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Changing Gears - 2/4/2007 8:19:55 AM

LotusSong

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Is there ever a point where one will feel as if they have "outgrown" submission and feel that with their past experience they have more to offer as a Dom/me?

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/4/2007 8:29:25 AM

valeca

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Not for me (although, I can't predict the future).

Past experience is wonderful and essential, but no matter how much of it I have, it won't change that I gain pleasure from serving. That's where my submission comes from. It fulfills something for me, as well as Him. Were I to 'become' a Domina, I'd lose that, and it's not something I'm willing to give up.

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/4/2007 8:38:38 AM

KatyLied

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I've never felt that I could go the Domme route. At the present time though, I do not feel submissive. I don't feel giving D/s my all. Of course that may change in the future. Right now I'm content with things the way they are.

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/4/2007 8:53:16 AM

LotusSong

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quote:

ORIGINAL: valeca

Not for me (although, I can't predict the future).

Past experience is wonderful and essential, but no matter how much of it I have, it won't change that I gain pleasure from serving. That's where my submission comes from. It fulfills something for me, as well as Him. Were I to 'become' a Domina, I'd lose that, and it's not something I'm willing to give up.

Dommes serve more than you realize. To me, it's the ultimate "giving" :)

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/4/2007 9:05:01 AM

Mercnbeth

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it would be easier, for this slave, to "outgrow" freckles.

while it is true that Dom/me's give, don't they also lead, guide and/or control? this slave has no desire to grow into a leader, guider or controller of others.

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/4/2007 9:11:07 AM

valeca

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

it would be easier, for this slave, to "outgrow" freckles.

while it is true that Dom/me's give, don't they also lead, guide and/or control? this slave has no desire to grow into a leader, guider or controller of others.

Prezactly. Better said than my first attempt. Nicely done.

I've no doubt Domina's serve, as well, in their way, but the 'way' I serve now is what fulfills me.

< Message edited by valeca -- 2/4/2007 9:13:26 AM >

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/4/2007 9:18:53 AM

LotusSong

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

it would be easier, for this slave, to "outgrow" freckles.

while it is true that Dom/me's give, don't they also lead, guide and/or control? this slave has no desire to grow into a leader, guider or controller of others.

Perhaps if I explain how I "work" :) I know my slave, what he likes. doesn't, and his inquisitive nature. I take all this info..and "play with it". It's like cooking. You take ingredients and mix them all different ways and present the finished product to the family :) Sometimes, I'll ask what he'd like for "supper" as a treat :) It's not always leading, guiding and controlling.. sometimes it's riding the kundalini and sharing the power :)

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/4/2007 9:20:47 AM

agirl

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No. I know how difficult, how thorny, how much responsibility, energy and focus it takes to be in control, to lead, care and guide etc..from being a single parent of 4 children. I absolutely will never seek to take on that role, even with a pet animal. I don't want to *take care of* anything other than that I already have.

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/4/2007 9:53:40 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Nope. I grew into myself as a switch, a slave and a dominant, but I don't think I will ever outgrow being a slave altogether.

But some people do. We can bend and change a lot.

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/4/2007 10:42:05 AM

kyraofMists

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Nope. Being the dominant partner in my intimate relationship would make me miserable. I may be good at leading, planning, being effecient and getting things done but I would be very unhappy as the boss. This is actually something that I struggle with in my relationship with alandra. She would be quite content to sit back and let me make all the decisions that he delegates to us and be the one in charge of those things, but doing that makes me very unhappy. Her and I have to learn to strike a balance so that one of us is not making the majority of the decisions. To me this is infinitely harder than just letting our Lord have the authority.

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/4/2007 11:37:27 AM

BRNaughtyAngel

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I've always had jobs where most of my work was done alone. It's not that I can't work well with others, it's that if I sense that none of the other worker bees possess the qualities needed for good leadership, I'll step up and run the show....., and do it quite efficiently, although my perfectionist tendancies make me critical that others won't do as good a job as me. (Maybe it's a Virgo thing or something?

)

But I'm happier and more content just knowing what's expected of me and doing it to the best of my abilities.

I don't want to be the leader in a relationship and would be totally miserable having to fill that role. I may have to display dominance in my non-personal life, but I definitely do not want to do it in my personal life.

