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RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/5/2007 3:20:44 AM

xGoddessx

Posts: 81
Status: offline

I can't imagine thinking one bit different about my Master if he didn't have a house, than I do now. It's his love that keeps me sheltered, be it in this home, or out in the middle of nowhere...and that is one thing that cannot be forclosed on by any bank.

If they look at that, they aren't worth your time or energy...

Drea

_____________________________

Still SlaveAkasha...but needing to just be me...if that makes sense.

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 81

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/5/2007 3:33:05 AM

loverly

Posts: 236
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline

i am sure that few people view where One lives as a projection of WHO of they are inside... being a Dominant is a personality trait not a location or an arsenal of toys or even how much experience throwing a flogger or singletail One has.... i would think that if a girl is looking for a step up in life and to aquire things, then she is not really sincere!

just me...loverly

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 82

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/5/2007 7:05:33 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

But we see this happen all the time in the scene.

"He's not a safe player" = I'm freaked out by what he just did

"He's not a true dom" = He didn't make me wet and quivvery inside

"You're not a dom if you do X" = I have preconceived notions of what a dominant is and you don't fit them, therefore you are wrong

And on and on.

As I have always said, being a dom doesn't mean anything other than being a dom. There are a lot of immature insecure dumbass asshole doms out there- but they are still doms.

And then theres the ones who say "You aren't a dom" but what they mean is "I don't want a relationship with you." but it's hard for them to own their direct feelings and express them as such.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 83

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/5/2007 7:52:44 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

Like the OP reference to cannot be a dominant living in an apartment and what many others have said is not really anything to do with this life specifically. It is human nature before lifestyle. People want to be with a person that has their act together and like it or not and irregardless of the facts, a middle age man living in an apartment raises a core suspicion that a person who does live in an apartment has to understand and deal with. So when informing a person you live in an apartment tell them why. If they cannot deal with that, their loss and be grateful you found out ahead of the time, the person that made that comment might just have made a lazy attempt at giving a reason why they were saying no so not to get the usual reply why not interested.

We see these things time after time. I am dominant, you are sub so that is the main thing and other things do not matter as much or if they do not fit are shallow beliefs for the other person. The truth is there are many other major compatibility factors for couples to be able to get along and gasp, financial and lifestyle expectations is often an important one. Of course if a sub is mainly only caring to hook up with someone rich that is shallow and short sided but it is no more shallow or short sided for a dominant to primarily care about physical features of a sub. Guess what most of us are in between and just want someone financially responsible and making an effort to take care of themselves physically/healthy.

People on the whole have a degree of being self centered so as what LA put as the standard cop outs subs use to make themselves look good if things do not work or they are not interested. Dominants also have their fare share of clichéd excuses when a sub does not work out that annoys subs to no end as well in how they are phrased and look like a cop out and both subs and dominants feel they are unfairly picked on these boards which some might imply that there is no discrimination as everyone feels at times unfairly picked on.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 84

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/5/2007 8:21:10 AM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

People want to be with a person that has their act together and like it or not and irregardless of the facts, a middle age man living in an apartment raises a core suspicion that a person who does live in an apartment has to understand and deal with.

Maybe I'm missing something here or maybe it is just an American thing. What is this core suspicion that a middleaged man living in an apartment have to deal with? I wouldn't swap my apartment which is in the centre (more or less) of a vibrant city with a fantastic nightlife of bars, restuarants, theatres and clubs etc. etc. for a house in the suburbs that is akin to living on the moon the place is so lifeless. Apart from that, my apartment is worth more than a lot of family houses in so called good suburbs (still like living on the moon though.) OK, it might imply I like a good time and do and after all is this a kink site? Sometimes I think that most subs here aren't so much into kink as wanting a an ordinary suburban lifestyle and performing the occasional kinky sex to keep the man bringing home the bacon.

_____________________________

There are fascists who consider themselves humanitarians, like cannibals on a health kick, eating only vegetarians.

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 85

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/5/2007 8:40:51 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

People want to be with a person that has their act together and like it or not and irregardless of the facts, a middle age man living in an apartment raises a core suspicion that a person who does live in an apartment has to understand and deal with.

