I am disobedient, I'm probably having a moment of mistrust, but I can say with all honesty that I do trust him and those bad decisions are made from a irrational, scared place. Not my heart.

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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/3/2007 7:42:33 AM

happypervert

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quote:

I'm hoping my thinking is right in that you're the 'friend' the OP was refering to...

You're right, I was looking at it from a relationship point-of-view...

AHA! And good reason to look at it from a relationship point of view because the OP says "can a submissive never listen or only sometimes listen to his or her dom/domme".

No wonder she doesn't listen to him or maybe they're not listening to each other, because they're not even talking about the same thing here. But it is sure amusing to see him drag their argument here for us to weigh in on and realize it looks like he has misrepresented the original question to get an answer to "prove" he is right.

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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/3/2007 10:19:20 AM

Celeste43

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quote:

ORIGINAL: vampirekitten

As I told Him you can trust someone and not always listen to them. Its not a question of trust to me. Sometimes I feel you have to make your own mistakes on things. I respect His opinion even though I don't always agree with it but sometimes theres more to it then just what He says. And I think everyone is looking at it from a relationship point of view when its never been that its always been a friendship its neuteral because thats all it is.

I think you had better remind him that you aren't in a relationship with him. Or does he really believe that just because he claims he is a dominant he has the right to order everyone who identifies as submissive around? Because that isn't the definition of a dominant but of a blowhard in my book.

However I think that although you have made it clear you will not submit to him, he is still weaving a fantasy about you in his mind.

Good luck finding someone compatible who hears what you're saying.

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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/3/2007 11:05:27 AM

Missokyst

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Well.. for one, she may be A submissive, but it appears she is not YOUR submissive. I might take into advisement the thoughts of a friend of mine who happened to be dominant. But that would be it. I would THINK about it. Now, if I was HIS submissive, then it would be my desire to listen to every word he said. Not following his direction wouldn't be an issue. Most of us who are submissive to someone, really want to please them.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: LordNightScreams
I have a FRIEND who is a submissive and we have a little disagreement.

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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/3/2007 11:08:21 AM

Missokyst

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Err.. yes. with this caveat of course. Sometimes we just might have more info than the dominant. In which case, hopefully he isn't threatened by letting his submissive use the sense she has learned over the years.
Thx for reminding me Celeste
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43
I trust him fully but that doesn't mean he is always right. He isn't. There are things I know more about than he does. It is also true that on some things he makes decisions on purely practical grounds and forgets about the emotional part..

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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/12/2007 6:58:41 PM

JasonF

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quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

I think the OP is saying that his submissive friend said she could trust a Dominant and still not listen to them, not complaining that she wouldn't listen to him personally. I would say, yes a submissive can trust a Dominant and not listen to him...at least to a degree. There are some activities like bondage that by their nature require a certain level of trust. So a submissive could trust her Dominant enough to allow him to tie her up, but not pick out what she is wearing for the next day. My obedience is a sign of my trust for him. When I am disobedient, I'm probably having a moment of mistrust, but I can say with all honesty that I do trust him and those bad decisions are made from a irrational, scared place. Not my heart.

There's a HUGE difference between blind obedience and obedience mixed with trust. The trust flows both ways. I trust you, you trust me. Therefore, if I tell you to do "X" and you say "But Sir, X is a bad idea because...", I'm going to listen and take that to heart. Does that mean I instantly change my mind? Absolutely not. But it does mean that the trust goes both ways. IMHO, blind obedience isn't "trust", it's setting yourself up for failure -- a sign of true trust is being able to communicate two ways about a decision, and then letting your Dom make the final call. There's been times when I've looked at you and told you to drop a subject, and you did, and there have been times when your input has made me change my mind, but that doesn't mean that I'm any less in control. To the contrary -- I see it as a sign of our trust in each other and I'm glad you aren't in "blind obedience" to me.

Back to the OP's question:

Yes, trust is more than obedience, but if you're in a true power exchange relationship, you SHOULD obey your Top unless you have a damn good reason not to, and if situations continually crop up where disobedience is required or desired, maybe you should reframe the relationship.

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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/12/2007 8:06:14 PM

WolfiND

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Since when did trust become synonymous with "puppet"?

ND Wolf

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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/12/2007 9:18:29 PM

crouchingtigress

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because she did not take your advice or shift her behavior does not mean she does not listen to you, she very well may have listened but simply made her own decision.

so theres that.

as to your q....no i dont think you trust a dominant who you disobey fairly often.

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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/12/2007 9:22:49 PM

MagiksSlave

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Master and I dont always agree, but that doesnt mean I dont trust him or that he doesnt trust me it just means that our opinions differ on sertain things. I always listen to Master and he always listens to me but listening doesnt always mean he sways my opinion or how I feel.. and Im really lucky that he is respectfull of me as long as I am respectfull in how I voice my opinions and arguments.

Magik's slave

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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/15/2007 12:45:33 PM

SATANMAN

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i know my sub trusts me completely. experience and telling me.

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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/15/2007 1:15:09 PM

cjenny

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I have dom friends that I listen to, yet I may choose not to take their advice. However if my dom tells me something I sure do listen & obey lol.
Sometimes people that give advice get angry if it isn't taken, and sometimes people ask advice merely to get another viewpoint. Listening to advice doesn't mean you have to implement it (unless of course she belongs to you).
I need lunch.

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RE: A question of trust or not? - 2/15/2007 2:42:08 PM

MasterMataeo

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subs do need to listen ,, but also beable to ask questions,, for that is part of the communication process witch is so very vital to the relationship and maintaining a health partnership

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