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Yet magically the habits ingrained over 30 years are to be altered overnight because he says so? I don't think so. Has he offered you any help to change?

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The failure here is him. He is too ignorant to know what he's asking and too lazy to help you find a way to succeed. He's disappointed in you? Funny I'd be disappointed in myself for picking someone like him.  

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ORIGINAL: tearfulsurrender

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Yet magically the habits ingrained over 30 years are to be altered overnight because he says so? I don't think so. Has he offered you any help to change?

Let me phrase my question a little differently.  Say your Dominant one prefers to be called something in particular when addressing him or her as a show of respect.  How long should it take a person to grasp that one concept before they are held accountable for not doing so?  One day, a week?  This is not an overnight situation.  As I stated earlier, it has been several weeks now.  I am really uncomfortable with the direction this thread has started to take.  I am not looking for "compassion" or a pat on the head telling me that that big bad mean Dom is not doing right.  I think it is his right and my desire to be dicplined.  (There is a difference between dicipline and punishment that is a totally different topic.)  To answer your question in this particular quote, I believe he has been patient with me while I try to get my head right.  He has used a few methods of bringing forth what he deems as appropriate behavior from one who wishes to belong to him.  I reinterate that none of the methods he employs to bring such dicipline into our relationship are the issue at hand here.  If I am allowed to always do things "my way" that completely destroys the dynamic we are attempting to set into place.  I simply came here looking for suggestions on how to better handle myself in said situations where I get forgetful or come across these mental blocks.

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The failure here is him. He is too ignorant to know what he's asking and too lazy to help you find a way to succeed. He's disappointed in you? Funny I'd be disappointed in myself for picking someone like him.  

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ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant




O.K., you say you are uncomfortable with the direction this thread has taken...that many have expressed our opinion that he is not being patient with you and/or he is displaying other poor behavior.  Since you state that his behavior is appropriate, let's look at your own.  Perhaps you need to have more patience with yourself?  Perhaps you need to do some study in terms of incorporating something into your make-up?  Such as saying "please"...someone noted that it takes 28 days to build a habit and that is doing it each and every day in every situation it is called for.  So...find situations it is called for and think about them ahead of time.  If you go to Starbucks for morning coffee, think ahead of time of how you are going to ask for that coffee.  Say it in your head..."now remember, t.s., when you ask for coffee, use the word "Please".  Now remember, t.s., when you ask for coffee, use the word "Please"."  When I was in the service, I learned that there are many things a soldier is supposed to know and do as if it is second-nature.  But you do not get to that spot by some magical gleaning from the "good soldier" handbook placed under your pillow at night and all the teaching coming into your head.  You do it by repetition of the acts taught to you.  The teacher can only go so far, it is up to you to incorporate the training...if you can't, then it may be time for some self-appraisal:  what am I doing that I cannot get it right?  Am I sabotaging my efforts and/or his?  Why am I doing that?  And remember that self-appraisal can, it one lets it, turn into an endless round of self-examination that becomes indulgent rather than helpful.