Maybe I'm missing something here or maybe it is just an American thing. What is this core suspicion that a middleaged man living in an apartment have to deal with? I wouldn't swap my apartment which is in the centre (more or less) of a vibrant city with a fantastic nightlife of bars, restuarants, theatres and clubs etc. etc. for a house in the suburbs that is akin to living on the moon the place is so lifeless. Apart from that, my apartment is worth more than a lot of family houses in so called good suburbs (still like living on the moon though.) OK, it might imply I like a good time and do and after all is this a kink site? Sometimes I think that most subs here aren't so much into kink as wanting a an ordinary suburban lifestyle and performing the occasional kinky sex to keep the man bringing home the bacon.

It might be an American thing and certainly an American thing in all parts of the Midwest where I have lived most of my life that apartments are not a good financial things to do and homes and condos are considered for probably all financial experts as a smart way to live. Again as many have written with plenty of great exceptions, but in general owning property is something sacred and financially prudent in this country going back to its origins that most people do strive for.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to meatcleaver)

Post #: 86

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/5/2007 8:42:08 AM

BreakHim4Me

Posts: 28
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

There are certainly many types of apartments. Even though I haven't lived in one for years, the privacy factor certainly would be a concern, both for coming and going, as well as the potential for certain sounds to escape. But then don't we all have to deal with sounds?

(in reply to FootQueen)

Post #: 87

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/5/2007 8:43:20 AM

desertdancer

Posts: 1095
Joined: 5/12/2006
Status: offline

I admit I have not read all 5 pages of posts, but I'd like to add a few thoughts.

I know I've said this before in the "can a Dom live with his parents and still be a Dom ?" thread. It isn't what a person has or owns that makes him or her who they are, but what they have inside.

I see no reason why a Dom could not live in an appartment, or at home with his mom, or on a boat, or in a moat, he may live with a cat in a hat while eating green eggs and ham. None of those things makes a man who he is, it's all just stuff. It's all just details, and really details don't mean shit. In fact details can really screw things up.

No way would I want to pass up the perfect person for me because he didn't have his own place yet, or he didn't have a lot of money, or heck even a great job. Why would I want to hold myself back from someone who could give me all the emotional things I need just because his status in life isn't considered high? I wouldn't.

That said, I see nothing wrong with an appartment, yes, you'd have to be careful with noise. The Dom could make it a rule that the sub can not scream or what have you. Where there is a will or desire there is a way.

I think it's all crap really, judging someone on what they have or haven't got. Who's to say that the Dom isn't waiting to find his right one, then buy a house? I dunno it all seems petty to me.

I'd say, if you feel your a Dom, your a Dom. If you feel your a sub your a sub or switch, or fill in the blank there. If you feel your something, that's what make you that something, not any worldy crap.

~dancer

< Message edited by desertdancer -- 2/5/2007 8:47:41 AM >

_____________________________

* Shimmy Shimmy *

(in reply to meatcleaver)

Post #: 88

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/5/2007 8:45:01 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Part of the American Dream is definitely owning a house. It's still considered the "normal progression" for adults to move past their rental phase into their mortgage phase.

We also have more suburbs and towns with big houses in America IMO.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to desertdancer)

Post #: 89

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/5/2007 8:46:47 AM

sensualmagirl

Posts: 1065
Joined: 7/4/2006
From: Boston, MA
Status: offline

a little off-topic, one thing I do to make sure my neighbors don't hear anything, whether it be music, my cats, what not... I keep the bathroom door closed -- the air vents are in there and you can hear everything through those!

edited because of poor grammar

< Message edited by sensualmagirl -- 2/5/2007 8:58:42 AM >

_____________________________

"The most important thing in any relationship is not what you get but what you give" --Eleanor Roosevelt

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(in reply to BreakHim4Me)

Post #: 90

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/5/2007 8:47:24 AM

Donnalee

Posts: 339
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline

Hmmm....I thought that "Dom must own a house" was right under "Dom must wear black leather vest" in the BDSM rulebook.

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Just through all of your ups and downs ... know that I love you dearly.