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/4/2007 11:43:53 AM

michaels4evr

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No..same as what LA said..

I have had periods in my life..years..where I was not in submission to anyone and the dull ache was always there..my slaveheart needed to be fed.

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/4/2007 12:57:14 PM

gypsygrl

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I guess I don't see submitting as something to outgrow like it was an immature developmental stage. If anything, its something to grow into, or grow through and I often feel whiny over the fact that I haven't had more opportunities to pursue it.

Over the past couple years, I've learned a lot of skills that might be considered 'domly,' but that's out of necessity and not because it feels like me. Its a survival thing. Sometimes responsibilty falls into your lap, and it's wrong to refuse it.

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/4/2007 1:39:49 PM

slavejali

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Fast Reply:

I was thinking about this the other day. I was thinking about, what if Master died, what would I do? (I sometimes get feelings like that because I've had a partner die on me before).

As I get older and wiser, I think the potential for someone to actually dominate me gets less. Dominating someone is such an all-encompassing thing. It's not just about being dominant in bed, its not just about being able to take charge of a household, the dominant person has to be really either equal to the submissive in wisdom or even more so...otherwise the dynamic just can't work....

Now...that would lead me to the conclusion that perhaps if Master died I would be easier for me to find a male submissive as a partner...yet domination isnt just about wisdom..its about sexual domination and taking charge of the household....two things which I just couldn't be happy doing...so..that leaves me with...

waaaaaaaaaa no partner at all~~!!!!

What a horrible topic *grin*

Master just better live forever..or at least till after I drop my body hehe

< Message edited by slavejali -- 2/4/2007 1:40:30 PM >

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/4/2007 2:48:06 PM

ownedgirlie

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To outgrow my submission would be like outgrowing being a woman. The growth I experience in my submission is deeper submission, so I am going in the opposite way of what the OP suggested. I am certain I could top, with my Master's oversight, but I need to submit to my Master like I need air to breathe.

While I practice leadership skills at work on a regular basis, and I am quite good at it, my respit/comfort/security/need is complete submission to he who owns me.

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/4/2007 3:44:42 PM

MistressDoMe

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Interesting topic, I look forward to seeing the answers.
I can't relate because I have never felt I was a submissive.

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/4/2007 3:45:25 PM

LotusSong

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I'm finding all of your responses enlightening. Thank you.

I've been musing about my own situation, hence the question. I've done what I do for so long meaning the expression of D/s, in play and dress while I'm still the same person inside, I find the "need" to "be Domme " isn't that much a burning desire. I wonder if things don't get to be more habit than persona.

Those that are relatively new to all their submission or dominance or those with a fresh collar won't relate to this question at all.

I know when I'm just chatting with Slave and he addresses me as Mistresse, I have a Pavlovian response to the word :).

I'm not sure if I'm making much sense with this topic..I was just wondering if anyone else has this experience.

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 2/4/2007 4:20:21 PM >

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/4/2007 6:41:05 PM

alandraofMists

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With me it would depend on who you were talking to, within the lifestyle i am not the type to take charge... nor am i the type to take charge in my intimate relationships.

Outside of these relationships if there is no leadership or a weak leadership that is detrimental to what is expected or needed i will tend to take charge.

When i have been in a leadership role, i find that i need a bit of time to change my behaviours. At times this change is easy to do other times it is harder depending on how long i have been in charge and how heavy that leadership was.

Knight's alandra

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/4/2007 6:50:20 PM

moonspirit43

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I have had urges to be a Top. Not to be a full fledged Domme. But even if I were to Top, it would be a service Top. I would learn what the bottom liked and play with that. Take them to the pleasure they seek and give them what they want. So I feel that's not really leaving my submission behind. I'm still serving, and to me, therfore submitting, even if I'm the one in control at that moment in time.

I don't think I'll ever stop being submissive.

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/4/2007 7:54:37 PM

mstrjx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Dommes serve more than you realize. To me, it's the ultimate "giving" :)

While this is not true for all Dom(me)s, it is especially true for me. My focus has always been on the other. The saying goes that it's supposed to be for (in this case) my pleasure, but for the most part what I have experienced is more of a draining process, emotional and otherwise.

There are days when I'm certain that swapping sides would probably give me more of the attention I would enjoy.

Jeff

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