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RE: Changing Gears - 2/4/2007 8:08:07 PM   
LotusSong


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Dommes serve more than you realize.  To me, it's the ultimate "giving" :)


While this is not true for all Dom(me)s, it is especially true for me.  My focus has always been on the other.  The saying goes that it's supposed to be for (in this case) my pleasure, but for the most part what I have experienced is more of a draining process, emotional and otherwise.

There are days when I'm certain that swapping sides would probably give me more of the attention I would enjoy.

Jeff


Mmmmmmmmmmm.. now this begs the discussion.. of Submissive Dominants and Dominant Submissives.
 
(It's my thread and I can hijack it if I want to :nnnyah  nnnyah!!)

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/4/2007 10:14:11 PM   
slavemaia


Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

I'm finding all of your responses enlightening. Thank you.
 
I've been musing about my own situation, hence the question.  I've done what I do for so long meaning the expression of D/s, in play and dress while I'm still the same person inside, I find the "need" to "be Domme " isn't that much a burning desire.  I wonder if things don't get to be more habit than persona.
 
Those that are relatively new to all their submission or dominance or those with a fresh collar won't relate to this question at all.
 
I know when I'm just chatting with Slave and he addresses me as Mistresse, I have a Pavlovian response to the word :).
 
I'm not sure if I'm making much sense with this topic..I was just wondering if anyone else has this experience.


"a Pavlovian response" - perhaps Y/you've both stopped growing and have settled into some uninteresting routine??? i think any kind of relationship needs continual tending to; kind of like a garden - without frequent care, attention and continued learning, it begins to wilt and die and perhaps even lose the interest of the gardener. Something i see alot in relationships is complacency - each one waiting for the other to make it interesting and/or exciting, until finally they both give up. i tend to guard against this.
 
It's very easy to become "bored" in a relationship and start thinking that the solution is a different position, from sub to Dom or visa versa, or seek a new partner. Personally the way i find to discourage this type of "boredom" is to continually challenge myself to bring new and interesting things to Master. i'm not sure if this is what You're describing or not.

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/5/2007 4:24:45 AM   
LotusSong


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Joined: 7/2/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavemaia

It's very easy to become "bored" in a relationship and start thinking that the solution is a different position, from sub to Dom or visa versa, or seek a new partner. Personally the way i find to discourage this type of "boredom" is to continually challenge myself to bring new and interesting things to Master. i'm not sure if this is what You're describing or not.


Nope.. not what I'm thinking of

I could be we no longer see the boundary between vanilla and D/s.  Understand, this is a VERY LTR M/s relationship (10 years).  :)  On further evaluation, it could be that it's such a natural part of us, that it is a steady flow of the energies.  (with occasional power surges)



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RE: Changing Gears - 2/5/2007 7:58:03 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I've seen this happen to several people. In fact, I know a Daddy who has an SRN (slave registry number) tattooed on the back of his neck (totally hot, BTW!). I've also known a Master who decided it was his calling to serve and became a slave (and changed back about a year later). For many, life is fluid and we can flow from one to another. I used to be the submissive Christian wife in my marriages (one of the reasons I'm convinced they didn't work). I doubt I'll ever take on that role again (especially the Christian part), but I have a Servant archetype...falling into service (non-sexual) would be easy for me with someone I admire and respect. I've done it and I'll do it again, I'm sure.

Master Fire


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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Changing Gears - 2/5/2007 8:27:46 AM   
viperess


Posts: 290
Joined: 11/6/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings,

It is funny my sister slave and i were talking about this the other day. Maybe after i have been a slave for a long time i may change how i feel but since i have only done so for about 23 years i think i need another 25 more or so before i might think of changing. To me serving is a craving that just will not leave my system. The burning in my belly continues to burn strong as it is fed daily. On the joking side we, velvetvixen68 and i, decided we must be lazy because we both would rather feel the flogger or single-tail as it caresses our body instead of having to be the one to be swinging it...sounds to much like work. But on the serious side being a slave is work, as we have many things in our day to day life we must do to keep Masters life a happy and content one. As i told someone who was fretting about the bills, the world at large, and many other problems...i am so glad my main objective in life is serving and caring for Master instead of having to shoulder the worries of the world. i do not mean this as a cop out or to sound like i hide from the world as i can not nor do i do that. Heck i have 3 kids, two of which are teens so the world is forever thrown at my feet by them, and i would have it no other way, but even there i know who i can turn to for help and advice. So no i can not see myself wishing to change from being a slave to a Master, i do understand why some do but for me kneeling at His feet while the flame consume me from the inside out is where i always want to be.

viperess slave of CTDOM4sub

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Changing Gears - 2/5/2007 10:16:47 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		I've got to share an aside here :)
 
Yesterday Slave and my husband were watching the game on Slave's LARGE plasma TV.  I went over during halftime to partake of the munchies.  Slave offered me some coffee later on and went to make it.  He brought out the cup and I gave it a taste.
 