(in reply to desertdancer)

Post #: 91

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/5/2007 8:56:36 AM

sugarcoatedscamp

Posts: 120
Joined: 5/5/2006
From: Fort Wayne, IN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

irregardless

... is not a word. *wink*

With regard to the OP, I don't think it has anything to do with where a person lives. As someone else mentioned, he might be living in an apartment because he hasn't had need for a house yet, or for a multitude of other reasons.

< Message edited by sugarcoatedscamp -- 2/5/2007 8:57:56 AM >

_____________________________

Consent means never having to say, "I'm sorry."
If beating you is wrong, I don't wanna be right.
I got an A+ in online bdsm.
You can call me Master now!

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 92

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/5/2007 9:23:37 AM

s1utkitten69

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/5/2007
From: Upstate NY
Status: offline

I am a sub and my Master and I live in an apartment and when I chose him I knew where he lived. It sure didn't make a difference in my desire to serve his every desire. See where we live apartments are actually more expensive than a mortgage. He takes complete care of me and is wonderful. So no not all submissives feel that a Dom has to own a home, and I personally love older doms as they can teach me so much!

(in reply to FootQueen)

Post #: 93

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/5/2007 9:49:30 AM

LadyMorgynn

Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline

Geez, and I thought I'd heard everything in the "you have to be <insert requirement of choice> to be a Dom" saga! What will they think of next? I can't imagine why living in a house or apartment would be considered as having anything to do with whether a person is Dominant or not! I live in an apartment by choice. I mean, I don't even want to RENT a house, why in the world would I want to BUY one? For one, it's upstairs so I don't have to worry in general about break-in's. Since I'm Queen of Materialistic/Hedonistic/Technologic lifestyles, plus I HATE losing even the smallest possession (yes, I'm a control freak... wonder if that has anything to do with my Dominant nature? LOL) that's a major concern for me. I don't have to worry about repairs or keeping up a yard, when there are many other things I'd rather spend my time doing. My apartment, btw, is nicer than many houses, and even bigger than some! I have a fireplace, walk-in closets, laundry room, cathedral ceilings, central air, access to 2 pools and a hot tub, and when I throw a party there's always plenty of parking for my guests. Hey, what's not to like???!!!

I must admit that I toy occasionally with the idea of finding a house to rent. There *are* advantages to having a house. I'd like to have a garden, for instance. On the other hand, until I find a slave, I'd have to keep up a yard and garden myself, which is a kind of a bummer <grin> And I'd have to get a dog, too, for security, which means I'd have to walk it in all kinds of weather (until I can find a slave to do that task), and since I don't believe in outdoors-only pets, I'd have to also deal with dirty/muddy paws when the dog came in from inclement weather. Seriously. If I find a slave, I may reconsider the whole apartment versus house thing. As it is now, however, I just don't have TIME to take on the care and feeding of a house. I am perfectly happy in my beautiful (if slightly messy) apartment. If someone chooses to think that I am less Dominant because of that, well, it's a free world, and they are more than welcome to move right along to the next person.

_____________________________

---
Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 94

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/5/2007 11:41:43 AM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

The point I'll add is, the British are as keen to own property as anyone (unlike continental Europeans who tend to rent). It's a standard line over here that one of the things we do very well (compared with the rest of the world) is designing and producing garden implements (not something to write home about but true all the same). The reason being, as a nation, we have always valued owning property with a garden that people can tend to and enter into competitions (it has always been a huge thing here for the older blokes and dears to compete with each other for best garden).. Times have changed though and urban living is part and parcel of life because the place is so crowded and densely populated. Ultimately, owning an apartment is very expensive here and definitely not an indication of financial status. Apartments in small towns are £100k ($190ish) at the bottom end of the scale. In Manchester and other large cities, anywhere between £120k and a couple of million quid ($4m). In London, off the scale off logic.

In terms of the OP, I think she needs to have a re-think about what's really important in life. Then again, she may say the same to me.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 95

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/5/2007 11:45:28 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Obviously the person who said that doesn't know anything about Manhattan real estate. There are apartments costing over 3 million. A townhouse of your own would be 10 mil and up. Does that mean by definition that out of the 2 million people living on the island of Manhattan, none are truly dominant?

The writer was a twit, a stupid one yet.

(in reply to FootQueen)

Post #: 96

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/5/2007 12:06:31 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

Call me mean spirited or whatever your heart desires but I must vent about something that I found in someone's profile because it really irritated me.

In general it basically stated that if you were 40 and lived in an apartment that you couldn't be a dominant. Now this bothers me on two levels, the first of which is that I live in an apartment and I am 41 years old and a dominant. The second item that chafes my nether regions is that by sheer implication, that statement in that profile is single-minded and basically rude in it's nature.

Before everyone tears into me and tells me to "get over it" allow me to attempt to explain why I even bothered posting about this. Does financial standing have anything to do with being a dominant? If, (at middle age) I do not own a home, does this mean that I am incapable of owning a submissive? Is social status tied into the perception of dominance? I believe the answers to those questions are fairly obvious but I am quite curious to see if this actually is something that a submissive will place any weight in when evaluating a potential dominant.

Damnit!!!! And here I thought I was dominant...but I guess not.

I put paying my child support on time in front of taking a woman out to a really fancy restaurant vs. a nice restaurant several times.
I put making sure I could pay my utilities at my office over upgrading to the Corvette that all divorced men go for.
I put living in an apartment over going out and trying to buy a house that I would not have been able to pay to update.
I put my obligation...by court orders...to pay off the credit card debt that the ex had run up "on behalf of the children" over going out and adding to that debt burden by buying myself or a submissive some new clothing.
I think I could have a relationship with a submissive even while paying off all these things and so I look for and meet submissives instead of living like a monk and setting money aside so that I could earn enough for a down payment on a house that I could probably have by the time I am 55 IF some financial institution will swing a 20 year loan to a self-employed divorced man who'd be starting over in the home ownership game at 55 (3 years from now).
Damn....anybody wanna buy my toys and books? ~sniff~

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 97

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/5/2007 12:12:13 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

Maybe I'm missing something here or maybe it is just an American thing. What is this core suspicion that a middleaged man living in an apartment have to deal with?

I think it has more to do with geography and demograpics. Europe has a much much higher population density than the US. That makes apartment complexes not only much more common place in Europe, but also much more acceptable. In the US, to find places with the same population density you have to look at major cities like New York City, LA, Chicago, etc. In say, North Carolina where I live, apartments are often considered one rung down on the ladder because you can rent a house in town for not much more. Often, in many places in the US, the main reason someone rents (an apartment or house) is because they don't have good credit and therefore cannot get a loan to buy a house... so they have no choice but to rent. Outside of the major cities, it would be very rare in the US to find an apartment worth more than a house.

Course then you can get into some of the strange variances in property values. For example an small 1000 sq ft, two bedroom house in California might cost you $400,000 to $500,000. That same money here in NC would buy you a 3,000 to 4,000 sq ft house, 5-6 bedrooms, 3-4 baths, and several acres of private land on or near a lake or other prime location. You can rent a house (3 bedrooms) here for $450 a month, in Boston, MA an apartment (2 bedrooms) might cost you $1,200 to $1,500 a month.

Its all relative to where you are.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to meatcleaver)

Post #: 98

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/5/2007 12:14:15 PM

MissZaffy

Posts: 23
Joined: 4/27/2005
Status: offline

I assumed they meant that a Dominant couldn't play to the full extent due to worries about noise being heard by the neighbours or lack of room. Both of which are ridiculous, I have heard about a Master and his slave who regularly holiday on cruise ships with paper thin walls! and take a quiet kit of impliments. Anything can be done in a small bedroom!
Miss Zaffy

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 99

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/5/2007 2:24:03 PM

Wyrd

Posts: 109
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Columbia, SC
Status: offline

Interestingly you can play fine in an apartment, while the neigbors may complain about a loud TV or radio, human nature is not to get involved in a domestic situation, which is what someone being beat sounds like to outsiders, so they tend to ignore it. I have attended BDSM parties in apartments before, with no difficulties.

(in reply to MissZaffy)

Post #: 100

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