Both my husband and slave were watching me take a sip and when slave asked if it was alright.. my husband said.."nope, needs more creme- I can tell by the look on her face".  So they BOTH went back.. mixed some creamer and  French vanilla something or other and  brought it back out.. again.. they stood in attendance while I sipped it.  nope.. I had to send it back a third time with orders for slave to remove about an inch of it and water it down a bit.  The third time was a charm.  It just tickled me when I thought about it afterward.  Now see? This sort of underscores my situation.. everything is just so natural now.  My husband accepts Slave as ... well, my slave.  Slave deferrers to my husband at times like this.. and my husband makes sure everything is done the way it 'should be'.
 
I felt like Peter Graves as the actor in that one insurance commercial when he is  helping the woman tell her story..and it ends "I was one lucky woman!"

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/5/2007 11:03:47 AM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		And I'd just feel beyond weird having someone do that for me Lotus. 

Going to a spa or someplace where I'm paying for someone to wait on me or pamper me is one thing, but I couldn't do it with someone I'm in a relationship with.  I could handle them getting me a cup of coffee, but if it wasn't quite right, I'd either quietly go fix it the way I wanted, but more than likely, I'd just grin and bear it. LOL!

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Changing Gears - 2/5/2007 12:50:25 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

And I'd just feel beyond weird having someone do that for me Lotus. 

Going to a spa or someplace where I'm paying for someone to wait on me or pamper me is one thing, but I couldn't do it with someone I'm in a relationship with.  I could handle them getting me a cup of coffee, but if it wasn't quite right, I'd either quietly go fix it the way I wanted, but more than likely, I'd just grin and bear it. LOL!



But notice, I didn't give One Order :)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Changing Gears - 2/5/2007 1:04:33 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Here are my thoughts kinda sorta from the other side of the coin.

I guess I am weird in that I like doing things for other people but ONLY when they are not expected. Basically a sort of service as a gift.

On the flip side I unconsciously find that I accept others doing for me as natural. It's not by thought or in arrogance it's just a natural thing in my head. The problem lies in the expectations because the people in my life daily are not my submissives or slaves. I have to consciously remind myself that most people have expectations of reciprocation. It's just silly little stuff like an aquaintance in the building here bringing me hot tea when I was sick or offering me a muffin she baked. I am always very gracious and so forth but those are things I don't even think to do for others. Knowing this person as I do, she is one that tends to mentally keep score, she probably thinks I am very selfish and self centered. Perhaps, I don't know, but it is just not in my nature to come up with ways to serve others as it is in her's. I don't even think about it.

So, while I do enjoy it when the idea strikes. I know I would really be horrible at that part of the dynamic. And thats not even trying to imagine the submissive head space. Maybe 20 years ago I don't know, but not now, no way. It would just be role playing and it would be mentally and emotionally exhausting for me, and I would SUCK. That being said I can totally understand why it is impossible for a submissive or slave to consider being dominant in a relationship.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 2/5/2007 1:05:01 PM >

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/5/2007 1:39:33 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Outgrow submission i guess for some it could happem but in my case i don't think that would ever happen.  Beign a submissive fullfills a need deep inside me.  Nothing makes me happier then serving my Master.  I think i was born this way so if i have not outgrown in in 37 years i really dom't think i ever will.  I can't see myself on the Domme side it just is not me.

Matt's littleone

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/5/2007 2:19:54 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

And I'd just feel beyond weird having someone do that for me Lotus. 

Going to a spa or someplace where I'm paying for someone to wait on me or pamper me is one thing, but I couldn't do it with someone I'm in a relationship with.  I could handle them getting me a cup of coffee, but if it wasn't quite right, I'd either quietly go fix it the way I wanted, but more than likely, I'd just grin and bear it. LOL!



I don't even see myself going to a spa or other place like that where I'm paying.  I don't like restraunts, except for fast food, and I don't like high end stores where people hover and follow you around asking all the time if you need help.  When I started therapy, even though I knew it was absolutely necessary, it was really hard because it seemed so self indulgent to sit there and talk about myself for 50 minutes.

Whenever I get myself in a situation where someone's acting submissive to me I do everything I can to get out of it as fast as possible.  I'm ok taking charge in a professional setting but outside of that, it feels so wrong.  In all honesty, I don't really get how dominants can stand it.




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RE: Changing Gears - 2/5/2007 4:20:54 PM   
LotusSong


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quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

In all honesty, I don't really get how dominants can stand it.


Now think of what you wrote here.  I don't think you mean submission is offensive do you? :) <-- note smile
 
If a dominant felt like you do... you'd have no one to submit to :)

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I'm not inflatable.


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RE: Changing Gears - 2/5/2007 4:53:43 PM   
gypsygrl


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Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

In all honesty, I don't really get how dominants can stand it.


Now think of what you wrote here.  I don't think you mean submission is offensive do you? :) <-- note smile
 
If a dominant felt like you do... you'd have no one to submit to :)


Oh god no. :)  I didn't mean it that way.   It was more of a "nope, cant do the dom thing" kind of comment. I really like it when someone else does it.


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RE: Changing Gears - 2/5/2007 5:32:38 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Is there ever a point where one will feel as if they have "outgrown" submission and feel that with their past experience they have more to offer as a Dom/me?


For me no. But if I remember correctly did you not start out as a submissive lotusSong? For you perhaps this is the case?

I have no desire awakening inside me to experience the power of dominance. I have no burgeoning awakening of that inside of me. In my daily life people would describe me as confident, alert, and in control over myself. I am not stereotypically "submissive" to everyone... perhaps that is why? I do not know why I feel no switchy tendencies, I only know I do not, never have had them.

"Outgrowing" submission is a little condenscending anyways, as though submissives are less evolved, half baked, immature. Let me put the shoe on the other foot, if I posted something in the "Mistress" section asking if any of you would "outgrow" your domme-ness I would probably be flamed, and rightfully so. Just something to think about there.

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Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/5/2007 6:25:53 PM   
BalletBob


Posts: 1645
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think I could SWITCH either. I am a SUB and that's it. I might be able to do some Dommy things if I had to for a Mistress, but not on my own. I did some to MADAM's husband, at her urging, but had no idea of what to do. He might not like the same thing I do, and I had trouble thinking up things.

Sincerly, Sub BalletBob

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/5/2007 7:01:27 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

[
For me no. But if I remember correctly did you not start out as a submissive LotusSong? For you perhaps this is the case?


Nope.  I tried two sessions at the local club as a bottom and came out of it feeling horrible.. as if I was crawling out of a deep, dark hole.  But it was done because of the prevailing "girls are sub.. men are dom" attitude there. 

quote:



"Outgrowing" submission is a little condenscending anyways, as though submissives are less evolved, half baked, immature. Let me put the shoe on the other foot, if I posted something in the "Mistress" section asking if any of you would "outgrow" your domme-ness I would probably be flamed, and rightfully so. Just something to think about there.


You are working WAY too hard in trying to make something out of this thread that was never intended.  If you posted the question in the reverse in the Mistress section, you might get what we have here.. the "Oh I'm ever so Domme.. I've never even  THOUGHT of being submissive".. I could care less about how sub or domme a person is.
 
There comes a point where the initial honeymoon stage is over.  Where you have explored all your Known Limits.. tried the whips, felt the chains. The converse being.. a dominant has paddled enough asses,   bound enough peckers/breasts.. given enough orders, read all the books.. attended all the discussion groups.  The place where you ask "is that all there is"?  Yes, I think there are times we get to a point where we take a rest..  THAT's what I mean.
 
I see very few LTR collars.. and I mean YEARS on here (but then this is a dating site).



_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Changing Gears - 2/5/2007 7:19:27 PM   
sensualmagirl


Posts: 1065
Joined: 7/4/2006
From: Boston, MA
Status: offline 		~fast reply~

I'm new, so, I can not say for sure what the long term/future outcome will be, but, I am just trying to even imagine being a Domme, and I simply can not...

I don't ever want to be a manager or a boss at my job, I'm happiest as a worker "bee" with some responsibilities, but, I get very uncomfortable in any sort of "speaking role" -- literally and figuratively too.

Maybe it's my shyness? Maybe it's my (dis)comfort level of having people "serving" me? I like to have people "care" for me as much as the next, but, I don't ever ask for anything and I don't ever expect my charity to be returned either, when it is, that also makes me somewhat uncomfortable.  I like to go to spas and be pampered, but, for example, I have a very good friend who's a manicurist, I dislike having her do my nails, I get very uncomfortable when she does... and I can't even explain it.

< Message edited by sensualmagirl -- 2/5/2007 7:49:27 PM >

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RE: Changing Gears - 2/5/2007 7:25:50 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I have thought of it, it has no appeal. My former dominant thought for sure there was some switchy-ness because of my personality until we played, no domme there.

I can fathom it, it is not as if I think there is something wrong with it, it just leaves me cold. Like the thought of having a long term relationship with a woman... does nothing for me. I do not see how one could outgrow it. That to me is like outgrowing being hetrosexual or something...smiles. I guess the day I outgrow men is the day I will outgrow feeling submissive to special ones.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 38
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